FicWad

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Everything is fine on LOFAM. I mean, why wouldn’t it be? Most of the monsters are killed easily, including the ogres. The other inhabitants, I.E. Leprechauns, fairies, trolls, and cherubs have started their own sort of society that I’m welcome in, and I’m alright with that too, mostly because it contains a market and a pub. Party Hard.

Tumblr and I have sort of become friends, too. I mean, she’s kind of abrasive and is always calling me a sexist, but that’s just how she is.

[Pottermore (PM) messaged Tumblr (TMB)!]

PM: So wait, why is there such a big deal about Fred dying?
PM: Can’t he just come back as a ghost?
TMB: you dont UNDERSTAND dude
TMB: IVE GOT FEEEEEELLLLLSSS
PM: But...he can come back!
TMB: dont be #stupid it would totally ruin jkrs work there
TMB: it was supposed to be sad
TMB: thats kind of like saying why dont harrys parents come back
TMB: #majoruncool
PM: So am I elevated from Corporal now?
TMB: NO
PM: YES.

TMB: look i know weve got a strict #nodrama rule between us
TMB: but i have a feeling i need to share this
PM: Bloody hell here we go.
TMB: so like hsg and i dont exactly get along
TMB: its kind of fucked up tbh
TMB: and hsgs title is the prince of rage
TMB: and he gets so psychotically!angry
TMB: which is kind of #funny
TMB: hes got this jetpack that runs on his own insatiable!rage right
TMB: and i told him that like the homestuck comic updated
TMB: so he chilled right out while flying
TMB: and he fell
TMB: hes fine and all but goddamn it was GREAT

PM: Maybe the two of you should stop antagonizing each other.
TMB: pssh what no were fine
TMB: dude whats he gonna do #killme get real
PM: Whatever. Just be careful.

Fig noses at the back of my neck. She’s just got back from eating and now she’s bored. On the plus side, her and Harry seem to get on. “No, Fig,” I shrug her off. Fig rumbles, bumping me.
I need to get a cloak. I’ve switched to a nice maroon sweater with my initials knitted into it, the one I got for christmas from my mum.
God. What’ve I been doing? Mum’s still not back. I have to get to Derse, and find her, get her home. I’ve been running around a planet with dragons and things for ages and mucking about with magic. I’m right useless, I am.
Instead of going questing, I message Tumblr back.

PM: Any worthwhile gossip?
TMB: on my end hell kid told you everything
TMB: but on your side
TMB: the bq stepped up her game
TMB: and blew up derses moon
PM: You’re kidding. No way.
PM: God, are Ficwaddle and FFN okay?
TMB: ffn got saved by the little girl
TMB: but her dream self got killed
TMB: #cantescapethemiles

PM: Why do you have to be so flippant all the time?
PM: People are dying!
TMB: #ohplease
TMB: everybodys dying all the time
TMB: nothing i can do about it okay might as well laugh
PM: That’s super morbid
TMB: hate #thegame not #theplayer
TMB: message that kid okay

I heed her advice. Goodness, I hope Ficwad’s alright!

[Pottermore (PM) messaged Ficwad (FW)!]

PM: Ficwaddle! Pigeon! I’ve heard the news!
PM: Are you alright?
FW: ...
FW: ...
FW: no. i’m not.
FW: furthest fucking thing from alright. let alone oky.
FW: okay*
FW: been having real bad dreams and i tried not sleeping
FW: then started dreaming while awake.
FW: it sucked.
PM: Is there anything I can do?
FW: kill the black queen before she kills you?
PM: This isn’t what I wanted.
PM: I’m so sorry.
FW: ?

PM: That review you found online about the game?
PM: I wrote it. So you would want to play.
PM: Look, my school life was sort of fucking terrible.
PM: And I wanted to leave.
PM: What kid doesn’t want to go on an adventure, be a hero, all that?
PM: So I’m sorry. For all of this. I thought this game would just bring us all together. Closer, like.
PM: But it’s not just me here.
PM: This is a stupid, goddamn conksucky game with absolutely shite rules that you can break, mind, but they’ll end up killing you later. But mostly, I am a bloody stupid arrogant prick for thinking this would be a good idea in the first place.

FW: jesus pomo cheer up.
FW: cheer up pomo.
FW: cheer up ginger magic nerd boy!
FW: we’ve heard your super special,
FW: and nobody’s actually mad at you,
FW: so cheer up! Cheer up! Pomo!
PM: ...You sang that out loud, didn’t you?
FW: :D
FW: besides, your whole come-together plan is working out. were all engaging over drama and coffee.
FW: we’re*

PM: So you’re not mad at me?
FW: PSSH why would i be? YOU’RE GREAT!

There’s a quick message from Tumblr left on my watch.

TMB: yo pottermore
TMB: your title is mage of hope
TMB: which means you either manipulate hope or are manipulated by it
TMB: be careful what you believe in okay?

It’s started snowing again, and Figment rolls onto her back, writhing about in dragon happiness.
My stomach sinks. She could die. My mum could die. And it would be nobody’s fault but mine.
Fuck. That’s not gonna happen, you bet your life!

[Pottermore (PM) started a Group Chat!]
[Pottermore (PM) added Ficwad (FW)!]
[Pottermore (PM) added Youtube (YTB)!]

[Pottermore (PM) reluctantly added Fanfiction.net (FFN)!]

PM: Alright listen up, everyone!
YTB: FUCK SHIT FUCK JESUS SHUT UP PKAY.
PM: Uh. Okay. Urgent message!
PM: Apparently the BQ is out hunting heroes, so keep your heads up.
YTB: bitch aint tryd notginf on prospit yet.........
YTB: SHUT UP!
[*
YTB: sorry yall
FW: the moon of derse where my cousin and i were is dust now
FW: and i highly recommend not letting your dream self bite it.
PM: Where the hell is FFN?
FW: dunno.
YTB: gurl u still RPing?
FW: nah dropped it for now pick it up later.
YTB: maybe he’s aslepp?
PM: He needs to keep lookout, that’s what he needs to do. We don’t know where the BQ is, and he’s gonna get himself killed.
YTB: hes a good fighter
YTB: hell b ok

FW: whatevs, right? let his dream self die.
FW: he needs to grow up a bit.
YTB: oh i know hes so me me me all the fucking time
PM: What’s wrong with you two!?!
PM: HE’S YOUR FRIEND! FRIENDS DON’T TALK ABOUT FRIENDS LIKE THAT!
PM: God, LISTEN to yourselves! We’re a team! Fuck!
YTB: yknow pm he probably dont stick up for u lyke dat
PM: Somebody on this team needs to be a good guy.
PM: Even if it’s not gonna be him, yeah?
FW: BE THE HERO THAT THE SESSION DESERVES!
FW: NOT THE ONE IT NEEEEEEDS!
PM: Don’t forget, you lot, we’re all kids. We need to cut loose and try not to kill things for a bit.
PM: God, where’s FFN?
FW: when we need to get rid of him we should just call a group meeting LOL!
YTB: brb i have to stupid and ridiculuous