FicWad

Finally! I updated! + with a Mikey chapter because he's so adorable :3 THE NEW BRING ME THE HORIZON ALBUM - SEMPITERNAL IS PERFECTION, OH MY GAWD!^_^-xo
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[*Chapter 22: What An Awful Mess I've Made
*]
[*Every second's soaked in sadness,
Every weekend is a war...
*]
[*I don't wanna do this by myself,
I don't wanna live like a broken record,
I've heard these lines a thousand times,
I've seen it all before...
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[*What an awful mess I've made,
There's nothing left to save.
*]
[*Seen it all before - Bring me the Horizon

Mikey:

Uh, who was waking me up at this time? Why was anyone waking me up at all? I woke up properly to my shoulder being shook continuously, I thought to myself that if I gave them some evidence that I wasn't dead then maybe they'd leave me alone. I groaned and turned to whoever it was, wanting to slice their head open horrifically for waking me.

"Mikey?" Ray asked, waving a hand in front of my face. I slapped his hand away and sat up, raising an eyebrow at the fact that I wasn't wearing a shirt and just in my boxers. I assumed that Ray had sorted me out...I thanked him with a small smile and he got up to make me a cup of coffee.

"How long was I out?" I asked, running a hand through my muddy brown hair that desperately needed a straightener to attack it.

"Good twelve hours," I checked the clock then and it read three in the afternoon. Instantly covering my face with my hands, Ray wavered a cup of coffee in front of my face. I gladly took it and started sipping it slowly, savouring the taste as best I could. God, it tasted so much better when you first woke up...

"Mikes..." Ray murmured, I looked up at him and he was sat on his bed which was pretty much directly next to mine, he was staring at me with big, honest eyes. "You need help. Serious help," I laughed a little and instantly regretted it, he pretty much gave me the look of death so I simply shook my head.

"No, no-sir-ee, I'm healthy as a pikachu healed at the pokemon centre." I joked and Ray rolled his eyes and continued to look at me worriedly.

"Mikey please...You're gonna get yourself killed. And you know that." Ray told me, I put my coffee down on the bedside table next to me and crossed my arms stubbornly.

"Maybe I don't want to live anymore. Maybe I'll be happy if I don't wake up tomorrow." I found myself whispering quietly. Ray sighed and he placed a hand to my shoulder gently after shuffling closer to me.

"Please, Mikey. Think of Gerard, he wouldn't want you to be this way, you know that." I looked down to the floor as I answered him.


"If I was dead, he wouldn't have to deal with me. No one would, especially myself." I stood and wiped my eyes before I ran into the bathroom as more tears ran down my face. I hopped into the shoulder, taking deep breaths and calming myself with the boiling water. I just wanted to forget the mess that I was in...Which was why I got involved with more of it. Was I making any sense yet? Probably not. Everything that I was saying was true, I had no reason to lie any more. Especially not to Ray, I was living with him after all...

I washed my hair, body and got out the shower and changed into black skinnies and a black short sleeved tee that had the logo of a game on it from a few years back. I plugged in my hair-straighteners and waited for them to heat up, drying my hair as I waited impatiently. I picked them up when they had finished and got to to work.

After collecting my things I went back into the bedroom and dumped it all onto the bed, I shoved on my black tight hoodie and pushed my thumbs through the holes that I had cut into it. I picked up my dark brown over-shoulder bag and Ray raised an eyebrow and dashed to the door before I could make my escape. I glared at him and tried to get past him but he shoved me backwards. “Where do you think you're going?”

I rolled my eyes, “come on Ray, let me go.” I tried to get past him again and he pushed me backwards right onto his bed.

“You're not leaving, Mikey. You're sick, you need to stay in.” I laughed hysterically,

“Sick? Hardly!” I shouted back at him and got up again and tried to get to the door, he locked it with the key, the only key before shoving it into his pocket.

“You're not leaving, okay? Gerard's coming around soon. He will not let you leave,” Ray explained crossing his arms. I threw my bag down onto the floor and groaned like a little kid.

“But I need to go out.” I said to him stubbornly and sat down on my bed, pulling my knees up to my chest and leaning against the wall.

“Why? What's out there for you that you can't do in here, those douchebags that you call 'friends'?” Ray asked and opened the curtains, I groaned and cried out before covering my eyes. He shut it again and I thanked him with a quick smile.

“I just...I can't explain it.” I mumbled and looked away from him, my throat closing up.

“Mikey...What's going on? What have you done?” Ray asked and sat next to me, giving me a concerned look.

“Look, it's more complicated out there than you think. There's a thing called the school food chain and if I don't go out there and...” I stopped myself from talking and Ray picked up my bag, I attacked him and snatched it away from him. Ray sighed and I groaned before handing him it. There was no way in hell that I was ever going to get myself out of this one. Might as well own up to everything now, right? Before I fell into even deeper shit.

“Mikey...” Ray said to me as he searched through my bag, taking out bags of weed and lighters along with cigarette packets. “What the hell is this?”

“It's...Not mine, okay? Well, it is but...” I mumbled, getting flustered and panicky. Ray opened up a separate compartment in my bag and my heart dropped instantly and when he saw what was inside he gave me the look of disappointment. Something that Gerard would do...Oh, Gerard...I've let you down so much, I'm sorry...

“Mikey, no...” Ray said as he took out a few small clear bags that were filled with cocaine. I wrapped my arms tighter around myself and hid my face from him. Ray put it all back into the bag and put it down onto the floor before shuffling next to me and wrapping an arm around me, I sobbed into his chest, hiding my face away from him.

A knock came at the door a few minutes later and I whimpered not wanting to move, shaking my head. Ray slid out from underneath me anyway and went to let Gerard in, I thanked Gerard mentally for not inviting Frank. It wasn't that I didn't like him as such...

I just needed my brother.

Ray smiled at me before walking over to Gerard and whispering a few things in his ear, probably telling him what the hell was going on before he started interrogating me about it. Gerard looked up at me from the floor and he had this look in his eyes...Sadness? Disappointment?

I closed my eyes to avoid him and curled up in my covers. I heard the door close and Gerard came and sat down next to me, “Mikey...” He said quietly, obviously being careful. I wasn't a little kid anymore...But I'm sure he knew that deep down. “Why are you doing this? Why didn't you tell me?”

I sat up slowly and he opened his arms for me, I moved closer and instantly snuggled into his lap. He ran a hand over my hair and got comfortable. I let a few more tears fall down my face and he wiped them away.

“Hey...Mikes...” Gerard whispered quietly and played with my hair in the now-dark room, just the way I liked it. That was one of the similarities with Gerard and I, since we grew up together we liked similar things and we had almost exactly the same dislikes. So we both loved the dark – obviously.

“I can't talk about it, Gerard...” I replied, avoiding eye contact with him completely.

“Mikey, please. I love you, don't do this to yourself...” Gerard pleaded, I squeezed my eyes tight shut as if that would make the problem disappear.

“I can't not do it, Gerard. It's...Just the way it is.” I mumbled to myself and he continued to run his hands soothingly over my hair, he used to do this all the time when I was little. When I had a nightmare or I was scared or upset. I would go into his bedroom and he would sing me to sleep until I forgot about all of the bad things.

“No, Mikey...You don't. I won't let you hurt yourself like this,” Gerard said sternly and he placed a gentle kiss to my forehead. “I'll make it all go away, okay? Just promise me that you'll hold on? You mean too much to me to just vanish, alright. I'll make the pain go away,” Gerard promised, holding me close to him.

“How?” I asked, turning onto my back to look up at him. He smiled down at me and asked me to close my eyes. I agreed and closed them, getting comfortable in his lap. Gerard grabbed a pillow and placed it under my head so that I was comfier and I snuggled closer.

“And if they get me and the sun goes down into the ground, and if they get me take this spike to my heart and...and if they get me and the sun goes down...And if they get me take this spike and...You put this spike in my heart...” Gerard sang quietly.

My heart literally crushed into a million pieces when I realised what he was singing. He wrote this a few years back and he used to sing it to me all the time. I hid my face in the pillow as more tears fell down my face. Everything was so wrong now – everything. Nothing was ever going to be the same again and it was all my fault. It was all my damn fault.

“Someone get me to the doctor...And someone get me to the church...” Gerard sang ghostly as he played with my hair. Every time he sang this song it always sounded absolutely perfect. I looked up to him so much – admired him. He was always there for me and he was perfect, despite his alcohol dependencies which Frank was helping him with right now.

*

I must have fallen asleep listening to Gerard singing because when I woke Gerard was tidying up my desk. I raised an eyebrow at him and sat up slowly, pushing the covers away. “And the zombie awakens.” Gerard joked, glancing at me before he continued to tidy up my CDs that were loose.

“Oh come on, you know that you're more like a zombie than me, G.” I replied, laughing a little because I knew that that was definitely the truth in so many ways. He was more like a zombie, yes I sat and played The Sims continuously for hours but Gerard just stared at a blank wall happily for the same amount of time.

I checked the time and realised that I had been sleeping for three hours, my eyes widened at Gerard. “Won't Frank be wondering where you've got to?” I asked, frowning a little.

Gerard shook his head, his eyebrows stitching together in slight worry I assumed. “I think that Ray went over to see him a few hours ago...Not too sure, he won't be missing me that much anyway.”

Gerard shrugged, trying to put off the conversation. We hadn't actually talked at all about him and Frank and...That kind of scared me. We always used to be close and now? We barely even say a mere few words to one another.

“Gerard don't say that, you know it's not true. Of course he's missing you,” I paused, smiling a little at him. “And I'm sure that he'll prove to you just how much he loves you when you get back.” I winked and he rolled his eyes.

“Of course he will, of course, of course...” He replied half-heartedly. I frowned and walked over to him and I picked up a few strands of his hair.

“You need to shower,” I laughed. He rolled his eyes,

“And now it's you taking care of me? That's new...” Gerard replied a little bit spitefully. I chewed on my bottom lip, a little hurt by his choice of words. “Other than when I need you, Mikey. I love you bro, you know that.” He smiled and my worry faded once he pulled me in for a long, tight hug. I clung onto him like he would vanish at any second and he ran a hand over my hair, smiling when he pulled away. “No beanie today then, 'eh?” I shook my head and pointed to his eyes.

“No eyeliner?”

“I guess that we've both given up with looks today then,” Gerard smiled and he slid on his tight leather jacket before he went over to the door and opened it, standing by it to turn to look at me for one final time. “Take care, Mikes, okay? I can't bear to lose you...” I nodded, the tears threatening to appear but I held them back with a sniffle and waved.

“I will, I promise. R-Ray should be back soon, right?” I asked, slightly scared of being on my own – even for a few minutes. Anything could happen in that short amount of time.

Gerard nodded, smiling slightly at me. “I'll call him on the way back to my dorm, you'll be okay, Mikey. I promise. I'll always be there with you, remember that.” Gerard whispered before he shut the door behind him and...I was alone.