Categories > Original > Humor

Rules of all my Book Universes

by CarcinoGeneticist 4 reviews

I enjoy making fun of myself. This is just something ridiculous, so I thought it was worth posting.

Category: Humor - Rating: PG - Genres: Humor - Warnings: [!] - Published: 2013-06-08 - 413 words

In Creative Writing Class the other day, my teacher had this comment for me:
“Eliza, you’re a great writer. But you just need to stop doing the same thing every time.”
What she meant was that I need to try something other than sort-of-terrifying science fiction. But it got me thinking, and I realize that there’s a few things that happen in every single one of my stories. Not just once. Every. Single. Story. All the time.
I decided to compile a list of these, because really, why not?

Elizabeth Jones’ Rules of Book Universes

1) If you’re a main character, you are extremely likely to have a mental disorder.

2) Bad guys always lose.

3) Bad guys rarely die.

4) Sexism is a crime punishable by death (funny yet true)

5) Everybody is violent all of the time.

6) Girls kick more ass than boys do.

7) If you have a mental disorder, it’s extremely hard to kill you.

8) If there’s a death, it is probably something awesome. Like monsters or a gang fight.

9) If somebody hates somebody else for no given/apparent reason, it’s probably over unrequited

10) Relationships in all forms are adorable and are cherished. All the time. Breakups are sad.

11)Unrequited love is one of the worst things that happens.

12) If two characters don’t get along, they are extremely likely to get together and stay together.

13) If a side character is extremely awesome, don’t get attached. They’ll probably die. And soon.

14)If a character dies, they are extremely likely to come back from the dead.

15) There are probably monsters everywhere, even in places where monsters have no business being. Like inside a toaster oven.

16)Things that should happen to people that are inconvenient, such as acne, blackheads, sunburn, or homework are extremely rare, despite the fact they shouldn’t be.

17) Families are always either tight-knit or completely dysfunctional. There’s nothing in between.

18) Girls have a higher chance of being evil than guys do.

19) There’s no such thing as a bad fight. Fights are always gory and violent and awesome.

20) Couples always go on adventures before they get married. Infertility is common, and there’s no stigma to adoption.

I think that’s enough rules. There’s probably a lot more, but let’s go with those. What are your guyses common rules? Does anybody have anything?

(On a side note, it's my birthday today. I'm Seventeen. I'm so glad I made it this far.)
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