Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > You Only Hear the Music When Your Heart Begins to Break
I Never Want to Let You Down or Have You Go
1 review“They’ll go away, I will be alright.” I saw Gerard breathe a breath of relief and a huge smile crept onto his face.
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A/N: Hey guys, here is the next chapter, it's not terribly long, but I hope you guys still enjoy it!
Chapter 29: I Never Want to Let You Down or Have You Go
Rachel’s POV:
I lied in my hammock in the backyard staring at the sky through the snow filled tree branches. Once again a night that was supposed to fun and simple turned out to be a night of confusion. Who did Gerard think he was? What made him think it was okay for him to just pull me into that closet kiss me? He hasn’t even given time for any of this to settle. I can’t lie and say I didn’t enjoy it; because I did. However, it still didn’t make any of this acceptable. What would Frank think? Speaking of Frank, I did see him talking to a girl for a while last night. I wasn’t sure how to feel about it. There was definitely between us, but I could tell if my feelings for him were a strong friendship or something more. Regardless I was glad that he was putting himself out there. He deserved the best; it wasn’t fair of me to keep putting him on the backburner. He deserved a girl that was going to put him first; and I don’t know if I could do that right now. I knew he wouldn’t wait around for me forever and he shouldn’t have too. Nevertheless, all of that doesn’t make what happened between me and Gerard last night okay.
Right after Gerard kissed me the rest of the party was so weird, Bob’s house wasn’t big enough for us to not run into each other for the rest of the night. Each time Gerard would see me he would give me one of his signature smirks; which still made me weak in the knees. I felt the cold start to consume my body and clumps of snow started to hit my face as they fell from the trees above. I finally mustered the energy to take my conversation with my thoughts inside. My parents were still in bed, it was 9 a.m. which was late for them to be sleeping. I guess they had a good time last night. I poured myself some coffee and sat at the kitchen table, looking out the window. I let myself reenter my thoughts. I didn’t stay at Bob’s I couldn’t deal with sleeping in the same house as Gerard last night. I waited until I sobered up and drove home around 3 a.m.
“Oh shit.” I muttered out as I nearly choked on my coffee.
I had almost forgotten that this was the last day of break and that tomorrow we would all be back at school. I was actually grateful; this break was more stressful than school and it would be nice to have something else occupy my time besides Frank and Gerard. I sat at the table and continued gazing at the beautiful snow covering my yard and watching the occasional squirrel scamper quickly across the yard leaving little paw prints behind. I enjoyed this peace, because I knew it wouldn’t last forever. Nothing ever does these days.
Gerard’s POV:
It was about two in the afternoon and I walked on the sidewalk as the snow crunched loudly beneath my feet. It almost distracted me from my thoughts. Almost; I walked along to my destination. I was extremely anxious to have this conversation. I didn’t know how to word of any of this. How can I put together the events of last night into words? How do I fucking explain any of this? I didn’t know the answer to any of my questions, but I did know that I didn’t have time to figure out the answers. I had to try and explain without even knowing an explanation myself. It felt like I was shooting a gun with my eyes closed and hoping I would the right target. It all happened so fast, I made the decision that I wanted to kiss her and I did. Even though it got me a slap in the face, it was still worth it. I breathed the last hit of my cigarette and threw it on the ground. I stuffed my hands in my pockets and glanced at the house in front of me. I had made it here, but did I really want to go inside? Did I really want to have this conversation now? I had no idea what the reaction would be.
My feelings were irrelevant in this situation, I needed to suck it up and be a man for the first time in a long time and that was exactly what I was going to do. I trudged through the snow up to the door and gave it a hearty knock and within seconds it opened.
“Hey Frank.” I said casually.
“Hey Gee what’s up.” Frank rubbed his eyes, blocking the light from outside.
“I was just in the neighborhood and wanted to say hey.” I couldn’t think of how to ease into this conversation, but I guess there really wasn’t an easy way to.
“Uh-huh.” Frank looked at my skeptically. “You can be really strange sometimes, but come on in.” he gestured.
“That party was crazy last night.” Frank continued as we made our way to his living room.
“Yeah, it was pretty intense.” I replied, as I sat down on the couch.
“So what’s up? You’re acting stranger than usual and I know that means you have something to tell me.” Frank cut to the chase as he sat across from me.
“Okay well, I did something, and I feel like it would be wrong of me not to tell you.” I began, I was a little shaky. I was so worried that Frank and I wouldn’t be on good terms anymore after this conversation.
“Okay, shoot.” He said.
“Well right when the ball dropped I pulled Rachel into the coat closet and kissed her. I know we both agreed to back off, but I just can’t. I need to fix this Frank.” It all came out so quickly, and such fewer words than I was expecting.
Frank sat in silence on the couch and I waited, waited for him to say anything.
Frank’s POV:
Honestly, I was surprised at how I felt. I mean, yeah I was a little upset that Gerard went back on our word. But I really wasn’t that mad about him kissing Rachel. Last night I met Walker, and we had this great connection. But I wasn't going to say anything about her to Gerard right now.
“Well let me ask you one question.” I said after moments of silence. “Did she kiss you back?” If Rachel had kissed him back I would give up. Because if she kissed him back she chose; it doesn’t matter how much she says she isn’t going to choose either one of us. What matters are her actions towards the both of us, and if she gave into Gerard it means that she knew who she was going to pick all along.
“Yeah, she did.” Gerard replied solemnly and avoided eye contact.
I sighed because it did suck. I did want to be with Rachel badly, but after last night
I finally realize that there are other girls out there and that I can’t sit around and wait for her to finally want to be with me. For the first time in a while I felt confident in the decisions I was making.
“Gerard.” I broke another awkward silence and Gerard looked me in the eyes now. “Go for it.” I smiled softly.
“Frank are you sure?” he asked.
“Yes, this experience has changed you into a whole other person. I have never seen you care about a girl this much.” I spoke.
“What about your feelings for her?” Gerard asked concerned.
“They’ll go away, I will be alright.” I saw Gerard breathe a breath of relief and a huge smile crept onto his face.
“Frank, you have no idea how much this means to me.” Gerard said genuinely and jumped and picked me up into a hug that nearly cut off my circulation.
“Well you owe me.” I joked, when he released me. “Now enough of this sappy shit, let’s go play some Modern Warfare!” I smiled ready to start the first day of the New Year with my best friend.
Chapter 29: I Never Want to Let You Down or Have You Go
Rachel’s POV:
I lied in my hammock in the backyard staring at the sky through the snow filled tree branches. Once again a night that was supposed to fun and simple turned out to be a night of confusion. Who did Gerard think he was? What made him think it was okay for him to just pull me into that closet kiss me? He hasn’t even given time for any of this to settle. I can’t lie and say I didn’t enjoy it; because I did. However, it still didn’t make any of this acceptable. What would Frank think? Speaking of Frank, I did see him talking to a girl for a while last night. I wasn’t sure how to feel about it. There was definitely between us, but I could tell if my feelings for him were a strong friendship or something more. Regardless I was glad that he was putting himself out there. He deserved the best; it wasn’t fair of me to keep putting him on the backburner. He deserved a girl that was going to put him first; and I don’t know if I could do that right now. I knew he wouldn’t wait around for me forever and he shouldn’t have too. Nevertheless, all of that doesn’t make what happened between me and Gerard last night okay.
Right after Gerard kissed me the rest of the party was so weird, Bob’s house wasn’t big enough for us to not run into each other for the rest of the night. Each time Gerard would see me he would give me one of his signature smirks; which still made me weak in the knees. I felt the cold start to consume my body and clumps of snow started to hit my face as they fell from the trees above. I finally mustered the energy to take my conversation with my thoughts inside. My parents were still in bed, it was 9 a.m. which was late for them to be sleeping. I guess they had a good time last night. I poured myself some coffee and sat at the kitchen table, looking out the window. I let myself reenter my thoughts. I didn’t stay at Bob’s I couldn’t deal with sleeping in the same house as Gerard last night. I waited until I sobered up and drove home around 3 a.m.
“Oh shit.” I muttered out as I nearly choked on my coffee.
I had almost forgotten that this was the last day of break and that tomorrow we would all be back at school. I was actually grateful; this break was more stressful than school and it would be nice to have something else occupy my time besides Frank and Gerard. I sat at the table and continued gazing at the beautiful snow covering my yard and watching the occasional squirrel scamper quickly across the yard leaving little paw prints behind. I enjoyed this peace, because I knew it wouldn’t last forever. Nothing ever does these days.
Gerard’s POV:
It was about two in the afternoon and I walked on the sidewalk as the snow crunched loudly beneath my feet. It almost distracted me from my thoughts. Almost; I walked along to my destination. I was extremely anxious to have this conversation. I didn’t know how to word of any of this. How can I put together the events of last night into words? How do I fucking explain any of this? I didn’t know the answer to any of my questions, but I did know that I didn’t have time to figure out the answers. I had to try and explain without even knowing an explanation myself. It felt like I was shooting a gun with my eyes closed and hoping I would the right target. It all happened so fast, I made the decision that I wanted to kiss her and I did. Even though it got me a slap in the face, it was still worth it. I breathed the last hit of my cigarette and threw it on the ground. I stuffed my hands in my pockets and glanced at the house in front of me. I had made it here, but did I really want to go inside? Did I really want to have this conversation now? I had no idea what the reaction would be.
My feelings were irrelevant in this situation, I needed to suck it up and be a man for the first time in a long time and that was exactly what I was going to do. I trudged through the snow up to the door and gave it a hearty knock and within seconds it opened.
“Hey Frank.” I said casually.
“Hey Gee what’s up.” Frank rubbed his eyes, blocking the light from outside.
“I was just in the neighborhood and wanted to say hey.” I couldn’t think of how to ease into this conversation, but I guess there really wasn’t an easy way to.
“Uh-huh.” Frank looked at my skeptically. “You can be really strange sometimes, but come on in.” he gestured.
“That party was crazy last night.” Frank continued as we made our way to his living room.
“Yeah, it was pretty intense.” I replied, as I sat down on the couch.
“So what’s up? You’re acting stranger than usual and I know that means you have something to tell me.” Frank cut to the chase as he sat across from me.
“Okay well, I did something, and I feel like it would be wrong of me not to tell you.” I began, I was a little shaky. I was so worried that Frank and I wouldn’t be on good terms anymore after this conversation.
“Okay, shoot.” He said.
“Well right when the ball dropped I pulled Rachel into the coat closet and kissed her. I know we both agreed to back off, but I just can’t. I need to fix this Frank.” It all came out so quickly, and such fewer words than I was expecting.
Frank sat in silence on the couch and I waited, waited for him to say anything.
Frank’s POV:
Honestly, I was surprised at how I felt. I mean, yeah I was a little upset that Gerard went back on our word. But I really wasn’t that mad about him kissing Rachel. Last night I met Walker, and we had this great connection. But I wasn't going to say anything about her to Gerard right now.
“Well let me ask you one question.” I said after moments of silence. “Did she kiss you back?” If Rachel had kissed him back I would give up. Because if she kissed him back she chose; it doesn’t matter how much she says she isn’t going to choose either one of us. What matters are her actions towards the both of us, and if she gave into Gerard it means that she knew who she was going to pick all along.
“Yeah, she did.” Gerard replied solemnly and avoided eye contact.
I sighed because it did suck. I did want to be with Rachel badly, but after last night
I finally realize that there are other girls out there and that I can’t sit around and wait for her to finally want to be with me. For the first time in a while I felt confident in the decisions I was making.
“Gerard.” I broke another awkward silence and Gerard looked me in the eyes now. “Go for it.” I smiled softly.
“Frank are you sure?” he asked.
“Yes, this experience has changed you into a whole other person. I have never seen you care about a girl this much.” I spoke.
“What about your feelings for her?” Gerard asked concerned.
“They’ll go away, I will be alright.” I saw Gerard breathe a breath of relief and a huge smile crept onto his face.
“Frank, you have no idea how much this means to me.” Gerard said genuinely and jumped and picked me up into a hug that nearly cut off my circulation.
“Well you owe me.” I joked, when he released me. “Now enough of this sappy shit, let’s go play some Modern Warfare!” I smiled ready to start the first day of the New Year with my best friend.
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