FicWad

Author's Note:
Okay, guys, its been a while!
I've FINALLY written a new chapter and here it is for all you beautiful people!
If you're a new reader, then thank you for reading my work and I hope you enjoy it! And if you used to read my work about a year ago, then thank you for sticking by me, and I hope I don't let you down!
Rates and reviews would be amazing, thanks.
Panda'xo



It had been just over 4 painfully long months since we were given the news about our families. I was finding most days to be a struggle, not just because of what I’d lost, but because of what I could feel I was losing. Every day Gerard seemed to slip further and further away from us all, and Mikey, Ray and I were terrified.

It was 3 months ago when I began to blame myself for what was happening to him. No, I wasn’t deluded enough to think that I could have stopped what happened to our families; worse things would have happened to them if we had brought them with us when we ran away, and we honestly believed that they would be able to blend in without ever being found out. But what I had done was give Gerard too much hope, even if it was short lived. I knew it would tear him apart to have his hopes taken away so suddenly, yet I still planted the seeds in his mind, giving him the impression that our hopes may have actually been the truth rather than just dreams with no concrete proof.

He wouldn’t speak to anyone, and often wouldn’t leave his room for days on end. He never slept in my room, as he had done for almost every night surrounding our attack. My ankle was pretty much healed, so I found it a lot easier to go to the top floor of the school where his room was, but whenever I did he would just sit in silence on the other side of the room. Sometimes he wouldn’t even let me in.

Sometimes it would make me angry at him, but I would never hurt him. I knew he needed time, and I tried to keep my distance to allow him that time whilst still keeping an eye on him. Mikey, on the other hand, was becoming more and more frustrated by his brother. He was sympathetic, of course, he knew it was the most difficult loss anyone could deal with, but he just wanted Gerard to open up. He would spend hours upon hours trying to coax Gerard into speech, only to be faced with a silent brother, sat hugging his knees into his chest.

I guess that was why Mikey had decided to go on the trip to try and find more supplies when we began to run low. Ray, not wanting to leave anyone split up from our group alone, went with him. They’d been gone a few days now, but from what they’d said on the radio they were due back any minute soon with all the food and ray gun batteries and first aid supplies they’d managed to grab.

A sudden bang at the door alerted us of their return, and Killjoys ran out from various rooms along the bottom floor and into the hall to greet them.

Mikey walked through the door first, carrying a crate, followed by Ray with an equally big and heavy looking crate of supplies.
“Someone bring everyone here, we’ve got a few people we want to introduce to the rest of you!” Mikey announced, as a whole host of brightly-clad Killjoys we’d never met began to make their way into the school, all carrying more supplies. From the corner of my eye I noticed Venom Rose run towards the staircase to gather everyone, but I was far too preoccupied with the new arrivals. Were Mikey and Ray completely certain that these people weren’t spies, that we could fully trust them?

Once everyone had been gathered, including Gerard who Venom told me quietly that it had taken a lot of coaxing to get him to leave his room, Mikey and Ray began to introduce us to the new additions.

Twin sisters Atomic Heart and Cellophane Smile were the first to introduce themselves to us. They were both blonde, although Atomic had violet highlights and Cellophane had blue ones, with bright blue eyes and an exceedingly bubbly personality, which didn’t fit in with all the sorrow contained in the building. Psycho Shock, who seemed to be the least colourfully dressed of the group, introduced himself along with his wife, Cyber Rainbow, and her younger brother Rabid Assassin, who looked very similar with strikingly ginger hair and freckles covering every inch of their faces. The last two Killjoys were another couple, Hyper Beam and Chemical Insanity, who looked as though they had just stepped out of a Hollywood movie, which made sense as they explained Hyper used to model and Chemical was an actor and stunt double.

After everyone was fully introduced, the new Killjoys went with Dr D to his office so that he could find out about their backgrounds and talk about any information they had on BL/ind. that we hadn’t found. The rest of us unloaded the crates from all of the cars and brought them inside, with the exclusion of Gee who had already hidden himself back in his room. I worried about what the news of new Killjoys would bring to him; would he be happy that we now had more chance of being able to stage another attack, or would he think that if so many people can survive BL/ind.’s takeover, then maybe our families could have survived along with us?

“Oh, and we forgot to mention, we have a little surprise for you all.” Mikey called out, bringing my thoughts back to unloading and ushering us all over to the pile of crates he was unpacking. “We thought we could have a little party tonight, to welcome all the new Killjoys. But… what’s a party without a little alcohol?” He asked, a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth as he lifted the lids of 5 crates which were filled with cans and glass bottles of every alcohol imaginable.

We hadn’t had the luxury of alcohol in years. When we first went on the run we missed it, but after a while we thought it was pointless, and began to wonder why we would have wasted our time drinking. But, over the past couple of years, I, at least, had started to miss it again. Not because I missed being completely wasted and hungover, it’s just that I sometimes enjoyed taking the edge off a bit, and mostly I missed the parties we used to have. We had a party for every special occasion; weddings, birthdays, holidays; and maybe it was having something to celebrate that I really missed, but the alcohol might help.

I looked up to see a grin on everyone’s face as they began to pick out their old favourites from the boxes. I wasn’t sure how I’d be able to celebrate so soon after my loss, so I thought of the situation as a sort of wake. I hadn’t been able to bury my family and mourn them properly, nor had I been able to celebrate their lives and thank them for all the joy they had given to me, but I guessed I could have a chance to do the second one at least.

Mikey was busy trying to stop everyone grabbing all of the bottles so that the new Killjoys would come back to some, so I quietly told Ray I was going to bring Gee down and made my way to the staircase.

Gee was huddled in the corner of his room as usual, but somehow he seemed a little less closed off this time.
“Gee?” I asked quietly, still in the doorway. I couldn’t remember the last time he’d just left the door open, allowing anyone to visit him. Maybe this meant he was getting better…
“Can I come in?” I asked when he didn’t answer, taking a small step inside even though he hadn’t asked me to. He looked up and gave me a tiny nod, which was progress in any case. I took four more steps into the room, sitting near him on the floor.

“So… What do you think of the new Killjoys?” It was a long shot, but if he answered it would probably be the most he would have said to me in weeks, and I missed his voice.
It was a while before he even acknowledged my question, but he finally shrugged, and I smiled ever so slightly, just amazed that he was contributing even to a minimal extent.

“”Um… Mikes found a load of booze and we’re gonna be having a sort of… party, I guess, to welcome everyone into our group… So, um, I was wondering if you’d come down and join… for a bit at least?” As soon as I finally mumbled the actual invite I knew it was stupid. He wouldn’t want to party right now, he could barely speak a single word, let alone socialise with a whole load of new people.
“You don’t have to… It would just be nice if you did, seeing as it’s a bit of a special occasion and all and… It’s fine, I can just leave if-”
“Okay.” A small voice whispered.
“… Okay you will come, or okay you want me to leave?”
“Okay I’ll come.”

I sprung myself on him, giving him a huge hug, smiling when I felt his arms reach around my back and hug me too. He’d been so distant for so long that my longing to have him in my arms was almost painful at times, and it felt so amazing to have him back.

“Frankie…” His voice was muffled.
“Yeah?”
“You’re squashing me.”
“Oh!” I let go of him, holding him at arm’s length. “Sorry. Now, should we go downstairs before everyone takes all the good booze?” I smiled sheepishly, hoping he hadn’t scared himself out of it in the brief time between him agreeing and us actually going.
I stood up, holding a hand out to help him heave himself up, which he accepted, and was soon stood by my side, towering a little over my small frame.

We made our way out of his small room and into the hallway, before stumbling down 6 flights of stairs to the bottom floor where everyone was waiting. The new killjoys had joined our group, Dr D wasn’t present, which made me think that maybe he’d gotten some pretty good information out of them and needed to piece everything together. Many of our group seemed surprised to see Gee downstairs willingly, but Mikey and Ray gave me what they thought to be a sly ‘thumbs up’, which actually everyone could see, and Venom smiled at us both warmly.

I tapped his forearm lightly as I made my way towards the crowd, as a means of reassurance to him, especially as most people had gone quiet due to our arrival, which was obviously making him nervous.

Mikey noticed Gerard’s sheepishness and made an attempt to get the party started so as to divert everyone’s attention, and soon everyone was drinking and chatting, filling the room with laughter which hadn’t been present for far too long. Gerard and I sat at the edge of the room holding a can of beer each, surrounded by the ten empty cans we had already drunk. Sure, he wasn’t socialising with the new killjoys, or even the ones we’d already been living with, but I was enjoying just having him present far too much to care about any of that.

We hadn’t spoken for quite some time, since Mikey and Ray had left us to go and socialise with the new killjoys, but Gee’s knee was just slightly touching mine and the buzz that gave me was way more than any booze could, so I couldn’t leave now. I had a feeling he may get chattier the more he drank, and I was right when he began slurring about how weird he felt being out like this.

“.. I mean, I just don’t know how to act around people anymore, y’know, I feel like I’ve been hauled up for too long. It’s so….” He flapped his hands around, almost spilling his drink all over me, “old me.” He finally finished.

I nodded, remembering the times in his life in which he concealed himself from everyone, hiding his true emotions until the tried to break out of him, tearing him apart and crawling out from inside his ribcage. We almost lost him those times.

“Well, I don’t mind,” I told him, “as long as you stay with me, even if we don’t talk, its fine.” A smiled caressed the corners of his lips, and he leaned in towards my shoulder, resting a little on top of me. My heart began to pound inside my chest, so much so that I could feel it pumping blood in my hands, neck, legs; I could hear the unsure sped up beating in my ears. I swallowed, trying to control myself.
Yes, he was close to me. Yes, I could feel his warmth through my clothes where he touched me. And yes, I loved him with every fibre of my being; but he had just begun to be ‘normal’ again, and I didn’t want to make him go in the other direction.

“Really?” He asked, looking up at me with adorable puppy-dog eyes, making my heart melt inside my chest.
“Really.” I smiled as he leaned in closer, resting his head onto my chest. Shit. He’d be sure to hear my over-pounding heart now. I grabbed another beer and downed it to try and calm myself, but it just made me feel dizzy. I couldn’t think straight.

“You okay Frankie?” Gee asked, as I grabbed yet another beer, hoping it would help.
“Yeah,” I whispered, taking a long swig. This is it, I thought. I could just tell him. I should just tell him, shouldn’t I? Now, whilst I can blame it on the alcohol? No, I couldn’t do it. I can’t tell him I love him, just blurt it out, that would be stupid, ridiculous and –

“I love you.” My mouth worked apart from my mind, cutting off my thoughts and not allowing me to finish my reasoning. Immediately I regretted it, as he tensed up and sat up straighter. My heart battered my ribcage with every beat, and I could feel beads of sweat forming on my forehead. My eyes wide, I stared at him, trying to work out his reaction, wondering what to say. He knows. What do I do?! I could blow it off… tell him I mean as a friend? Yeah. I could do that. Then tomorrow I can just say that it was the drink, and I was feeling nostalgic and I just felt the need to tell him how strongly I felt for him being my friend. Yeah, that would work.

“I mean, as a-“ His lips hit mine mid-sentence, and with my eyes wide staring into his closed ones, I felt his lips move with mine, trying to pull me in closer. Lightly, his arms begun to wrap around me, and I felt myself giving in, moving towards him, closing my eyes… It was perfect. It wasn’t how people describe it, like fireworks; not at all. It just felt… perfect. It was warm, and it felt so right. It felt like it was something that I wanted to have forever, and that if I were to never have again I wouldn’t feel alive. It was so full of hope, and honesty, and love, that I couldn’t imagine a day without this feeling, and I wouldn’t want to.

Finally our lips parted from each other’s, and I opened my eyes slowly, seeing his open at the same time. We sat there, faces less than an inch apart, staring. I could feel his warm breath on my lips, and I just wanted to kiss him again. I leaned in a little, pressing my lips to his once more. This time it was more forceful, more powerful. I parted my lips ever so slightly, feeling his tongue try to enter. He took control and pulled my body closer, our silhouettes merging into one. He loves me back, my mind told me. But I couldn’t comprehend why, because I was too taken over by him. He was in my mind, in every single one of my senses, there was no way to concentrate on anything else. Even when I thought I heard someone calling our names I didn’t stop to work out who it was, because I needed this feeling to last forever. I needed for him to last forever.

I realised that I hadn’t been alive for my entire life up until this moment. This, him, was the only way for me to feel alive. And I wasn’t about to give that up.