FicWad

Gerard looked very uncomfortable and upset.
I held his hand in mine gently.
"Gerard it's ok, I won't judge and I'll comfort you ok?"
He nodded "I've never told anyone my stories before.
He pulled out the binder I picked up and set it between us as we lay on the bed.
He moved it in front of us and we sat beside each other facing one another and it was now sitting at our side.
He flipped open the cover that had what looked like water stains but were red.
Blood.
I bit my lip the little drops of stained crimson agony staring back at me.
My eyes widened slightly.
His name was etched in perfect beauty in the center between the random dripping drops of scarlet that seemed to dance graceful and vivid before my eyes on a shear page of pure blankness.
(A/n tell me if you like my descriptiveness please!)
He flipped the page again and there were pictures.
Horrible nightmare giving pictures...
All of them were dated and horrid all the same.
The first was of his face as a young boy, his left cheek was swollen so big he couldn't open his eyes and he had random bruises around his face and neck plus his arms which he held protectively at his sides.
He had short curly dark brunette hair and tears in his swollen reddish eyes.
"This, is the first time my father beat me I was about to turn four so, I was three...
He said dazedly.
Then looked down at it "He hit me repeatedly because I spilled my chocolate milk on the floor in the kitchen..."
He suddenly smiled "They say don't cry over spilled milk...if only they knew the circumstances..." He chuckled
He pointed to the second of a battered infant Mikey with a busted lip. "Dad had thrown him across the living room because he stepped on his toe."
The next many were just of more of his fathers beatings. we finally got to the point were he had pictures of his boyfriends then he stopped and set the book aside.
"Now you've seen what he did now let me tell the tale."
He sighed "When I was three the beatings started, he was a drug and alcohol abuser and mom left when I turned four. Mikey only had a few little beatings only small things like a swollen cheek or eye, nosebleeds, busted lips, cuts or just verbal harassment. He mostly took it out on me because I was oldest."
He paused taking a breath "So we had to get along which wasn't easy and Mikey had several breakdowns. He'd come to me crying looking for his teddy and once I found it He'd snuggle up to me in his bed and fall asleep or come to me for his first aid needs. But most of the time my father just slapped him so he'd come to me for a hug."
I couldn't help but smile "That's so cute..."
He gave me an appreciative look and continued on with his story.
"So we had each other and mom never showed her face since she left but she left me on note that said only one thing that as simple as it seems I can't seem to understand...I'm Sorry..."
I nod "I understand how your puzzled, it could mean so many different things."
He smiled "Yeah, soon I was about to turn eight and me and Mikey had a strong bond we played together almost every minute of the day and slept together every night, I got so upset even then sometimes I couldn't eat and Mikey would just snuggle up to me and nuzzle my neck trying to make me feel better."
I took his hand from the knee his rested it on, his right one, and squeezed gently rubbing the back of his hand tendons and veins sticking out and nodded for him to continue.
He looked nervous now but continued. "Uhm, anyway I was about eight and that's when Gramma turned my dad in and we went to live with her after two months of trying to locate my mother. But that's when I started to turn Goth and Mikey was kinda scene but he turned emo and a little goth soon after his Scene faze. Gramma was always worried about us and I hated to make her worry I assured her that everything would be just fine and me and Mikey..."
He sort of trailed off "...we kept getting closer and closer and we did almost everything together..."
He stopped for a few moments and I gave him comforting little gestures with my hand.
"He would make popcorn and buy me skittles, which are my favorite candy by the way..."
He looked up quickly to me then back down.
I smiled "I love Skittles, taste my rainbow bitch." I said and we both giggled.
"So, he'd buy me skittles and we'd watch scary movies on VCR."
He look dazedly a few moments again then came back to reality. "Mikey, when he turned nine and I was twelve. We'd sit in my room at night and write dark poetry. That's where some of his true emo showed... He'd right stuff that was mostly about emotion and lightly about pain where people more goth seem a lot more descriptive and not plain on there emotions like emo's do I mean of course it comes from their heart but it seems like there's always a fog over the true darkness of the emotion they describe..."
I nodded.
"But, he'd come in there and write with me with liquorish and cherry scented black and red candles lit and my side lamp on. Sometimes I'd just draw. We'd smoke and drink while we did and cut our wrists together and relish in the scent of our own blood running down our arms and splattered on our face. He'd kiss me and tell me how much he loved me. And I can't help but believe him we still do this sometimes."
I listened even more carefully now.
"When i was eleven I was in a relationship with a boy for six months, I realized I was Gay when I was ten and had a lot of conflict in my head about it. This guys name was Zachary . He had blonde hair and always wore button up blue, red, or grey plaid shirts and different jeans and Nike's glasses and he was kind of a nerd kinda cute. He found out his parents were divorcing and went mentally insane. He started hitting me and trying to get in my pants-"
Mmm... Who wouldn't want to get in your pant- SHUT UP!! This is a serious situation!
I tuned back in. "and I got scared and had the teachers file a restraining order within school boundaries so he wasn't allowed to be within thirty feet of me. The second one, Klover, He was beefy and big and i dated him when I was twelve. He was so sweet like Ray then when I made him mad while we were alone he strangled me almost to unconsciousness and left huge choke bruises. Zach was eleven too but Klover was fourteen and had the temper of a wild hog. So I had to wear a scarf to school and luckily he moved two months after we broke up so he didn't hurt me to much."
I scooted closer and put an arm around his shoulders and he put the book in our laps.
"My first real boyfriend was when I was twelve also but he was my traitor the man who ruined my entire self."
H looked at the next four pictures and there was one word to label them all,, a tittle that meant so much but nothing all at once
Kevin...
"Oh and i had one boyfriend while I was ten, Tess, He basically just dated me to turn his back on me and laughed with all his cyber goth friends. Kevin though, was just awful. We lasted almost seven months before he started to show out he was crazy. I always escaped with guys I knew two days or so at night and partied and drank with them and I still do sometimes but I always get hurt and it may feel good at first but the aftermath is just...unbearable. I snuck out with Kevin so much and he acted like he cared and like we were good for each other but I started to realize we had nothing in common he had too much swagger and I started to notice that to the weightlifters...he was everything they wanted and were just sucking his balls constantly when I was around If you know what I mean..."
I nodded "I do totally, I see it all the time at school..."
"So, he just started urging me on to take my clothes off and I kept telling him I wasn't ready and he'd Grab my shoulders firmly like he was about to threaten me then he'd close his jaw hard and loosen an angrily shaky grip turn his head and say "You Know baby your rreeeaaalllyyyy starting to piss me off..." then he'd cock his head and pop his neck and I'd get scared and tell him that I just wasn't ready and explain and he'd go home."
I shook my head "I know how that works, their about to rip your head off then they scare the shit outta you by being all calm looking but with a wild murderous look and verbally harass you?"
He nodded "Exactly."
"After a while he ganged up with the jocks and made them all molest me there were seven of them and they all called me a whore amongst other things and shoved their dicks down my through and made me jerk them...they came all over my open wounds which burned like bloody fucking hell. After that he left to Arkansas."
He showed me the pictures of his body that he took eery size shape and form of beatings you could think of even bleeding nipples...
He turned the page and it just showed more pictures of him and Mikey cutting or drinking together all beaten up from gangs at school.
One particular strange picture caught my eye and I stared at it and pointed.
It was Gerard in a dented top hat, suite and red and white stage makeup with five other guys and Mikey drinking and making random shots for fun.
"We got all fucked up on Alien Suicide's, Those guys were my friends, Jax and Ashley-"
He pointed to two obviously emo guys.
"-those guys are two of my best friends in the entire world, We've known each other since we were nine and the other three were very close to me and Mikey, they died in a head on collision with a gas truck when the guy was speeding and was intoxicated on alcohol and PCP."
He looked revengeful then it passed and he continued.
"They were my band mates and we deleted Dark Tragedies from our lives for our own sanity and for their death...DT was our band and without them...it just wasn't right."
He flipped the page to a few pictures of him and a dark black and blonde haired dude.
"Bert he uhm... he was my first crush but his parents are homophobes so he couldn't be with me but It was just a crush I didn't REALLY love him badly enough to be hurt and I'm still glad he's my friend very much so..."
He flipped another page and he was kissing Mikey like kissing Mikey.
He blushed "We were completely stoned Frank don't get the wrong idea ok? We didn't even remember it but a little when we woke up besides two times here some where these were dares."
I nodded "Gerard I don't care the past is the past things happen so what? It's something to laugh at."
He smiled "I really am fond of you Frankie."
I grinned "I hoped so, I really like you too Gee."
He nodded.
This next paragraph has been re edited!!!!!
We kept looking till we were almost at the end at the numerous boyfriend's beatings all pretty much on the same lines as the others before that he described.
"This one is special..." He said as he turned to the second from last page.
"Trent was after Trey who was a violent BDSM freak that tortured my for two days against my will, no eating and being locked in a room handcuffed to a chair. I arrived on Friday and stayed the weekend but he gave me a pill so I'd throw up every thing in my stomach. Then he locked me up and wouldn't let me leave. By Sunday I was gagging and puking up blood. He let me go home at eight Sunday Night and Mikey took me to the hospital. I've been traumatized eer since. Trent was a two month long relationship that I thought I felt true love at first sight he was perfect in most ways, but when I traveled out to Kansas to see him while he had to stay with his grandma I arrived a day early and found him screwing some tight pussy on his grandmother's couch while she was out at the store and doter's. That's when I turned silent and started abusing myself, I was thirteen and he was fifteen he tried apologizing but it was only because I looked very appealing to him when I came to see him."
I was now leaning close to him arm wrapped around his mid back as he talked.
"This last one is the most emotional thing that has ever managed to happen to me."
He flipped to last page and the two letters L.A. Were there.
Oh god this is it...This is what Ray had told me about...
Here we go...
"I was thirteen here and Mark was my dove my crow and my hell-bird all in one he was spicy and sweet and tasty...delicious...Everythin I ever wanted in a man and he betrayed me worse then any of the rest. I was ready to give him my virginity. I had completely exposed myself to him which I...I hate being naked it makes me feel so insecure..."
He wiped the corners of his eyes gently. "He was my everything, my sex on legs and my perfect goth soul so perfect he wore a mask of perfection so well that. I couldn't see into his bad intentions. He really was a true fake and trained well because he was so pure of good that when his mask of true perfection broke, not only was I heart broken, I was shocked. He loved and laughed with me and Mikey was suspicious of him but I loved him so much. They never really clicked and I felt bad for it. He said he planned a trip for us a romantic weekend in LA and to meet him at this address."
He pointed to a ripped slip of paper.
"and when I got there he was screwing Mr. October Play Girl model Redgie Nimero on my couch in the house he said was mine to rule over for the week if I wanted or just the weekend whichever."
He cleared his throat "The goth boy he was ding was yes a play girl model and he just smiled at me and said "Your so fucking stupid thinking I wanted you, dumb whore. Your just I tight little piece of ass I can slip myself into and when I get in I just wanna get out." He grinned at me and came in his little girly boyfriend who sounded like a blonde female whore and I left because I was done for, over It didn't matter. And for just about three months his clan harassed me and tortured me with touches and words. Then now I've left them behind and found you..."
He held my hand and squeezed gently and my cheeks turned rosy and I stared at him with eyes full of so many emotions that he read so easily he see's my true colors...and I'm starting to see his...