FicWad

These hearts adore
Everyone the other beats hardest for
Inside this place is warm
Outside it starts to pour



There she stood with her hands on her hips. Fashioning her attitude in her new outfit of a white, sleeveless turtlenecked midriff and black Maxi skirt that swept across her bare feet. Her hair lie coiled in ebony curls that graced her shoulder blades. Eyes smokey in gun metal shadow and lips painted in ox blood. Her eyebrows were perfectly waxed and evenly shaped, her lashes were long and dramatic.

She was newly liberated. A fire under her ass that pushed her to out into the world. Those faint scars that ran all over her arms, they were the stripes of a tigress now. They were victory and commerce, passion and survival. She wasn't going to hide behind anything anymore. She admired herself in the mirror seeing her younger self blossom into the woman she wanted to be. For the first time in years, she was going to have her fun on her terms and not let anyone shy in the way of that. She shined for the first time in years, in her eyes and in the eyes of someone else.

She, was me.

It was finally Friday, and although so much had been going on lately, I finally found time to focus on myself.

Some time.

Since they met earlier in the week, Gerard and Amaya were two peas in a pod. In less than a week, they'd taught each other so much about one another. He currently had her obsessed with the Pixies, meaning I had a break from Jeff Mangum's voice for now. He taught her how to paint, bought her a real wooden canvas that had her name engraved at the top. I didn't want him spending fortunes on her, but he felt she deserved everything with her name engraved on it, no matter how expensive it was. I guess that's how father's seen their pride and joys. The ironic thing is that he hadn't realized that he was everything she deserved. Aside from the influence and spending, he was Dad of the Year; he took her to school when I worked, picked her up from Piano, brought her home, checked her homework, fed her and tucked her in. In the midst of all of this, he still had time to stick his nose into my business.

Gerard had "accidentally" met Logan while picking Amaya up from piano. It was one of those situations where I wish I was there, and then I didn't. I had the gift of making everything more painfully awkward than they needed to be. They hadn't known of each other when they were deep in conversation about Batman. Of course there had been an awkward silence passing through when Amaya bounded out of the music room to see her dad. But from what Gerard told me, he didn't seem like a bad guy. Then he went on to tell me that 'they never seem like bad guys' jokingly, and on that note I bid him a goodnight.

Logan and I were getting to know each other through constant text messaging, which he was perfect at, and lunch when we had the time. He was an easy-going guy and, not to mention he was easy on the eyes. He really just wanted someone to hang out with, someone to have lunch with other than the perverted Surgeons and the rest of the Residents who were just as bad. We talked about everything…well, not everything but we covered some ground.

He was from North Carolina originally and moved to New York City to attend Columbia. He worked at a record store to pay for everything his parents wouldn't and he even let slip that he did an Amateur Night at a male strip club to pay for his textbooks. I tried to hide the irony in my laugh. He was an open book, and from what I seen he knew a lot more about the hospital than I did. He showed me where I could nap if I needed it, he even showed me how to sweet talk the supply guy so our suite could have more clipboards and paper reams. We shared a likeness for blue Jell-o and Lesley Gore. He liked Sci-Fi Thrillers and Tarantino movies. Best of all, he made me feel comfortable enough to be myself around him. I wasn't letting all of my walls down, but he was good company.


It had been around a quarter-to-seven when I finalized my outfit with six inch, suede, black, bootie wedges. That was also the best thing about hanging out with Logan, he was so tall I could wear heels without me being taller than he was. I hadn't worn heels in years, and I wasn't about to start dancing in them.

Amaya zipped back and forth through the hallway. She had already eaten and was racing all around her apartment in her new Hello Kitty footed pajamas. She couldn't wait to spend more time with him. I tried not to let it bother me, but I was a little jealous. It wasn't her fault and she was excited for all the obvious reasons. Tonight they were having a classic horror movie marathon. I warned Gerard not to let her watch any that were made in the '70's. She was already an inquisitive child.

After flying past my bedroom once, she slowed down to visit me. She came into the room fully, surveying me proudly.

"What do you think?" I exhaled awaiting her opinion.

"You look like a fair Maiden." She mused. My feet were getting tired from twisting and turning in place from observing myself at every angle. I sat on my bed and held my arms out to her, pulling her on my lap.

"Thank you, my lady," I mocked in cockney. It made me happy to see her eyes shine the way they did. "Are you excited for your scary movie marathon?" Nodding her head rapidly, her eyes beamed.

"Are you joining us?" It was going to be hell for me to decline. I shook my head in dismay. Her light dimmed a little. "Why not?" I hadn't known what to say to those shining green eyes.

"I'm going out tonight," She hadn't heard that term, ever. As a matter of fact, that was the first time I heard myself say it. "But I promise we'll have another."

"With Daddy?" She pipes.

"Yes, with Daddy." I gave her a big kiss on the cheek leaving a lipstick print on her cheek. She giggles returning it.

"Are you going out with Roman's uncle?" She was too good. Observant, like her father.

"Yes, just as friends." She nods. I could almost hear the gears turning in her head and I knew exactly what she was going to say even before it left the surface of her tongue.

"Well what about Daddy?" Even though I heard it, it didn't mean I prepared for it. It was time to counteract.

"What about him?" She was more than my daughter, I swore she was my subconscious at times. That little voice that kept reminding me of what I truly felt. "We're still friends, if that's what you're asking."

"Then why don't you go out with him?" I briefly thought to put a limit on how many questions she asked a day, but that would be horrible parenting.

"He's here for you, Amaya, not me." And as if on queue, there was a familiar knock on the door. Amaya hopped off of my lap as I got up and walked out of the bedroom. Following tow, her small feet skipped behind me. I found my footing in the wedges very easily.

"Hey," I open the door to Gerard dressed casually as he was in my memories. He had the knack of making anything he wore, no matter how dressed-down it was, look good. At least, that's how I remembered him.

"Hey," He returned the smile. "Is that what you're wearing?" I was taken back by this.

"What's that suppose to mean?" I read the panic in his eyes, trying to gather a bunch of careful words.

"It's suppose to mean you look very pretty." He reassured. I wasn't satisfied with 'pretty'. Especially coming from my ex.

"I'm gonna go change then," I shut the door to turn back around the hall. He catches my arm.

"You look amazing, Victoria," I scoffed. He needed a better choice of words because so far, his mouth was getting him in trouble. "You'd look good in a potato sack." He giggled, his words nostalgic. He was the only one who could make me second-guess myself. He made me feel new and old at the same time. I was at odds with this.

"You sure?" I caught my reflection on the TV screen.

"I wouldn't lie to you," He shook his head slightly. Our eyes locked in something unexplainable. Our hearts were always that constant reminder.

"Daddy!" Amaya jumped into the living room and ran into his arms. For all I knew, I was invisible.

"Hey, baby," I loved the way he would pick her up and hold her to him. He cherished every second he spent with her, not to mention he traveled quite some miles just to see her everyday. The way he focused on her made me miss the way he used to look at me. The way she lit up around him, made me reminiscent of everything we had. He used to be my rock, and now she was his.

I checked the time again. It was going on eight.

"She's already eaten and she's allowed to have Ice Cream but make sure she brushes her teeth after," I swing my leather jacket on. He looks to me attentively. "And remember, nothing graphic or from the'70's." I straightened my jacket.

"Yes ma'am." He assures. I pick Amaya up, giving her a hug and kiss.

"I love you, have fun with Daddy and behave." She nodded returning the love.

"Love you too," I put her down. "Now, go before you're late for your date!" She smiled mischievously.

"Amaya," He warned before I could interject. He was really getting good at this.

"See ya, Gee." He looked shocked.

"That's all I get?" I looked at him puzzling my thoughts together. He stands up with his arms wide open. I rolled my eyes and slowly walked into them. He really gave the best hugs. He held me in a tight embrace, all I could do was take in his scent and smile. He was always so warm and comforting. "You're beautiful, you know," He whispers. "You'll never have to try." I hated when he did this, especially in front of Amaya. I never wanted to confuse her.

"Goodnight, Gerard." I gave him a friendly pat on his back and walked out of the door. That look in his eye followed me all the way from my apartment to the venue where I met Logan. That look that told me there was still hope for us. I didn't listen to it; not because I didn't want to but because I knew better. We wouldn't last. That stigma, I knew still hung in there air between us. It was a rotten mistletoe above our heads. We could either move around it, or let it shed its holly and go way completely. It was up to us.


Pulling up to the venue, I see Logan standing out in front. A navy blazer and a white graphic v-neck is what he wore with a pair of medium wash jeans. And of course, a dazzling new pair of Nike Dunks. They tired the outfit together with their mellow yellow and navy details. His hair was shaved a little closer which made all of his lovely features stand out.

I could feel my hands clam around the steering wheel. I couldn't help how he made my heart race and my mouth dry. I was in high school again, with him. I got out of the SUV and walked over to him. He walked over to me, meeting me halfway.

"You look great!" He exasperated. Holding me out by my fingertips and fully surveying me. I could have sworn I seen his eyes bulge out of his sockets and his heart pound out of his clothes like they did in cartoons. He twirled me into him as I laughed in his chest. He held an entrancing scent of sweet notations as well as some musky--in a good way. I didn't want to move.

"You look very handsome, yourself," He cradles me with both arms around my shoulders. "How many pairs of sneakers do you own?" I honestly wondered this.

"Honestly, I lost count after some time," He giggles against my hair.

"Wow! How do you deal with closet space?" We start to see people gather into to the entrance. We separate and he does the unthinkable, linking my hand in his. I had to remember to keep my hand loose. Only hand I held these days were Amaya's for her safety. I wanted to translate to him that I was comfortable with him.

"I deal." He breathes a laugh, leading us to a table not too far from the bar or the stage. The band was still setting up and the crowd became chatty. With all of the lights and chaos around us, he still managed to give me those dreamy eyes. He gazed at me like I was all he could see. There were probably thirty very attractive females who were presumably single and didn't have children there that night. But his eyes were set on me. I sat starry in his gaze, and though a lot hadn't been said, it was a comfortable silence.

"Hi, my name's Cassidy and I'll be your bartender tonight. What can I start you guys off with?" Her smile was very genuine. She had natural short red hair that was tied back in a ponytail.

"I'll just have water, thank you." I bid.

"May I have a Corona and lime, please?" She glanced at him with sparkling eyes and a wide smile. I felt something heat up in the pit of my stomach.

"Sure," She declared with cuteness in her tone. Something inside of me growled. "Be right back with those." She sauntered off but his eyes didn't follow. I sat satisfied.

"You don't drink?" I shake my head. I truly never had the time.

"I never have the time to anymore and I'm driving so…" He nods comprehensively.

"So what do you do for fun?" That was an honest question I had no idea how to answer. I really had to sit and think about this.

"I," I realized that everything that I wanted to say, had been Amaya's ideas of fun that I slowly adapted to enjoy. "I don't know, and I don't mean that to sound bleak but I don't have a lot of time to devote to recreation."

"No, I get it. You're dedication in everything you do is just as admirable. As a mother, especially." He was a wordsmith! "Well, I hope you have fun tonight!"

"I don't doubt that." Cassidy had come back with his beer and my water. "What do you like to do for fun?" He squeezed his lime into the bottle as I took a sip of iced water.

"Well, other than working and collecting sneakers," He began with a laugh. "I enjoy being social and opening my mind to new things. I like seeing things from different perspectives. That's fun for me." He was so insightful. "Mostly, I like spending time with pretty girls, in pretty lipstick, who want nothing more than iced water," I was turning redder than a raspberry! He could probably see the fireflies float up to my pupils and he probably heard the fluttering wings of Monarchs in my belly.

"I enjoy your company too," I really wanted to tell him how hot I thought he was and how I wanted to jump over the table and kiss those pink lips of his. But that wouldn't have been very ladylike. "Let's toast to fun!" I raise my glass as it meets his bottle. I take another sip as he takes a good gulp of beer.

"Did you drive here?" He shakes his head.

"I don't live too far from here and it was a perfect New York City night to walk," He simply stated. "Plus, saves me on gas money."

"I could agree with that." I seen the lights slowly fade and the audience began to howl.

"Did you want to get near the stage?" I shrugged as he took my hand again, leading me down the few steps and through some of the people. We got to the perfect spot where we were a few people away from the stage. I stood in front of him with his hand in mind. He slowly lost grasp to lie them on my bare shoulders. "You're chilly," He said against my ear. I contemplated to myself whether it was bad if I just wanted him to kiss me, already? Was I being easy or desperate? It was factual that I liked being around him, he was more than just a nice face that's what I liked about him. I guess I just needed to see where this was going.

He wraps himself around me, resting his chin on my head.

"I'm warm now," I look up to him already dreaming of him landing his lips on mine. He smiles softly and I couldn't help myself. His jawbone sat right there and called my name, wanting me to leave a tint of berry red lipstick on it. So I did, eyes closed and all. Right on his jaw. I felt the nerves shoot through his body.

"Did you leave lipstick on my cheek?" He giggled lightly.

"Just a little," I spoke a gentle tone.

"I think I could use a little more." I loved the way his stubble felt on my chin. He smiled back at me with such certainty. I saw a familiar spark in his eyes. There was hop again, barging in on all of the best moments. Reminding me that I should let myself go a little. That everyone wasn't out to tarnish me.

I turn back to the stage as the band took their positions. Not realizing that Logan's lips were so close to my earlobe and that spot under it. I only noticed when he placed his lips softly there. My calves turned to noodles.

That night was going perfect.


The show ended with us swaying back and forth to progressive strumming. Our hands never strayed far from each other and neither did our bodies. He made it feel like fighter jets were doing air acrobats in my stomach. I didn't want it to end.

We stepped out into the Autumn stars, radiating exuberance.

"Do you want to grab something to eat?" It was around eleven when we got out of there and I could use solid meal.

"I could go for some pizza," He nods at me with that look.

"There's about a thousand places we could go, just in this vicinity!" He pulled me close to him. Oh, his scent.

"Whichever one we find first, is fine with me," I'd been hungrier than I thought.

We made it a block up and found a small pizza place that had still been open. We got in there, ordered a couple slices and fries and talked some more. He told me about his family. He had three sisters and a brother, his parents were still together and they lived about 20 miles away from Raleigh. He was the middle child and Roman's mother was his younger sister. He talked affluently about his childhood. Lucky him, I thought. I wanted him to continue on reminiscing so I wouldn't have say anything. I also like watching live out those moments again in his head. I even heard a little bit of twang in his voice when he did. He was so adorable.

"Did you grow up in New York?" Here it went, the moment I've been avoiding this whole night.

"No, I grew up in New Jersey closer to Philly." I lifted my pizza to my mouth and began to chow down. I wanted to believe that if my mouth were full, he would ask me too many questions.

"Do you have any family out there?" I shake my head.

"I am the only child and my mom passed when I was twelve so…" The conversation began to dim over us.

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," I could see him trying to piece together how I managed to make it on my own. Really, I hadn't. "So what was life in New Jersey like?" I found my way around this question without getting into the gritty details too much.

"I was primarily raised by my best friend's parents." My best friend. My ex-boyfriend. Baby Daddy. He had so many titles. "I was the only girl in that house, too." I pick french fries up out of the styrofoam platter. They were dusted in salt and pepper and lightly stained with ketchup.

"That's what makes you so independent, so fearless," He was full of compliments that night, none of them superficial.

"What makes you so sure of that?" He reaches in for a fry and our fingers touch in a romance movie cliche. Then they pretended to battle for the last fry. We sat there giggling like fools.

"It's in everything you do," Our eyes lock. "It's hard to miss." The conviction in his voice comforted me beyond a kiss on the cheek.


We stood at his door after I'd driven him home. We stood there for a while giving each other dreamy eyes.

"Did you want to come in for coffee?" I really wish I could have. I didn't want to go in for coffee and come out with sex hair and my skirt on backward. That was a chapter in Gerard and Victoria that I didn't want to go back and read. In reality, I had to be to work in seven hours.

"I would love to but I have to be to work in six hours-forty two minutes-and sixteen seconds," I declined, but his eyes never dimmed. "But I had the best time," I stepped closer. I decided I wasn't leaving without a kiss.

"Thank you for making tonight absolutely perfect!" He enveloped me in a tight hug, holding me me so close I knew his scent would rub off on me. I didn't care.

"Thank you," He held me there as we gazed into each others eyes. It sounds cliche but this was the first proper date I've ever had. I wasn't that drunken girl at a party with nothing to lose. I wasn't sleeping with my best friend every Wednesday anymore.

This was real. This was as authentic as was going to get. I couldn't say if I had deep feelings for Logan, but I knew he was definitely someone that brought out the best of me. So, I went for it. My lips collided with his and for the first time in six years, my mind went completely blank.

Temporarily off air.

He kissed back, tousling his fingers through my curls. Our lips were synchronizing and all I could taste was his want. His hands were on my cheeks as his thumb dropped my bottom lip and his tongue entered my mouth. Then, I wasn't there anymore. I felt someone else come forth. She was sticking her tongue in his mouth and pressing her hips against his body. I didn't know what was happening.

"Logan," I pulled away to see he was wearing my lipstick. I cleared my throat.

"You should get going." I nodded rapidly and couldn't wave off fast enough. I hadn't the time to collect all of the events in my head. I didn't even have time to fix my lipstick. I could feel his eyes watch me as I got in the car. "Drive safely!" He waved as I pulled off. I looked at myself in the rear view, I saw her. Smeared lipstick and all, her sultry eyes smiled back to me. She wasn't the type to wait. She didn't have time to watch something dangle in front of her face and not grab it. She got what she wanted, even if it was more than one thing.

I pulled up into my usual spot in front of my building. I looked up to the building seeing the lights off and hoping that Gerard was sleep on the couch so he didn't give me the third degree.

I open the door to the living room, to see that the television was still on and Abbot and Castello were chasing the Mummy around. I look to the couch to see Gerard passed out along with our six-year old wildly spread across him. Quietly shutting the door behind me, I threw my jacket on the hook and my purse was sure to follow. I sighed as small snores left the two of them. Stepping out of my wedges, I quietly walked over and tried to unhook Amaya from her father without waking either of them up.

I had to turn my Mommy skills to the most advanced of levels to accomplish this. I lifted her off of him as she slightly stirs. He latches onto me as I carried her to her room. Gerard just lie there unaffected. I put her to bed with a kiss on the forehead. I whispered I loved her as she mumbled something about unicorns and pulled the covers up over herself. My feet softly made there way into the living room as Gerard was sat up on the couch seemingly unaware of his surroundings. I snorted a laugh as he wiped the sleepiness out of his eyes.

"How was your date?" He teased. I guess it was somewhat of a date. It definitely ended like a date. I sighed rolling my eyes and walking into the kitchen to make tea. He followed and took the kettle away from me, instructing me to sit.

"It was nice," I smiled that drunken kiss smile. "I had a great time." He narrowed his eyes on me suspiciously.

"You kissed him!" I realized I no longer couldn't hide it anymore.

"Maybe he kissed me," He shook his head with a twisted mouth detecting bullshit. "Okay, fine! I did and you're not going to make me feel bad about it." I taunted. And then something even odder happened, he gave me this look like he had been looking at me but someone else at the same time.

"I wouldn't," He turned away bringing out my mug and slinging a green teabag into it. "So how was it?" He sounded genuinely interested.

"Well, I met him at the Knitting Factory," He turns around and points out to me that he's played there a couple times. Typical male. "The show was amazing! After that, we went for pizza and fries." I shrug.

"Now, I understand that it's been a while, but you know I can always tell when you're not telling the entire story." He was prying again but he had this was of getting information out of me that I just couldn't resist.

"Well, what else would you like to know?" I wasn't about to explain to him how the kiss was. That would cause for an infinite amount of awkward moments. "That's all I'm telling you." I declined crossing my arms across my chest.

"I'm kidding," He really wasn't "But I'm glad you enjoyed yourself." I didn't know if that was true but I didn't really care.

"How was the scary movie marathon?" I laughed as I watched him squirt just enough honey into the mug. The kettles whistles.

"She fell asleep before I could even put in the second movie," He shrugs. "I don't even remember falling asleep myself." He squeezes the lemon into the steaming tea.

"Sounds like you had a good night, too." He puts the steaming mug in front of me and takes a seat across from me.

"There's no one I'd rather spend a Friday night watching horror films with." It was so hard to keep him from reading everything that been on my mind. "I just wish I was the one smearing your lipstick." His thumb graced my bottom lip and I swear I had noticed how close we were to each other until I was wearing his smile.

Oh Dear, Lord.