FicWad

Alright guys! I'm NOT dead. I am, in fact, alive. Just been hella busy with school, work, moving in with new roommates, sickness, and other crap.

This chapter is just a lead up to the next couple. It is a bit shorter than the last chapter because it was so super long (double what I usually post), but I know you will like it. (hopefully).

I am hard at work...working on the next couple chapters for Awake and Unafraid and continue to love all my readers!

I hope you guys forgive me for my hiatus. I hope to be better (rolls eyes, cause I always say that, but I mean it!)!!

Thank you again for sticking with me and Awake and Unafraid!



Chapter 27

And I Watch You in Your Sleep

September 12, 2002

“TO BEING YOUNG!” Taylor shouted as she and I raised yet another shot into the air and then shot gunned it down before we could change our minds.

I grimaced as the alcohol burned my throat. Taylor giggled and put her arm around me and kissed my forehead.

Music was blaring from the speakers in the living room of the house we were partying at. I tried to remember for a moment whose house it was, but I couldn’t. I rolled my eyes at myself for not having a better memory even if I was slightly inebriated.

There were tons and tons of people everywhere. They were in every corner, every room, and even covering the backyard, where the live music was. A band had set up an impromptu show in the backyard with many party goers, who were banging their drunken heads to the out of tone beats of the music.

Taylor and I were sitting on the counters in the kitchen participating in a game of Circle of Death with a dozen other people or so, all of which, we didn’t know.

I looked through to the dining room, where I saw Mikey and Gerard dominating in a game of beer pong against some other guys, who weren’t very happy to be losing.

Gerard looked so happy. Mind you, he was intoxicated, but happy nonetheless. I smiled at myself while remember that very morning. The morning after…

Earlier that morning

Gerard’s eyes slowly opened letting in a small sliver of light that was coming through the curtains above his bed so that his eyes could adjust to their surroundings. He was still on his back and the covers were only covering up to his waist. He felt Tristan’s warm nude body lying next to him, bringing his attention to the fact that he was also without clothing and then remembering the night before.

Gerard listened to Tristan’s steady breathing in the darkness while thinking about what took place not too many hours before in that very bed. He smiled to himself remembering how they had made love for the first time. The way Tristan had surrendered her heart to him. He had surrendered his heart to her too. Tonight belonged to them. She had fought it so hard. You can fight this all you want to, but tonight belongs to me. He’d always remember that night even after all was gone.

He took a deep breath and slowly turned himself over to be able to watch her sleep peacefully next to him.

Tristan was on her stomach; the covers only up to her waist, exposing the naked skin of her back. Her scars and bruises visible under light and absolutely beautiful from head to toe; inside and out. Her long dark hair was in curls around her sleeping face that was turned toward him. The long hair cascaded down her shoulder and down her back. Her left arm was under the pillow and the other was down at her side; her face was peaceful. She’s so beautiful, he thought as he watched her in her sleep. That night had belonged to him.

She was finally calm and resting after the last couple days of hell. He was relieved to see her without a look of horror on her face or tears staining her lovely pale skin.

Gerard reached over ever so delicately and brushed a strand of hair away from her sleeping eyes and then running that hand down her bare back. Her skin was warm and soft to the touch, making Gerard relive the events from the night before with a racing heart. Touching her had made him come to life; it was like magic or just knowing how he wanted his life to be and having Tristan in that life was what he wanted. She was his. She was his no matter what. He would always have her heart.

Tristan stirred soundlessly in her sleep, not really moving from her stomach, but reaching out at Gerard. So he scooted closer to her and drew her into his arms as she continued to sleep. He held her head against his chest, running his hand through her long dark hair and thinking to himself. What happened to her yesterday. Why was she covering her ears and crying? Why did she try to fight him? It was like she didn’t want his help, but he couldn’t take it. He couldn’t take watching her suffer. He had to help or try and perhaps bring her closer to him. Maybe what happened last night will show her how much he truly does love her, he thought. I love you. I love you so much. More than I have ever loved anyone. I have never felt this way toward anyone before, he thought.


I awake with a start, but don’t move. The faint scent of soap, cologne, and cigarettes permeated the air that I could smell against Gerard’s warm bare chest. I took in a deep breath, relishing in the amazing smell of his pale, smooth skin and I wrapped my arms around his torso, tightly holding on to him.

I could feel his hand running through my hair and down my bare back and when I tightened my grip around him, he pulled me closer.

I listened to his steady heart beat against his ribs beneath my ear and continued to snuggle against him, not wanting this moment to end.

Change.

I felt changed in some way. I’m still not sure what way I changed, but I know I had. Yesterday had been a really hard day. Too much pain, death, sorrow, mourning, guilty, self-loathing, and hate had worn me to my very core. I was done. Done, until Gerard made me see him. See him love me. Made me admit my love for him. Made me face my fears of rejection and just surrender my wounded heart to him. Gerard woke me. He woke me up to something more. It wasn’t the sex that did this. It was his love. How he confessed his undying love for me and how he put it all on the line to tell me so. We grew closer and made love because that was the next step. It had been perfect really. Scary, a bit painful, crazy, embarrassing, vulnerable, and strange, but perfect and mind-blowing at the same time. So much more than I could have imagined and it came at the best time. I was in over my head; guilt ridden and depressed beyond belief and Gerard just shattered that. Made me feel better and took my mind off my self-destructive tendencies.

“Good morning, sugar,” Gerard finally spoke, tearing me out of my cramped mind.

I looked up at him through a curtain of dark hair and met his hazel eyes with my own and smiled sweetly at him, “Morning,” I whispered against his skin. I am perfectly content.

Gerard let out a small laugh and brushed the hair out of my face and smiled right back at me.

“How are you, Trist?” he asked; trying to not notice that he could feel every curve of my body against his.

I thought for a moment, knowing that I was better, but not knowing how to put that in words that he would believe. I reached up and kissed his lips, softly and for only a moment, “better,” I breathed as I pulled away from his wanting lips.

Gerard grinned against my mouth and held me tighter as I pulled away from him.

I taste him on my lips and I can’t get rid of him. Not now. Not ever. He was all mine. Ha, how do you like that?

Gerard shifted to be at my eye level and he kissed me. But this kiss was different from the one I gave him. His lips were soft and seductive, mine tingling with electricity. Everything was ok now, everything was perfect, and that was the moment when I started to learn what true desire felt like. As we softly kissed I realized that something was different with Gerard and the way he was touching me. I could feel that familiarity, the personality behind the touch, but this time he was pushing my senses in an entirely different manner. It wasn’t like the playing around we used to do, but it was something more. This kiss, oh God, there was no kind of holding back whatsoever. Gerard was so beautiful. So fucking beautiful.

Our speed quickly increased as I pressed my body against his willingly. I entwined my fingers in his hair and letting my emotions run as they may. There were no words I could think of to describe the way he was kissing me. Our tongues danced with each other, never getting enough and never wanting to quit.

Then we broke away for a second as Gerard started to kiss my bare neck, gently nipping it. His teeth against my flesh drove me to the edge. I moaned from the pleasure, relaxing in Gerard’s arms that held me so close, both of us tangled in his sheets.

His teeth traveled down my pale flesh in an orgasmic blur. Down and down the right side of my neck until he got to my collarbone and started kissing that. My moans mingled and joined with the sighs emitting from his mouth. I wanted more than kissing. I wanted everything, I desired everything. I wanted what we had last night. I wanted him.

Gerard ran his hands down my pale goose bumped flesh. He began kissing my neck. As he put his mouth to work there I went limp, unable to think clearly at all. All I could think about was how much I wanted him, and that was when I found myself guiding his head back to my face again.

Gerard tried to kiss me but I covered his mouth with my hand, surprising him. Instead my lips found his cheekbones, the lobe of his ear, and the edge of his jaw. His hands suddenly tightened around my body. Me, I wanted to make Gerard feel ecstasy, I wanted to have him and his will, like he’d taken mine.

My fingers traced his jawbone as I gently nipped the lobe of Gerard’s ear, and the moan that emitted from it made me feel as good as if our roles had been reversed. As I pressed my curves to the contours of Gerard’s body I became aware of the bulge rising against my thighs, which only made me feel more turned on. His one hand left my waist and entwined itself in my hair, touching my scalp like ecstasy.

Then I moved onto his neck. Slowly, ever so slowly I kissed, nipping and knowing that I was leaving little red marks down the sides. His moans only made me rise higher and higher, and saying that he was desiring me as much as I was him.

After that I kissed Gerard’s earlobe again, going slow enough to be pleasurably agonizing. Moving across his face I ended up at his lips again, tracing them with my index finger and softly breathing inches away from his mouth that was open in anticipation. I started nibbling on Gerard’s lower lip, sighing in the pleasure and taking in his content voicings. I went on, taking in the sexual tension that had developed between us, the tension I was only increasing. Finally, finally he broke. I never knew that the shattering of an invisible wall could have been so beautiful, sensual, and deadly at the same time, but it was.

The next thing I knew, my back was against the mattress, and Gerard’s hot form was pressed into every curve of my body. His lips, his breath, they were everywhere on my face, taking me in. Devouring me. And I returned it with a vengeance. The woman inside me was alive and screaming, wanting everything before it was gone with the wind. Gerard’s hands left my waist; instead they held the sides of my face, bringing me even closer to him.

Gerard’s right hand left my face. That was when the kiss slowed, but not losing the fire behind it whatsoever. His hand started wandering down, down, down. Slowly it traveled down my neck, past my shoulder, and then cupped my breast. He had never really touched me there before, and it took me by surprise. Even last night, he didn’t concentrate at all on my breasts, but this morning he was all too eager to touch me there. Nevertheless the electricity popped and sizzled, and against my will an awfully sexual groan escaped from my throat. It turned him on; I could feel that from the friction against my groin and the breath escaping from his mouth. He was so ready. The hand started caressing my breasts, sending spikes of pleasure I had never known before last night, up my spine. My nerves were on fire, even my hands were tingling.

Gerard’s hand was dangerous close to my womb and it still scared me, but turned me on even more. My heart was beating so fast I felt like it was going to explode, and all coherent thought had left my brain. All I had ever known was desire, all that was ever here was Gerard. Our kissing took on a new frenzy and speed, and I prayed that this ecstasy would never end.

Right at the instant that the hand started to wander even closer to my womb an alarm went off, scaring the both of us shitless. With a jerk we removed our hands from each other. And still the alarm rang. As if waking from a dream, Gerard fumbled with something on his nightstand behind me, hitting something hard, turning the alarm off. Fucking alarm clock.

My heart was still pounding, my mind craving Gerard even as I let the shock course through my veins. Through slow motion I watched Gerard put him hand to his forehead and breathe a sigh. From relief or exasperation I didn’t know.

“Wha… what the hell?” I asked him in a shaky voice, trying to get my frenzied pulse back to normal.

“Alarm clock,” Gerard replied, and through his breathing I knew he was trying to regain a steady heartbeat.

“Alarm for what?” I asked a little too loudly, shifting in the bed to get up, but didn’t just yet.

“I set the alarm to ring when we should get up to help set up for Matt’s party,” Gerard replied. Shit, that stupid party for the fucking prick!

“Fuck….” I said in an exasperated tone, rolling my head on my pillow to look in his face.

“I… I know,” Gerard replied, while staring at my face.

We stayed there for a minute, trying to regain our wits. I studied his face and searched it for any kind of emotion that might refer to what he thought about. You love me? It gave me something else to focus on, so I could at least try and get rid of the sexual tingling that was racing through my nerves. And I was afraid of finding that awful regret that always made us fight. Finally it was too much for me, so I ended up getting up quickly, careful to cover myself with his sheets and scurried off to the bathroom to shower.

Back to reality.

“Earth to Tristan!” Frank jumped up in my face like a yapping Chihuahua trying to get my attention for a treat. I was drawn out of my daydream and visibly jumped from his scaring me to death.

“Frank! What the fuck?” I yelped, trying to remember where I was. I am drunk.

Taylor giggled and flirted with a random guy sitting next to her on the counter, while I focused in on my annoying older brother.

Frank frowned, “You’re drunk?” he questioned, and then shook his head, “ok, well I needed you to drive someone home, but I guess that is out of the picture.” He was annoyed and pissy, “Who let you drink anyway? You look five years old,” He huffed.

I pouted, “I was just having a good time, dad,” I mocked, “What’s the big whoop anyway? Who’s the damsel in distress?” I sarcastically asked, while taking a swig off the countless drink of the night. EW, I grimaced. Tequila. I will pay for that in the morning.

“Never mind, I’ll get Jamia home safely,” Frank threw up his hands, “And don’t you fucking leave this party till I get back. The last thing I need is for you to wind up on the news for dad to see and then I will be in hot water. News flash….sixteen-year-old female, Tristan Iero was arrested for minor in possession of alcohol.” Frank took a breath, “Dad would kill me.” Frank leaned in closer to my intoxicated face, “Stay here. Got it?” He asked in a tone that was threatening. I nodded. Jesus, bro, I’m staying here. Don’t worry about me.

Frank turned on his heel and before leaving the kitchen he stopped and said, “Tristan and Taylor….don’t forget. Stay here!” He waved his index finger at us like we were three-years-old.

“We got it, Dad!” Taylor and I said in unison. Drunken unison. Then we busted out laughing like crazy hyenas.

Gerard and Mikey were still deep in a game of beer pong with other men that I couldn’t make out whom they were. They were winning, of course. Mikey was the best beer pong player, Ray had showed him the art of throwing the ball and getting it in a red solo cup every time. Mikey’s glasses were hanging off his nose and his hair was a mess, falling in his eyes, but he didn’t care.

Gerard kept up with Mikey, but beer pong wasn’t his calling, the only reason they would have to drink during this game was when Gerard took his turn and lost nearly every shot.

Matt was doing a keg stand in the doorway leading out to the backyard. Crazy how he could stay upside down like that and drink all that beer.

Ray was helping make drinks off in the corner and a brown-headed woman was flirting with him.
I turned my attention to the game I was now losing at; Circle of Death. I was three sheets to the wind and nowhere near finished with the night.

The game ends when Taylor takes my hand and leads me up the stairs to the second floor for us to use the bathroom.

She goes in first, while I wait in the hall, watching people go in and out of all the rooms and listening to the muted music against the wall. Taylor and I switch and I used the bathroom without falling, thankfully, but when I go to open the door to leave, it’s stuck.

“Hey!” I shout, “Let me out!” I bang hard on the door with my fists.

“Just open the door, Trinket!” Taylor giggles on the other side and she jiggles the handle on the other side of the rickety door. “It’s stuck, lovey.”

I breathe, “Great! That’s fan-fucking-tastic!” I mock as I throw my hands in the air. I look around the room, “What am I supposed to do now?” My eyes fell on the window, “Climb out the window like a masked bandit?”

I run to the window, open it, and look out. It opens above the backyard, where dozens of people were drinking and enjoying the music. Jesus Christ, that’s high.

“Trinket?” I hear Taylor’s muffled voice, “Are you ok? Are you going out the window?” She asked.

I cleared my throat, “Um, go get someone to catch me, T.”

“O-ok! Don’t jump! I’ll save you!” She cried as I heard her stumble down the stairs.
Shit. Shit. Well, technically I haven’t left the house.