Categories > Celebrities > Motley Crue > Saving Nikki
CHAPTER 11: Making It Work
I awake the next morning with a smile as I feel Nikki stroking my arm. I open my eyes to see him hovered over me. He still hasnt lost the concerned look with furrowed brows. I dont understand why its still there. I though he would be more relaxed. Hell I could even accept jones'n for a fix. I didnt expect this.
"Good morning," I stretch.
Nikki makes no reply. He continues staring at me awkwardly as he softly strokes my skin.
"Have you changed your mind about me yet?" He asks almost sounding disappointed.
I smile and shake my head no.
"Jen," he says then pauses an eternity, "I-I dont know what to do now...I dont know if I should go or stay...I dont know what any of this means to you...I...I..."
"Last night was perfect," I smile.
"And today is a new day...but what did last night mean?" He asks. He seems more than confused. "Where do we stand?"
"Where do you think we stand?" I ask as I study his expression.
He shakes his head and shrugs, "I dont know."
"I guess I dont know what youre asking." I reply.
"D-did you want to be with me...I mean do you? Do you wanna be with me?"
I softly nod my head yes.
He sighs and seems relieved. "Its just not a good idea for you to fall for me Jen. I care about you and I dont wanna hurt you, but I know I will...Its what I do."
"You wont," I try to assure him.
He looks down, "Baby cant you see I already have...Ive put you right in the middle of a world where you dont belong. Im toxic...I hurt anyone who gets too close to me...I hurt anyone who cares."
"would you please stop saying that...you dont know until you try."
"Youre too good for me Jen...Im not what youre looking for."
"yes you are." I whisper.
Nikki lays his head down on my chest. "Im scared of this...this feeling that is just twisting me up inside. I know this is wrong...that Im all wrong for you."
"Nikki," I begin, "loving someone is giving them the power to hurt you and praying that they dont. Its about acceptance...taking the bad with the good. Its unconditional and can see no wrongs. Its patient and understanding. I accept who you are and I trust and believe in you. I know youre not Nikki Sixx...in there is someone else who is good and decent.In there is someone who hasnt ever truly been loved...and whether you know it or not you need someone like me who can understand all of this. Im not the person who is going to abandon you when you no longer suit my purpose. Im not the person who is going to try to change you into what I want. Im the person who will stand at your side through thick and thin. Im the one who will never judge you...Just stop fighting it and let it happen."
Nikki looks up at me with tears in his eyes and lips parted attempting to speak. "Where...where have you been?" He cries collapsing back down on me hugging me tight. I hear him sobbing and I wonder if it is tears of joy or shame. He looks back up at me sniffling. "you have no idea how long Ive waited for someone to tell me that." He kisses me softly and asks again looking deep into my eyes, "Where have you been?" He dries his tears and clears his throat. "They'll never let us be together...management...the world...The only way we can do this is if they dont know."
I nod seeing his point. If they knew they would all drive a wedge in. They would destroy any shred of happiness we could have because it would be bad for business. Nikki was a rock sex god. This meant he couldnt be about anything but sex drugs and rock and roll. He still had to play this role, his career depended on it. Music was Nikki's dream, I didnt want him to lose it because of me.
"It has to look like business as usual between me and you," he said.
I nodded. "I agree."
"We cant have traditional dates. We cant hold hands in public. We cant kiss..." he starts to shake his head, "Its not fair to put you through all this...this isnt a relationship...its a prison sentence."
"its ok...think of it as an adventure...like sneaking around behind parents backs...that always makes it so much more exciting when its forbidden."
Nikki finally cracks a smile, "where have you been?" When he says this he seems so in awe. He looks at me like Im one of the rediscovered wonders of the world. My heart swells at his envy of me. I can see he cares. I hope I show him what hes showing me.
I awake the next morning with a smile as I feel Nikki stroking my arm. I open my eyes to see him hovered over me. He still hasnt lost the concerned look with furrowed brows. I dont understand why its still there. I though he would be more relaxed. Hell I could even accept jones'n for a fix. I didnt expect this.
"Good morning," I stretch.
Nikki makes no reply. He continues staring at me awkwardly as he softly strokes my skin.
"Have you changed your mind about me yet?" He asks almost sounding disappointed.
I smile and shake my head no.
"Jen," he says then pauses an eternity, "I-I dont know what to do now...I dont know if I should go or stay...I dont know what any of this means to you...I...I..."
"Last night was perfect," I smile.
"And today is a new day...but what did last night mean?" He asks. He seems more than confused. "Where do we stand?"
"Where do you think we stand?" I ask as I study his expression.
He shakes his head and shrugs, "I dont know."
"I guess I dont know what youre asking." I reply.
"D-did you want to be with me...I mean do you? Do you wanna be with me?"
I softly nod my head yes.
He sighs and seems relieved. "Its just not a good idea for you to fall for me Jen. I care about you and I dont wanna hurt you, but I know I will...Its what I do."
"You wont," I try to assure him.
He looks down, "Baby cant you see I already have...Ive put you right in the middle of a world where you dont belong. Im toxic...I hurt anyone who gets too close to me...I hurt anyone who cares."
"would you please stop saying that...you dont know until you try."
"Youre too good for me Jen...Im not what youre looking for."
"yes you are." I whisper.
Nikki lays his head down on my chest. "Im scared of this...this feeling that is just twisting me up inside. I know this is wrong...that Im all wrong for you."
"Nikki," I begin, "loving someone is giving them the power to hurt you and praying that they dont. Its about acceptance...taking the bad with the good. Its unconditional and can see no wrongs. Its patient and understanding. I accept who you are and I trust and believe in you. I know youre not Nikki Sixx...in there is someone else who is good and decent.In there is someone who hasnt ever truly been loved...and whether you know it or not you need someone like me who can understand all of this. Im not the person who is going to abandon you when you no longer suit my purpose. Im not the person who is going to try to change you into what I want. Im the person who will stand at your side through thick and thin. Im the one who will never judge you...Just stop fighting it and let it happen."
Nikki looks up at me with tears in his eyes and lips parted attempting to speak. "Where...where have you been?" He cries collapsing back down on me hugging me tight. I hear him sobbing and I wonder if it is tears of joy or shame. He looks back up at me sniffling. "you have no idea how long Ive waited for someone to tell me that." He kisses me softly and asks again looking deep into my eyes, "Where have you been?" He dries his tears and clears his throat. "They'll never let us be together...management...the world...The only way we can do this is if they dont know."
I nod seeing his point. If they knew they would all drive a wedge in. They would destroy any shred of happiness we could have because it would be bad for business. Nikki was a rock sex god. This meant he couldnt be about anything but sex drugs and rock and roll. He still had to play this role, his career depended on it. Music was Nikki's dream, I didnt want him to lose it because of me.
"It has to look like business as usual between me and you," he said.
I nodded. "I agree."
"We cant have traditional dates. We cant hold hands in public. We cant kiss..." he starts to shake his head, "Its not fair to put you through all this...this isnt a relationship...its a prison sentence."
"its ok...think of it as an adventure...like sneaking around behind parents backs...that always makes it so much more exciting when its forbidden."
Nikki finally cracks a smile, "where have you been?" When he says this he seems so in awe. He looks at me like Im one of the rediscovered wonders of the world. My heart swells at his envy of me. I can see he cares. I hope I show him what hes showing me.
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