Categories > Celebrities > Motley Crue > Saving Nikki
CHAPTER 14: Experimentation
When we go back out on the road Nikki doesnt go empty handed. He buys A LOT of heroin to take with him. Things had been going pretty good before when he didnt have any. Now hes basically smacked out all the time. Before a show he will shoot up his cocktail with coke and heroin. The rest of the time its mainly heroin. I never see him consume a liquid that isnt Jack Daniels. Hes peeing blood now. He tells me that hes fine and that if he slacks up on the whiskey itll stop. His skin looks almost transparent and he looks bloated but I can see his bones. He looks similar to a dog with worms. His hair is falling out in clumps. He has an absess on his foot that I keep watching for signs of infection. Its been almost a month since he has touched me. Hes not spending any time with Tommy anymore. All he does is stay loaded on a bus or in a hotel room, rush through a show and do it all over again. It seems like hes always nodding off. Its hard to hold a conversation with him. He cant pay attention and any responses usually make no sense.
I feel so in over my head and so alone. I try to tell Nikki this but it just doesnt register. Im so confused. Underneath all of this is a man who loves so much, who is sweet and giving. The drugs take it all away. They take Nikki away from me. I miss my sweet Nikki that smiles at me with a devious half grin. I miss those scratchy fingertips going across my skin. I miss the unusual greenish gray color of his eyes. I want so badly to have that connection I felt a month ago with him back. I miss him and we arent even apart.
I look over to Nikki lying next to me in the bed. Even with only the light from the TV I can still make out the discolored bruises on him. They are on his arms, hands, legs, and feet. Its getting harder and harder for him to find a vein to inject into. Sometimes it takes him up to an hour to find one. He he gets so mad and frustrated. He throws a big fit and will go back to probing around. I wonder to myself why he simply doesnt smoke it or snort it. I think he is addicted to the act of injecting itself.
On the night stand I can see a hypodermic needle already filled with heroin. He calls it his wakeup shot. I want so badly to know what is so powerful in that damn needle that it can have such a control over him. What does he feel when he gets high? To me it seems as if he puts so much on the line and chances sacrificing so much for this drug. Why? What secret does it hold? I really want to know. I have to know. If I can understand maybe I will know how to help him.
I quietly get up out of the bed and tip toe over to the night stand on his side of the bed. I pick the needle up and examine it. I look down at my arm and contemplate trying the drug to know how Nikki feels. I carefully pick up Nikki's belt off the night stand, careful not to let the belt buckle make a noise. I stick my arm inside it and pull it tight. I hold it in my teeth as I have watched Nikki do a hundred times. I turn myself toward the light of the TV. I place the sharp tip of the needle over my vein. I push it in and I see my blood rush into the syringe. I begin pushing down on the plunger. I start feeling a warmth, first in my arm, then in my chest and head. It feels like my chest is swelling and I cant take a breath. I cant breathe. Things begin going fuzzy and white, then everything just goes black.
NIKKI'S P.O.V.
I wake up to the sensation of someone tugging on the covers. When I open my eyes I see Jen sliding down my side of the bed on her knees. Her eyes are rolled back in her head. I dont really understand what is happening. Then she just falls over onto her side on the floor. Its then that I see my belt dangling from her arm and one of my points from her vein.
"Oh fuck! Jen no! No baby....please God no!" I scream.
I throw the covers back and fall to my knees next to her on the floor. I roll her onto her back and can see that her lips are already turning blue. I jerk the needle out of her arm and stand up. I drag her into the bathroom. It seems as if I lift her into the tub and turn the shower on in one motion. She isnt moving. I cant see her chest breathing. I turn her face toward me. I put my mouth over hers and blow hard. She starts coughing and her eyes open.
"Jen!" I yell and start to shake her, "come on baby wake up!"Her eyes are just rolling around in the sockets. I can see her trying to focus on me and lift her head but it seems as if its too heavy. I can see the pink coming back to her lips so I know she has started breathing again.
"Come on baby wake up! Stay with me!"
I hear moans coming from her but no words. I wrap my arms around her and pull her to me. Shes so limp in my arms. Everything is happening so fast I feel like Im on auto pilot. I dont have time to be scared or think yet. All I can think about is Jen.
"Baby dont leave me...come on baby wake up."
When we go back out on the road Nikki doesnt go empty handed. He buys A LOT of heroin to take with him. Things had been going pretty good before when he didnt have any. Now hes basically smacked out all the time. Before a show he will shoot up his cocktail with coke and heroin. The rest of the time its mainly heroin. I never see him consume a liquid that isnt Jack Daniels. Hes peeing blood now. He tells me that hes fine and that if he slacks up on the whiskey itll stop. His skin looks almost transparent and he looks bloated but I can see his bones. He looks similar to a dog with worms. His hair is falling out in clumps. He has an absess on his foot that I keep watching for signs of infection. Its been almost a month since he has touched me. Hes not spending any time with Tommy anymore. All he does is stay loaded on a bus or in a hotel room, rush through a show and do it all over again. It seems like hes always nodding off. Its hard to hold a conversation with him. He cant pay attention and any responses usually make no sense.
I feel so in over my head and so alone. I try to tell Nikki this but it just doesnt register. Im so confused. Underneath all of this is a man who loves so much, who is sweet and giving. The drugs take it all away. They take Nikki away from me. I miss my sweet Nikki that smiles at me with a devious half grin. I miss those scratchy fingertips going across my skin. I miss the unusual greenish gray color of his eyes. I want so badly to have that connection I felt a month ago with him back. I miss him and we arent even apart.
I look over to Nikki lying next to me in the bed. Even with only the light from the TV I can still make out the discolored bruises on him. They are on his arms, hands, legs, and feet. Its getting harder and harder for him to find a vein to inject into. Sometimes it takes him up to an hour to find one. He he gets so mad and frustrated. He throws a big fit and will go back to probing around. I wonder to myself why he simply doesnt smoke it or snort it. I think he is addicted to the act of injecting itself.
On the night stand I can see a hypodermic needle already filled with heroin. He calls it his wakeup shot. I want so badly to know what is so powerful in that damn needle that it can have such a control over him. What does he feel when he gets high? To me it seems as if he puts so much on the line and chances sacrificing so much for this drug. Why? What secret does it hold? I really want to know. I have to know. If I can understand maybe I will know how to help him.
I quietly get up out of the bed and tip toe over to the night stand on his side of the bed. I pick the needle up and examine it. I look down at my arm and contemplate trying the drug to know how Nikki feels. I carefully pick up Nikki's belt off the night stand, careful not to let the belt buckle make a noise. I stick my arm inside it and pull it tight. I hold it in my teeth as I have watched Nikki do a hundred times. I turn myself toward the light of the TV. I place the sharp tip of the needle over my vein. I push it in and I see my blood rush into the syringe. I begin pushing down on the plunger. I start feeling a warmth, first in my arm, then in my chest and head. It feels like my chest is swelling and I cant take a breath. I cant breathe. Things begin going fuzzy and white, then everything just goes black.
NIKKI'S P.O.V.
I wake up to the sensation of someone tugging on the covers. When I open my eyes I see Jen sliding down my side of the bed on her knees. Her eyes are rolled back in her head. I dont really understand what is happening. Then she just falls over onto her side on the floor. Its then that I see my belt dangling from her arm and one of my points from her vein.
"Oh fuck! Jen no! No baby....please God no!" I scream.
I throw the covers back and fall to my knees next to her on the floor. I roll her onto her back and can see that her lips are already turning blue. I jerk the needle out of her arm and stand up. I drag her into the bathroom. It seems as if I lift her into the tub and turn the shower on in one motion. She isnt moving. I cant see her chest breathing. I turn her face toward me. I put my mouth over hers and blow hard. She starts coughing and her eyes open.
"Jen!" I yell and start to shake her, "come on baby wake up!"Her eyes are just rolling around in the sockets. I can see her trying to focus on me and lift her head but it seems as if its too heavy. I can see the pink coming back to her lips so I know she has started breathing again.
"Come on baby wake up! Stay with me!"
I hear moans coming from her but no words. I wrap my arms around her and pull her to me. Shes so limp in my arms. Everything is happening so fast I feel like Im on auto pilot. I dont have time to be scared or think yet. All I can think about is Jen.
"Baby dont leave me...come on baby wake up."
Sign up to rate and review this story