Categories > Celebrities > Motley Crue > Saving Nikki
CHAPTER SIXXTEEN: Spiraling
I awake in the night and find Nikki asleep next to me. I think I have finally come down from the roller coaster high that almost killed me. There is but one thought on my mind right now. I have to get rid of the heroin. I have to get rid of what Nikki still has left. I have to put a stop to this madness. I know its the only way to bring Nikki back to me again. I know its the only way I can attempt to save him. I cant keep doing this. I cant keep watching him risk his life for the control this drug has over him. I know now all to well what hes risking for it. His life is worth more than some damn drug. Hes better than this. I know he is.
I sit up in the bed. My head is pounding and im still dizzy. I take a breath and rise to my wobbly legs. I feel as weak as a newborn kitten. I want to sit back down but I have to take this opportunity while Nikki is asleep. I force myself to put one foot in front of the other. It takes all I have just to make it to Nikki's side of the bed. Im so exhausted. I dont even know how long its been since Ive stood. Better yet, how long has it been since Ive ate? My mouth is pasty and dry. But I have to get rid of the heroin.
In my mind I know that if I get rid of it Nikki will be unable to get more for a while. He will have no choice but to go through withdrawal. He will be sick for a few days and then he will get better. He will start smiling again. He will start doing things again. I know its in his best interest to get rid of this shit. I trudge on toward the night stand. I know its in the top drawer. My hand reaches for the drawer as I struggle to not fall flat on my face. I slowly and quietly slide the drawer open. I see two bags inside. The room is dim and im not sure which is which. One is coke and one is heroin. I know the coke is white and the heroin is an off shade of white but its too dark to tell. I pick them both up and turn for the bathroom. Im so dizzy that I stumble and hit the night stand. I look over my shoulder and see Nikki's eyes open. I continue trying to make it to the bathroom.
"Jen," he mumbles in a droggy voice.
"Just going to the bathroom," I say struggling to get there.
Im almost there when I can hear Nikki say, "What the fuck? What the fuck did you do with my shit?"
By now Im inside of the bathroom. I keep trying to get closer to the toilet. In the light of the bathroom I take the off white powder and pour it into the toilet. About the time I do Nikki is standing in the doorway.
"NO!" He calls out as I reach to the handle to flush it. "What the FUCK!" He looks on in horror and shock as it swirls around the bowl and disappears down the drain. I turn to look at Nikki and can see his eyes fill with rage. Everything goes slow motion as I watch his hand come up and unleash full force across my face. "You fucking bitch!" I fall to the floor, my face burning and pounding with pain. "Do you have any idea how much that shit cost? What the fuck is wrong with you?!"
I look up at him from the floor crying. I cant believe he hit me. I cant believe this goddamn drug means this much to him. Im simply devistated that he could do this to me. He looks possessed. He looks like some evil stranger I dont even know. I then feel him jerk the bag of coke from my clinched hand. Then he grabs me by my hair. "You stupid bitch!" He drags me, kicking and screaming, back into the bedroom. He drops himself down on top of me and places his hands around my throat and starts choking me. I grab at his wrists trying to get his hands off me. I can feel my eyeballs buldging and I cant breathe. I cant believe Nikki is doing this to me. I squirm and kick and try my best to stop him. Im staring into Nikki's eyes but Nikki isnt there. Im face to face with a black eyed demon. This isnt MY Nikki. MY Nikki would never do this to me. MY Nikki loved me. This person wasnt MY Nikki. This person wanted me dead for flushing his stash of precious dope. This person is quickly choking the life out of me. I try to beg him to stop but hes squeezing so tight that I cant get a single sound out. Then sounds began sounding distant. The stranger before me started to blur. Then there was nothing, no light or sound remained.
I awake in the night and find Nikki asleep next to me. I think I have finally come down from the roller coaster high that almost killed me. There is but one thought on my mind right now. I have to get rid of the heroin. I have to get rid of what Nikki still has left. I have to put a stop to this madness. I know its the only way to bring Nikki back to me again. I know its the only way I can attempt to save him. I cant keep doing this. I cant keep watching him risk his life for the control this drug has over him. I know now all to well what hes risking for it. His life is worth more than some damn drug. Hes better than this. I know he is.
I sit up in the bed. My head is pounding and im still dizzy. I take a breath and rise to my wobbly legs. I feel as weak as a newborn kitten. I want to sit back down but I have to take this opportunity while Nikki is asleep. I force myself to put one foot in front of the other. It takes all I have just to make it to Nikki's side of the bed. Im so exhausted. I dont even know how long its been since Ive stood. Better yet, how long has it been since Ive ate? My mouth is pasty and dry. But I have to get rid of the heroin.
In my mind I know that if I get rid of it Nikki will be unable to get more for a while. He will have no choice but to go through withdrawal. He will be sick for a few days and then he will get better. He will start smiling again. He will start doing things again. I know its in his best interest to get rid of this shit. I trudge on toward the night stand. I know its in the top drawer. My hand reaches for the drawer as I struggle to not fall flat on my face. I slowly and quietly slide the drawer open. I see two bags inside. The room is dim and im not sure which is which. One is coke and one is heroin. I know the coke is white and the heroin is an off shade of white but its too dark to tell. I pick them both up and turn for the bathroom. Im so dizzy that I stumble and hit the night stand. I look over my shoulder and see Nikki's eyes open. I continue trying to make it to the bathroom.
"Jen," he mumbles in a droggy voice.
"Just going to the bathroom," I say struggling to get there.
Im almost there when I can hear Nikki say, "What the fuck? What the fuck did you do with my shit?"
By now Im inside of the bathroom. I keep trying to get closer to the toilet. In the light of the bathroom I take the off white powder and pour it into the toilet. About the time I do Nikki is standing in the doorway.
"NO!" He calls out as I reach to the handle to flush it. "What the FUCK!" He looks on in horror and shock as it swirls around the bowl and disappears down the drain. I turn to look at Nikki and can see his eyes fill with rage. Everything goes slow motion as I watch his hand come up and unleash full force across my face. "You fucking bitch!" I fall to the floor, my face burning and pounding with pain. "Do you have any idea how much that shit cost? What the fuck is wrong with you?!"
I look up at him from the floor crying. I cant believe he hit me. I cant believe this goddamn drug means this much to him. Im simply devistated that he could do this to me. He looks possessed. He looks like some evil stranger I dont even know. I then feel him jerk the bag of coke from my clinched hand. Then he grabs me by my hair. "You stupid bitch!" He drags me, kicking and screaming, back into the bedroom. He drops himself down on top of me and places his hands around my throat and starts choking me. I grab at his wrists trying to get his hands off me. I can feel my eyeballs buldging and I cant breathe. I cant believe Nikki is doing this to me. I squirm and kick and try my best to stop him. Im staring into Nikki's eyes but Nikki isnt there. Im face to face with a black eyed demon. This isnt MY Nikki. MY Nikki would never do this to me. MY Nikki loved me. This person wasnt MY Nikki. This person wanted me dead for flushing his stash of precious dope. This person is quickly choking the life out of me. I try to beg him to stop but hes squeezing so tight that I cant get a single sound out. Then sounds began sounding distant. The stranger before me started to blur. Then there was nothing, no light or sound remained.
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