Categories > Celebrities > Motley Crue > Saving Nikki

CHAPTER 19: Unexpected

by sgSixx 0 reviews

Nikki asks something unexpected

Category: Motley Crue - Rating: G - Genres: Drama - Warnings: [?] - Published: 2013-11-18 - 920 words - Complete

CHAPTER 19: Unexpected

I lie back on the table with pictures of roses on the ceiling. My guts are tied in knots. Im alone and Im scared. Nikki has to do a photo shoot and interview and cant be here with me. I dont blame him for not coming. I wish I wasnt here either. For the most part this is against my will.
Nikki and I talked for weeks about this, we fought, we cried, but in the end Nikki convinced me I had to go through with this abortion. We couldnt risk anyone finding out. It would be bad on Nikki. Besides what kind of life was this for a child? A drug addicted rock star father that would never be around? Nikki didnt want to bring a child into all of this.I know hes right. He cant be a father. Yet, I do want to be a mother.
I just wish Nikki and I could have met in a different life. I wish we would have had a chance before Motley Crue and before the drugs. Nikki could have been such a great father in another life and time. I know he hates having to do this. Hes drinking alot again. Hes acting rebellious and doing whatever he can to keep his mind off this. This all feels so bad and so wrong. I feel like we are playing god.
A doctor and a nurse walk in to start my procedure. "Good morning Jennifer. My name is Dr. Timmons and Ill be doing the procedure. This is nurse Deena.
The nurse smiles to me sympathetically and takes my hand. I watch as the doctor holds up a needle. "ok now Im going to give you a shot to numb the area. You may feel a little pinch. Just try to remain still." I then see him disappearing between my legs with it. I feel a piercing sensation and try to stay still.
"Ok Jennifer now Im going to insert a series of rods to dilate your uterus. You will fill pressure but it shouldnt hurt."
I feel tears rolling from the corners of my eyes as he stick about three different rods inside me. I then hear him flip a switch on a machine and I can hear a suction sound.
"Ok sweety that sound you hear is a suction machine its like a tiny vacume cleaner..."
"STOP! I cant do this."
"Ok...Ill stop."
I just cant go through with it. I can not do this. I cant kill something that is so innocent and a part of me and more importantly a part of Nikki. I know hes not in the best of shape. I know he never had a father and has no clue how to be one, but I love him. He loves me. I know that if I just give him some time he will come around about the baby. He'll grow to love it just as I do.
I return to the hotel to tell Nikki that I couldnt go through with it. When I enter the hotel room I see him sprawled out on the bed. He looks to me with sedated eyes. I know that look. I dont even need to see the visual aid next to the bed, spoon, cotton balls, plastic lemon, candle, and syringe. Its painfully obvious that hes scored heroin again.
"It done?" He mumbles.
I am too speechless to even answer.
"Im sorry Jen...for putting you through that...I pray you can forgive me."
"its not fair...not fair for some poor kid to be stuck with a fuck up like me for a dad...I dont know how to a dad," he mutters.
"Dont say that..."
"If the record company knew they would have made you anyway...they cant lose their cash cow...Im no use to them sober...No use..." Hes starting to nod off now.
I just stand there and watch. I want to tell him the good news.
His eyes re-open. "Im glad its gone...never was good with kids anyway...they always need shit...gotta take care of em..." His eyes close again.
Tears form in my eyes. Had I been all wrong about Nikki? Did he really not want this baby? Should I have went through with the abortion?
"Mmmm," he mumbles, "would have been a cute kid though...coulda had your nose..." Hes fading out again.
"Nikki," I say.
"Hummm..." he mumbles from his throat.
"Did you really not want the baby? I mean was it your choice? Nobody elses...just yours?"
"Im nobodys father...would you want me as a dad? The kids better off..."
I just cant tell in Nikki's current state how he really feels. I decide to wait until he sobers up to tell him. Right now just isnt the time for an important talk like that. Hes in no shape for discussing the situation. I take off my shoes and go lie next to him on the bed. I lay my head on his chest and listen to his heart beating slowly. I know a part of him wants this baby. His words seem to suggest that hes quite conflicted over it. He seems to put all the blame for why its a bad idea on himself. I have to try to give him more self esteem about himself. I want to have his baby and I want him to want it as much as I do.
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