FicWad

I was woken up by a shrill ringing coming from under my pillow. It took me a second to realize it was my phone. I looked at the clock which read four thirty. Four thirty? Are you fucking shitting me? Four fucking thirty? Four o’clock is a ridiculous time that no one should see ever. What in the fucking hell made someone think it was ok to call me at four thirty in the fucking morning.

“Hello?” I rasped out. I was too tired for this shit.

“Hey Ollie.” My heart stopped at his voice. It was his voice. The stupid fucking asshole was calling me at four thirty in the morning. What the fuck was his problem.

“What do you want?” I was awake now and pissed as hell.

“Oh baby, don’t be cold. I miss you Ollie,” he slurred. Great. He was fucking drunk. I didn’t say anything back. I couldn’t. I could barely think. “C’mon, just say something. I know you’re there.”

“Ben…”

“Ollie look I know you still love me. I love you too ok? You know no one will ever love you the way I do so why don’t you come over and show me how much you love me?” I closed my eyes and took the battery out of my phone. This was bullshit.

That asshole hadn’t talked to me in months and he thinks he can just call me up at four in the goddamn morning and shit’s cool? No, shit will never be cool between us. I tried to fall back asleep but I just couldn’t. Not after that. Ben was a piece of work that was for sure.

Before I knew it, it was light out and I was still awake. I heard my mom get up and get ready for work. Then I heard her leave and I was still awake. It was nine o’clock now and I still couldn’t get back to sleep. It was too late at that point; I was too awake thinking about the stupid fucking prick. Ben was the worst guy I’d ever dated. He was also the last guy I’d dated.

I continued to stare up at the ceiling without actually doing anything. I just couldn’t bring myself to. By eleven I’d managed to actually get out of bed and turn on my music.

Growing up is giving up
I'll sleep sideways on the bed in my mom’s basement
It's where I feel at home
You'll sleep with regret and no heart left in your chest
I don't want to end up like you

The lyrics hit so close to home I almost laughed. God he was such a fucking prick. I couldn’t stop thinking that. It was the only thing going through my mind.

I heard Gerard get up but didn’t really give a shit until he knocked on my door. I didn’t answer. Let him think I was asleep or something, I didn’t care. He knocked again and waited before speaking. “Liv, I know you’re awake. I can hear your music, you never sleep with your music on.”

“How would you know that, asshole?” I wasn’t trying to be a bitch, it just…happened. I sighed. I wasn’t pissed at Gerard; there was no need to be an ass to him. “Look I’m sorry, I just wanna be alone right now.”

He didn’t say anything but I heard his footsteps as he walked back downstairs. I turned my music up louder. I didn’t want to hear anything but Dan Lambton’s whiny voice singing to me about shitty people. I rolled over onto my stomach and promptly fell asleep.

I was woken up again by Gerard pounding on my door. “Olivia you can’t just stay in your room all day. Come on get up.” I didn’t answer. I barely heard him sigh and open the door. I looked over at him, still on my stomach. He turned my music off so he could hear. “Are you ok? What’s wrong.” It should have been a question but it wasn’t.

I only sighed and rolled back over. I mean what exactly could I tell Gerard? He didn’t know Ben. It didn’t matter to him. It shouldn’t matter to him, hell it shouldn’t matter to me. Ben was a dick but I couldn’t help caring about it. He had no fucking right to call me. No right whatsoever.

“Liv just talk, what’s the matter?”

“Nothing Gerard. Just leave me alone.” He turned my music back on and left the room, closing the door behind him. I could hear him right outside though. He sounded like he was talking to someone. “Who are you calling?” I shouted through the door. This was ridiculous. What the fuck was he doing?

“Who do you think?” He called back. Bullshit. Fucking bullshit. He was calling Frank. I just knew it. I jumped out of bed and opened the door. He stopped mid-sentence and just stared at me. I reached for his phone but he held it above my head.

“I swear to God Gerard, if that is Frank I’m kicking your ass.”

“So she’s up now? I told you standing at her door would get her.”

Gerard put the phone to his ear and pushed me away with his hand. “Yeah but there’s definitely something wrong.” I couldn’t hear exactly what Frank was saying but I knew he would come over and that was the last thing I wanted.

“Frank I’m fine! I just wanna be alone!” Trying was useless and I knew it. Frank was my best friend and he’d come running when he thought I needed it. I tried to get the phone again but Gerard was a lot stronger than he looked. I exhaled in frustration and stormed back into my room, slamming the door behind me.

I turned my music up louder and fell onto my bed face first. What the hell didn’t they get about wanting to be alone? I pulled a pillow over my head and tried to stop thinking but it wasn’t gonna work and I knew that. Ben and I had a hell of a lot of history and he just had to bring it all up.

After a few minutes Frank bounded into my room and jumped on top of me. “Livie get your ass up!” He grabbed the pillow off my head and threw it on the floor.

“Get the fuck off me! What don’t you understand about ‘I want to be alone’?”

He got up and moved to sit beside me. “What’s wrong Liv? You never act like this.”

“Nothing.” What the hell didn’t he get? I rolled over away from him. I just wanted him to leave and let me wallow. I’d be fine in a little while anyway Jesus Christ.

He was quiet for a while. We just sat there, listening to my music in silence before Frank rolled me over and just stared at me. “You’re listening to Real Friends. What did he do.” Shit was I that obvious?

“He called me.”

Frank’s face immediately changed. He looked pissed. “What did he say? I swear I’ll kick his ass!”

I sat up and looked up at him. Frank was pacing around the room and he wouldn’t stop. “Calm the fuck down! He was drunk.”

“So? He shouldn’t have called you! What did he say to you Liv?” Frank was super pissed. I’d never seen him this angry before. No actually I had. It was when Ben and I broke up. God damn why did Ben have to bring so much drama into my life?

“Wait who called you? I’m so lost,” I hadn’t even noticed that Gerard was standing at the door.

“This complete asshole, Ben.” Frank said, not taking his eyes off of me. “Now what did he say to you?” He was getting really frustrated.

I looked down and pursed my lips. “He just said that he missed me…and that no one would ever love me like he did…” I mumbled the last part. I mean it’s not like that really hurt me. It didn’t.

I looked up at Frank. His face was turning red. God he was pissed. “I’m going to kick his fucking ass!”

“Jesus Frank, it’s fine!”

“No it’s not!” He stopped pacing and just kinda stared at me for a second. “You know what he said isn’t true, right?” No, I didn’t know that. Honestly Ben was kind of right. I wouldn’t say that to Frank though, he would take it the wrong way and give me pep talks and shit. I loved Frank but he was bad at pep talks and really, I didn’t mean it in a bad way. I just meant that no one would ever love me like Ben did because I wouldn’t let them.

“Frank stop. Ben is an ass. You think I don’t know that? Look I’m fine, just leave it be!”

He stared at me intensely before relenting. “Fine. I just don’t want this to turn into last year again.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“Okay,” he stated skeptically. “I’m gonna go get something. I’ll be back in a little bit.” He left the room and pulled Gerard with him. They didn’t go far and I could barely hear him talking. “Make sure she doesn’t leave. I don’t want her to go meet that asshat.” Now I was seriously annoyed. Did Frank honestly believe that I’d go over there?

I flopped back onto my bed and just stared at the ceiling. I heard the front door slam shut and footsteps walking up the stairs. Great, Gerard was probably coming to talk. I sure as hell didn’t want that.

My door opened and lo and behold, there was Gerard. “So want to explain?”

“Not really.”

“I don’t blame you.” He was quiet for a second but his curiosity was eating away at him, it was obvious.

I sighed and sat up, crossing my legs. “Pop a squat, it’s story time.” He sat down on the floor in front of my and held his knees in his arms. “Ben is my ex boyfriend.” I thought back to the first signs of trouble in the relationship. There were so many things I should have noticed and done something about. You can’t change the past though. “We uh, we had…a rough relationship.” Yeah that’s one way to put it.


I sat on the couch next to Ben. I was wearing an overly large hoodie which wouldn’t be so weird if it weren’t like eighty degrees outside. I looked down at my arms where I knew the bruises would be. It was the first time he’d ever hurt me and it was a complete accident. I knew he really cared about me. I mean I wouldn’t call it love but it could be? I didn’t know but he didn’t mean it. I know he didn’t mean it.

*

Frank and I were sitting at a table in McDonald’s laughing. Ben had gotten up to go to the bathroom or something I don’t know. When he came back he kissed my temple and Frank made a face at the two of us. I laughed and stuck out my tongue. “Asshole.”

“Bitch.”

We laughed some more before Frank stood up. “I gotta go guys. See you tonight Liv?”

“Hell yeah! Bye Frankie!” We high-fived and he left. Ben had stiffened at our exchange. It was weird. “Everything ok babe?” He only nodded his head and stood up. He walked out still stiff and I followed quickly behind. “Ben what’s wrong?”

“What’s going on with Frank tonight?”

I laughed. “What?” Seriously? He was upset that I was hanging out with Frank? He glared at me, visibly angry. “We’re having a movie night. It’s been planned for like a week now.”

His face reddened and his jaw locked. He grabbed my arm tightly and pulled me close to him. “Ow what the fuck Ben?” He pulled me to his car and practically threw me in. “What is your problem!”

“What’s going on with you and Frank?”

“What? Frank is my best friend, I’ve known him since pre k. Nothing is going on.”

Before I could register what was happening Ben slapped me. Hard. I stared at him in surprise. He just hit me. He seriously just fucking hit me. Are you fucking kidding me. “Take me home.”

“Ollie I’m sorry.” He reached over to rub my shoulder but I flinched away.

“Take me home.”

“Ollie—”

“Take. Me. Home.”

When we reached my house he grabbed my hand. “Ollie I love you. I’m so sorry.” I didn’t say anything. Just got out of the car and went inside.

I didn’t say anything to Frank when he came over. It wasn’t important. Or at least I didn’t think it was.

*

Ben and I were snuggling on my bed watching TV. Who knows where my mom was. Probably out with her new boyfriend. I couldn’t remember the guy’s name but he was a complete suck up which was ok I guess if that’s what you go for, and my mom did.

My head was on Ben’s chest, with the position we were laying in it was hard for me to see the TV but I didn’t really care. I was just happy to be with him. I really think I love him. I glanced down at the bruise on my arm and tried to ignore it. I know Ben didn’t mean it; he just lost his temper sometimes. That was ok, I mean I did too.

He kissed the top of my head and I looked up at him. This really was perfect. Ben was amazing in every way. Yeah, he wasn’t perfect but no one is and it’s stupid to expect that.

“Ollie we need to talk about something.” Normally those words would have scared the shit out of me. I mean those are the ominous pre-I’m-breaking-up-with-you words after all but something in the way he said it made me feel calm.

“What is it babe?”

“It’s about Frank.” That made me a little wary. Frank was a touchy subject with Ben.

“What about Frank...”

He was silent for longer than I would have liked. Maybe those were his pre-break-up words…

When he finally did speak my heart stopped. “I don’t want you hanging out with him anymore.”

“What? Ben, he’s my best friend.”

His face grew dark. “Ollie, I love you but I don’t trust Frank.”

“But—” I tried to protest before Ben cut me off.

“No. Listen to me, I know guys and there’s only one thing a guy wants. Sex. He probably doesn’t really like you as a friend and only wants you for your body.”

“Oh...” I thought about it for a second. I mean it really did make sense. But Frank was my best friend? I’d known him for so long. If he really just wanted my body he would have tried something right?...Or maybe he was embarrassed by me...Ben’s thinking did make a lot of sense. “I guess you could be right...”

He smiled, pleased with my answer. “Of course I am.” He kissed my nose and then settled back down on my pillows. “So you’re going to tell him tomorrow then?”

I nodded my head silently, unable to speak.

*

“Frankie?” We were sitting on the edge of the creek in my backyard. We use to play here all the time as kids. My heart was hammering with what I had to tell him. I’d been thinking about what Ben told me all night and I realized he was right.

Frank may have been my best friend but it was unlikely that I was his. The realization devastated me but I didn’t need him in my life if he didn’t want to be there. And I had Ben so it would be ok. Right?

“You ok Liv?” He asked, reading the distress on my face.

“Yeah.” I looked down at the water in front of me, this was the hardest thing I would ever do. “Frankie...we can’t be friends anymore.” I could feel tears stinging my eyes. I waited for him to get up and leave but he stayed put. I hid my face and wiped the tears before they could fall.

“What?” Frank tried to pull my hands from my face but I got up and left. I couldn’t take this. I didn’t want him to lie straight to my face and treat me like a charity case. Ben was right. I didn’t need him. It didn’t matter how much it hurt right now, I would be better off without him.


I was trying to convince myself of this because even if Frank didn’t want to be my friend I still loved him. And without Frank I really was alone.

“I see why Frank hates the guy.” Gerard was still sitting in the same position on the floor.

“Yeah well...”

“How’d you guys break up?”

“...Well the abuse continued, the bruises got worse and more noticeable, I got really bad at hiding them and Frank saw. He wouldn’t leave me alone about it until I broke up with the prick.” I was surprised at how easy it was to talk about this. After I broke up with Ben, I didn’t talk about it to anyone, not even Frank.

“Just like that? It was that easy?”

“No, I mean...it took a while and a lot of Frank yelling at me for me to finally come to my senses.”

“Why’d you stay with him? He was hitting you.” Yeah, he was an abusive asshole but I’m not all that surprised that it happened to me. I was an abuser’s wet dream. Back then at least. No self esteem, my mother was never around, never knew my dad, picked on a lot, easy to manipulate. The list goes on. The point is that I would be very easy to control and that’s just what Ben was looking for.

“No clue. I knew he was treating me badly and I hated it but...I just couldn’t let him go.” Gerard got up and sat next to me on the bed.

“We accept the love we think we deserve.” He said this is as if it were the most brilliant piece of wisdom he could ever give anyone. Like he was this shining beacon of all-knowing intelligence the he just couldn’t keep his brilliance to himself and had to let some of his wonderful words spill from his mind. Prick. It seriously pissed me off. I turned my head to look at him and he was smiling softly at me. That pissed me off too. Before I knew what I was doing my arm had pulled back and my fist was colliding with his face. He fell onto the floor and I just stared at him.

“I’ve read The Perks of Being a Wallflower asshole. I don’t need a book quoted back at me.” We both sat in a stunned silence for a moment before I decided I probably shouldn’t have punched him and got him an ice pack from the kitchen. “I’m sorry I hit you.”

He took the ice pack from me and nodded his head. “It’s ok.” He placed the ice pack over his eye and I felt bad. I did that to him.

I sighed. “No it’s not. I shouldn’t have punched you. I’m sorry.” I sat down on the floor next to him. “I’m sorry I’m kind of a bitch to you all the time.”

He snorted. “Kind of?”

“Ok so I’m a huge raging bitch.” I admitted. We both got quiet, unsure of what to say. I mean shit what else did I have to say to him? I’d just told him my biggest secret and then punched him.

“I overheard you and your mom arguing the other day…”

I pursed my lips. “Yeah I figured.”

“I think you guys should go on your road trip.”

“Well thanks but it doesn’t really matter what you think.” I took the ice pack from him and looked at his eye. “Yeah...you’re gonna have a black eye.”

He chuckled and placed the ice pack back over his eye. “I think I can manage.” He paused for a moment. “I was thinking I’d talk to your mom about it. I don’t think it’s fair to you and Frank.”

I sighed. “Well that’s very nice of you Gerard but I don’t think my mom is going to change her mind.” She really wouldn’t. I knew my mom and even though she was never around she had her moments of being a ‘good’ parent. She wouldn’t say change her mind about the road trip unless Gerard came with us... My eyes widened as I thought it through. That hadn’t really crossed my mind before. If Gerard came with us my mom couldn’t argue that he would be alone and her only point against it would crumble. I didn’t like Gerard all that much but fuck I really wanted to go on this road trip.

I looked up him smiling wickedly. He stopped whatever he was saying that I hadn’t been paying attention to and looked kind of frightened. “I don’t like when you get that look on your face. That usually leads to illegal activities.”

“You can come with us! If you come with us mom will have to say yes!” I jumped up excitedly and danced around the room. This would be great. Frank and I were going to have the road trip we wanted and hey, maybe Gerard wouldn’t make it completely awful.

The front door opened downstairs and Frank came bounding into the room. When he saw my happy dancing he looked a little perplexed. “You’re better I see.” He glanced at the ice pack on Gerard’s face and back to me. “What happened?”

I didn’t say anything, just ran over to him and grabbed his face, kissing him full on the mouth. “The road trip is back on!” I shouted energetically.

“It was ever off?”

Sorry this chapter isn't as funny and lighthearted as the rest of them. It's kind of important to Olivia's character though. A lot of who she is as a person is because of her relationship with Ben. If she had never dated him then she wouldn't as strong of a woman as she is now. It just had to be said. Hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Please rate and review, it would be much appreciated! Have a wonderful day my lovelies!