FicWad

Chapter 9

As the months drug by I fpund myself mainly hanging out with Steven and Slash. Izzy would have nothing to do with me. However, I had begun to notice him around at the after partys more frequently. When he was there he made sure he went out of his way to be overly flirty with the other girls. Occassionally I would caych him glancing at me to see if I was watching. I usually was. Maybe I was even a bit jealous. Izzy could have been mine, but I blew it.
I think Izzy was right about Slash and Steven getting me hooked on smack. I kept getting that uncomfortable feeling in my guts whenever I went without it.. Then when I had a little it went away. Sometimes Izzy looked concerned when he would see me doing it with them. His furrowed brows always gave him away. Did he maybe still care?
For the life of me I couldnt figure out why he would care in the first place. Izzy Stradlin could have any girl he wanted, why some groupie like me with an ever growing smack habit? I wasnt exactly the kind of girl you take home to meet the family. Basically I was a slut. I thrived off being around rock stars and their wild lifestyles. I didnt want to land one to become a rock stars wife or anything. That was the worst if you ask me. They always got left at home and cheated on. Most of them were just happy with the money and the fame. I didnt so much care about those things. I was more into bragging rights.
However the increase of heroin had drained me of my sex drive for the most part. I used to crave a rock stars naked body pressed to mine. Now if it happen it happen, if it didnt then so be it. Since I had been with Izzy sex with anyone else didnt matter anyway. No one could compare to him. No one could even come close at their very best. Maybe blowing it with him was why I had started doing more and more smack, just to stop thinking about it. Yet' at the same time I didnt want to stop thinking about it.
Every time Izzy looke at me it burned through me to my inner core. It was so hard to even tell what he was thinking. He did so many things out of sarcasm and spite just to make sure it got to me. But then there were the times that I could see the concern. At other times I swore I saw sadness in those grey eyes. Was the sadness about me?
Izzy was so different now. He was drunk all of the time. He would get loud like Duff does. He and Axl were fighting all the time. He was blowing rehearsals. On stage he didnt even look like he wanted to be there. When reporters would interview him he would be short and snide if he answered at all. He had become a real asshole. I liked him better when he was reclusive and shy. I missed that shy smile he barely ever used. I missed the way his eyes would nervously float away from mine. I missed how good he had been to me in those few days I lingered in his presence. God why did I blow it?
"What the fuck are you doing!?" Slash snapped as he awoke from a nod to find me on the floor digging through his pants for his stash.
"I...I just needed a little bump," I said with my guts starting to crawl.
"What the fuck gives you the right to steal from me when I'm not looking?! Did I fucking offer you any?!"
"N...no...but I didnt think you would mind," I nervously sm not looking?! Did I fucking offer you any?!"
"N...no but I didnt think you would mind," I nervously stammer.
"Well I do fucking mind!!! Get the fuck out of my room you junkie whore!!!"
I couldnt believe Slash was acting like this. He had freely shared his shit with me for months. Now all of the sudden it was a problem?
"Get the fuck out!" He yelled pointing to the door.
I slowly began dressing. "Slash Im sorry...I just thought..."
"Fuck what you thought! Get your ass out of here and dont come back begging! Go fucking beg Stevie!"
I left in dismay. Standing there in the hall I pondered where to go. I guess I would go find Steven. The door across the hall opened. Izzy stood there with that spiteful smirk.
He looks at me with a snarl, "Sounds like somebodys pissed this morning."
I didnt even know what to say to him. I could only stand there limply and shake.
"You wont be getting shit out of Stevie this morning if that was your plan," he adds. "He ran out last night. Hes passed out somewhere and its not in his room."
Fuck what am I gonna do now? I look to Izzy who is leaning in his doorway with a damn cocky grin. But behind those grey eyes I can see something else. Maybe its concern, or even sympathy.
He pulls a cigarette to his lips and lights it, "Told you you were hooked."
I look at him knowing he has what I need. "Think you could help me out?" I faintly ask.
He exhales, "You have nothing I want in return."
His words hurt. Why does he have to be so mean?
"Go try to find you some pain pills or something...theyll help."
"Iz...please..."
He inhales deeply. He scans my face a moment. "That ships sailed...unless you wanna suck my dick for it?"
At this point I would. But I was damned if I would give him the satisfaction after what an asshole he had been lately.
"What happened to you?" I softly asked him.
His eyes slightly roll, "Do we really have to go over this again?"
"Yes...I wanna know why youre so mean to me now."
He exhaled with a shrug, "I just wanted to hurt you back."
"Izzy I didnt know I had hurt you...honestly...I didnt think..."
"Thats right," he cut me off, "You didnt think. You didnt even stick around long enough to think...I wanted you to be my girl Lanessa..."
I look at him to see his face has changed from sarcasm to regret.
"You have no idea how stupid I felt," he says with a soft exhale. "I thought there was something different about you because you werent always trying to get into my pants. I say you as a party girl...not some slut groupie. But I was wrong...on both accounts. Youre no different than me," he says inhaling again, "just chasing a fix to feel straight."
"I wish you would have said something to me that night."
"I thought I had shown you," he exhaled. "Whatever...its done...Maybe we can hook up some time or something...from here on out Izzy Stradlin is strickly business."
I sadly nod, "Maybe in another life."
He only looks at me without a reply.