FicWad

Chapter 15

New Years Eve. Today made seven months ago that Izzy and I first made love. I remember how moving and magical it had been. Every time with Izzy was like magic. However, there hadnt been alot of magic lately. Heroin had robbed us both of a sex drive. Sometimes when Izzy shot up coke he would want to, but he was never able to get off. Me, I was just there, getting nothing from it because that desire for him was too numbed by heroin.
As I stand out on our balcony at the hotel overlooking some city I should probably know the name of, it hits me. Maybe I was bad for Izzy. He seemed to be in much better condition before becoming involved with me. I too, for that fact, was a better person before him. Was their any truth to what the press and the band were constantly saying, that we were wrong for one another? How could the way we felt for one another turn into this? We loved each other so fully, how could it destroy us?
I soon am startled by Izzy's arms limply wrapping around my waist. He lightly kisses my neck and inhales. "What you doing out here in the cold baby? Come back to bed."
"Iz..." I say with a pause. "Do you think theyre right about us?"
"Who?" He asks.
"Everyone."
"Right about what?" He asks me.
"About us not being good for one another. Look at us...we're both fucking junkies now. We werent like this seven months ago."
"Baby I was definately on smack 7 months ago...and I think I recall you coming into your own around that same time." He retorts.
"But look how out of hand it is now...really look at us."
Then there is silence as he just holds me out on the balcony, looking out at the skyline of the city before us. "This is an awesome view," Izzy says, "Where are we?"
I dont know why but this makes me start to cry. "I dont know," I wail.
Izzy hugs me tighter, "Its ok baby I dont know where the fuck we are either...but ya know what? We're together. Despite all the fuckin nay sayers, you and me are right here, together. We made it when they all told us it was fucking impossible."
My sobs start to die down enough for me to form a sentence. "Everyone hates me Iz..."
"I dont," he softly whispers kissing my ear.
"I know how hard Im making things for you."
I can hear him sigh. "I dont care what anyone thinks baby. I love you."
"Them why are you not just chipping? Why are you banging coke too?"
"Mmmmmm good point," he says softly. "Ok, you got me...maybe I do care just a little...about the fans."
I turn to look him in the eyes. "Im ruining this for you arent I?" I ask with a tear soaked face.
Izzy gives he a humbled smacked out look and begins wiping away my tears with his thumb. "I cant think of anything better to lose it all over."
"I cant let you do that," I sigh.
"Well, youre not breaking up with me if thats your plan in opperation save Izzy." He gives a snide smirk.
"I cant just stand by and let you throw all of this away. This is your dream Izzy. Your in one of the most famous bands in the world. Youre Izzy fucking Stradlin of Guns and Roses...Im killing that, cant you see?" I emphasize.
Izzy sighs, "Im Jeff Isbell from Indiana. I play guitar. I like playing...but other people turned me into Izzy Stradlin. My mind hasnt changed the way Axl and Slashs has. I dont think of myself as some rock god you should bow before. Im just like anybody else. I have a heart and a life beyond Izzy fucking Stradlin."
"Oh dont tell me thousands of people screaming 'Izzy' dont get you off," I quip.
"Sure it does, but it still doesnt change the fact that im only on that stage an hour and a half...the rest of the time there is no Izzy."
"But baby there is to all those millions of fans." I try to explain. "To them you are and always will be Izzy Stradlin of Guns and Roses...and itll never go away. Someday youre going to be in the rock and roll hall of fame. You cant do it clinging to me."
"That shit dont matter to me Lanessa...I fucking hate how big we are. I feel like a prisoner. I cant even take a walk down sunset anymore. I cant visit home without stalkers. My own house feels like some fortress holding me in and keeping all of them out. I never signed up for all of this baby...it just sort of happened around me."
"And its not going away," I say again softly looking down.
I hear Izzy give a sigh of frustration, "If you think youre leaving me so you can say Izzy Stradlin's rock stature youre out of your fucking mind Lanessa. I love you. I wont live without you. You mean everything to me...everything."
"Iz...things cant continue like this...Its killing us."
Izzy's eyes float to the ground. I can see his furrowed brows deep in thought. Surely he can see my logic. "I think I know what the fans want," he says softly.
"What?" I ask.
Suddenly the sky becomes alive with fireworks. Way down on the streets we hear the shouts of Happy New Year. Cars are honking and flashing their lights. I look back to Izzy from my slight distraction. He doesnt seem distracted at all. I see him reach into his back pocket.
"What do you think the fans want?" I ask him again.
I feel him taking my hand as his grey eyes meet mine. "They wanna see me make an honest woman of you," he says as he works a ring onto my finger. I look down at it in shock. The fireworks exploding over our heads is illuminating it and making it shine in all the colors of a prism. "Lanessa Dubois..." Izzy says formally dropping to one knee, "Will you marry me...and Izzy?"
My eyes fill with tears of joy as I look down at Izzy's curious expression waiting for my answer. I cant form words. Im speechless. I dont even know what the expression on my face must look like to him. Finally I drop to my knees in front of him. I embrace him and secure my lips to his and we kiss. The fireworks went perfectly with this occasion. As I pull away I see the relief on Izzy's face and he smiles shyly.
"So I take it thats a yes?"
"Yes." I cry.