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Perverted Naruto III – Return of the Pervert

AN: What's this? It didn't take 6 years for a new chapter? What kind of craziness is this?

EDIT: FFNet cut off the bottom few lines from my word document. Fixed.

Naruto the new man of the house?!

Naruto was sitting next to his sensei Jiraiya at Ichiraku's Ramen Stand. They had just finished eating and we leaning back finishing off their drinks watching the crowds flow past. One figure amongst the crowd caught Naruto's eye.

"Man that Kurenai is looking fine as hell again after having a kid." Naruto half mumbled to himself half spoke to Jiraiya.

"Eh." Was the dismissive noise that came from Jiraiya's mouth in reply. "She's got a kid, why would you want to go there? You're not going to get anywhere."

"Tsk." Naruto responded. "You are getting senile in your old age I think."

He got up and headed towards Kurenai not letting Jiraiya respond to his jab.

Jiraiya just watch him go in confusion. He liked the ladies but he'd already raised on brat that wasn't his own. As much as he loved him, not that he would day it out loud, he didn't really want to raise another one that wasn't his.

Kurenai herself was lost in thought as she aimlessly wandered along the street. She had left Anko to babysit so she could have some free time to herself for the first time since her daughter was born. As much as she loved her daughter she need some time away to recharge her batteries.

It had been over a year since Asuma had been killed now and while his death still hurt, they were both ninjas and were prepared for the worst to happen. She knew he wouldn't have wanted her to dwell on his death forever and would have wanted her to move on just as she would have wanted him to.

The fact that revenge against those who had kill him had been dispensed also helped her move on slowly.

Her musings were interrupted by the appearance of a presence beside her. It startled her but she tried not to let it show, she was a ninja after all even if she had been off duty for quite a while.

"Hi Kurenai-sensei! How's it all going?"

Were the words that came exuberantly from the presence that had appeared. Looking at said presence she saw that it was Naruto with his ever cheerful grin plastered on his face. She hadn't had much to do with the boy since his return to the village in time for his genin test but Hinata seemed to be instantly taken with his bright personality and confidence that wasn't marred by arrogance like could often effect powerful ninja.

He was also easy on the eyes. He reminded her of a younger, fiercer looking Yondaime. A light blush dusted her thoughts at where her train of thoughts started taking her. It didn't help that Anko had been gushing about some young guy who she found super cute and what she would do to him when she snagged him. Kurenai figured that once Anko got her fingers into the poor guy she would never let him go. Her dear friend Anko was loyal to a fault but she was also needy and easily prone to outbursts of jealousy.

She was disturbed from her musings by a surprisingly soft hand laying itself against her forehead.

"Are you ok Kurenai-sensei? You zoned out some there. You do feel a little warm."

The redness of her face increased. Both from embarrassment about zoning out when someone was talking to her and also due to the warmth of a man's hand touching her. It really had been a long time since she had been touched by a man.

"Oh yes I'm fine." She stuttered. "Just lost in my own world for a moment."

Honestly, she was a grown woman who had a daughter. She shouldn't be getting flustered over a young man being nice to her and a simple touch. A shiver went down her spine when his hand moved from her forehead down to her lower back, dangerously close to her behind but not quite touching. She wasn't sure if she wanted him to put it lower or not.

"Oh god!" she thought to herself. "It's been so long since I've been touched by a man I'm almost going to explode from some simple contact. Get it together Kurenai, you are a jonin ranked kunoichi! You will not give in to your base desires!"

"Maybe I should walk you home?" she heard Naruto whisper quietly in her ear. She found herself only able to nod a reply as his hand began to trace small circles on the small of her back in an almost hypnotising manner.

"Ok. So maybe just this once I can give in to my base desires." Was her last thought as she was led away by Naruto.

A poof of smoke appeared next to Jiraiya. He turned his astonished face to look at the clone that was sporting a shit eating grin. Jiraiya struggled to form words as he looked at the clone of the boy.

"How… how did you do that…?"

If anything the clones grin seemed to get bigger.

"Wow ero-sennin, you really have gotten old. It's quite simple really." A flash of smoke later and the clone had henged himself into a suit with glasses on, making him look like a school teacher. A school teacher with a smug grin on their face.

"She's a single mother that hasn't been touched since Asuma died. She has also been consumed with raising her daughter by herself and hasn't had much in the way of contact with anyone outside of her close friends. She was always going to be primed and ready to go."

The grin if possible seemed to grow even bigger.

"And she has a kid… so you know she puts out!"

Jiraiya's jaw dropped at his explanation.

"Anyway old man… I have to rejoin the bosses mind so I can enjoy this as well. Try not to break a hip while waiting up for me!"

And with a final puff of smoke the clone was gone. Tears flowed from Jiraiya's eyes. He wasn't sure if it was in sorrow at being bested by his student or pride that he had raised such a young man.

"It seems the student has finally surpassed the master." He mumbled to himself as he tried to wipe away his tears.

Sasuke-chan?!

"Admit it." Naruto found himself once again taunting Sasuke. What could he say, he it was so amusing. "You just can't do it."

A foul look came on Sasuke's face at the taunting. "It's not that I can't. It's that I won't stoop to your level."

Naruto found himself grinning. He swore trolling Sasuke would never get old.

"My apologies." Naruto tried to look sorry as he spoke. "I took out a Kage with this technique. Of course someone of your calibre wouldn't be able to handle it."

The look on Sasuke's face seemed to darken even more if that was possible. He knew Naruto was just baiting him but his damnable pride wanted him to prove the bastard wrong.

"Show me how again and I'll do your stupid idiotic move!"

The grin on Naruto's face threatened to consume his face it had grown so large as he showed Sasuke the necessary steps for his ultimate technique.

With a puff of smoke Sasuke completed the Sexy Jutsu and transformed into a female version of himself.

Naruto was mighty impressed and at the same time disappointed. Sasuke was pretty damn hot as a female so why did he have to be born a guy.

"It suits you." Naruto said with a mocking smile. "Your normally look like you have something stuck up your ass. With you as a guy I don't find that attractive at all." He chuckled a bit at Sasuke's thunderous expression before continuing. "But as a female that makes you a good girl and I do like good girls."

Sasuke blanched and started to back away as he feared what Naruto might do to him in this state. It never crossed his mind to simply release his technique.

A serious look on Naruto's face stopped him in his tracks.

"We have a problem Sasuke." Naruto spoke seriously causing Sasuke to gulp. The look on Naruto's face made him nervous and worried.

"Wh… What problem is that?" he managed to stutter out.

Naruto was silent for a while before replying. "I'd so bang you as a chick and I don't know how I feel about that."

Naruto laughed to himself as he watched Sasuke's back disappear into the distance rapidly. He shamelessly would admit that it was a nice sight from behind as well.

Sound Four Sounding Off.

Tayuya panted breathlessly. "This fucker is strong." Was the main thought flowing through her head.

Things had seemed to start off so well. They had found the emo fag boy and cornered him. He was even more of a pussy that she thought. When they had cornered him to give him Orochimaru's offer he had curled up in a ball and started babbling about some Naruto coming after him if he left. Why the fuck would a fishcake chase after him?

He was so pathetic they decided to withhold the offer and just take the pussy with them. The problem occurred at the moment when the blond pretty boy had shown up. The three useless pricks with her were unconscious in moments and she couldn't figure out why. Sure he was an annoying asshole but he didn't seem that strong right?

Things went further downhill when she got pissed off at the bastards constant evading and she called upon the first level of her seal to finish the emo lover off. When the marls from the seal crawled across her skin the blond pretty boy's expression changed and she felt a small tingling of fear.

Naruto himself had witnessed what was happening to Sasuke. To be honest in one way it was kind of sad that Sasuke was worried about him, in another it was totally amusing. In any case he couldn't let these snake lovers take his favourite toy. Trolling Sasuke was way too much fun for that.

Looking more carefully at the situation Naruto noticed that one of the four was a female. And a pretty hot one at that. Time for some old Uzumaki charm he thought to himself before he moved.

Before anyone had realised what was going on the three males where all unconscious and he was facing the remaining female.

"Hey babe. How about you take a real man home instead of him." He spoke, throwing a careless finger in the direction of Sasuke. Her reaction amused him greatly.

"I'm on orders to take the wuss shrimp dick with me!" she spat at him.

"Oh what a dirty mouth there babe." Naruto chuckled at her. "I bet you'd get real wild in bed!"

She didn't deign him with a response and started to furiously attack him.

Naruto always fancied himself more of a lover than a fighter with the ladies so he just danced around her attacks. Letting them miss by the narrowest of margins. The small grin on her face told him she thought she would have him soon. It turned into a look of mild frustration after a period of time and she stopped for a moment.

Weird seals began creeping all over her exposed skin including her face. Naruto assumed this was some form of advanced version of Orochimaru's curse seal. If he could ever be bothered he might check out Sasuke's sometime and see if he could remove it. Unfortunately for Tayuya at this time this seal enraged him.

Her triumphant looked changed rapidly after a murderous look came over his face and any thoughts that's she would now have an advantage evaporated.

"You stupid bitch!" Naruto screamed at her. "Why would you use this power damn it?!"

SLAP!

As enraged as he was, Naruto was still a pervert. The slap landed fair on Tayuya's backside. As foul mouthed as Tayuya was even she was speechless for ones. How she ended up laying over his lap in such a short time she couldn't figure out.

SLAP!

A squeaked forced its way out of Tayuya's mouth before she could stop herself. It was the most girly thing that had ever come from her mouth she was sure.

"Those marks are hideous!" Naruto raged while he continued to paddle her behind. "They ruined such a pretty face!"

Tayuya couldn't be sure if the red that had forced its way onto her cheeks was caused by embarrassment or rage. Being who she was she went with rage. Allowing the seal to take more control of her the marks slowly disappeared, her skin darkened, dark marks formed around and near her eyes. Lastly horns sprouted from her head.

With her transformation complete she tried to break his grip but still found herself unable to. The smacking of her backside had stopped which she was glad for, or maybe she was not. This blond pretty boy had totally befuddled her.

She managed to sneak a glance at him and he had his head lowered, his eyes shadowed by his hair. She trembled in fright at the sight. If he had got so angry over her using the level one seal she was terrified at the rage he was about to unleash at her using the second level.

The silence hung in the air for a while. Tayuya squirming even more.

"You…" Naruto finally spoke.

Tayuya gulped.

"You grew hand holds for me! Now we won't have to worry about ripping your hair out when I get rough! I think I'm in love."

Tayuya blinked. "Hand holds? He must mean my horns. Hand holds for what?" She thought.

It took her a moment before she made the connection. Her mouth open in shock for a few moments.

In her current befuddled state she just decided that giving up was easier.

"All right you stupid fuck. I'm dripping wet here. Take me to your room quickly or I'll just rip that shit off and you'll never use them again!"

In the next instant Tayuya was slung over Naruto's shoulder as he was bounding over buildings in a hurry to get to his apartment.

Meanwhile Sasuke straightened himself up, dusted himself off and headed home. He really needed to find a mirror so he could genjutsu that scene from his own head.

Kushina Returns!

Naruto was dozing on his couch. He figured he might go and chat to the furball for a while before heading to bed. When he opened his eyes he was slightly surprised. This wasn't where the Kyuubi lived and the thing standing before him certainly wasn't a giant fox demon.

The thing standing there was a person. That person was his so called mother. So called because he found her quite enticing but she didn't seem to want a bar of it because of some stupid reason like he was her son, she was his mother. Bah! As if he would let that stop him.

He tilted his head in confusion as he watched her, she seemed to by trying to build up the courage to say something. When she finally managed to build up the courage it came out a little hurriedly.

"I'm very sorry!" she said bowing her head.

Naruto himself just looked at her confusedly. "What are you sorry for?" he asked scratching the back of his head in puzzlement.

"I left you with the Kyuubi." She stated morosely before continuing. "I know you seemed to have things in hand but…" she trailed off before rubbing the back of her head in a similar manner to Naruto. "Sometimes my temper gets the best of me, but that's no excuse!"

Naruto's look of puzzlement took on a look of affection. "Don't you worry about that! Me and the ole furball came to an agreement. I like ladies and he likes to watch." His affectionate look turned into a perverted giggle.

Kushina had a relieved smile on her face before it turned into a perverted grin.

"So my baby boy takes after his mother!" she crowed in triumph. "Your father was such a stick in the mud. But he was pretty!" she giggled perversely in a manner reminiscent of Naruto. "To be honest the main reason I got so angry last time was because it's normally me that makes to first move. I like to be in charge!"

Naruto could sense the anticipation building in himself. Maybe he would get a shot at his mother after all.

"Maybe I could enjoy watching though." She seemed to be pondering things as she continued. "I could do a deal with the Kyuubi as well. See my boy become a man, repeatedly."

Naruto himself was now a little shocked. His mother was great!

"It's a shame your father isn't around anymore. You two together would have been great. Father and son, covered in sweat, embracing each other passionately while the mother watches on from a crack in the door!" Kushina seemed to be starting to pant at her own thoughts. Her breath almost ragged and a red blush across her cheeks.

Naruto's faced turned into one of horror.

"I wonder if Mikoto's boy has grown up to be a looker. The emo brooding Uchiha look with your glowing golden hair. Embracing each other passionately. Caught by both of your mothers and forced into even more depraved situations with each other while the mothers watch and do naughty things to each other! Oh god yes!" Kushina's pants peaked before that trailed off as she breathed heavily.

Naruto was confused. On one hand his mother was kinky as hell and he might have a shot at getting into her pants. The other part was terrified. In his mindscape things were malleable. That means if he took a chance and got a shot at his mother he might end up doing things. Things that should not be spoken. Things that no man with an insatiable love for women should do.

As an image of a Sasuke naked below him, looking up at him lovingly flicked through his mind he curled up a ball and started to sob.