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Note: So I Never imagined I'd write enough of these that I'd have to actually think about how some of the canon events would be affected. The main differences at the moment are that Sasuke never left the village because he was afraid of what Naruto would do to him.

This is mainly because Naruto trolls the hell out of him. He also figures he can learn enough about trolling from Naruto to at least cause Itachi some headaches. So some stuff still happened. The Kage summit to deal with Akatsuki for example. Stuff involving Sasuke leaving the village did not.

Note 2: My Author page has links to my Twitter, FFNet forum and TFF forum where I post snippets as I write them. If you want things quicker than when I compile a chapter here.

Perverted Naruto IV – Fellowship of the Perverts

Invading Sound Hideouts

Karin was terrified. Somebody was raiding the base she was in charge of. She didn't really care much for the base itself as she had been forced by Orochimaru to work for her when he found out about her Uzumaki heritage and her unique blood. What she cared about was either being captured and interrogated by the invading Ninja or punished by Orochimaru if she escaped and let some of his valuable experiments fall into the wrong hands.

Her decision on what to do was taken from her when a person appeared in front of her. She let out a gasp when she recognised him from the Chunin exams. She remembered how she couldn't really tell who it was who saved her from the ferocious bear in the forest of death. Sasuke had taken the bear out and looked kind of cool doing it. He hadn't looked cool when the man before her had punted him at the bear telling him it was time for him to learn to save the damsel in distress like a real man.

The almost insane laughter that had followed that told her that he seemed to be doing it more for his own amusement then teaching Sasuke any kind of lesson.

She wished she could remember his name though or did she ever even get it back then. She need not have bothered thinking too hard on it though.

"Oh hey! It's the bear girl." Naruto spoke gleefully. "Thanks so much for helping me troll… I mean teach Sasuke a lesson back then!"

Karin's face took on an angry look. "My name is Uzumaki Karin NOT Bear Girl!" she shouted out him.

Naruto's face took on a serious look. "Uzumaki huh? My name is Uzumaki Naruto. Guess that makes us kind of like cousins or something doesn't it?"

Karin's mouth dropped open in shock. There were very few Uzumaki's left in the world and she had just bumped into one by coincidence.

"So…" Naruto followed up. "Since this is the first time I've met someone close to family I was wondering if you'd like to help me with an experiment."

Karin's eyes gleamed at that. While she hated some of the things Orochimaru did, she did love experimenting. Finding out how things worked or gaining a new knowledge into things make her excited.

"I never had a sister you see..." Naruto trailed off before continuing. "And I guess you'd be as close as I will ever get to be able to confirm a theory I have heard about."

A strange light seemed to gleam in both of their eyes. Karin's with an expectation of some great experiment in regards to their Uzumaki genes, Naruto's with something more perverse.

"This theory I have heard of." Naruto paused. He seemed to want to drag out the suspense. "You can play the sister and we can prove it."

"Damnit! Stop keeping me hanging you bastard!" Karin shouted, almost frothing from the mouth. "Tell me what it is already!"

"Ok it is…" He paused once again for suspense. He really loved being a bastard. "Incest is the best, put your sister to the test." Naruto said with a straight face.

Karin seemed to pause for a few moments, not fully understanding what he had said. The cogs in her mind slowly started to spin back up and her mouth dropped open in shock. She tried to form words but she struggled to complete them.

"I… I… I…"

Naruto broke out laughing at the look on her face before speaking again. "Just kidding. Oh man the look on your face."

He paused from speaking to chuckle some more. "Besides my sexy justu clone is way closer to a sister to me than you are. Let me tell you when the call it Wincest they don't speak a word of a lie. It's almost like she knows me better than myself."

Karin seemed to break. Her face ended up blank as she tried to keep up with the direction of the conversation.

"So anyway. I'm going to tie you up now so I can take you somewhere private and…" Naruto seemed to emphasise the next word by waving his fingers in the air like apostrophises. "Interrogate you."

He seemed to be thinking for a few moments after that. "After than I'll even let you use those Uzumaki chains to tie me up and interrogate me. Because after I am done interrogating a lady they always want to reciprocate."

Karin seemed to give up as she was slung across his shoulder and taken to be interrogated. "Hey." She thought to herself. "/If his interrogation technique is as big as his chakra maybe I'll enjoy a deep hard interrogation/." she said with some drool slipping from her mouth as her perverted mind took over her otherwise malfunctioning self.

The Teachings of Jiraiya

Naruto eyed the beauty from the Hidden Village of Cloud from across the room. The Kage had gathered together to strategise for the upcoming conflict with the remains of the Akatsuki, bringing with them support staff. Mabui he believed her name was, not that not knowing trivial things like names had ever stopped him before, was the Raikage's aid. She was smoking hot with brown skin and gorgeous silver hair and a stern look on her face that he'd love to see twisted in ecstasy. He had decided he really needed to get him some of that brown sugar.

He silently approached her from behind before leaning over her shoulder to see what she was reading. He could tell she was startled at his sudden appearance but tried to keep her surprise hidden.

"Anything important I should know about?" He commented airily, pretending he hadn't noticed her surprise.

"You'll be briefed when we have a firm strategy planned. Please do not disturb us before we are prepared. You will only be an annoyance at the moment."

"A real ice queen this one." Naruto thought to himself. "She could really use some friction to thaw her out." He thought while grinning perversely to himself.

Before he could continue his delicate task of seducing her he felt his ear grabbed and he was rapidly dragged away before being spun to face someone. He tried to hide the horror from his face as he came face to face with one Mei Terumi, the Mizukage.

He tried to stop the sweat beading on his forehead as he came face to face with her angry visage. He couldn't blame her really, he had asked her to marry him not that long ago.

"Hitting on another lady in front his fiancé doesn't seem to be something a normal person should do now does it?" Mei spoke in a sweet tone that seemed to contain violence hidden within it.

"Hit on a lady? Surely you jest my dear. I was only asking if I could assist with anything." Naruto tried to smooth things out. He hadn't actually made a move on Mabui so surely he couldn't get in trouble for that.

"It wasn't what you said, it was how you were acting." Mei stated with a maniacal look entering into her eyes.

Naruto had to think quickly or otherwise this would end in a bloodbath. And that blood being mostly his. He thought back to the training he had with Jiraiya on how to be a pervert. In a case like this Jiraiya would have been beaten to within an inch of his life. But Naruto had been watching Jiraiya for all of his life. He had seen his sensei being beaten by women numerous times for saying something stupid. So while Jiraiya thought it was his training that had made Naruto so popular with the ladies he was wrong. Well he was slightly correct as over the years Naruto had watched what Jiraiya did and did the total opposite of that.

This faith in Jiraiya being wrong with most things involving ladies had given him the courage to try and escape this situation without receiving something worse than a beating from this feisty Kage.

"sigh you caught me." Naruto exhaled as he bought his face up to fully face Mei. "I was trying to get you an engagement present."

Mei looked at him sceptically which was understandable as he was talking out his ass. "Oh really? You hitting on another woman is finding me an engagement present?"

The look she gave him was enough to freeze a normal man to death with its coldness. Naruto was no normal man though.

"Of course I was. It was a special present." He paused momentarily. Thinking on his feet he took a stab in the dark. "Don't think I haven't seen those looks."

Mei looked confused. "What looks?"

Naruto decided it was time to go all in. He was either going to be the luckiest man alive or dead. Death had seen Naruto gamble so it grumbled and left figuring if he was banking on luck that it would work out for him somehow.

"I've seen you looking at plenty of beautiful people. I know you would like some of them to join in our little games."

Mei's look changed from deadly to cutely flustered instantly. "Jackpot!" was Naruto's thought. Lady Luck never let him down.

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Mei spoke with a flustered appearance.

Naruto moved close to her. His breath tickling her ear as he spoke softly into it.

"I don't mind sharing you…" he said. "But I'd never let be another man. You are mine!"

Mei shivered at his lustful and possessive tone. Naruto continued speaking into her ear making Mei pant more.

"Can you imagine that stoic face all scrunched up in ecstasy as you held her down and did things to her? All the while I would be watching you unblinkingly, burning the sight of you and her into my memory."

Mei leaned against him for support. "Did she agree?" she whispered huskily.

"I didn't get a chance to propose it to her before you dragged me away." Actually Naruto was pretty sure he was about to be turned down but she didn't need to know that.

At that comment Mei composed herself, stood up straight and smoothed out her clothing and marched towards Mabui.

Her approach seemed to put Mabui on edge as she had been watching the conversation with the blonde Jinchuuriki from the corner of her eye. The determined look the Mizukage was giving her scared her some, she thought the blonde may have deflected his hitting on her into it being her fault. She had heard about that outburst from both of these two from the original meeting and was concerned that the Mizukage might get violent if she thought she was trying to take her man.

The Mizukage stopped in front of her. She tried not to squirm under her scrutinising eye. The Mizukage seemed to be looking her up and down, maybe sizing up the competition she thought.

Those thoughts fled her head when one of the Mizukage's hands reached around and squeezed her ass while the other hand moved up to cup her breast. Her jaw seemed to unhinge as her mouth opened so wide and being fondled by the Mizukage.

Mei's eyes turned back to Naruto. "She's perfect. Let's give her a test run right now."

Mabui was still unable to comprehend what was going on as the Mizukage picked her up princess style and left the room, the blonde Jinchuuriki following behind.

Naruto himself was in a bit of shock himself. He couldn't belive his bullshit excuse had worked this well. He looked upwards towards the heavens for a few moments.

"This is for you ero-sennin. I couldn't have done this without you taking all those beatings. I hope you know that those beatings will now let me live out man's dream. I appreciate it you magnificent bastard."

He hurriedly followed after Mei and the shocked Mabui after thanking his teacher.

In heaven itself Jiraiya wasn't sure if the tears were from the respect that Naruto had shown him or the fact that after all those beatings Naruto was the one going to be getting the tricycle experience and not him.

The Cloud's Request

The team from Cloud consisting of Samui, Karui and Omoi were entering what seemed to be the remains of Konoha. They were trying to hold there shock in check at the devestation while attempting to find someone who could take them to the Hokage with their request.

Their request was a simple one. Find out as much information as possible on one Uchiha Itachi who had kidnapped their teacher. The remains of their fight had devastated the area in had occurred in. Their teacher had put up an amazing fight from what they could tell.

But they needed information on Itachi so they could hunt him down and take revenge for their teacher. Information they could only get in Konoha, the village Itachi had been apart of and no doubt the village that had kept the closet tabs on him. They were stopped short when the heard a blonde haired young man talking to a black haired young man who had a sour look on his face.

"Man Nagato was almost as big a douche as Itachi was. Check out this damage he left from his temper tantrum." The blonde paused before continuing. "Not quite though. One of his bodies was a hot chick that just wanted some punishment and Itachi killed your fine piece of ass mother. That reminds me, have I told you what I would have done to her?"

The black haired boys face seemed to turn even more sour, if that was possible. "Yes you've told me. Repeatedly. In great detail."

The mention of Itachi's name in the conversation had caught the attention of the Cloud team causing them to head towards the duo.

"Hey you Blondie!" Karui yelled interrupting their conversation, much to Sasuke's relief as Naruto had once again broken into a detailed description of what he would have done to his mother. "Tell use everything you know about Itachi!"

The blondes gaze moved over each of the team members, seemingly hanging longer on the two females.

"Cloud ninja huh? Why should we be giving you information?"

"We have a request from the Raikage for your Hokage." Samui spoke up, much less emotional than Karui's request. "Itachi was the person who kidnapped our teacher. We must find him to avenge his death."

Naruto seemed to be thinking for a few moments before he responded. "If the Akatsuki have him that means he was a Jinchuuriki. That also means that he probably isn't dead yet, they need preparation time before they can extract the beast."

This almost cause an explosion from Karui. "Then give us the information we need quickly so we can go and save him!"

The blonde took on a grim look. "I'm sorry but I can't give you information on Itachi." He paused for a few moments. "I need to kill him myself! I can't let anyone else do such a thing!"

He reached into his pocked causing the Cloud ninja to tense up. When he removed a picture from his pocket they seemed to relax slightly.

"Look at who he killed!" Naruto screamed at them shoving a picture of Sasuke's mom in a bikini in their faces. He then pointed at Sasuke. "How will I ever be able to bang this guys hot ass mother if she was killed by that asshole. I will avenge my dignity by killing Itachi myself!"

Sasuke himself was in shock. "Where the hell did you get that picture of my mother you bastard?!" He was promptly ignored by the tirading blonde.

Naruto's tirade was cut short as a fist struck him across the face courtesy of one Karui. He looked shocked for a few moments before his eyes narrowed in some unknown emotion.

"That wasn't all that nice." Naruto spoke in a calm voice. "I don't normally hit ladies but let me show you how it happens when I do."

Karui tensed, slightly worried that her temper had gotten her into a predicament once again. This was proven once again when she didn't even see the blonde move. She did feel it when he had her bent over his lap though.

"What the hell you bastard?!" she screeched. "What the hell are you…?"

He words where cut off as a shocked look appeared on her face. The cause of the shocked look was the fact an open hand had smacked her fair on her behind with quite a lot of force.

"Asshole! What do you…?"

She was once again cut off by a second smack to her ass.

"This is what bad girls get when they are rude." Naruto spoke in a calm tone as he continued to paddle her backside. "If you keep being rude then it won't be over your clothes next time."

"Asshole. You wouldn't dare!"

Karui decided that probably wasn't the best idea she had ever had as she felt her pants being lowered exposing her backside to the world. As the spankings continued tears sprung to her eyes. She wasn't sure if it was due to the pain in her ass or the shame at the delighted feelings other parts of her body were getting at the continued spankings.

When the blonde stop for a few moments and soothed her backside with his hand asking her if she was going to be a good girl from now on, she decided somewhere deep inside she liked being a bad girl.

Meanwhile the other two Cloud ninja had started to move when the blonde had grabbed Karui. However a second blonde had appeared in front of the two at the same time he had grabbed the red headed girl.

"Not to worry. He's not going to hurt her. Just teach her a lesson." He looked over to where Karui was in the process of being spanked with a jealous look on his face before it was replaced with a friendly smile.

Omoi couldn't speak. He was so shocked at what was occurring. He was pretty jealous as well to tell the truth. Samui herself maintained a calm look but if you looked closely enough you could see her expression was strained.

"Now that we can talk calmly I'd like to propose a compromise." He paused. Looking harder at Samui's face. "I can go with you and kill Itachi while you rescue your teacher. I'm sure you've noticed. I'm strong."

He moved closer to Samui. "You are way to tense for this mission." He said casually. This surprised Samui as she didn't think most people could tell when she was tense.

"Let me help with that." He suggested causally was he seemed to appear behind her.

Before she could spin to find out why he was behind her she let out an almost erotic moan.

Naruto had started working the knots out of the spot just below her shoulder blades. She couldn't believe how skilled his hands were at this.

"Don't worry. I'm good at this. The Hokage is about the same size as you." He whispered almost seductively in her ear.

Samui couldn't control another moan that escaped from her lips as he found and released another large knot.

Continuing to whisper in her ear he made a suggestion. "If we go back to my place I could lay you down and really work these knots out for you."

Samui couldn't even for a response at this point in time so she just nodded her head in agreement. She also missed the lecherous grin that formed its way onto his face.

As the two Naruto's and his current targets disappeared Sasuke just shook his head and walked away. He was used to Naruto's antics by now.

Omoi though was still looking between the spot Karui had been getting spanked and Samui had been getting a massage.

"I'm sorry teacher!" he said while looking towards the sky. "I seem to have found a new teacher I must learn from!"

His thoughts continued in his head. "What if I learn from Blondie, then I get so good I get a harem, then I capture the hearts of every pretty girl and then I die from exhaustion of trying to please them all?!"

He paused. "What a way to die though!"