Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > I've Got Just One Regret To Live Through And That One Regret Is You
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Pete had asked if he could come talk to me at my place almost a week later. I hadn't heard from him since he'd left the guesthouse the morning after we slept together. He seemed rather apprehensive on the phone, which implied that what he was going to say was difficult. I knew he wasn't going to leave Meagan. He had too much history with her and too much for me to compete with. I mean, we'd only slept together twice. That was the extent of our romantic relationship. Everything else was pretty platonic, with hidden feelings laced throughout.
I barely heard his timid knock on my door. I opened the door and he looked anxious, but so gorgeous.
"Hey," he said quietly, his hands in his pockets.
"Hey," I mimicked his tone. I felt my chest begin to tighten. I can't cry in front of him. "Come in," I said and turned, walking to the couch. Pete shut the door behind himself and sat down a few feet away from me on the couch. He just stared at his hands for a minute before meeting my curious gaze.
"Meagan's pregnant." He blurted out and I felt like someone ripped the air forcefully from my lungs.
"Wow," I barely breathed out and bit my lip, looking away from Pete as the tears began to fill my eyes.
"I just can't leave her, she's carrying my child." He reasoned. I nodded. I understood, but it didn't make this any easier. "I don't want you to hate me."
"I don't hate you," I whispered, my hands squeezing the edge of the couch cushion until my knuckles turned white. Trying not to cry was going to be harder than expected.
"I mean, it's the right thing to do and-"
"Pete, just stop. I understand." I said with barely contained grief and anger. I felt both for some reason. "I just... I need to be alone now." I replied as nicely as possible, keeping my tone even. Pete didn't even hesitate to leave. Hell, he probably couldn't wait to leave. He knew I'd be a mess. The second I heard the door click shut, I closed my eyes and let the tears flow almost effortlessly. This was it. Pete and I would be nothing more than a one night stand, a mistake. I couldn't stay here. There was no way I would be able to handle living in the same state as him. Chicago was sounding more and more appealing for a chance to move on. Hell, maybe even New York.
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"Amanda! You can't move! I just got you back!" Patrick yelled in frustration. It had been 3 weeks since Pete had told me that Meagan was pregnant. He proposed to her last week. I was slowly diving into a state of depression, my moods fine one minute and almost suicidally depressed the next. I had no intention of doing it, just near that point.
"I can't stay here! I need space, I need solitude. I have to move on. Pete and I are never going to happen and I'll always hope it will if I stay here." I informed him. Patrick didn't know about Pete and I's indiscretion.
"Something happened between you guys, didn't it?" He asked. I shook my head no, unable to look at him. "Then why would you think something would happen?"
"Because I'm fucking stupid. I always thought that we'd work out for some dumb reason. I want to start over... again." I sighed.
"There's no way to talk you out of this, is there?" Patrick asked me. I shook my head and he pulled me into a bear hug. "Please just come to the tour party before you leave." Patrick requested and I nodded. FOB was leaving for about a month overseas before their tour with Paramore this summer. I could at least suck it up one last time for my big brother before I disappeared to New York City.
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I showed up to the party early in order to avoid Pete. I knew he would be late, like always. I hadn't told him that I was moving, but I'm sure Patrick had. I couldn't bring myself to call him. I'd also deleted his number from my phone, email, IM, and changed my number. I didn't want him to have a way of contacting me. I'd be back to visit Patrick next month when he got back, plus I'd need to work on getting my house sold. I just needed to get away for now and try to heal.
"I can't believe you're leaving!" Elisa complained and I shrugged.
"Plane leaves in 4 hours. I gotta leave soon." I reminded them. Patrick sighed and walked away. He just didn't understand. I'd thought about telling him Pete and I slept together that night, but Pete and I agreed to tell no one. No good would come from it. I also didn't want to ruin his new life with Meagan. Even though it hurt me, I wanted him to be happy.
I conversed with the wives for about 30 more minutes before I needed to head out. Pete still wasn't there with Meagan, thankfully.
"I'm going to use the bathroom, then head out." I announced and the group complained. I just laughed it off, feeling loved, and then headed into the bathroom. I looked into the mirror at myself. How did I get like this? Letting a man I'd never had an actual relationship with affect my life decisions. I honestly wished I'd never moved to LA. I washed my hands and checked my reflection before leaving the bathroom. The second I opened the door, I was greeted by Meagan's cheerful face.
"I'm so sad you're leaving! I had no idea!" She hugged me, making me feel so uncomfortable.
"Yeah, I'm just not feeling it here, I guess," I lied. There was nothing wrong with LA, just wrong with me in it.
"We'll have to visit you in New York some time with the baby," she smiled, affectionately touching her stomach. I almost felt like she knew she'd won the battle or something. I smiled fakely and excused myself. I walked towards Patrick's living room to grab my purse when Pete grabbed my arm, yanking me into a empty hallway.
"You're moving?" He asked, sounding hurt and angry at the same time.
"Yes," I said, pulling my arm from his roughly. We stood there, glaring at each other for a moment.
"You weren't going to tell me?" He was definitely mad.
"What is there to say, Pete? You and I are never going to happen. I'll never be able to move on if I don't leave," spit back at him, trying to keep my voice quiet to not draw attention. Pete didn't say anything right away, so I took the opportunity to walk past him and into the living room and grab my purse.
"Stay a little longer," Elisa begged. I just laughed lightly and hugged everyone goodbye, ignoring Pete and leaving before Meagan attempted to hug me again.
Pete had asked if he could come talk to me at my place almost a week later. I hadn't heard from him since he'd left the guesthouse the morning after we slept together. He seemed rather apprehensive on the phone, which implied that what he was going to say was difficult. I knew he wasn't going to leave Meagan. He had too much history with her and too much for me to compete with. I mean, we'd only slept together twice. That was the extent of our romantic relationship. Everything else was pretty platonic, with hidden feelings laced throughout.
I barely heard his timid knock on my door. I opened the door and he looked anxious, but so gorgeous.
"Hey," he said quietly, his hands in his pockets.
"Hey," I mimicked his tone. I felt my chest begin to tighten. I can't cry in front of him. "Come in," I said and turned, walking to the couch. Pete shut the door behind himself and sat down a few feet away from me on the couch. He just stared at his hands for a minute before meeting my curious gaze.
"Meagan's pregnant." He blurted out and I felt like someone ripped the air forcefully from my lungs.
"Wow," I barely breathed out and bit my lip, looking away from Pete as the tears began to fill my eyes.
"I just can't leave her, she's carrying my child." He reasoned. I nodded. I understood, but it didn't make this any easier. "I don't want you to hate me."
"I don't hate you," I whispered, my hands squeezing the edge of the couch cushion until my knuckles turned white. Trying not to cry was going to be harder than expected.
"I mean, it's the right thing to do and-"
"Pete, just stop. I understand." I said with barely contained grief and anger. I felt both for some reason. "I just... I need to be alone now." I replied as nicely as possible, keeping my tone even. Pete didn't even hesitate to leave. Hell, he probably couldn't wait to leave. He knew I'd be a mess. The second I heard the door click shut, I closed my eyes and let the tears flow almost effortlessly. This was it. Pete and I would be nothing more than a one night stand, a mistake. I couldn't stay here. There was no way I would be able to handle living in the same state as him. Chicago was sounding more and more appealing for a chance to move on. Hell, maybe even New York.
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"Amanda! You can't move! I just got you back!" Patrick yelled in frustration. It had been 3 weeks since Pete had told me that Meagan was pregnant. He proposed to her last week. I was slowly diving into a state of depression, my moods fine one minute and almost suicidally depressed the next. I had no intention of doing it, just near that point.
"I can't stay here! I need space, I need solitude. I have to move on. Pete and I are never going to happen and I'll always hope it will if I stay here." I informed him. Patrick didn't know about Pete and I's indiscretion.
"Something happened between you guys, didn't it?" He asked. I shook my head no, unable to look at him. "Then why would you think something would happen?"
"Because I'm fucking stupid. I always thought that we'd work out for some dumb reason. I want to start over... again." I sighed.
"There's no way to talk you out of this, is there?" Patrick asked me. I shook my head and he pulled me into a bear hug. "Please just come to the tour party before you leave." Patrick requested and I nodded. FOB was leaving for about a month overseas before their tour with Paramore this summer. I could at least suck it up one last time for my big brother before I disappeared to New York City.
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I showed up to the party early in order to avoid Pete. I knew he would be late, like always. I hadn't told him that I was moving, but I'm sure Patrick had. I couldn't bring myself to call him. I'd also deleted his number from my phone, email, IM, and changed my number. I didn't want him to have a way of contacting me. I'd be back to visit Patrick next month when he got back, plus I'd need to work on getting my house sold. I just needed to get away for now and try to heal.
"I can't believe you're leaving!" Elisa complained and I shrugged.
"Plane leaves in 4 hours. I gotta leave soon." I reminded them. Patrick sighed and walked away. He just didn't understand. I'd thought about telling him Pete and I slept together that night, but Pete and I agreed to tell no one. No good would come from it. I also didn't want to ruin his new life with Meagan. Even though it hurt me, I wanted him to be happy.
I conversed with the wives for about 30 more minutes before I needed to head out. Pete still wasn't there with Meagan, thankfully.
"I'm going to use the bathroom, then head out." I announced and the group complained. I just laughed it off, feeling loved, and then headed into the bathroom. I looked into the mirror at myself. How did I get like this? Letting a man I'd never had an actual relationship with affect my life decisions. I honestly wished I'd never moved to LA. I washed my hands and checked my reflection before leaving the bathroom. The second I opened the door, I was greeted by Meagan's cheerful face.
"I'm so sad you're leaving! I had no idea!" She hugged me, making me feel so uncomfortable.
"Yeah, I'm just not feeling it here, I guess," I lied. There was nothing wrong with LA, just wrong with me in it.
"We'll have to visit you in New York some time with the baby," she smiled, affectionately touching her stomach. I almost felt like she knew she'd won the battle or something. I smiled fakely and excused myself. I walked towards Patrick's living room to grab my purse when Pete grabbed my arm, yanking me into a empty hallway.
"You're moving?" He asked, sounding hurt and angry at the same time.
"Yes," I said, pulling my arm from his roughly. We stood there, glaring at each other for a moment.
"You weren't going to tell me?" He was definitely mad.
"What is there to say, Pete? You and I are never going to happen. I'll never be able to move on if I don't leave," spit back at him, trying to keep my voice quiet to not draw attention. Pete didn't say anything right away, so I took the opportunity to walk past him and into the living room and grab my purse.
"Stay a little longer," Elisa begged. I just laughed lightly and hugged everyone goodbye, ignoring Pete and leaving before Meagan attempted to hug me again.
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