Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > back to hell baby.
hellooooo, here is the next chapter! Pls review. Sorry it's short and stuff eh. Ily.
It was now 8pm, and hadn't moved from my seat on he floor outside Gerard's room for about 2 hours. I was worried about him, just from seeing the others faces I knew something was wrong. Ray had filled me in about how he can get really low at some points, without any specific trigger, and ’freak out’.I know there was more to it than they were letting on though, due to the horror on their faces. About an hour ago I heard them talking quietly in the lounge about Gerard, after i had assured them to let me stay with him, and I couldn't help but sneak a listen.
’fuck. I'm so fucking worried, what if he tries again. And he's obviously been drinking, it stinks. 5 years without the stuff and now...I don't know..’ Ray was frustrated and couldn’t relax, perched on the edge of his seat listening. He was right though, it did stink of alcohol. He had most definitely been drinking.
’I know, this place is so bad for him. I don't want to say this but you guys might want to leave a little earlier than planned, he's not ready for this.’ Bob spoke with his head in his hands and a large sigh escaping his lips.
Me and Gerard spoke few word through the door. He slurred apologies to me and I told him it doesn't matter, all that matters was him and his safety. I guessed Gerard was sat the other side if the door just like me by the closeness of his voice.
’Frank?’ His voice was sad, and it cracked slightly due to the alcohol.
’yeah?’ I spoke quietly, knowing he could still hear me from the other side.
’hey. I thought you'd gone.’ I heard a smile in his voice as he greeted me softly. I wasn't leaving even if he wanted me to.
’I'm not going anywhere Gerard. Now are you going to let me in or not?’ I know asking him this way would probably be better than banging and screaming like earlier that evening. I could hear rustling from behind the door and a loud click. He'd unlocked the door for me. Bob an ray heard and got to their feet suddenly but Gerard stopped them.
’just Frank, please.’ He spoke from behind the wood, and they sat back down hesitantly. I stood, my ass was numb for being sat on the hard floor for so long, and pushed the door slowly, poking my bed around the corner nervously.
The room was a mess, books and ornaments had been picked from the sides, landing in a heap on the floor. His clothes were scattered around the room where he had grabbed them from the closet in a fit of rage and thrown them. The bedside lamp was toppled over on it's side, and the alarm clock on the floor, flashing the wrong time obnoxiously. Multiple empty bottles of alcohol were spread around the room. Wine, whiskey , beer. The only one untouched was the large bottle of vodka by Gerard's feet, the cap off but the liquid still fully remained. The curtains were drawn, the light filtered blue, and Gerard was sat on the edge of the bed, head between his knees with his fingers interlocked behind his neck.
I said nothing, he doesn't need to hear a lecture right now, all he needs is contact. Simple human contact. So I sat next to him and pulled him up, so his head was on my chest, hearing my heartbeat, and covered his ears. My mother used to do this to me to calm me down, she said imitating being back in the womb is the best thing, as it was were you were always most safe. Psychologically the imitation calms you and makes you feel like nothing can hurt you. You were warm, and were comforted always by your mothers heartbeat, your hearing muffled from the sharp words of others. Until you're born and released into the cold harsh world were everything will hurt you. I held Gerard in this embrace until his quiet sobs became soft breathing, and his head lifted.
He stunk of alcohol, the sharp aroma radiating from his pores. He just looked at me, avoiding my eyes, shame spiralling through is hazel iris’. I just kept the contact, my hand stroking circles over the bare milky skin of his back. I wished I knew what was going on in that pretty little head of his, so I could help him and protect him from his evil thoughts. He spoke, his voice croaking from all the shouting, crying and drinking.
’Frank... I'm sorry...I can’t-’ I cut him off, curling my hand around his waist and bribing him closer.
’Gerard, don't you dare apologise. Just please, talk to me. Tell me what's going on, please. It'll help, talking always does and I'm a good listener.’ He bit his rosy lip, and looked me in the eyes. They were red and puffy from the salty tears and still glistening. He sighed, his alcohol stained breath tickling my face, and moved to sit on the bed properly, his back leaning against the headboard. I joined him and he placed his head on my shoulder. I ran my fingers trough his greasy black hair, attempting to comfort the breaking man before me.
’Just, being here. It's all so much. So many memories. Then, going to Jen’s house and smelling the booze...I don't know. There's a war in my mind, and the alcohol numbs it. It numbs everything. So I can't feel. All I wanted was to die. Just fucking die and get out of this fucking miserable place. To get out of my fucking head.’ All I could do was listen, and comfort. No matter how much I wanted to cry, and shout at him for being so stupid, that he's amazing and beautiful and he deserves everything he's got, I didn't. I had to be strong and just be there. Just be a shoulder to cry on and an ear to lend. I'd be anything he needed at this point. ’It scares me y'know. The fact that you're completely and utterly alone in your own head, in your own thoughts. That no matter how close you are to someone, how much you let them in, you're still completely fucking alone. Everyone is. Sometimes I wish I could just fucking smash open my skull and finally everyone will just know what goes on in here.’ As he was talking, getting more and more worked up, he started pulling at his hair violently. Stray hairs coming out and laced between his fingers and hot, salty tears running down his flustered cheeks. I grabbed his hands in mine and had them rest on my chest over my heart.
’Gerard do you feel that?’ I asked. He nodded into my shoulder. ’ that's my heart, and that's what you have to listen to. Your brain is filled with both good and bad, and I know, the bad can take over sometimes. But your heart is pure. To listen to it you have to really concentrate. It's quiet, much quieter than your brain. But it's there, begging for you to listen.’ I just rambled, thinking of things that had helped me in the past. It was all true. ’you need to distract your brain from thinking too hard. by doing things. Making it work. Then it won't have the energy to think those things. And you need to know you're not alone. Everyone thinks they are, but they're not. Gerard you have great people around you. Ray, Bob, jerry. And of course me, I'm great.’ I said cockily and he laughed into my shoulder, wiping his cheeks of stray tears that had overflowed his lids.
We sat in silence for a while, all I wanted to do was help. We had moved around, so we were lying on the bed, Gerard's head resting over my heart and his eyes closed lightly. I just laid with him, tracing patterns up and down his back, staring at the ceiling.
There was a soft knock on the door, and ray popped his head around the corner, eyeing up the room before speaking.
’um, how is he?’ He asked worriedly. Gerard wasn't asleep so he turned his head to Ray and sat up on the bed.
’I'm alright. Better, anyway.’ He slurs, the alcohol still in his system. ’just, hungry.’ He mumbled, more to himself, and frowned. Ray smiled and replied.
’well there's pizza in the oven. I'll bring some in to you when it's done.’ Gerard's eyes sparkled at the mention of pizza, and grinned wide. I don't think he’s eaten in a while.
’fuck yes! Man I love pizza’ his excitement made me giggle and he looked back at me, resuming his place on my chest, and Ray left with a smile. A gentle hum sounded from Gerard, he was singing softly a song I'd never headed before. It was beautiful. Gerard's voice was rough but sweet as he sang quietly, the vibrations bouncing through my chest.
Late dawns and early sunsets, just like my favorite scenes
Then holding hands and life was perfect, just like up on the screen
And the whole time while always giving
Counting your face among the living
yes there you go the next update shall be in a couple of days!apologies for spelling mistakes again, I'm a lazy motherfucker.
Lizzie xø
It was now 8pm, and hadn't moved from my seat on he floor outside Gerard's room for about 2 hours. I was worried about him, just from seeing the others faces I knew something was wrong. Ray had filled me in about how he can get really low at some points, without any specific trigger, and ’freak out’.I know there was more to it than they were letting on though, due to the horror on their faces. About an hour ago I heard them talking quietly in the lounge about Gerard, after i had assured them to let me stay with him, and I couldn't help but sneak a listen.
’fuck. I'm so fucking worried, what if he tries again. And he's obviously been drinking, it stinks. 5 years without the stuff and now...I don't know..’ Ray was frustrated and couldn’t relax, perched on the edge of his seat listening. He was right though, it did stink of alcohol. He had most definitely been drinking.
’I know, this place is so bad for him. I don't want to say this but you guys might want to leave a little earlier than planned, he's not ready for this.’ Bob spoke with his head in his hands and a large sigh escaping his lips.
Me and Gerard spoke few word through the door. He slurred apologies to me and I told him it doesn't matter, all that matters was him and his safety. I guessed Gerard was sat the other side if the door just like me by the closeness of his voice.
’Frank?’ His voice was sad, and it cracked slightly due to the alcohol.
’yeah?’ I spoke quietly, knowing he could still hear me from the other side.
’hey. I thought you'd gone.’ I heard a smile in his voice as he greeted me softly. I wasn't leaving even if he wanted me to.
’I'm not going anywhere Gerard. Now are you going to let me in or not?’ I know asking him this way would probably be better than banging and screaming like earlier that evening. I could hear rustling from behind the door and a loud click. He'd unlocked the door for me. Bob an ray heard and got to their feet suddenly but Gerard stopped them.
’just Frank, please.’ He spoke from behind the wood, and they sat back down hesitantly. I stood, my ass was numb for being sat on the hard floor for so long, and pushed the door slowly, poking my bed around the corner nervously.
The room was a mess, books and ornaments had been picked from the sides, landing in a heap on the floor. His clothes were scattered around the room where he had grabbed them from the closet in a fit of rage and thrown them. The bedside lamp was toppled over on it's side, and the alarm clock on the floor, flashing the wrong time obnoxiously. Multiple empty bottles of alcohol were spread around the room. Wine, whiskey , beer. The only one untouched was the large bottle of vodka by Gerard's feet, the cap off but the liquid still fully remained. The curtains were drawn, the light filtered blue, and Gerard was sat on the edge of the bed, head between his knees with his fingers interlocked behind his neck.
I said nothing, he doesn't need to hear a lecture right now, all he needs is contact. Simple human contact. So I sat next to him and pulled him up, so his head was on my chest, hearing my heartbeat, and covered his ears. My mother used to do this to me to calm me down, she said imitating being back in the womb is the best thing, as it was were you were always most safe. Psychologically the imitation calms you and makes you feel like nothing can hurt you. You were warm, and were comforted always by your mothers heartbeat, your hearing muffled from the sharp words of others. Until you're born and released into the cold harsh world were everything will hurt you. I held Gerard in this embrace until his quiet sobs became soft breathing, and his head lifted.
He stunk of alcohol, the sharp aroma radiating from his pores. He just looked at me, avoiding my eyes, shame spiralling through is hazel iris’. I just kept the contact, my hand stroking circles over the bare milky skin of his back. I wished I knew what was going on in that pretty little head of his, so I could help him and protect him from his evil thoughts. He spoke, his voice croaking from all the shouting, crying and drinking.
’Frank... I'm sorry...I can’t-’ I cut him off, curling my hand around his waist and bribing him closer.
’Gerard, don't you dare apologise. Just please, talk to me. Tell me what's going on, please. It'll help, talking always does and I'm a good listener.’ He bit his rosy lip, and looked me in the eyes. They were red and puffy from the salty tears and still glistening. He sighed, his alcohol stained breath tickling my face, and moved to sit on the bed properly, his back leaning against the headboard. I joined him and he placed his head on my shoulder. I ran my fingers trough his greasy black hair, attempting to comfort the breaking man before me.
’Just, being here. It's all so much. So many memories. Then, going to Jen’s house and smelling the booze...I don't know. There's a war in my mind, and the alcohol numbs it. It numbs everything. So I can't feel. All I wanted was to die. Just fucking die and get out of this fucking miserable place. To get out of my fucking head.’ All I could do was listen, and comfort. No matter how much I wanted to cry, and shout at him for being so stupid, that he's amazing and beautiful and he deserves everything he's got, I didn't. I had to be strong and just be there. Just be a shoulder to cry on and an ear to lend. I'd be anything he needed at this point. ’It scares me y'know. The fact that you're completely and utterly alone in your own head, in your own thoughts. That no matter how close you are to someone, how much you let them in, you're still completely fucking alone. Everyone is. Sometimes I wish I could just fucking smash open my skull and finally everyone will just know what goes on in here.’ As he was talking, getting more and more worked up, he started pulling at his hair violently. Stray hairs coming out and laced between his fingers and hot, salty tears running down his flustered cheeks. I grabbed his hands in mine and had them rest on my chest over my heart.
’Gerard do you feel that?’ I asked. He nodded into my shoulder. ’ that's my heart, and that's what you have to listen to. Your brain is filled with both good and bad, and I know, the bad can take over sometimes. But your heart is pure. To listen to it you have to really concentrate. It's quiet, much quieter than your brain. But it's there, begging for you to listen.’ I just rambled, thinking of things that had helped me in the past. It was all true. ’you need to distract your brain from thinking too hard. by doing things. Making it work. Then it won't have the energy to think those things. And you need to know you're not alone. Everyone thinks they are, but they're not. Gerard you have great people around you. Ray, Bob, jerry. And of course me, I'm great.’ I said cockily and he laughed into my shoulder, wiping his cheeks of stray tears that had overflowed his lids.
We sat in silence for a while, all I wanted to do was help. We had moved around, so we were lying on the bed, Gerard's head resting over my heart and his eyes closed lightly. I just laid with him, tracing patterns up and down his back, staring at the ceiling.
There was a soft knock on the door, and ray popped his head around the corner, eyeing up the room before speaking.
’um, how is he?’ He asked worriedly. Gerard wasn't asleep so he turned his head to Ray and sat up on the bed.
’I'm alright. Better, anyway.’ He slurs, the alcohol still in his system. ’just, hungry.’ He mumbled, more to himself, and frowned. Ray smiled and replied.
’well there's pizza in the oven. I'll bring some in to you when it's done.’ Gerard's eyes sparkled at the mention of pizza, and grinned wide. I don't think he’s eaten in a while.
’fuck yes! Man I love pizza’ his excitement made me giggle and he looked back at me, resuming his place on my chest, and Ray left with a smile. A gentle hum sounded from Gerard, he was singing softly a song I'd never headed before. It was beautiful. Gerard's voice was rough but sweet as he sang quietly, the vibrations bouncing through my chest.
Late dawns and early sunsets, just like my favorite scenes
Then holding hands and life was perfect, just like up on the screen
And the whole time while always giving
Counting your face among the living
yes there you go the next update shall be in a couple of days!apologies for spelling mistakes again, I'm a lazy motherfucker.
Lizzie xø
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