FicWad

"Hello? Denille? Are you there? Hellooo?" By the tone of his voice Gerard was getting frustrated. My body was frozen and I couldn't find my words. I just sat there stunned with my mouth open listening to him calling my name. When I heard him give an angry sigh I realized he was probably about to hang up and that this was my last chance. "Hi." I responded softly.
"Denille? Can you hear me? What's going on, why are you calling me at 1:30 in the morning?" He sounded agitated. For a minute I forgot the fact that he disliked me but his tone made me remember.
"I need to talk to mom and dad." Was all I could get out. I felt tears threaten my eyes.
"Okay, so maybe you should call them instead." Gerard's tone was flat and lacked emotion. I still never told the guys about my past. Not because I didn't trust them, but because I simply didn't feel ready to talk about it. So as far as they know, my parents are alive and well and live and take care of me in my apartment. The tears started to fall. I now realized in my drunken state that I was going to have to tell a guy who wanted nothing to do with me that my parents were dead and that I needed him to drive me to their grave in the middle of the night. The thought of telling Gerard my secret was overwhelming. It felt like my stomach was doing backflips in my body and the fact that the fucking room was spinning wasn't helping me feel any better. This just made me cry harder.
"Denille, why are you crying? Have you been drinking?" His voice was a little softer and he sounded confused.
"I just, I just want my mom and dad, will you ta-take me to see them?" I sniffled as I slurred my words "Please?"
"There was a long pause and then I heard him sigh. "Where are you?"
"Rays bathroom floor." I sniffled again and wiped away a few stray tears off my cheeks with the back of my hand.
"Alright, just stay where you are and I will be there in twenty minutes." With that, he hung up the phone.
I did exactly as Gerard said and sat in the same spot on the bathroom floor swaying and signing to myself while I waited for him to arrive. "Here comes Gerard, Gerard's on his way, he's coming to save the day!" I sang loudly but not to loud to wake the others. Now I know why Bob didn't let me join the band, I was a fucking terrible singer. After what felt like hours I felt my phone vibrate. I pulled it out of my pocket and saw a text from him. I opened and read it.

"I'm here. Meet me outside. Be quiet and don't wake anybody up."

"Okay." I said out loud looking at my phone as if that's how you send a response text back. Drunk Denille wasn't exactly the sharpest tool in the shed. I stood up on my shaky legs and made my way to Gerard outside. I did pretty well except for the fact that I almost fell down the stairs. Twice. Okay, so maybe I didn't do so well but I made it outside without waking any body and that's all that matters, right?!
When I saw Gerard my heart skipped a beat. He was leaning on his car smoking a cigarette wearing a black button down shirt and black jeans. His jet black hair was messy and hung slightly in his eyes. He looked sexier than ever. He heard me shut the front door and looked up. When he saw me, he snuffed out his cigarette and made his way over to me.
"Hi." I whispered to him when he reached me. He had a blank expression on his face.
He avoided my gaze.
"Can you walk?" He ignored my greeting but kept the smug, bored look.
"Yeah, I think so." I took a step forward to prove to him that I was fine and stumbled. he quickly reached his arms out to steady me.
"Come on." he sighed still holding on to me and helping me walk to his car. He opened the passenger door and helped me in. He then reached over to buckle my seat belt and closed the door. My eyes never left him as I watched him walk around the car and get into the drivers side. He turned the ignition and shifted the gear into drive.
"Where are we going?" I asked him softly.
"I'm taking you home to your parents. That's what you want isn't it?" His eyes never left the road.
"They aren't at the apartment.." I replied so softly he could barely hear me. I was saying it more to myself than to him. I fixated my eyes out the window and watched the trees go by. I didn't know what else to do or say.
"Well, then where the fuck are they?" He was getting frustrated again. I winced at the tone of voice he was using. I said nothing. I just kept looking out the window to avoid Gerard seeing the tears that were threatening my eyes again.
"Well?" he was waiting for an answer. I hesitated and then sighed. Here goes nothing.
"The cemetery." I said while trying to keep my voice stern. Saying the words caused me to sober up a little. I waited to hear his response. I looked over at him not knowing what to expect. He remained silent but his features had softened. I think he was thinking of the right words to say.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know." Was all he said avoiding my gaze. His voice was low.
"Nobody knows. I haven't told anyone." I crossed my arms and looked out the window again. these fucking tears kept stinging my eyes and I'll be damned if I let Gerard see them. I needed to be strong for once, or at least put on that front.
He looked shocked. "Not even the guys?" he Asked curiously.
"No." Gerard saw I was getting uncomfortable and stopped the questions. The rest of the ride was silent, not even the radio was on. I was starting to sober up thank God. I now felt more in control of my actions. When I saw the cemetery come into view, I noticed Gerard wasn't slowing down. I was the first to break the silence.
"Hey, your gunna pass it." I said pointing out the window. He still didn't slow down. "Gerard, stop." I raised my voice a little. Even though I wasn't that drunk anymore, I still needed to visit my parents grave. He finally spoke.
"Are you crazy? I'm not bringing you to the cemetery at this time of night." he glanced at me quickly then back at the road.
"What? Why the hell not, were right here?!" Now I was the one getting frustrated.
"Because its fucking late, and its closed anyways. Besides, who knows who could be in there, its just not safe. Ill take you tomorrow." He was trying to reason with me but it wasn't working. I was just growing desperate.
"Gerard, thank you for your concern but please stop the fucking car." My tone was dead serious. He still didn't listen. "Gerard, stop this fucking car or I swear I will jump out!"
You'll never guess what that motherfucker did next. He fucking smirked at me! Smirked! He really thinks I'm bluffing. Well, I'll prove him wrong. I frantically started to search for the door handle. He saw what I was doing and reacted.
"Holy shit, okay Ill stop!" Now I was the one smirking. "Jesus Christ.." He mumbled to himself while turning around to head back to the cemetery parking lot.
He parked the car and cut the engine. The cemetery was so dark you could just barely make out the tomb stones.
"Ill be right back, wait here." I said as I unbuckled myself and opened the car door.
"I'm coming with you." his words made me turn around to look at him. "I cant let you go out there in the dark by yourself. Don't worry, Ill give you your privacy with your parents." I was taken aback by his thoughtfulness. We both got out of the car and he stopped momentarily to light another cigarette.
"Lead the way." He tilted his chin towards the darkness while he took a drag from his cigarette. I nodded my head and started walking. I knew this place like the back of my hand. I took my usual path to the gravesite while listening to Gerard's footsteps follow behind me. We reached the top of the familiar hill and I stopped in my tracks. Gerard nearly bumped into my back.
"What's wrong?" Gerard asked startled
"Were here." I whispered. I lowered my head to look at the stone. Gerard looked at me and noticed that I was having a moment.
"Ill uh.. Ill go wait over there." he said looking at the big willow tree behind us.
"Wait." my words made him stop. he turned his head and looked at me. "I know this is a weird and awkward request and you don't have to but..." I paused. "Will you sit with me? You don't have to talk or anything. Its just that, I think some company would be nice." He looked at the ground for a minute thinking about what to do. I held my breath waiting for his response.
"Um, yeah I guess so." he turned and started walking back towards me. I smiled my thanks to him. We both sat down in front of the graves and were silent for a couple of minutes.
"Hi mom and dad." I said softly while placing my hand on the stone. Gerard sat and watched me. Every now and then he would look at my face to see if I was doing okay. I have to admit, he can be a real motherfucker sometimes, but in this moment in time his presence was comforting. It was sweet of him to stay with me, especially since it was obvious he had no idea how to handle a situation like this. He didn't know what to do with himself and I found it adorable. I made a mental note to thank him later.
I wanted to say more but I couldn't find my words. I felt the tears starting to sting my eyes again. I hated this part. I always cried at my parents grave and that made me feel weak and pathetic. Gerard must have seen my eyes glass over because his whole demeanor changed.
"What happened to them? They were so young." His voice was just above a whisper. He must have read the dates on the tombstone. I prepared myself to tell him the story.
"When I was fourteen, my parents took a road trip to Virginia for a mini vacation and to visit some friends." I paused and took a deep breath. "On the way home, they got into a terrible car accident, it was a five car pile up. They were killed instantly."
Gerard remained silent a moment.
"I'm so sorry, that's fucking awful." he was trying his best to give me his sympathy.
"Yeah, it was fucking awful. After their death, I went to live with my only relative. My aunt, she was my dads sister, but she wanted nothing to do with me. She barely even gave a fuck that my parents and her own brother were dead, she practically ignored my presence. I think she was pissed that they left all their money to me. So right when I turned eighteen, I used all of my inheritance money to buy my apartment. I chose it because it was the closest one to my parents grave that I could afford." My words dripped with anger and sorrow. I know Gerard didn't ask for the details but I couldn't control myself. I felt like I had to let it all out. I never tell anyone my story and the stress from holding it in all these years had been building. I hated to trap him like this but it felt good spilling my guts to him. Weather he cared to hear it or not.
"That's so vile, nobody should have to go through that. So you live by yourself now?" Gerard's voice was soothing and helped me feel a little better.
"Yeah, I'm on my own. I use all my money from the bookstore to pay for my food and rent." I hated to hear myself say that. It made me feel like I had no purpose on this Earth.
"Well, you know the guys are always here for you." I noticed how he didn't mention himself at all in that statement and that hurt, But I decided to respect it and not ask questions. Besides at the end of the day he was right, I know the guys would always have my back. Again, we fell silent. He was letting my emotions settle a little before saying anything else.
"So, what was the real reason you wanted to come here?" His question caught me off guard.
"What do you mean?" I looked at him, and his hazel eyes fixated on mine. I had hazel eyes myself, but they weren't nearly as bright and beautiful as his. He kept his eyes locked on mine, they were like laser beams.
"You were so desperate to come here. You practically jumped out of a moving car for fucks sake. There must have been some reason why you wanted to come here so bad."
I tore my eyes away from his and focused back on the graves. "I tell my parents everything. It makes me feel better. I keep having these nightmares and I always come here after I have them to tell them about it. It helps with the anxiety." I spoke low while absentmindedly playing with a strand of my hair. I almost felt embarrassed telling him. It was another secret I kept for years, not even Denise knew. There was just something about Gerard that made me feel comfortable telling him all of the personal parts of my life. I didn't understand it, but it was scary and exciting all at the same time.
"You had one tonight, didn't you?" I nodded my head. "If you don't mind me asking, what was it about? You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." I looked back over at Gerard. I couldn't read the look on his face but this strange feeling inside of me was telling me it was okay to tell him about it.
"Its different every time, but they all end the same way. With people that I love dying. Sometimes it feels as if somebody is gripping my throat. It feels so real sometimes, I feel like I cant even wake up." I didn't realize that tears were streaming down my cheeks until I was finished telling him. Fuck, I was trying to avoid that.
"They sound more like terrors rather than nightmares." He added softly.
"Whatever the fuck they are, I wish they would fucking stop." I said while I brought my knees up to my chest and hugged my legs.
"I understand." I looked over at him. He was staring into the distance. My first instinct was to be angry. How the fuck could he understand? both of his parents are alive and well and love him to death. As a matter of fact, before tonight the guy was a complete dick to me, so how could HE of all people understand! Then it dawned on me. His grandma. The person that he loved and cared for the most was gone. Ripped from his life just like my parents were ripped from mine. I remember Mikey telling me Gerard was never the same after her passing. He grew dark and bitter and became obsessed with death. I immediately felt guilty about my angry thoughts and came up with and idea.
"Lets go visit your grandma." I suggested while standing up and brushing the dirt off my shorts. He turned his head towards me so fast I thought he was going to snap his neck.
"What?" He obviously wasn't expecting me to bring her up.
"Lets go visit your grandma." I repeated calmly. I extended my hand to Gerard. He hesitated at first, then grabbed it and helped himself up. I said my goodbyes to my parents and we were off. "Lead the way, Mr. Way." I gave him a small smile and waved my arms out to urge him to guide us to his grandma. He just looked at me and then started walking as I followed close behind.


"Here she is." He sighed, stopping in front of a mausoleum.
I looked at the small building and smiled. "I didn't know she was in a mausoleum. Its beautiful."
He lowered his eyes. "Yeah, she deserves to be in the most beautiful grave." He looked so sad, it made my heart ache for him.
"You really loved her, didn't you?" I couldn't help myself from asking. he looked at the building again with a longing stare.
"I fucking loved her more than anything. She made me into the person I am. I really don't know where I would be if it wasn't for her. She did everything in her power to make sure me and Mikey were happy." The pain in his voice was apparent. "She taught me to sing you know." He added on with a small saddened chuckle. All I wanted to do was wrap my arms around him and tell him that it was going to be okay, but I restrained myself from doing so. "She would play the piano while she told me which notes to sing. She gave me lessons every weekend." He smiled at the memory, which made me smile as well.
"She really sounded like an amazing woman, Gerard. I wish I could have met her." That was the honest truth. She sounded remarkable. Gerard and Mikey both spoke about her with such honor. It would have been a pleasure to actually interact with her in person instead of hearing about her in stories.
"I wish she was still here...some days I miss her so much." Gerard's voice sounded like it was about to crack.
"She's always with you, Gerard." I said softly to him, He needed to know this. His eyes met mine once again, but this time it was different. I felt a connection to him that I've never felt with anybody else before. He took a step closer to me and I felt my heart beat quicken. He opened his mouth to say something, but was suddenly interrupted by the sound of cackling radios. "This area is all clear, I'm going to check over here." God fucking damnit! Of course we were going to get arrested during our little bonding moment. Can nothing in my life go smoothly for once?!
"Oh shit its the cops!" Gerard whispered roughly. I don't know if it was my nerves or what but I couldn't help but smile and laugh.
"Why the fuck are you laughing? Were about to get arrested for fucks sake!" Gerard looked annoyed with me, but this just made me laugh even harder. He looked so cute when he was nervous. I tried my best to control my giggles and grabbed his arm. "Come on." I pulled him with me and we both started running as fast as we could towards the parking lot. We reached his car and got in as fast as we could. I'm pretty sure we broke some sort of world record or something. We were both completely out of breath and hysterically laughing, our adrenaline pumping at full speed.
"I cant believe that just fucking happened!" Gerard yelled out of excitement.
"I know! I think that was the first time I left a cemetery while laughing." I panted. The whole ride back to my apartment we laughed and joked about our master escape plan of running away like frantic idiots. Before we knew it, we were in front of my building. He cut the engine and we sat in silence for a moment.
"Thank you for everything tonight, Gerard. I really owe you one." I needed him to know I meant this from the bottom of my heart.
"Yeah its no problem." He shrugged his shoulders like it was no big deal.
"I mean it Gerard, thank you. This is the first night in a while where I don't feel like I'm completely alone, and I have you to thank for that. You have no idea how much that means to me." I placed my hand on his shoulder. He looked at my hand and then up at me. I smiled softly at him. I glanced at the clock and saw 4:50AM displayed in glowing red numbers. "Jeeze Its fucking late, I better let you go." I don't know what made me do it but I somehow mustered up enough courage to lean over and kiss his cheek. It must have been the adrenaline still running through me. I felt his whole body stiffen. I then reached for the handle and flung the door open. "Goodnight, and thank you again." I was about to get out but I thought of something else. "Oh and Gerard, I still don't want the guys to know about my parents yet, I'm just not ready for them to know. Do you think we can keep it our little secret?" "
"Yeah." He replied. "Maybe we should keep this whole night to ourselves. I don't think the guys need to know about it." I nodded my head in agreement. He was probably right. I could just hear all the shit the guys would give me if they knew me and Gerard were hanging out alone and I just didn't want to deal with it at the moment. We said our last goodbyes and he was off. I made my way up to my apartment where I would fall asleep thinking about the events that had just occurred, and to thoughts of how this night belonged to only us.