FicWad

I still worry about the weather and I’m sick to death of rain
And these panic attacks do nothing for my tired and swollen brain
My days aren’t getting better, I’m still numbing all the pain
I lost my mind and all my hope in feeling fine again

"Anemophobia By Deaf Havana


While the guys sat down stairs in the kitchen talking to Frank Sr and his Wife Kathleen, Gerard had snook away for a smoke only to be distracted by the music that was coming from the upstairs window. Kathleen said that Frank had gone for a shower before they came in, but he hadn't come down yet. Gerard realised that Frank also had gotten distracted. Gerard went back in the front door and took the stairs two at a time. He wanted to listen closer to what Frank was playing, never had he heard so much pain and passion in one simple melody. The closer he got to the bedroom which the younger man occupied the sadder the melody sounded. The pain Frank was feeling was evident in his music, so much pain that it scared Gerard slightly. He had never known someone to have gone through so much pain in there life time that was still standing. He was scared that this would push Frank over the edge. They weren't a couple, they had tried once but it just didn't work. They wanted different things. Gerard wanted to be in the military which meant long stretches away from home, he had no time or relationships or settling down yet. Frank on the other hand wanted to stay and look after Jason and his mother, he wanted the family life, to buy a home and settle down, although the be never did settle down or find someone who wanted to. After himself and Gerard broke up Frank lost interest in the family life and the big house. He surrounded himself with music and work. Looking after Jason full time until Jason passed away last December due to an infection his body couldn't fight.

Gerard crept into Franks room and saw him sitting on the floor, Indian styles playing his beloved guitar. Gerard leaned against the wall and closed his eye. He loved hearing Frank play, he just didn't get to do it often. He opened his eyes before he got completely lost and Walked over towards Frank smiling, he moved around and sat behind Frank, wrapping his arms around Franks bare waist. Frank was in nothing but his boxer shorts, his olive skin still damp from his shower. He felt Frank relax against his body, Franks fingers slowed down a little but he didn't stop, he knew Gerard didn't want him too. They sat like that for 20 minutes until finally Frank stopped playing, his fingers couldn't move any more.

"How are you?" Frank sighed and put the guitar on the floor In front of him and leaned back against Gerard once again.

"I'm ok... You?" Gerard chuckled at Franks poor attempt at small talk. The kid had never got the hang of it. It was either all or nothing with Frank. Gerard noticed some blood on the stings of Franks guitar.

"I'm ok too. Let me see your hands" He kissed Franks neck lightly, feeling Frank completely relax against him. An affected he had always had on the boy. When ever Gerard was around Frank would completely relax, feeling comfortable in his presence. Thats why even thought a relationship never worked between the two, sex was never an issue. There relationship when it came to sex was always on point and neither would ever deny that fact. They could do anything with or too each other and never feel embarrassed or uncomfortable about it.

Frank sighed and lazily lifted his hand towards Gerard. Tiny blistered that had now burst and was bleeding slightly covered Franks small fingers. How Frank was able to play the guitar so well without missing a cord with such tiny hands was beyond Gerard.

"Babe.... Come on let's get you cleaned up." Gerard pushed Franks forward so he could get up but Frank fell back against him. He wasn't moving an inch.

"No, I have a better idea" Gerard didn't like how that sounded. The seductive tone behind Franks words did many things to Gerard's mind and his body. Frank turned around and sat on his heels, leaning in he kissed Gerard softly and Gerard moaned at the tender touch. He slipped his hands on Franks ass and pulled him a little roughly onto his lap to straddle him. Frank grinded his hips down on Gerard's the second he was placed on the older mans lap. Gerard threw his head back and moaned deep in his throat.

"Fuck Frankie, stop or I'm gonna loose it before we even start" Frank giggled and let his hands wonder under Gerard's shirt. He loved the feel of the older mans muscles under his palms. He missed him when he was abroad, he knew he wouldn't have long left before Gerard had to leave again so he made sure he felt ever muscle Gerard's cheat and abdomen had to offer. He felt the familiar tugging on his heart he always did when he thought about Gerard leaving but he pushed it aside for now. This wasn't the time to get all emotional over the older Man. He had other things to deal with, one being Gerard's body.

Gerard was getting more aroused by the second. Frank had pulled off Gerard's shirt and his tongue was exploring his chests. Images of Franks mother ran through his mind, Frank was trying to distract himself from reality and that made Gerard want to cry. Cry for the boy he loved dearly who had lost everything in less than a year. Franks whole life had been ripped away from him. First Jason and now his mother. They where Franks life, they where the reason he breathed. Franks life had revolved around taking care of Jason and his mother and now they where both gone. Gerard slowly pushed the younger man off him. Frank sat back on his ass between Gerard's legs with a whimper. Gerard watched the boy closely, he wasn't sure what his reaction would be knowing Gerard had pretty much rejected him without using words. Frank looked away from Gerard and got up. He wobbled slightly and Gerard's hand flew up to support him but Frank took a step away from Gerard, catching himself before he fell. He got dressed quickly and left the room before Gerard could utter a word to him. After 10 minutes of sitting on his ass feeling sorry for himself he got up and headed down stairs., he was expecting Frank to be in the kitchen with the rest of them but Gerard couldn't see him. He tried to act like nothing had happened and that he hadn't come from upstairs. Nobody noticed him enter the room just like nobody had noticed him leaving. He was pretty sure nobody even knew he had left. He prayed Frank wasn't out doing something destructive. The longer they sat there talking the more worried he became. The darker it got outside the more anxish he got. He was sweating, His hands shaking. Mikey and Bob walked into the kitchen baring flowers and whisky. Mikey took one look at Gerard and dropped everything. Grabbing him by the arm he dragged him outside to the garden, shouting as he went for someone to get him a glass of water. He sat Gerard down on the grass and kneeled down in front of him. Placing Gerard's palm over his heart so Gerard could feel Mikeys heart beating.

"Breath Gee, it's ok. I'm here. You're safe. Just breath" Mikey watched as Gerard searched his eyes for a lie, just like many times before Gerard didn't find one. He could feel Mikeys heart beat again this hand. His breathing started to slow down again. Tears ran down his pale face and he tried to get Grip of his breathing.

"Here Mikey, is he alright?" Bob handed Mikey the glass of water sitting down beside Gerard and putting his arm around his shoulder.

"I dunno, you ok Gee?" Gerard took the glass Mikey offered him and took a few sips.

"Im good now. Sorry." Gerard had alway felt embarrassed about his anxiety attacks. He hates them and felt like he was weak because of them.

"Never apologise for something you cannot control. What sparked it?" Bob hugged Gerard to his side and waited patiently for Gerard to explain.

"Honestly? It's stupid but.... Frank. We had a sort of a thing upstairs. I went up to check on him and found him playing guitar so I just sat behind him and listened until he couldn't play anymore. Then we kissed and things started to get heavy but I stopped it because I knew he was only doing it for a distraction. I practically rejected him when he is going through the worst time of his life. He got dressed and left without a word and that was a few hours ago. I started to think about all the things he could be up too. You know how destructive he can get when he's upset... I just... I was panicking I guess. He is probably perfectly fine but ... I just have this horrible feeling and I can't shake it."

Mikey sighed, Frank was always the reason behind Gerard's anxiety attacks. He loved Frank like a brother but God did he wish he would just stay away from Gerard and let him move on. Don't read into it to much though, Mikey would love for Gerard and Frank to actually be together instead of fucking around, he knew they where good for each other and they where an adorable couple but it just never worked out for them.

"Gerard... Frank will be fine he's probably just out walking around clearing his head or something. Maybe he even went over to the funeral home to spend some time with his mom." Mikey hoped his word reached Gerard messed up mind and he would actually believe him, even though he didn't quite believe his words himself. They all new Frank well enough to know he could be doing literally anything right now to distract himself from the pain he was feeling. "We just have to leave him be and work this out on his own. We can't do it for him as much as we would love to make everything right again."

"You're right, I know you are. I'm just worried about him I guess. He's been through so much already o don't want to add to his torment." Gerard bowed his head in guilt. If he had just let Frank do what he wanted everything would be ok.

"You alright dude?" Cole stood at the back door watching them calm Gerard down.

"Yeah I'm ok now. Just got a little over stressed." Cole Walked over to where the men where sitting and sat down with them.

"Stressed because of Frank?" Cole was pretty sure what ever happened upstairs was the reason for Gerard freak out. The two could never stay away from each other.

"Yeah..." Gerard replayed what happened to Cole. Cole sat and listened to every word Gerard said. He wanted to slap Gerard for what he did but he also knew what he did was the right thing. Once Gerard was finished rambling he smiled as stood up.

"Come on let's so find him. You need to be able to see he is physically ok so you won't have another attack. It will help." Gerard smiled and stood. Cole was always the protective one of the group. He knew what to say and do to defuse any argument or any situation. "I will meet you out front I just want to go tell Frank Sr where we are going so he doesn't get worried"