FicWad

After we spoke to Castiel about his wings we eventually had to buckle down and get to work. I don’t know why, though. I don’t want to be a hunter. Hozzie seemed to be up for the theoretical side of things, so I was left to do physical training with Dean. They wanted to take it in turns. I didn’t want to spend time with either of them. Especially Dean.

“Alright, hotshot. There’s one rule when it comes to these bad boys;” He said, picking up a rifle that was hidden from my sight. I stepped back a bit when I saw it. I hate guns. “Shoot first, ask questions later. So, we’re going to do a little target practice. Shoot right there.” He said, handing me the gun. I just turned around and started walking away. Unfortunately, he knew what I was thinking, and instantly blocked me.

“Let me go.” I demanded. I didn’t even realise it, but tears started to fall from my already red eyes. “Please?” I begged, barely above a whisper. His expression seemed to soften, but in a few short seconds his face hardened up again.

“No. Listen, kid. This life is tough for everyone. But it gets easier. Watch.” He said. He then shot the aim perfectly. He did an obnoxious laugh and then fist pumped the air. “Bull’s-eye!” He exclaimed. I never wanted to hear that damn noise again. The way the bullet gets released from the trigger is a violent and awful memory. I sunk down against the wall and covered my ears. I started rocking back and forth. I felt Dean trying to tear my hands away from my ears but it wasn’t working. I was sitting in a puddle of my own tears. Eventually once I’d calmed down and looked up, he looked at me with hurt in his eyes.

“I’m sorry.” I sniffled. He shook his head.

“No. I’m sorry. Crap. I shouldn’t have pushed you so much. You alright, kid?” He asked. I shook my head.

“No. I want my mum.” I said, crying. I hated crying in front of people I barely knew, but I couldn’t help myself. This is all so weird and new, and I needed my mum now more than ever.

“I know how you feel kid.” He said. He stroked his chin then spoke up again. “Do you know why you hate the sound of guns so much?” He asked. I nodded my head slowly.

“She died because she shot herself. Can you believe that? I mean, in England it’s practically unheard of. You’re not allowed guns in England. But she managed it. She said she hated us just beforehand. But I know she didn’t mean it. I know she loved us. I just know it.” I said. I started hugging myself, and then I felt him hug me as well. I accepted it, needing any hug I could get at the moment. “You know she killed herself in front of me? Hozzie was out. She was just going to the shops or something but mum said to me that if I valued Hozzie’s life I would watch her blow her brains out.” I continued. I took a big gulp and then continued. “It’s like she wanted me to let Hozzie die but I couldn’t do it. She’s my sister.” I said. Dean nodded his head. He gave me one last squeeze then pulled back. He started getting tears in his eyes too, but he didn’t let them fall.

“You know something, kid? Sounds to me like that wasn’t even your mother. Not really.” He said.

“Yes it was. Her eyes didn’t turn black.” I said.

“It didn’t need to. Or maybe it wasn’t a demon but something else. Either way, your mother did love you very much. Otherwise she wouldn’t have looked after you for all those years.” He explained. I sniffed and nodded my head.

“I still hate guns. If they weren’t around then...” I began.

“Then whatever your mother was at the time would’ve found something else to kill herself with. I promise. Listen, we don’t have to do target practice today. Do you wanna learn self defence or something?” He asked. I shrugged.

“To be honest, and please don’t get angry with me, but I really don’t wanna do anything today. I just want to go back home. It wasn’t perfect there, but that was where my life was.” I said. He shook his head.

“Nah, I won’t get mad. Do you wanna hear some stories of things we’ve done over the years?” He asked. I nodded my head.

“Okay.” I said, wiping my eyes.

“Well, I guess our story really starts soon after Sam went off to Stanford.” He said.

“Sam went to Stanford? What did he do there?” I asked.

“He was practicing law. Anyway, it was just me and dad for a while, and then all of a sudden he goes on a hunt. Back in those days we were trying to find the demon that killed my mother. When Sammy was 6 months old and I was 4, she was pinned to the ceiling by a yellow-eyed demon and set on fire. His name was Azazel. Anyway, dad goes missing for like a week, which in our line of work mainly means one thing. It seemed like he was dead. So I go to find Sam who didn’t really wanna keep in contact with us because he wanted the normal life. Stuff happened and his girlfriend died the same way our mom did, but he eventually decided to come back to the hunting life.” He explained. He told me loads about what has happened until now. Killing Azazel, some demon named Meg, a demon named Ruby, a demon named Lilith. There was a whole tonne of demons. And how Sam and Dead caused and stopped the apocalypse, how they met Castiel, everything. It was really cool. But it was also really scary, and Dean could sense that I was feeling a little deflated.

“Do you think Hozzie and I will ever die like you guys did?” I asked. He shook his head.

“I won’t let that happen. And even if it does, there’s no way I’m letting either of you stay dead.” He answered. I smiled and nodded my head. All of a sudden, Hozzie and Sam walked in.

“Bull’s-eye? Nice!” Sam congratulated when he saw the target.

“Oh my god. Guns! Penina, are you okay?” Hozzie asked, kneeling down to me. I smiled at her and nodded my head.

“I think so. Just took in a lot of information.” I answered. Then I asked her a question. “Hozzie, have you ever wondered since we’ve been with Sam and Dean that maybe mum didn’t kill herself?”

“What do you mean?” Shea asked.

“I mean, look around us. The world isn’t the same as it used to be.” I stated. Sam sighed.

“She’s right, you know? I was about 8 when I found out paranormal stuff existed. I mean, at first I couldn’t believe it. Then I started to believe it more and more. I was researching, even for things that didn’t exist just so I could get my fix of revenge. It never worked though. And then dad would come back and get mad at me for wasting his time.” He said.

“But you’re hunting monsters now. That’s gotta count for something, right?” Hozzie asked.

“Maybe, but it took a long time to get to where I am now. Speaking of which, how about us two do some physical hunting?” Sam suggested. Hozzie nodded her head as Dean went to get some more books. “So, have you ever handled a gun before?” Sam asked. Hozzie shook her head.

“No. Well, at this adventure holiday the school did a couple of years back we shot rifles, but that’s not really the same.” Hozzie said. I remembered that. I volunteered for Hozzie and I to go first. She was reluctant but Hozzie got a better score than me.

“And how did you do?” He asked.

“Not too bad. I shot the target at least half the time.” Hozzie answered.

“Not bad at all. Have you ever used a pistol before?” Sam asked. She shook her head. “Okay, well here’s what you have to do;” He began, handing her a silver pistol. “I’ve already set it up for you; you just need to look through that bit over there, hold your gun like this, and then squeeze the trigger.” Sam said, demonstrating. “You try.” He said. Hozzie copied Sam, but actually shot the gun. It hit the target well, but I still flinched when the bullet left the gun. Dean noticed this, and put his hand on my shoulder.

“Wanna get outta here, kid?” He asked. I shrugged. I didn’t know in all honesty. I didn’t want to have flashbacks of what happened, but at the same time, I need to learn how to get used to it. Besides, hearing Hozzie and Sam have fun was kinda nice. But I didn’t have to make the decision. Dean got up, helped me up, and led me to the room right by the front door.

“You know I’m gonna have to get used to it eventually?” I said. Dean nodded his head.

“Yeah but in the right way. I’ve been to hell and back. Literally. And the best thing I did was take each day as it comes.” He said. I nodded my head. I suppose that makes sense. After about an hour of doing nonstop research, Hozzie and Sam came out. We looked up at them. Hozzie was cheering and Sam was laughing.

“What’s going on?” I asked, happily taking my eyes off the book in front of me.

“I got a bull’s-eye. 10 times in a row.” She said. I feigned a weak smile at her.

“Well done, Hoz.” I said.

“Yeah. I’ve never seen anything like it. She’s got excellent aim. Bet she’ll be able to gank a werewolf sometime soon.” He beamed. I smiled at them. I guess I’ll never have that kind of brotherly bond. Let’s face it. Sam and I don’t really have much in common, and Dean hates me unless he feels sorry for me. But I guess I don’t need those boys anyway. I’ve got Hozzie, and that’s enough.

“Awesome. Speaking of which, I just got a call from Charlie. Said she needs us for a suspected werewolf pack in Ohio.” Dean said. I was wondering what that call from earlier was.

“Uh, Dean? What about...?” Sam asked.

“Oh, uh, yeah. Girls, you’ve got a choice. You can either stay in the bunker, or you can come with us to the motel. Your choice.” Dean said, turning to face us. I knew Hozzie and I were thinking the same thing.

“We wanna come with you.” Hozzie said immediately.

“Really? I thought you hated the long car journeys.” Sam said.

“Yeah, we know. It’s just that we get bored easily and we still have more to know about you guys. I mean, if you’d prefer we snooped around your stuff...” I began joking, but Dean didn’t look too amused.

“No, uh... no. You can come with us.” Dean said, coughing awkwardly. Hozzie and I grinned at each other, packed some bags, and went to the car. Dean told Cas we were leaving and we went on our way.

“So, this is like a regular thing for you guys, huh? You don’t care who it is, you just leave straight away if you think you can help?” Hozzie said.

“Yeah. Pretty much. Maybe someday you girls will join us.” Sam said. Dean shot him a look. “What?” Sam asked in confusion.

“Of course they can’t be hunters! What are you freaking kidding me? I don’t want them to get themselves killed!” Dean exclaimed. Hozzie and I furrowed our eyebrows.

“Wait, then what are you training us for?” I asked.

“Yeah. How come you’re training us for nothing?” Hozzie said.

“Not for nothing. It’s for in case you do bump into something.” Dean answered. I slumped back in my seat.

“That’s stupid. Why would we come all this way then?” I asked angrily.

“Because you said you wanted to.” Dean argued. I bit my tongue, a plan already forming in my head.

“Fine.” I said, trying to sound alright about it. But I could tell they knew I was kind of annoyed.

It was a long drive to Ohio. Really long. It took about half a day including breaks, so we got there at about midnight. Sam and Hozzie spent their time talking about their triumphs whereas I kept my mouth shut. Dean was focussing on driving and I had basically nothing to do. I just sat there and slept for most of it. Then we pulled up outside a really dingy and worn down hotel. I grimaced at the sight of it. But I knew it would be worth it. We got two separate rooms. One for me and Hozzie, and one for Sam and Dean. Once Hozzie and I were situated, we got ready for bed. It was pretty late after all.

“It was pretty fun tonight, huh?” Hozzie said, trying to get me to agree with her. I shook my head.

“Not for me.” I answered. She looked a bit sad when I said that. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m so happy that you and Sam get on. Hell, even Dean’s warming up to you. But I don’t want this life, Hollie.” I said, calling her by her real name, letting her know how serious I was.

“So what are you going to do?” She asked, getting slightly worried.

“It’s fine. Trust me. You just go to sleep, okay?” I told her.

“What are you going to do?” She repeated. I sighed. I had to tell her the truth.

“I’m going to run away.” I answered.

“You’re going to what?” She asked. I looked down at the ground feeling slightly guilty.

“It’s not that I won’t come back. I will. I just need some time for myself for a bit. And god knows it’s been a hellish week so far.” I told her.

“You can’t go anywhere. What if a demon possesses you? What if a vampire bites your neck? What if...” She started.

“I’ll be careful. Plus, I stole some of Dean’s money earlier. So I kinda need to go quick before he notices.” I explained.

“Penina, no...” She said.

“It’ll be okay. I’ll be back tomorrow. Maybe. Maybe a bit longer. I just want to explore this place. On my own. I’ll be back before you know it.” I said. I gave her a hug and then went to the bathroom to get dressed again. I tied my long brown hair up and put my hoodie up. I grabbed my bag and before I knew it, I was out the door. I said goodbye to Hozzie and left. I took my phone with me but I turned it off. All I needed right now was a drink. I walked into the first bar I saw and ordered a drink. “Double vodka please.” I said, handing him the cash. He looked at me quizzically, but nodded his head. It did seem a bit strange that a young woman is out on her own in an old bar.

“Coming up.” He said before pouring and handing me the drink. I drank it in one big gulp and didn’t feel anything.

“Another, please.” I said handing him the cash he needed.

“Damn. You okay, girl?” He asked. I shrugged.

“I don’t know. You ever have a dream and suddenly you realise that what’s going on around you doesn’t make any sense, and you realise it’s a dream: and you realise that if you know it’s a dream then you can control what’s going to happen next? Well right now it feels exactly like that. Only, backwards.” I answered, taking lines straight out of a monologue I practiced at school.

“Like lucid dreaming?” He asked. I nodded my head.

“Yeah.” I answered, feeling glad that someone finally knew what I was on about.

“Well honey, it’s about to get a lot worse.” He said before his eyes turned black.