FicWad

~Benji's POV~
"WHAT?!?" I yelled going into the room and closing the doors so that downstairs couldn't hear what was going on.
"You heard me." She said testily.
"Sophie, are you nuts?" I breathed. "I can't quit the band."
"Why not?"
"I love that band, it's my life. I put my whole self into the music we make."
"I can tell." She said dryly.
"Sophie, its not funny."
"You're right, its not." She said angrily."Cuz I gave up every dream, every plan I had of being someone, and I gave them up for you and that band. I gave my life for you and I want it back. Quit the band or quit the family."
"If I leave, how will you get what you want?"
"I wont, but at least I wont have to deal with the pain of having an ungrateful, asshole husband."
I opened my mouth to say something then shut it. "I cried for you." I choked out, the left slamming the door behind me. I ran out of the house into the icy December weather, not bothering to grab my jacket. Freezing to death would actually be a pleasure.
I walked through the snow filled streets of our neighborhood, shivering in my thin cotton shirt. Sophie had officially lost it. I meant it when I said I'd do anything she wants, but not leave the band. I just couldn't quit the band, I couldn't. It was all I had.... Maybe that was it then. It wasn't all I had anymore. I wasn't an emotionally struggling sixteen year old anymore. I want a poor and lonely loser. Now I had Sophie and my children. I had love, I had a family... I was somebody. And someone other then my band and fans cared about me and I actually had someone looking up to me. Four someones who loved and depended on me. Maybe I had everything the band substituted. And maybe, the only reason I held onto the band, was because I never really saw how much I had. I was blind to all Sophie had done for me, all she had sacrificed so that I could search for something I already had.
But still.... Quit the band... It was too crazy to think about. I loved my job, I loved making music and being in the position where so many people listen to what I say and give me the to make a difference. I loved struggling to put the right words to the right melodies, then to the right music and being able to go home at the end of the day knowing that I had made something beautiful that will be shared with the world. The feeling I got looking out on a crowd of pumped up excited kids. The feeling that at the end of the day I'm doing something useful with my life.
I wanted Sophie and my kids god knows I wanted them. But I was not going to quit my band. Forget about the guys needing me, I needed me. And me was Benji Madden, Good Charlotte guitarist, backup vocalist, and songwriter. If Sophie loved me for who I was, this was it.
I sat down on a park bench, hugging my arms around my shivering body. I hated the position I was in. having t chose between my family and my band. It sounded so sick, but wasn't as selfish as it sounded. I could've stayed with the band and had partial custody of my kids. I laughed out loud to myself, who was I kidding? I couldn't live like that. I loved Sophie more than life itself, I couldn't lose her. Sounds like the decision would be made then, right? But it was killing me
"You alright man?"
I looked up at the owner of the familiar voice and smiled a little bit. My best friend Tony sat next to me on the bench wearing some bigass puffy coat and holding my own coat in his hands.
"What're you doing here?" I asked, my teeth chattering and rubbing my hands together t warm them. Tony handed me my jacket and I gratefully put it on.
"Well you didn't come to hang at the hotel like you said you would, so I decided to come bother you. Only, Joel said you left. So I found you." He shrugged. "Are you ok man? Cuz Sophie looked a mess, and your sitting in a park in a short sleeve cotton t-shirt, crying. What happened?"
"I was crying?" I asked in surprise wiping the tears off my face with the back of my hand.
"Yeah, you gonna tell me what's wrong or am I gonna have to hurt you?"
"You see Tayala?"
"Yeah man, she's fucking gorgeous."
I smiled looking down at my pale hands. "Sim's a genius and Zeke is Dennis the Menace reborn." I mumbled.
"Benj?"
"I sighed deeply and rubbed my face with my ice cold hands. "I ignored my family for two years Tone. Before yesterday, the last time I held Zeke, he was roughly six months old. He thought Joel was his father. Sim thought I was gonna leave like David Henders next door. Tayala was scared of being alone with me. And Sophie... Sophie filed for divorce."
"No way man!" Tony was suddenly on his feet. "That's bullshit dude! You guys can't get divorced; you're like soul mates or something. You're the most precious couple in the world!"
"I know." I whispered rubbing my eyes. "My life's in the shits Tony. Because either I quit the band or I'm out. Either way I lose."
"Yeah, but Benj.... its your family." He breathed. "Dude, I'd give anything to have what you do. I mean Sharon's on every medication there, and we're trying so hard. We fight abut it all the time and stuff, and in all honesty, we both know we wont be able to have kids. I'd die for your family."
"Yes I know I'm an ungrateful bastard, ok?" I spat. "I know I'm a shit husband and even shittier dad. I'm useless and ungrateful and I take everything for granted. Thank you Tony, I'm aware."
"I didn't say that." He said quietly.
"I know." I sighed. "I'm sorry. I just... she said that to me, you know? And I could take it from anyone else. Just not her. It really really hurt when she said it. I mean, she... I love her, you know? And I ... I just... I hate this Tony! I cried for her. I cried. And I'm coming to the point where I'm not so sure she loves me anymore. And when I think about it, I can't breathe Tony, I cant breath. My heart cant beat and I cant live. If I lose her, I'm just a waste of space. She made me somebody and without her, I don't exists."

*ok... i know for a fact that more than one person is reading this story! at least 8 are! come on ppl! one little review is all im asking you for!