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Categories > Original > Romance > A dragon and a knight

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• A dragon and a knight

  (#) Ithilwen 2006-08-30

  You'd do well to devide this up into paragraphs and spiff up the capitalization. Also, this is set in knightly times, right? How about instead of using a modern idea, like "goth-looking dress," you use a timeless or a knightly-era way to describe it. When in doubt, just say "a long black dress."
  
  Remember, if this is a fantasty-type universe, you can say something like, "a long dress made out of witchcloth" (and explain what witchcloth is later). If this is historical fiction, then find out what kind of cloth people made dresses out of, like linen or homespun.

• A dragon and a knight

  (#) angel_of_life2345 2006-08-31

  Sis never said it was in knightly times. its in an alternat univers. therefor a 'goth like' outfit is axceptibal. plus i made sakuya so if you have any complaints about her then come to me

• A dragon and a knight

  (#) Princess_Rixie 2006-09-08

  I agree with Ithilwen on this one.
  
  While it's cool idea and stuff, it needs a ton of work.
  
  Split it into paragraphs, and do some more editting, and this story could be really good.
  
  And, the "goth-looking dress" is a minor detail, but it shows that the author is too lazy to represent the correct time period. Alternative universe or not, the mixing of time periods is, if not pulled off properly, amateurish and we wouldn't want that, would we?
  
  So, some extra work would be really good. But, this shows potential.
  
  Good luck!

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