Categories > Celebrities > Guns n' Roses > Through The Eyes Of...
Izzy
After fucking fighting with Axl I took a long, quiet shower. After a day like today why couldn’t he just let me have my fucking fix and be quiet about it? Why does he have to pick today to ride me about that shit? I’m filthy, I’m tired, I’m sunburned and I fucking want Axl to shut the fuck up and let me get high in peace. Ok, rant over. I lean against the wall and let the hot water spray down over me and close my eyes, finally enjoying the quiet that comes with being alone. Axl would be the one person that I would think would understand that I need to be alone sometimes just to think and process things and fucking mentally prepare myself to be around other people.
I’ve always been introverted for the most part. Drinking and doing smack relaxed me enough to be able to socialize most of the time; otherwise being around a bunch of people made me nervous and fucking annoyed. Axl was usually the only person I could stomach being around 24 hours a day but on days like today I even want him to leave me the hell alone. I am not up for his fucking dictator lectures today. I know he’s just worried about me but I can’t deal with that shit right now. Right now I just want to stand in here and be left alone.
I get left in peace for about 30 minutes and then Axl tries to open the bathroom door so he can come in and bug me some more. I knew he would try and come in here and bug me after he had some time to think so I locked the fucking door and he knew I was going to lock him out; but he also knows that I don’t want to hear him standing outside and pounding on the fucking door and yelling into the bathroom so I’ll hurry up and come out. “Izzy!” he yells. “You alright in there?”
“I’m fine Axl, I’ll be out in a little while, chill the fuck out man!” I holler back at the locked door.
“What the fuck are you doing in there?” he asks.
“Being fucking alone in the quiet now shut up!” I snarl.
“God damnit Izzy you don’t have to be such a pissy fucker! Fucking stay in there all night for all I fucking care!” Axl fires back at me and then kicks the door for good measure. I finally grab the shampoo and wash my hair and then lather myself up with soap and clean the grease and sweat off of my body. That’s so much fucking better. I get out and comb my hair and brush my teeth and then stand next to the window and light a cigarette. I can see the cars driving by on the highway from here and the noise is kind of soothing. I just stand there for a while and blow smoke out the window and let the night air run over me. It’s still hot but not as bad as it was earlier. Guess I’m going to have to face my little red-headed tornado now. I take a deep breath and toss my cigarette out onto the sandy ground behind the building and close the window.
When I open the door Axl’s laying on the bed we were sprawled out on earlier only he’s under the covers now, the cheap nylon bedspread and bleached white sheets covering him from the waist down. I grab some lotion off of the sink and walk out and sit down beside him and he glances up at me then turns his eyes back to the television. “C’mere,” I murmur and pull his arm towards me.
“No, you’re being an asshole, I don’t want to come over there,” he says and pulls his arm away from me.
“Just come over here and let me put some lotion on your face, it’s all burnt and I know it hurts. You’ve been a prick all evening too now knock it off and come over here, I don’t want to argue with you anymore,” I tell him and this time he lets me pull his upper body over into my arms. I look down into those angry, green, eyes and stroke the hair back out of his face.
“Izzy why do you have to be such a pain in the ass sometimes?” he asks. “You know I worry about you getting sick on that shit or accidentally fucking offing yourself with it. You know it so why do you fight me so fucking hard about it?”
I sigh and pull him closer to me and further into my chest and I kiss the top of his head. “Axl, I just can’t always deal with shit the way you can; you can deal with your demons, I just don’t want to fucking deal with mine all the time. I’m just so fucking tired of the way I feel inside sometimes and I don’t want to feel it anymore so I numb it out! I know you don’t like it but Axl; I just can’t always handle shit as me without something in my system to shut my fucking brain up you know? I know you get it, you’re not that different from me, it’s just that you get angry and let it all out but I suck it all in and sometimes, most of the time, it’s just too fucking much for me, ok? Please Axe, just let it be for a while alright?” I beg him and softly cup his face in my right hand and kiss his pretty mouth. He doesn’t pull away, he doesn’t kiss back right away, but he doesn’t pull away. Finally he sighs and gives in and returns my kiss sweetly; relaxing and brushing my dripping hair back out of my face and behind my ear.
“Just don’t die on me Izzy, and don’t turn into one of those fucking junkies so desperate for shit that they’d fuck their own grandma for it ok? I need you, I fucking love you you idiot and I just want you to be ok,” he admits.
“I won’t die on you babe, and I won’t fuck my grandma, or your grandma; anyone else’s grandma I can’t guarantee but not either of ours ok!” I joke with him but I don’t smile, I say it with an absolutely straight face and look him in the eye.
He just stares at me for a second with a ‘what the fuck’ look on his face and I smirk at him. He rolls his eyes and his face fucking lights up when a smile crosses it; shit not just his face, it’s like his whole body gets lighter and he loosens up and laughs a little and then punches me in the arm. “You’re a sick fuck sometimes, do you know that?” he asks still smiling.
“Well that’s why you love me Fireball,” I drawl, “and I love you because you’re such a pain in the fucking ass! Now lay down and be still and let me put some of this lotion on your face, you look like a half cooked lobster. He actually listens to me for once and closes his eyes as I rub the cream into his skin; then he shoves me down and takes the bottle from me. “Hey!” I protest.
“What? You’re just as burnt as me, be quiet and let me smear some of this stuff on your face, it helps, it doesn’t hurt so much now,” he barks. Even though he’s playing rough and just jerked the lotion out of my hand his fingers are gentle as he rubs the stuff into my sunburned skin. I pull his palm to my lips when he’s done and kiss it softly and he leans down and kisses me softly. It’s a nice moment for about five seconds until we both hear Slash yell Duff’s name through the wall.
I start laughing and Axl glares at me. “What? Why are you giving me that look? It’s funny!”
“Don’t think I forgot you were fucking ogling him earlier! Don’t tell me you wouldn’t love to know what’s going in there right now either! I know you!” Axl growls; his eyes narrowing even more.
“Settle down Fireball! Why do you get so wound up? Just quit worrying about me and Curly next door would ya? Yeah, he’s a hot little number, I’ll give him that, but I like redheads, they’ve got this firey temperament that I like to masochistically subject myself to!” I say to Axl and flip him over on the bed so that he’s pinned underneath me. He squirms around and tries to get away but I won’t let him go. “Stop fighting me tonight, calm down and let me hold you for a little while; I don’t want to argue any more tonight alright? Fuck don’t you know by now I want you and nobody else? Do you think I’d put up with your shit if I didn’t love you more than anybody on this fucking planet? You know better so knock it off tonight and quit worrying about Slash! He’s our new guitarist Axl and he’s really good and I don’t want to lose him because you’ve got some bat shit idea up your ass about me wanting to fuck him. With that kid playing lead and me and you and Duff writing and your vocals we can really make it Axe, this is it, the is THE BAND and I know it and you know it and those two next door know it! Hell, maybe even that idiot drummer has figured it out! So I don’t want you to do anything but make them feel welcome from here on out got it?” I hiss at him and lean down looking into his eyes which puts more of my weight on his wrists and he squirms.
He’s glaring at me, breathing hard, his chest heaving up and down in fury. “Lemme go!” he grunts.
“If I do are you gonna settle down or are you going to punch me?” I ask raising an eyebrow at him. I’m not letting go if you’re just gonna fucking sock me in the jaw.”
“Let me go Izzy! I’m not gonna hit you ok just let go of me!” he pleads, his voice sounding a little desperate. I look down into his eyes one more time and I sit up and let his wrists go. He sits up quickly and buries his face in my chest; his arms sliding underneath mine and locking around my ribcage. Shit, I didn’t mean to upset him like this, I just wanted him to stop his shit for the night.
“Hey,” I say softly into his hair “let me move off your legs.” He lets go of me just long enough for me to move over beside him and then he’s clinging to me again. I pull him down onto the bed with me and he curls into my side and I wrap my arms around his skinny frame. “I’m sorry baby, I didn’t mean to upset you,” I whisper and stroke his long red-gold hair.
“No, I’m sorry Izz, you were right. The kid is a really good guitar player and I should quit being jealous. I don’t want to ruin shit before it even gets started,” he sighs.
“All of that is true but I still shouldn’t have held you down like that. I’m sorry, I’m really sorry baby,” I murmur and run my fingers over the line of his cheek bone.
“Sorry enough to watch Murder She Wrote?” he asks propping himself up on an elbow and looking at me while trying to keep a mischievous smile from curling his lips up. He knows I hate that fucking show.
“Fine,” I agree in mock aggravation, “I’ll watch that stupid show with you!” He lays back down and curls even further into me and I shift around so that we’re both comfortable. He can watch Murder She Wrote, I’m going to fall asleep with my arms wrapped around my love.
No
After fucking fighting with Axl I took a long, quiet shower. After a day like today why couldn’t he just let me have my fucking fix and be quiet about it? Why does he have to pick today to ride me about that shit? I’m filthy, I’m tired, I’m sunburned and I fucking want Axl to shut the fuck up and let me get high in peace. Ok, rant over. I lean against the wall and let the hot water spray down over me and close my eyes, finally enjoying the quiet that comes with being alone. Axl would be the one person that I would think would understand that I need to be alone sometimes just to think and process things and fucking mentally prepare myself to be around other people.
I’ve always been introverted for the most part. Drinking and doing smack relaxed me enough to be able to socialize most of the time; otherwise being around a bunch of people made me nervous and fucking annoyed. Axl was usually the only person I could stomach being around 24 hours a day but on days like today I even want him to leave me the hell alone. I am not up for his fucking dictator lectures today. I know he’s just worried about me but I can’t deal with that shit right now. Right now I just want to stand in here and be left alone.
I get left in peace for about 30 minutes and then Axl tries to open the bathroom door so he can come in and bug me some more. I knew he would try and come in here and bug me after he had some time to think so I locked the fucking door and he knew I was going to lock him out; but he also knows that I don’t want to hear him standing outside and pounding on the fucking door and yelling into the bathroom so I’ll hurry up and come out. “Izzy!” he yells. “You alright in there?”
“I’m fine Axl, I’ll be out in a little while, chill the fuck out man!” I holler back at the locked door.
“What the fuck are you doing in there?” he asks.
“Being fucking alone in the quiet now shut up!” I snarl.
“God damnit Izzy you don’t have to be such a pissy fucker! Fucking stay in there all night for all I fucking care!” Axl fires back at me and then kicks the door for good measure. I finally grab the shampoo and wash my hair and then lather myself up with soap and clean the grease and sweat off of my body. That’s so much fucking better. I get out and comb my hair and brush my teeth and then stand next to the window and light a cigarette. I can see the cars driving by on the highway from here and the noise is kind of soothing. I just stand there for a while and blow smoke out the window and let the night air run over me. It’s still hot but not as bad as it was earlier. Guess I’m going to have to face my little red-headed tornado now. I take a deep breath and toss my cigarette out onto the sandy ground behind the building and close the window.
When I open the door Axl’s laying on the bed we were sprawled out on earlier only he’s under the covers now, the cheap nylon bedspread and bleached white sheets covering him from the waist down. I grab some lotion off of the sink and walk out and sit down beside him and he glances up at me then turns his eyes back to the television. “C’mere,” I murmur and pull his arm towards me.
“No, you’re being an asshole, I don’t want to come over there,” he says and pulls his arm away from me.
“Just come over here and let me put some lotion on your face, it’s all burnt and I know it hurts. You’ve been a prick all evening too now knock it off and come over here, I don’t want to argue with you anymore,” I tell him and this time he lets me pull his upper body over into my arms. I look down into those angry, green, eyes and stroke the hair back out of his face.
“Izzy why do you have to be such a pain in the ass sometimes?” he asks. “You know I worry about you getting sick on that shit or accidentally fucking offing yourself with it. You know it so why do you fight me so fucking hard about it?”
I sigh and pull him closer to me and further into my chest and I kiss the top of his head. “Axl, I just can’t always deal with shit the way you can; you can deal with your demons, I just don’t want to fucking deal with mine all the time. I’m just so fucking tired of the way I feel inside sometimes and I don’t want to feel it anymore so I numb it out! I know you don’t like it but Axl; I just can’t always handle shit as me without something in my system to shut my fucking brain up you know? I know you get it, you’re not that different from me, it’s just that you get angry and let it all out but I suck it all in and sometimes, most of the time, it’s just too fucking much for me, ok? Please Axe, just let it be for a while alright?” I beg him and softly cup his face in my right hand and kiss his pretty mouth. He doesn’t pull away, he doesn’t kiss back right away, but he doesn’t pull away. Finally he sighs and gives in and returns my kiss sweetly; relaxing and brushing my dripping hair back out of my face and behind my ear.
“Just don’t die on me Izzy, and don’t turn into one of those fucking junkies so desperate for shit that they’d fuck their own grandma for it ok? I need you, I fucking love you you idiot and I just want you to be ok,” he admits.
“I won’t die on you babe, and I won’t fuck my grandma, or your grandma; anyone else’s grandma I can’t guarantee but not either of ours ok!” I joke with him but I don’t smile, I say it with an absolutely straight face and look him in the eye.
He just stares at me for a second with a ‘what the fuck’ look on his face and I smirk at him. He rolls his eyes and his face fucking lights up when a smile crosses it; shit not just his face, it’s like his whole body gets lighter and he loosens up and laughs a little and then punches me in the arm. “You’re a sick fuck sometimes, do you know that?” he asks still smiling.
“Well that’s why you love me Fireball,” I drawl, “and I love you because you’re such a pain in the fucking ass! Now lay down and be still and let me put some of this lotion on your face, you look like a half cooked lobster. He actually listens to me for once and closes his eyes as I rub the cream into his skin; then he shoves me down and takes the bottle from me. “Hey!” I protest.
“What? You’re just as burnt as me, be quiet and let me smear some of this stuff on your face, it helps, it doesn’t hurt so much now,” he barks. Even though he’s playing rough and just jerked the lotion out of my hand his fingers are gentle as he rubs the stuff into my sunburned skin. I pull his palm to my lips when he’s done and kiss it softly and he leans down and kisses me softly. It’s a nice moment for about five seconds until we both hear Slash yell Duff’s name through the wall.
I start laughing and Axl glares at me. “What? Why are you giving me that look? It’s funny!”
“Don’t think I forgot you were fucking ogling him earlier! Don’t tell me you wouldn’t love to know what’s going in there right now either! I know you!” Axl growls; his eyes narrowing even more.
“Settle down Fireball! Why do you get so wound up? Just quit worrying about me and Curly next door would ya? Yeah, he’s a hot little number, I’ll give him that, but I like redheads, they’ve got this firey temperament that I like to masochistically subject myself to!” I say to Axl and flip him over on the bed so that he’s pinned underneath me. He squirms around and tries to get away but I won’t let him go. “Stop fighting me tonight, calm down and let me hold you for a little while; I don’t want to argue any more tonight alright? Fuck don’t you know by now I want you and nobody else? Do you think I’d put up with your shit if I didn’t love you more than anybody on this fucking planet? You know better so knock it off tonight and quit worrying about Slash! He’s our new guitarist Axl and he’s really good and I don’t want to lose him because you’ve got some bat shit idea up your ass about me wanting to fuck him. With that kid playing lead and me and you and Duff writing and your vocals we can really make it Axe, this is it, the is THE BAND and I know it and you know it and those two next door know it! Hell, maybe even that idiot drummer has figured it out! So I don’t want you to do anything but make them feel welcome from here on out got it?” I hiss at him and lean down looking into his eyes which puts more of my weight on his wrists and he squirms.
He’s glaring at me, breathing hard, his chest heaving up and down in fury. “Lemme go!” he grunts.
“If I do are you gonna settle down or are you going to punch me?” I ask raising an eyebrow at him. I’m not letting go if you’re just gonna fucking sock me in the jaw.”
“Let me go Izzy! I’m not gonna hit you ok just let go of me!” he pleads, his voice sounding a little desperate. I look down into his eyes one more time and I sit up and let his wrists go. He sits up quickly and buries his face in my chest; his arms sliding underneath mine and locking around my ribcage. Shit, I didn’t mean to upset him like this, I just wanted him to stop his shit for the night.
“Hey,” I say softly into his hair “let me move off your legs.” He lets go of me just long enough for me to move over beside him and then he’s clinging to me again. I pull him down onto the bed with me and he curls into my side and I wrap my arms around his skinny frame. “I’m sorry baby, I didn’t mean to upset you,” I whisper and stroke his long red-gold hair.
“No, I’m sorry Izz, you were right. The kid is a really good guitar player and I should quit being jealous. I don’t want to ruin shit before it even gets started,” he sighs.
“All of that is true but I still shouldn’t have held you down like that. I’m sorry, I’m really sorry baby,” I murmur and run my fingers over the line of his cheek bone.
“Sorry enough to watch Murder She Wrote?” he asks propping himself up on an elbow and looking at me while trying to keep a mischievous smile from curling his lips up. He knows I hate that fucking show.
“Fine,” I agree in mock aggravation, “I’ll watch that stupid show with you!” He lays back down and curls even further into me and I shift around so that we’re both comfortable. He can watch Murder She Wrote, I’m going to fall asleep with my arms wrapped around my love.
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