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Izzy

Fuck. Me. I was hoping to find some smack before I got to this point but it happened faster than I had planned. I had planned on rationing what I had picked up in LA before we left so that I’d at least make it to Seattle where I figured I’d be able to score. Duff told me once that one reason he’d left Seattle was because so many of his friends had become junkies and a few had died from overdoses. So I tried to keep my habit hidden from it but Axl told me the other night that Duff was on to me. We’d been on the road longer than I had thought we would be and I have like zero ability to ration out my shit anyway. When I’m high or about to go through withdrawl I’ll use more to feel better and know that I’m going to regret it tomorrow but it doesn’t matter, I’ll do it anyway; I can’t stop myself.

I’ve been dry heaving for the past 15 minutes after throwing up everything I’d eaten since we got here. I had a few shots earlier trying to stave off the sickness and knock me out for a few hours but apparently that didn't work. Now it’s like three in the morning, my stomach’s on fire, I can’t stop heaving, I’m soaked in sweat, shaking, my skin’s crawling, and every joint in my body aches. Axl’s being a prick about it too. I know he’s angry at me but being a prick is not going to help anything right now.

“Izzy,” I hear a voice say, “are you drying out man?” It’s Duff.

“Yeah,” I whisper and nod miserably. “Make it stop, god somebody make it stop,” I beg and clutch my stomach collapsing back into the pillows where Axl propped me up on the pull out bed we’re sharing.

“You should have thought about that before you started shooting that shit into your arm!” Axl snarls. I just glare at him, I don’t have the energy to fight with him anymore.

“That’s not going to help right now Axl,” Duff says. “We can get him clean when we get back to LA but not right now and not on the way back, not after the shit we had to go through to get here. We can’t have this happening in the middle of nowhere if we end up there again.”

“Get him clean, he’s a fucking dealer Duff!” Axl snorts.

“Well it’s feeding your ass isn’t Axl?” Duff points out. Axl just looks pissed.

“Slash, will you go get Izzy a glass of water and a cool washcloth please, there’s washcloths in the closet in the bathroom,” Duff tells him. Slash nods and gets up and walks into the bathroom, picking up a clean solo cup from the pack Duff's friends had put downstairs for tomorrow night's party that's being thrown in honor of Duff's homecoming.

He comes back and Duff starts to wipe down my face with the rag but Axl snatches it away. “I’ll do it,” he snaps. I roll my eyes but Axl wipes down my face and neck carefully; much more gently than I was expecting. Slash hands Axl the water and I rinse my mouth out and spit the water back in the trashcan I threw up in; I don’t want to drink it, it’ll just come back up.
“You want a joint Izzy?” Duff asks.
“Please,” I rasp. Duff gets up and goes upstairs coming back with a couple of joints and fishes his lighter out of his pants. He lights the weed and hands it to me and I inhale deeply. Shit whatever kind of weed this is it’s strong. But the high at least settles my nerves a little.

“Izzy, I can get you straight until we get home but you’ve gotta stop this when we get there, understand?” Duff says to me.

“See, even Duff’s telling you that Izz! It’s not just me!” Axl growls butting in.

“Shut up Axl! I snarl. I’m tired of him being up in my face tonight. I turn back to Duff. "Yeah, ok, I know, trust me I know!” I tell him. “There’s money in my wallet, I sold that coke earlier tonight and there’s still $100 left from the truck driver. Steven and Slash have the money for the trip back. Stevie’s grandmother gave him some money and so did Curly’s mom and plus we’ll get paid here. Please Duff!” I groan.

“Alright,” Duff replies taking the money out of my wallet. “Axl, come with me, give Izzy a break,” Duff says in a voice that doesn’t allow any room for argument. Of course, Axl would argue with Ghandi.

“What, and leave him here with Curly Sue? Fuck no!” Axl spits out.

“Go Axl! Just leave me the fuck alone for a little while!” I almost yell. “Nothing’s going to be happening here between me and the kid! What am I going to puke ok him? Quit being an asshole and just do what I asked you to do which is to get the fuck out of my face for right now!”

“Fine fucker, but you had better enjoy this fucking dope because once we get home it’s over you got it?!” Axl huffs.

“Whatever, quit being a fucking dictator, I don’t need your shit right now!” I reply.

“C’mon,” Duff says to Axl and pulls him towards the stairs out of the basement. I hear a car start up outside and I sigh and relax.

“You ok Izzy?” I hear a soft voice ask when they’re gone. I had almost forgotten the kid was here he was so quiet.

“No,” I almost whisper. "I hope they manage to bring some shit back!” The kid picks up the washcloth and wipes me down again. I start shivering because my clothes are soaked through with sweat.

“Izzy, you want a hot shower? You’ll get warm and you’ll relax and you can wash the sweat off,” Slash says softly. He’s so quiet and sweet, unlike the way my Fireball is being at the moment. Why is it when I really need him to take care of me he has to be such an asshole?

“You know, a shower sounds really great right now,” I manage to get out through my chattering teeth.

“Ok, come on,” Slash replies and leans over and helps me get up and walk into the bathroom we’re all sharing down here. He turns the light on and sits me down on the toilet while he gets the shower going. Then he turns around and helps me peel my sweat soaked clothing off of my body.

“Axl’s going to flip because you saw me naked,” I mutter as Slash holds me steady as I step into the bathtub. I sink down onto the floor with his help and sit under the hot, soothing spray.

“Yeah, why is it that he hates you being around me so much?” the kid asks.

“Because, he saw me looking at you that day in the car and the night before I told you that you had a beautiful mouth. He can’t stand for me to look, he can look all he wants but God forbid I do.” I tell him. “I told him that you were interested in Duff and he knows I’d never do anything to hurt Duff but he still can’t stand to think that my eyes have wandered. What’s up with you and Duff anyway? You slept with him last night didn’t you?” I ask smirking.

“How do you know that?” Slash questions me in a disbelieving voice.

“Because the two of you are super clingy today and you’ve both been smiling like idiots since this morning. It’s not hard to tell. Have you been with a guy before?” I inquire.

“No,” Slash answers and blushes, looking down and hiding behind his curls. “But I wanted to be, I just never had the guts or opportunity before. I liked Duff when we played together the first time but I wasn’t sure what he was into, you know?”

“You don’t have to get so embarrassed kid,” I chuckle. “We all have a first time; it's nothing to be ashamed of. Was it good? Did you like it?”

“Yeah,” Slash answers and smiles behind his hair. “It was good, it was really good, we were still feeling whatever that shit was those girls gave us yesterday. I don’t think it would have mattered though, it still would have been good. I didn’t know it would feel that good to be on the bottom. That was one of the reasons I had never made a move on another guy before, I was scared of letting somebody do that to me.”

“Were you scared last night?” I ask him putting my head on my knees and looking over at him.

“No, I wasn’t scared with Duff, I wanted him,” Slash replies. “Is that weird?”

“No,” I say and smile a little. “When it’s the right person you know and you aren’t scared; you just want to be with them. Do you like him? Do you want to be with him, like in a relationship?”

“I think so, I couldn’t have done what I did last night if I hadn’t been comfortable and starting to really care for him. How do you think he feels?” Slash says in a rush.

“Curly Sue, I don’t think you have anything to worry about, I haven’t ever seen him this happy; he’s fucking crazy about you in my opinion but that’s just the opinion of a junkie so I don’t know what that counts for,” I say and sigh.

“Izzy, we all go through shit. You might be hooked on shit but you’re still the one who solves all the problems and takes care of shit. You’re the one everyone listens to with no questions asked. You’re the song writer; you're the perceptive one, you see everything. Don’t sell yourself short,” Slash tells me with an absolutely sincere look on his face.

“Thanks kid,” I answer. “Can you squirt some shampoo on my hair so I can wash it?” I ask wearily.

“Yeah sure,” he says and walks over and squirts some shampoo in my hair from the bottle on the shelf in the shower. I lather up my hair and then scoot up into the water to rinse it out. I scoot back and wipe the water out of my eyes and Slash and I repeat the process with conditioner and then he hands me a clean washcloth. I grab the soap from the soapdish and scrub myself off but I don’t move to get out of the shower. We hear a door slam and then footsteps above us. Axl and Duff are back it sounds like. Thank fuck this is almost over because I’m starting to feel like I’m going to throw up again. I’m so glad the kid thought of sticking me in the shower; it’s the only place I’ve felt halfway decent in past couple of hours. The bathroom door flies open and Axl barges in followed by Duff.

“What the fuck is going on?” Axl yells.

“Stop yelling you fucker; you’re giving me a headache!” I snap at him. "The kid thought I might feel better if I took a shower and he was right, it feels good in here. Did you get me something?” I ask desperately.

“Yeah, we got you some stuff, should be enough to last until we get home,” Duff answers. “Got you some clean needles too.”

“Thank you,” I sigh gratefully. “Axe, will you help me cook it? My hands are shaking too bad, I don’t want to drop it. The spoon and shit’s in my bag.”

“You have some kind of nerve asking me to do that after you just yelled at me!” he growls.

“Is that a yes or a no?” I ask him.

“I’ll do it fucker but I don’t like it!” he snaps and stomps out of the bathroom to find my works. Slash and Duff help me out of the shower and wrap me up in a towel. My teeth are chattering I’m so cold so Duff digs a little space heater out of the bathroom closet and plugs it in and sits me down on the rug in front of it. I dry myself off and huddle in front of the heater while Axl cooks up the shot, breaks off part of a cigarette filter and draws the brown liquid up into the needle through the cotton. He pulls his belt out of his belt loops and wraps it around my arm pulling it tight. I hold it for him and he extends my arm feeling carefully in the crook of it for a vein. When he finds one he gently slides the tiny needle into it and when he gets a flashback of blood he slowly pushes the plunger down as I loosen the belt. About five seconds later a warmth that starts in my head and moves downward hits me. All of the sickness instantly disappears I feel myself relax. Fuck that’s so much better.

“Feel better Izzy?” a very worried looking Slash asks from where he’s standing with Duff’s long arms wrapped around him in the bathroom door.

“Much better. Thanks for your help kid,” I answer.

“Yeah, no problem,” he says. “We’re a band right?” Shit, that’s the same thing I said to him the other night. I smirk up at him and he grins in reply; he remembered what I had said.

“Right,” I reply.

“Axl do you have him or do you need some help?” Duff asks.

“I’ve got myself,” I grumble and grab a clean pair of shorts and a wife beater out of my bag and pull them on. I dig my tooth brush out and Duff pulls Slash away from the bathroom door and back onto the hide-a-bed they’re sharing on the other side of the room. Axl keeps scowling at me. “C’mon,” I growl grabbing his hand and pulling him back to our own pull out couch. I can see Duff and Slash, cuddled up and talking quietly in the shadows across the room. Why can’t Axl be cuddly like that?

I sigh and Axl looks up to see what I’m looking at. He shakes his head and climbs into bed and I’m surprised when he pulls me over into his arms. “You know you fucking scare me when you get like that right?” he asks.

“I know, I’m sorry, it’s why it’s so hard to quit because I get so sick and when you’re sick like that all you want to do is make it go away,” I whisper to him.

“I know, I’ve been there, I just made myself quit anyway,” Axl states in his hard-assed matter of fact way. Of course he forced himself to quit. I was there; he just gritted his teeth and lived through the hell of withdrawl. Good for him; he’s had a lot of fucking practice living through shit. I’m just not that strong. “I love you, you stupid fucker,” Axl breathes into my hair.

“I love you too,” I answer and bury my face in his neck. His arms grip me tightly. “Thank you,” I tell him. He just sighs and strokes my hair.