Categories > Celebrities > Guns n' Roses > Through The Eyes Of...
Axl
Nikki Sixx must fucking die! He must die slowly and violently a thousand times! Who the FUCK does that bastard think he is? What right did he have to say shit about shit? My band is NOT his slaves. So he helped us a little on the way up, so what? He didn’t take it up the ass for us so fucking fuck him! FUCKING FUCK HIM AND HIS ENTIRE FUCKED UP BAND! Who the fuck does shit like this? Well, besides me? The point is he has no fucking right to control us with fucking blackmail! Now my bassist is getting married to some groupie skank. Curly Sue is gonna dive to the bottom of a bottle to look for a needle. And Izzy…
I don’t want to think about Izzy right now, not while Erin is here. I spend enough goddamn time thinking about him. I can’t even fuck her without seeing his face. My stomach ties in knots as I try to purge him from my thoughts. But it never fucking works. He never leaves my thoughts. I know he’s not ok. First this Nikki mandated bullshit, then Erin… I don’t want to think about what he’s doing right now. I can already guess. I’m sure that recent run of sobriety is over now.
“Axl?” Erin asks me as I stand peering out our hotel room window.
I turn and glance at her but say nothing.
“Is everything ok?” She asks me.
My thoughts break off to the night we met. We had met at Nikki’s. How did she end up at his party? “How exactly do you know Nikki?” I suspiciously ask.
“He…he’s just a friend…why?” She shrugs from the bed.
“And just how is it that one becomes friends with a piece of shit like that? You fuck him too?!” I shout and she jumps.
“Axl…”
“Don’t placate me,” I point a finger at her in warning, “Is this just what you do Erin? Go around fucking every rocker who gets within a foot of you?!”
“Axl, don’t do this…I haven’t been with anybody in a band but you.”
“Bullshit,” I hiss and grab a bottle of Jack.
“Let me guess,” Erin sighs, “Izzy put that thought in your head, right? He’s just trying to destroy what we have baby…”
“What we have?” I cut her off, “Please do tell me Erin, what exactly is it that we have again? I thought it was like understood. You are here simply to throw people off on the status of my love life.”
“Your love life with Izzy?” She huffs.
“Yeah,” I smirk at her, “nothing’s changed darlin’, and it’s not gonna change. Is that why you are even here? Was our meeting each other no mistake? Did Nikki do this? Are you with me because of that PRICK who you probably are fucking?!”
“Now you’re just talking nonsense,” she shakes her head with a sigh.
“Yeah?!” I yell and rush over to her. I grab her arm and twist it around her back. “Are you fucking calling me crazy?!
“Axl stop it, you’re hurting me,” she calls out in a moan. But I don’t let up. I won’t. Not until I get the fucking answers I’m looking for.
“So how many times huh?! How many times has Nikki fucked you since we met?!”
“NONE! What the fuck is wrong with you?! First you accuse me of fucking Izzy! Now Nikki?! Is this just some stupid shit Izzy said to you?”
“Izzy doesn’t have to say shit!” I shove her away from me before I break her goddamn arm. “Are you fucking Nikki?” I ask again as I run my hand through my hair.
“No,” she shakes her head, “It’s just you Axl…I swear.”
I look her over cautiously. I look for any signs of her lying. I note her eye contact flutters away from my face when she tells me I’m the only one. It’s either a lie or an act.
“I love you,” I can hear her whispering, “I know I’m not supposed to but I do. I have since I first lay eyes on you. Even once I knew about Izzy…did you really feel nothing for me? How can you be so cold and cruel? No wonder Izzy’s as crazy as a mad hatter…do you treat him like this too? Do you accuse him of fucking everyone in sight too?”
My head drops. Yeah, I did. I accused Izzy all the time of wanting Slash. But come on, were my jealous concerns really unwarranted? I didn’t think they were. Wait…did she tell me she loved me? No one has ever told me that but Izzy. Did she mean it? Even just a little? Or was she fucking playing me? Was she only with me because of some arrangement with Sixx? Was it to boost her modeling career? Izzy keeps telling me not to trust her, and I really want to believe him. Yet, I know I can’t trust him. He doesn’t want me with anyone else, pretend or not. I know anything he says about her is one sided and probably calculated. I. Know. Izzy.
“If he told you the moon was purple and the world flat, I think you would believe him,” she sighs.
I glare at her, “Stop trying to drag Izzy into this. You think that if you bring him up it will work me up and I’ll forget all about Nikki? No. You’re just here because of Nikki, right?” I start for her again and she quickly backs herself into the wall. I raise my hand towering over her. I grab her by the shirt and hold her to the wall. She closes her eyes and turns her head. And I stop. I lower my hand that had been so dangerously close to hurting her. I plop down on the bed and spark up a cigarette. “You know,” I say and exhale, “If there’s one thing I’ve learned from Izzy in 11 years, it’s how to tell if someone is lying. Did you know Izzy was a walking lie detector? It’s true. Izzy can always sniff out the bullshit…well Izz says everything you tell me is bullshit…and you know what? I’m starting to think that maybe he’s right.”
“Oh yeah, Izzy would never lie to you,” she laughs.
"Shut the fuck up!" I shout and draw my and up to hit her again. I wanna do it so fucking bad too. But I shouldn't. I do know that. "What the fuck was I thinking to ask you to come?" I ask lowering my hand that has her flinching.
"Come on,just don't start with the leaving talk already...can't we just pretend to get through 24 hours together? Wouldn't that look better for you?" She calmly.
"Why do you care all of the sudden? Is this because Nikki wants you to?!" I feel my face growing redder by the second.
"What the hell is it with Nikki all the sudden?!" She shouts at me.
"Why don't you tell me sugar," I huff glaring at her. "He's done nothing but fuck up since we met his ass! He gets Izzy all whacked out and causing shit! Slash thinks he's fucking God! Duff is fucking marring one of his goddamn dealers! Now we have to tour with his fucking band!"
"Wait...Duff's what?" Erin asks.
"That's right! Nikki videotaped Slash and Duff fucking and blackmailed Duff into marrying some groupie dope connect of his! Now Management is putting us up in seperate fucking rooms! Now we are being forced to tour with Nikki! Forced to have people like YOU around! You're part of it too! Aren't you?!" I grab her up by her wrists and shake her. "You're in on it all too aren't you?! Don't you fucking lie to me!" I shove her back down on the bed and pace trying to catch my breath. "Maybe I should just go ask your fucking boyfriend Nikki!"
"Axl don't! Nikki's bigger than you! He played football! He fights just to fucking throw punches!"
"What the fuck are you saying?! You saying I can't hit?!"
WHACK
And it's over and I've hit her and it's too late. Shit, I just fucked up.
Nikki Sixx must fucking die! He must die slowly and violently a thousand times! Who the FUCK does that bastard think he is? What right did he have to say shit about shit? My band is NOT his slaves. So he helped us a little on the way up, so what? He didn’t take it up the ass for us so fucking fuck him! FUCKING FUCK HIM AND HIS ENTIRE FUCKED UP BAND! Who the fuck does shit like this? Well, besides me? The point is he has no fucking right to control us with fucking blackmail! Now my bassist is getting married to some groupie skank. Curly Sue is gonna dive to the bottom of a bottle to look for a needle. And Izzy…
I don’t want to think about Izzy right now, not while Erin is here. I spend enough goddamn time thinking about him. I can’t even fuck her without seeing his face. My stomach ties in knots as I try to purge him from my thoughts. But it never fucking works. He never leaves my thoughts. I know he’s not ok. First this Nikki mandated bullshit, then Erin… I don’t want to think about what he’s doing right now. I can already guess. I’m sure that recent run of sobriety is over now.
“Axl?” Erin asks me as I stand peering out our hotel room window.
I turn and glance at her but say nothing.
“Is everything ok?” She asks me.
My thoughts break off to the night we met. We had met at Nikki’s. How did she end up at his party? “How exactly do you know Nikki?” I suspiciously ask.
“He…he’s just a friend…why?” She shrugs from the bed.
“And just how is it that one becomes friends with a piece of shit like that? You fuck him too?!” I shout and she jumps.
“Axl…”
“Don’t placate me,” I point a finger at her in warning, “Is this just what you do Erin? Go around fucking every rocker who gets within a foot of you?!”
“Axl, don’t do this…I haven’t been with anybody in a band but you.”
“Bullshit,” I hiss and grab a bottle of Jack.
“Let me guess,” Erin sighs, “Izzy put that thought in your head, right? He’s just trying to destroy what we have baby…”
“What we have?” I cut her off, “Please do tell me Erin, what exactly is it that we have again? I thought it was like understood. You are here simply to throw people off on the status of my love life.”
“Your love life with Izzy?” She huffs.
“Yeah,” I smirk at her, “nothing’s changed darlin’, and it’s not gonna change. Is that why you are even here? Was our meeting each other no mistake? Did Nikki do this? Are you with me because of that PRICK who you probably are fucking?!”
“Now you’re just talking nonsense,” she shakes her head with a sigh.
“Yeah?!” I yell and rush over to her. I grab her arm and twist it around her back. “Are you fucking calling me crazy?!
“Axl stop it, you’re hurting me,” she calls out in a moan. But I don’t let up. I won’t. Not until I get the fucking answers I’m looking for.
“So how many times huh?! How many times has Nikki fucked you since we met?!”
“NONE! What the fuck is wrong with you?! First you accuse me of fucking Izzy! Now Nikki?! Is this just some stupid shit Izzy said to you?”
“Izzy doesn’t have to say shit!” I shove her away from me before I break her goddamn arm. “Are you fucking Nikki?” I ask again as I run my hand through my hair.
“No,” she shakes her head, “It’s just you Axl…I swear.”
I look her over cautiously. I look for any signs of her lying. I note her eye contact flutters away from my face when she tells me I’m the only one. It’s either a lie or an act.
“I love you,” I can hear her whispering, “I know I’m not supposed to but I do. I have since I first lay eyes on you. Even once I knew about Izzy…did you really feel nothing for me? How can you be so cold and cruel? No wonder Izzy’s as crazy as a mad hatter…do you treat him like this too? Do you accuse him of fucking everyone in sight too?”
My head drops. Yeah, I did. I accused Izzy all the time of wanting Slash. But come on, were my jealous concerns really unwarranted? I didn’t think they were. Wait…did she tell me she loved me? No one has ever told me that but Izzy. Did she mean it? Even just a little? Or was she fucking playing me? Was she only with me because of some arrangement with Sixx? Was it to boost her modeling career? Izzy keeps telling me not to trust her, and I really want to believe him. Yet, I know I can’t trust him. He doesn’t want me with anyone else, pretend or not. I know anything he says about her is one sided and probably calculated. I. Know. Izzy.
“If he told you the moon was purple and the world flat, I think you would believe him,” she sighs.
I glare at her, “Stop trying to drag Izzy into this. You think that if you bring him up it will work me up and I’ll forget all about Nikki? No. You’re just here because of Nikki, right?” I start for her again and she quickly backs herself into the wall. I raise my hand towering over her. I grab her by the shirt and hold her to the wall. She closes her eyes and turns her head. And I stop. I lower my hand that had been so dangerously close to hurting her. I plop down on the bed and spark up a cigarette. “You know,” I say and exhale, “If there’s one thing I’ve learned from Izzy in 11 years, it’s how to tell if someone is lying. Did you know Izzy was a walking lie detector? It’s true. Izzy can always sniff out the bullshit…well Izz says everything you tell me is bullshit…and you know what? I’m starting to think that maybe he’s right.”
“Oh yeah, Izzy would never lie to you,” she laughs.
"Shut the fuck up!" I shout and draw my and up to hit her again. I wanna do it so fucking bad too. But I shouldn't. I do know that. "What the fuck was I thinking to ask you to come?" I ask lowering my hand that has her flinching.
"Come on,just don't start with the leaving talk already...can't we just pretend to get through 24 hours together? Wouldn't that look better for you?" She calmly.
"Why do you care all of the sudden? Is this because Nikki wants you to?!" I feel my face growing redder by the second.
"What the hell is it with Nikki all the sudden?!" She shouts at me.
"Why don't you tell me sugar," I huff glaring at her. "He's done nothing but fuck up since we met his ass! He gets Izzy all whacked out and causing shit! Slash thinks he's fucking God! Duff is fucking marring one of his goddamn dealers! Now we have to tour with his fucking band!"
"Wait...Duff's what?" Erin asks.
"That's right! Nikki videotaped Slash and Duff fucking and blackmailed Duff into marrying some groupie dope connect of his! Now Management is putting us up in seperate fucking rooms! Now we are being forced to tour with Nikki! Forced to have people like YOU around! You're part of it too! Aren't you?!" I grab her up by her wrists and shake her. "You're in on it all too aren't you?! Don't you fucking lie to me!" I shove her back down on the bed and pace trying to catch my breath. "Maybe I should just go ask your fucking boyfriend Nikki!"
"Axl don't! Nikki's bigger than you! He played football! He fights just to fucking throw punches!"
"What the fuck are you saying?! You saying I can't hit?!"
WHACK
And it's over and I've hit her and it's too late. Shit, I just fucked up.
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