Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Airplanes
Joy was soaking in all of the attention.
This funeral might as well have been her very own wedding, with the way she was handling it. Juliet was sitting, still staring at the spot her father had been lowered in to. It was like she was still trying to come to term with the fact that he was gone. I could relate to that, with my mother.
I remember how it felt to shut down, and shut everyone out. I remember blaming my father, and then myself. Maybe that’s why she hated her step family- maybe she blamed them. That, and they were terrible fucking people.
“Are you hungry?” I asked, trying to break the tense feeling surrounding all of us.
I guess that wasn’t super acceptable at a funeral. Jon shot me a glare. Juliet blinked several times, clearly surprised by the question.
“What, are people not allowed to be hungry while mourning?” I asked, rolling my eyes. “I’m hungry, and I kind of want pizza.”
“Probably because they usually sell beer where they sell pizza.” Juliet shot back.
I was surprised by the insult, but Jon laughed and nodded.
“I’m not opposed to a beer.” I replied.
“I am.” Juliet answered.
“You don’t have to have one.” I told her.
Juliet stared at me in a way that felt like she could see right through me. It was very uncomfortable, to say the least.
“You wanna be here for me? Really be here for me? Then be sober for me.”
“I-“ I wasn’t entirely happy with that suggestion.
“You say you don’t have a drinking problem.” Juliet didn’t look away from me. “Then prove it.”
Jon nodded. “Yeah. If you can stay sober then I will stop being such a hard-ass about your drinking problem.”
Fair enough… I guess.
**
“I wish I knew what it felt like to be at peace with all of your feelings.” Juliet let her fork fall in to her food.
We had all settled on some kind of noodle restaurant. I wasn’t a huge fan, and not just because of the lack of alcohol.
“I don’t think anyone is.” Jon said, clearly enjoying his meal. His mood had improved from that first day I had arrived. I wasn’t sure if it was because of Juliet, or because of the lack of alcohol, or both.
“I don’t know… I like to think some people are.” Juliet answered. “Otherwise, what are we all striving towards?”
“I just want friends that don’t bitch about my extracurricular activities.” I bitterly muttered.
“Sounds like someone misses alcohol.” Juliet pointed out. “And that my dear, would make your drinking a problem.”
I didn’t even bother replying. What a waste of a night. As I looked down at my phone I had so many notifications and Juliet’s conversation from the plane came to mind… It was a little overwhelming to have so many women messaging me. It wasn’t so bad when it came to sex, but having to respond to each text was a little much. I needed auto-reply or some shit.
“So, thank you for tonight.” Juliet extended her hand. It was so formal, but I took her hand anyway and briefly shook it.
“When are you flying back to the US?” I asked, as Jon and Brendon went outside together. I guess they were giving us some space. Or something.
“I was going to stick around for about a month. I have to make sure my father’s affairs are all in order. There are a few places I would like to go visit before leaving.. you know, places that remind me of when I was younger.”
“Are you staying in a hotel near here? I could drop you off. Or well, I could get the cabbie to drop you off.” I realized I didn’t really have my car here.
“I was actually just going to walk around for awhile and clear my head.” Juliet responded, shutting my offer down quickly. “I’m staying in the guest room of my father’s old house.”
“With your step-family?” I was a little surprised by that.
Juliet nodded. “Not everyone has a rock star budget.” I guess that made sense.
I didn’t know what else to say but I didn’t want her to just leave. I wasn’t sure why. I just wanted her to stay. It felt like we had barely spent any time together, despite hours having gone by. It was getting dark outside. “I could walk with you.” I offered, hoping she would accept.
“I really just want to… think.” Juliet spoke softly. “I really just need to think, you know, alone.”
“Oh.” Well then.
“Sometimes it’s just hard to know how to feel.” Juliet’s voice cracked. “I’m not all that strong, you know.” She sounded like she was trying to make excuses. “I just need to think about things, and how I feel.” Her eyes filled with tears.
I stared at her, not really knowing what to do.
“I’m just afraid that…” I watched as some of her walls tumbled down in front of me. I wasn’t sure if she was just tired, or too emotionally broken down at this point – but she wasn’t as guarded as before. “… that some of the decisions I made weren’t really the right decisions, and there just really isn’t anyway to say sorry anymore.”
“I’m not good at this.” I awkwardly mumbled.
Juliet nodded, wiping the tears that had managed to fall. “Yeah, no, it’s fine. I’m just going to leave now. Thank you for dinner and for… well, for being here for me today.”
“Hey.” I gently grabbed her arm, stopping her from walking away from me. “Today isn’t over yet.” I leaned down, pressing my lips against hers.
It felt right. For once.
This funeral might as well have been her very own wedding, with the way she was handling it. Juliet was sitting, still staring at the spot her father had been lowered in to. It was like she was still trying to come to term with the fact that he was gone. I could relate to that, with my mother.
I remember how it felt to shut down, and shut everyone out. I remember blaming my father, and then myself. Maybe that’s why she hated her step family- maybe she blamed them. That, and they were terrible fucking people.
“Are you hungry?” I asked, trying to break the tense feeling surrounding all of us.
I guess that wasn’t super acceptable at a funeral. Jon shot me a glare. Juliet blinked several times, clearly surprised by the question.
“What, are people not allowed to be hungry while mourning?” I asked, rolling my eyes. “I’m hungry, and I kind of want pizza.”
“Probably because they usually sell beer where they sell pizza.” Juliet shot back.
I was surprised by the insult, but Jon laughed and nodded.
“I’m not opposed to a beer.” I replied.
“I am.” Juliet answered.
“You don’t have to have one.” I told her.
Juliet stared at me in a way that felt like she could see right through me. It was very uncomfortable, to say the least.
“You wanna be here for me? Really be here for me? Then be sober for me.”
“I-“ I wasn’t entirely happy with that suggestion.
“You say you don’t have a drinking problem.” Juliet didn’t look away from me. “Then prove it.”
Jon nodded. “Yeah. If you can stay sober then I will stop being such a hard-ass about your drinking problem.”
Fair enough… I guess.
**
“I wish I knew what it felt like to be at peace with all of your feelings.” Juliet let her fork fall in to her food.
We had all settled on some kind of noodle restaurant. I wasn’t a huge fan, and not just because of the lack of alcohol.
“I don’t think anyone is.” Jon said, clearly enjoying his meal. His mood had improved from that first day I had arrived. I wasn’t sure if it was because of Juliet, or because of the lack of alcohol, or both.
“I don’t know… I like to think some people are.” Juliet answered. “Otherwise, what are we all striving towards?”
“I just want friends that don’t bitch about my extracurricular activities.” I bitterly muttered.
“Sounds like someone misses alcohol.” Juliet pointed out. “And that my dear, would make your drinking a problem.”
I didn’t even bother replying. What a waste of a night. As I looked down at my phone I had so many notifications and Juliet’s conversation from the plane came to mind… It was a little overwhelming to have so many women messaging me. It wasn’t so bad when it came to sex, but having to respond to each text was a little much. I needed auto-reply or some shit.
“So, thank you for tonight.” Juliet extended her hand. It was so formal, but I took her hand anyway and briefly shook it.
“When are you flying back to the US?” I asked, as Jon and Brendon went outside together. I guess they were giving us some space. Or something.
“I was going to stick around for about a month. I have to make sure my father’s affairs are all in order. There are a few places I would like to go visit before leaving.. you know, places that remind me of when I was younger.”
“Are you staying in a hotel near here? I could drop you off. Or well, I could get the cabbie to drop you off.” I realized I didn’t really have my car here.
“I was actually just going to walk around for awhile and clear my head.” Juliet responded, shutting my offer down quickly. “I’m staying in the guest room of my father’s old house.”
“With your step-family?” I was a little surprised by that.
Juliet nodded. “Not everyone has a rock star budget.” I guess that made sense.
I didn’t know what else to say but I didn’t want her to just leave. I wasn’t sure why. I just wanted her to stay. It felt like we had barely spent any time together, despite hours having gone by. It was getting dark outside. “I could walk with you.” I offered, hoping she would accept.
“I really just want to… think.” Juliet spoke softly. “I really just need to think, you know, alone.”
“Oh.” Well then.
“Sometimes it’s just hard to know how to feel.” Juliet’s voice cracked. “I’m not all that strong, you know.” She sounded like she was trying to make excuses. “I just need to think about things, and how I feel.” Her eyes filled with tears.
I stared at her, not really knowing what to do.
“I’m just afraid that…” I watched as some of her walls tumbled down in front of me. I wasn’t sure if she was just tired, or too emotionally broken down at this point – but she wasn’t as guarded as before. “… that some of the decisions I made weren’t really the right decisions, and there just really isn’t anyway to say sorry anymore.”
“I’m not good at this.” I awkwardly mumbled.
Juliet nodded, wiping the tears that had managed to fall. “Yeah, no, it’s fine. I’m just going to leave now. Thank you for dinner and for… well, for being here for me today.”
“Hey.” I gently grabbed her arm, stopping her from walking away from me. “Today isn’t over yet.” I leaned down, pressing my lips against hers.
It felt right. For once.
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