Categories > Celebrities > Motley Crue > Clandestine
Hiding From Answers
I have but one instinct tease days. Consume all the drugs I can manage to get my hands on. In my profession this is a pretty easy feat to accomplish. I guess there's things I would rather anesthetize than deal with. My head is in a pretty fucked up place. I'm starting to feel like an imposter, like I'm not Nikki Sixx anymore.
I should be writing songs for the next album, but I'm too strung out. If it weren't for coke I'd never get through the fucking shows. I only do them to score drugs. I come off the stage to score drugs. I spend my perdium on dope. I's all that matters. It brings me comfort. It kills all the pain in me. It kills everything, good and bad.
Today Tommy has returned to the normal, not so loaded, Tommy. He doesn't even remember his escapades last night. Big surprise there. He swears I'm fucking with him about it. Granted, that is something I would do, but in this case it just so happens to be so. I was sure to remind him how worried I was. I told him how I had to talk him down. He just shrugged it off and leaped down the hall about his way to create mayhem.
I was lounging peacefully in my room when Mick knocks and lets himself in.
“Goddamn! What do I have to do for some fucking privacy!?” I snap at his intrusion.
“I just wanted to talk to you for minute while I could catch you alone.”
I sigh and just look at him as I light a cigarette. “What?” I shrug.
“Nikki,” he says sitting down in a chair, “I observe people. And I've observed you for 7 years. I know you Nikki. I know you have problems. I know something is eating you alive right now. I know you're using more of that shit than ever before. I've watched you get worse and worse. Your playing is sloppy. You haven't wrote a song...a decent song, in ages. You're slipping man.”
“Fuck off with that shit,” I snarl and blow smoke in his face.
“Nikki...do you think I would have stuck around for all this childish indulgent kid shit from you guys if I didn't believe in this band? I've always believed in you and stuck by your side. I always knew you had what it took to make it. I never met anyone with your drive. But it's gone now.”
“We're at the top of the fucking charts. We give the best live show. Fans are every fucking where we turn.” I admit, I'm defensive. But fuck you if you think I'm wrong. How many times do I have to tell you that I don't give a fuck what you think.
“But it won't last like this. Not with everyone not giving it their all.” Mick says solemnly.
“Go fuck that gold digger Emi why don't you?” I say and chug some Jack.
He just looks at me in defeat and leaves. Ughhh, alone at last. Left here to wonder where or not Tommy is off getting into trouble. I know he's going to get loaded and reach that point he was at last night. Fred had better be with him and keeping him out of shit. Wondering who Vince is screwing that he shouldn't. And if he is remembering his forced sobriety by the court. All I needed was for him to end up in fucking jail.
Fuck it. I need a fix to make it all go away. So I prep my dinner in a spoon. I search out a hidden vein and spike it with that magic girl with the golden eyes. Within minutes even less matters. I've almost reached numb. I chug some Jack hoping to reach unawareness soon. I want nothing more. I nod out soon afterward.
At some point I'm awakened to a persistent knock. That of my drummer, Tommy. I glance at the clock. It's 4:30 am. I slowly make my way to the door leaning on objects for support. I open it and Tommy is standing there with his arm around a blonde and a brunette.
“Peace offering bro,” he smiles at me.
“It's late...early,” I mumble in the throws of heroin.
“Too late for Nikki Sixx?” He asks confused.
“I'm not in the mood, maybe some other time,” I say and slowly shut my door in their faces.
“Come on Sixx,” Tommy yells through the door, “We never hang out anymore!”
I sigh and lean my head back on the door. I just couldn't deal with Tommy right now. Yeah I missed the good old times, but things had changed. I had changed. These days I felt strange about Tommy. I wish I knew what the fuck was going on with me. You probably have your opinions, but fuck you. You might eventually get that I don't give a flying fuck what you think. I mean I think I might, but the idea is so preposterous. But right now the thoughts have vanished. So I try to enjoy my high.
I have but one instinct tease days. Consume all the drugs I can manage to get my hands on. In my profession this is a pretty easy feat to accomplish. I guess there's things I would rather anesthetize than deal with. My head is in a pretty fucked up place. I'm starting to feel like an imposter, like I'm not Nikki Sixx anymore.
I should be writing songs for the next album, but I'm too strung out. If it weren't for coke I'd never get through the fucking shows. I only do them to score drugs. I come off the stage to score drugs. I spend my perdium on dope. I's all that matters. It brings me comfort. It kills all the pain in me. It kills everything, good and bad.
Today Tommy has returned to the normal, not so loaded, Tommy. He doesn't even remember his escapades last night. Big surprise there. He swears I'm fucking with him about it. Granted, that is something I would do, but in this case it just so happens to be so. I was sure to remind him how worried I was. I told him how I had to talk him down. He just shrugged it off and leaped down the hall about his way to create mayhem.
I was lounging peacefully in my room when Mick knocks and lets himself in.
“Goddamn! What do I have to do for some fucking privacy!?” I snap at his intrusion.
“I just wanted to talk to you for minute while I could catch you alone.”
I sigh and just look at him as I light a cigarette. “What?” I shrug.
“Nikki,” he says sitting down in a chair, “I observe people. And I've observed you for 7 years. I know you Nikki. I know you have problems. I know something is eating you alive right now. I know you're using more of that shit than ever before. I've watched you get worse and worse. Your playing is sloppy. You haven't wrote a song...a decent song, in ages. You're slipping man.”
“Fuck off with that shit,” I snarl and blow smoke in his face.
“Nikki...do you think I would have stuck around for all this childish indulgent kid shit from you guys if I didn't believe in this band? I've always believed in you and stuck by your side. I always knew you had what it took to make it. I never met anyone with your drive. But it's gone now.”
“We're at the top of the fucking charts. We give the best live show. Fans are every fucking where we turn.” I admit, I'm defensive. But fuck you if you think I'm wrong. How many times do I have to tell you that I don't give a fuck what you think.
“But it won't last like this. Not with everyone not giving it their all.” Mick says solemnly.
“Go fuck that gold digger Emi why don't you?” I say and chug some Jack.
He just looks at me in defeat and leaves. Ughhh, alone at last. Left here to wonder where or not Tommy is off getting into trouble. I know he's going to get loaded and reach that point he was at last night. Fred had better be with him and keeping him out of shit. Wondering who Vince is screwing that he shouldn't. And if he is remembering his forced sobriety by the court. All I needed was for him to end up in fucking jail.
Fuck it. I need a fix to make it all go away. So I prep my dinner in a spoon. I search out a hidden vein and spike it with that magic girl with the golden eyes. Within minutes even less matters. I've almost reached numb. I chug some Jack hoping to reach unawareness soon. I want nothing more. I nod out soon afterward.
At some point I'm awakened to a persistent knock. That of my drummer, Tommy. I glance at the clock. It's 4:30 am. I slowly make my way to the door leaning on objects for support. I open it and Tommy is standing there with his arm around a blonde and a brunette.
“Peace offering bro,” he smiles at me.
“It's late...early,” I mumble in the throws of heroin.
“Too late for Nikki Sixx?” He asks confused.
“I'm not in the mood, maybe some other time,” I say and slowly shut my door in their faces.
“Come on Sixx,” Tommy yells through the door, “We never hang out anymore!”
I sigh and lean my head back on the door. I just couldn't deal with Tommy right now. Yeah I missed the good old times, but things had changed. I had changed. These days I felt strange about Tommy. I wish I knew what the fuck was going on with me. You probably have your opinions, but fuck you. You might eventually get that I don't give a flying fuck what you think. I mean I think I might, but the idea is so preposterous. But right now the thoughts have vanished. So I try to enjoy my high.
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