Categories > Celebrities > Motley Crue > Clandestine
Unhappy News
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
“SIXXER!!” A voice yells, “Hey man! Open up!” It's Tommy.
My heavy eyes open. I lift my head to look at the door. Some naked chick is answering it for me. Who the fuck was she and where did she come from? Did I fuck that bitch?
Tommy bounds into the room and jumps on the bed next to me. “Wake up dude!”
“What?” I scowl and pull a pillow over my head.
“I'm getting married bro!”
I lift the pillow and look at him. He looks tickled pink like some teenage bitch. “You're too young to get married,” I frown.
“Bro I'm 25...not 5...come on aren't you happy for me?! I want you to be my best man.” He jumps up and down in my bed a bit.
I remove the pillow from my face and recline up on my elbows. “Best man?”
“Yeah...you're my best friend bro.” The smile on his face is so angelic and innocent.
I roll my eyes and sigh, “Yeah...sure. Mind if I go back to sleep now?”
“Sleep? Fuck sleep, lets go celebrate dude!” He grates in my bed.
“Celebrate?” I question as my voice pitches. “Celebrate what? That you're marrying some prude bitch who is way too good for you? Celebrating that you're marrying a celebrity? Celebrating the fact that your face is on the cover of all the magazines?”
Tommy's brow furrows, “You're jealous aren't you?!”
“Jealous?!” I snap and pop up even further in the bed. “Of fucking what?! Jealous you're stupid enough to get married?! Jealous of Heather?! Why the fuck would I be jealous of your fucking stupidity?!”
“I don't even know who the fuck you think you are anymore!” He yells back at me. “I thought you were my best friend and would be happy for me!”
“In what alternate universe is this shit a good idea? Heatherland? Tommyland?”
“Fuck you Sixx!” He yells and gets off my bed. “You know what, I can't wait for you to fall in love someday! I can't wait to call the bitch names the way you do Heather! You're such a fucking asshole! And yeah. I think you're so jealous you can't see straight! You're pissed off because someone actually wants to marry me and not you! Who the fuck could blame them? How could anyone ever love you? Even your own goddamn parents left you!!”
And that was cause for all out war. I sprang out of the bed naked and leaped for Tommy knocking him to the ground. He spins over onto his back and decks me right in the eye. But I don't let go of him. Lean into him and punch him in the ribs. Tommy pushes me hard and rolls over on top of me.
“You are INSANE!” He yells at me.
I stare up at the anger on his face. He also seems shocked. I manage to get my fist to make contact with his jaw.
“AT LEAST I'M NOT STUPID AND BLIND YOU FUCKING IDIOT!” I wrestle beneath him trying to get him off me.
He leans up and just stares down at me. “Who the fuck are you?” He asks sounding so hurt. “I don't even know who the fuck you are anymore.” He shakes his head, releases me and gets off me.
I sit up on the floor and try to collect myself.
“Fuck it...don't be my best man,” Tommy shrugs. He takes a few steps for the door. “I'm out of here.”
“Tommy wait,” I call out and rise up off the floor. “I...I'm sorry bro...It's just...just a shock. And so sudden.”
Tommy turns to look at me pleading.
“Would it kill you to tell me congratulations?”
I sigh. And yeah it does kill me to say it. But I do. “Congratulations T-Bone.”
He smirks. “That has to be the most generic congratulations I've ever heard bro.”
“Sorry,” I shrug, “It'll grow on me eventually.”
“I hope so,” he nods, “I really don't want to have to ask Vince to be my best man.”
I walk over to him and hug him in my arms. I smell his cigarettes and Jack Daniels masked with a hint of cologne. “I'll be your best man anytime bro,” I whisper as I feel impending doom creep all over me. “So when is the date?”
Tommy returns to his overly hyper normal state of being. “We hven't decided yet, but definitely soon. It's gonna be so fucking great.”
I feign a smile and nod.
“So...let's go celebrate dude!”
I nod and look down, I'm naked as the day I came into the world. “Maybe I should put on some clothes huh?”
Tommy laughs, “Hey, whatever floats your boat bro.”
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
“SIXXER!!” A voice yells, “Hey man! Open up!” It's Tommy.
My heavy eyes open. I lift my head to look at the door. Some naked chick is answering it for me. Who the fuck was she and where did she come from? Did I fuck that bitch?
Tommy bounds into the room and jumps on the bed next to me. “Wake up dude!”
“What?” I scowl and pull a pillow over my head.
“I'm getting married bro!”
I lift the pillow and look at him. He looks tickled pink like some teenage bitch. “You're too young to get married,” I frown.
“Bro I'm 25...not 5...come on aren't you happy for me?! I want you to be my best man.” He jumps up and down in my bed a bit.
I remove the pillow from my face and recline up on my elbows. “Best man?”
“Yeah...you're my best friend bro.” The smile on his face is so angelic and innocent.
I roll my eyes and sigh, “Yeah...sure. Mind if I go back to sleep now?”
“Sleep? Fuck sleep, lets go celebrate dude!” He grates in my bed.
“Celebrate?” I question as my voice pitches. “Celebrate what? That you're marrying some prude bitch who is way too good for you? Celebrating that you're marrying a celebrity? Celebrating the fact that your face is on the cover of all the magazines?”
Tommy's brow furrows, “You're jealous aren't you?!”
“Jealous?!” I snap and pop up even further in the bed. “Of fucking what?! Jealous you're stupid enough to get married?! Jealous of Heather?! Why the fuck would I be jealous of your fucking stupidity?!”
“I don't even know who the fuck you think you are anymore!” He yells back at me. “I thought you were my best friend and would be happy for me!”
“In what alternate universe is this shit a good idea? Heatherland? Tommyland?”
“Fuck you Sixx!” He yells and gets off my bed. “You know what, I can't wait for you to fall in love someday! I can't wait to call the bitch names the way you do Heather! You're such a fucking asshole! And yeah. I think you're so jealous you can't see straight! You're pissed off because someone actually wants to marry me and not you! Who the fuck could blame them? How could anyone ever love you? Even your own goddamn parents left you!!”
And that was cause for all out war. I sprang out of the bed naked and leaped for Tommy knocking him to the ground. He spins over onto his back and decks me right in the eye. But I don't let go of him. Lean into him and punch him in the ribs. Tommy pushes me hard and rolls over on top of me.
“You are INSANE!” He yells at me.
I stare up at the anger on his face. He also seems shocked. I manage to get my fist to make contact with his jaw.
“AT LEAST I'M NOT STUPID AND BLIND YOU FUCKING IDIOT!” I wrestle beneath him trying to get him off me.
He leans up and just stares down at me. “Who the fuck are you?” He asks sounding so hurt. “I don't even know who the fuck you are anymore.” He shakes his head, releases me and gets off me.
I sit up on the floor and try to collect myself.
“Fuck it...don't be my best man,” Tommy shrugs. He takes a few steps for the door. “I'm out of here.”
“Tommy wait,” I call out and rise up off the floor. “I...I'm sorry bro...It's just...just a shock. And so sudden.”
Tommy turns to look at me pleading.
“Would it kill you to tell me congratulations?”
I sigh. And yeah it does kill me to say it. But I do. “Congratulations T-Bone.”
He smirks. “That has to be the most generic congratulations I've ever heard bro.”
“Sorry,” I shrug, “It'll grow on me eventually.”
“I hope so,” he nods, “I really don't want to have to ask Vince to be my best man.”
I walk over to him and hug him in my arms. I smell his cigarettes and Jack Daniels masked with a hint of cologne. “I'll be your best man anytime bro,” I whisper as I feel impending doom creep all over me. “So when is the date?”
Tommy returns to his overly hyper normal state of being. “We hven't decided yet, but definitely soon. It's gonna be so fucking great.”
I feign a smile and nod.
“So...let's go celebrate dude!”
I nod and look down, I'm naked as the day I came into the world. “Maybe I should put on some clothes huh?”
Tommy laughs, “Hey, whatever floats your boat bro.”
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