Categories > Cartoons > Family Guy
Stewie Of The Jungle
0 reviewsCleveland tags along with everyone's favorite dog and baby on a trip to Honduras!
0Unrated
Family Guy Presents:
A Narwhal Puppy Production
Stewie of The Jungle
After a fun night at the wrecking havoc in an abandoned doctor's office in Quaghog without Peter. Joe and Quagmire are on their way home. Cleveland was driving home by a pawn shop, and then a flash of light came before him. "What the hell! That flash is blinding me!" exclaimed Cleveland as he pulled on the brakes. After the flash came and passed, he saw Brian and Stewie stand on the time machine return pad. "It's them! There they are again! What is it those two are up to all the time?" wondered Cleveland. "Does Peter know about this?" Brian and Stewie walk home and have a conversation. "So that's what inspired all those Errol Flynn movies!" said Brian. "Our time travel trip to the 16th Century Pirate ship era was worthwhile, won't you say!" said Stewie. "What should we do next...." Brian went on.
Cleveland decides to follow them. "I'm gonna find out what you two are up to all the time!" Cleveland tries to keep up but loses sight of Brian and Stewie into the darkness. Cleveland decides to wait for Peter to come home as he parks his car in the Griffin's driveway. "There should be a way I can finally catch up to them. Like Frances Farmer's mother got the police to catch up with her!"
Cutaway Scene:
Peter Griffin is in a living room on an old fashioned telephone. "Hello, Seattle Police? I'd like to report a non conformist athetist actress by the name of Frances Farmer!" Cora Lillian (Frances's mother) tells Peter, "She was last seen escaping a mental hospital." Peter repeated what Cora said to him, "Here's a tip, she was last seen escaping a mental hospital......." Cora Lillian tells Peter, "I want her back in so she can be lobotomized." "Uh, yeah, once you get her, put her back in the hospital and lobotmize her! Thanks! BYE!" said Peter as he hung up the phone. "Don't worry, Cora Lillian! Your daughter has paid for her crimes now!!" assured Peter.
Peter, Lois, Chris, and Meg got home and Cleveland was relieved they were here so he can tell him about Brian and Stewie's whereabouts. "Oh Peter! You just missed an epic vandalizing we did in an old doctor's office!" said Cleveland. "Sorry I couldn't join you! Family obligation." Peter retorted as Lois jabbed him in the ribs. "Where did you go?" asked Cleveland. "We went to Ace Hardware to pick out paints for our kid's bedrooms." Peter explaining his absence. "Trust me, it sucked shit!"
Cutaway Scene:
Peter and Lois were standing outside Ace Hardware. "Hi, I'm Peter Griffin!" " And I'm Lois! His doting wife!" "More like bitch wife!" "We're here at Ace Hardware to pick out paint colors for our kid's bedrooms!" stated Lois. "Trust me I want to be out with the guys and not here!" said Peter. The commercial jingle was sung, "Ace Is The Place Where Parents Decide What Color Their Kid's Bedrooms Should Be." Meg comes out of nowhere and announces, "I want lilac for my room!" The commercial jingle sang again and said in a singing tone, "Shut Up Meg!"
Peter walked over to Cleveland, "What do you want Cleveland? You look like you have something to tell me," "You know me so well. What I want to tell you is, I saw Brian and Stewie on a street corner near the pawn shop. It's like the appeared out of nowhere!" "Can't help you buddy. Brian and Stewie have their own lives, in which I am not involved!" Peter walked inside his house with Lois and their kids. "Dammit! Why is it everytime I tell Peter I saw Brian and Stewie somewhere he never wants to talk about it! Maybe it's time I take matters into my own hands!" Cleveland vowed to get to the truth about why Brian and Stewie always seem to disappear for days on end then reappear.
*
Brian and Stewie were in Stewie's bedroom they go inside the time machine. Up all night obsessing, Cleveland was spying on them filming them with his iPAD. "Hmmmm. Hmmmmmm. Hmmmmm. Hmm Hmm!" Cleveland hummed to himself. Hours had passed and Donna comes downstairs to check on Cleveland. "You still at this again"? asked Donna. "Yes I am!" spoke Cleveland then he continued, "Do you ever notice that Brian and Stewie are always gone for a while, then they turn up again days and weeks later?" "I know them. The Griffin's dog and their youngest child. To answer your question, I did not notice that. At first, I thought you were spying on Quagmire to get tips to try to improve our sex life." said Donna. Cleveland looked disheveled from staying up all night. He had dark circles under his eyes and his clothes reeked of sweat.
"Phew! You smell like shit!" said Donna. "I'll be coming to bed soon." said Cleveland. "If you ever come back to bed, take a shower first! Meanwhile, I'll let you play your Rear Window game." Donna walked back to her bedroom. Cleveland still waited for Brian and Stewie to come back. "Come back, you sons of bitches!" Cleveland muffled! Cleveland decides to give it another hour before finally giving up. Growing tired and appetent, Cleveland walked over to his couch and fell asleep. "I haven't felt this impatient since Peter had to discipline a child that wasn't his on that 'How To Human' Watchable App!"
Cutaway Scene:
In a library, a little girl with long blond hair, a puppy shirt, and blue jeans was ripping up books. One after another. Peter ran after her and caught up with her. "HEY! STOP! THOSE BOOKS DON'T BELONG TO YOU!" yelled Peter at the little girl. She didn't listen as she still ripped up more books. "YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO DO THAT!" Little girl still wasn't cooperating. "GIVING ONE LAST FINAL WARNING TO...." Peter shouted. The little girl sneered at him, "You're an a psycho abusive drunken redneck!" Peter lost control and screamed in the air then punched out the little girl knocked her out on the floor. "OH NO!" Peter said trying to revive the little girl with CPR to no success. "Who gives a (beep) she wasn't my kid anyway! GOODBYE!" Peter ran out of the library.
Morning had reared it's head, a blast was heard, Brian and Stewie were walking down Spooner Street and Cleveland woke up as soon as he heard them. Getting his iPAD ready, Cleveland ran to the window, he couldn't make out what Brian and Stewie were saying. But Cleveland couldn't catch up to them and it was too late. "Crap! I was so close!" Cleveland decides to go over to Peter's house. Walking over to the Griffin house he knocked on the door. Peter answered. "Hey, Cleveland. Are you here to get back your Luther Vandeross CD?" "It happened again! Brian and Stewie were gone for a long time, then they reappeared again!" declared Cleveland. Peter put his arm around Cleveland's shoulder and gave him an answer he didn't want to hear. "Now, Cleveland. We've already been through this many times....." Peter said talking down to Cleveland as if he were a preschool aged child. "But Peter!" begged Cleveland, but Peter dominated this conversation as he asserted his dominance in the conversation. "Lois and I decide to let Brian and Stewie live their own lives. Whatever they do is none of your business. Now why don't you run along and do whatever it is black people do!" "Do you realize how much of a dick you're being?" scorned Cleveland.
Peter went on, "Joe, Quagmire, and I are headed to the Clam, you are welcome to join us for that. If you do, I don't ever want to hear about your stalking Brian and Stewie again? Got it?" Cleveland walks back to his house feeling very inglorious. Peter called out, "It's all in your imagination anyway! Just keep taking the pills, they'll go away!" Peter said, "Cleveland is very annoying about this Brian and Stewie garbage lately. This is just like the time when I felt appalled by seeing dogs on the Planet of The Apes.
Cutaway Scene:
Zira was sitting on the table in the kitchen of their house. Cornuelius walked in and kissed Zira. "Good morning, beautiful." "Cornuelius, did you take the dog out yet?" asked Zira. "No I did not, but I will." promised Cornuelius. Then a greyhound walked into the kitchen as Cornuelius got a leesh. "Hey there, sweetheart! Ready for your walk! Who's a good boy! Who's a good boy! kissy kissy kissy boo boo!" The scene cuts to Peter watching the Planet of the Apes movie on TV. "WHAT the HELL man! There's no dogs on the Planet of the Apes! All the dogs and cats died! What were they thinking!"
Brian and Stewie were watching tv as Cleveland was watching them. "What should we do for our next expedition?" asked Stewie. "My book Faster Than The Speed of Love could sure use some international recognition." suggested Brian. "Where should we go to promote your shit novel?" joked Stewie. "If you're going to insult....." when Brian was about to finish, he stopped himself from going batshit crazy on Stewie. "Was thinking we can go to Honduras. People there have yet to witness my genius! And encourage people in third world countries who were possibly illiterate to read!" "Excellent, at least it's better than going to Venezuela. People there nowadays are like cannibals. Just like when Fatman time traveled to the year 802701 AD then ended up living with the Morlocks from The Time Machine." indicated Stewie.
Cutaway Scene:
It shows The Morlocks in an underground cave and Peter is one of them. The Morlocks were eating human arms and legs. Peter asked, "Excuse me, Morlocks? Incredible Hulk lookalikes?" The Morlocks got his attention. "Is there other way to eat the Eloi? Besides raw? I mean, can't we bake them for a change? I know! How about we fry, boil, roast, or steam cook these Elois? What do you say? OH! Got it! How about an Eloi Hamburger! Or we can use them as topping on Pizza! Marinade? Barbecue? We should add more flavor and pizzazz to these Elois we always eat!" The Morlocks grew angry and threw Peter out of their cave. "WOOOOAHHHH! SON OF A BITCH! Last time I hang out with cannibals!"
Cleveland decides he is going to finally follow Brian and Stewie. "Okay, all set here. Looks like they're going to disappear again. Going to get to the truth of the matter once and for all!" With Stewie behind him, Brian is headed to his bedroom. Cleveland breaks into the Griffin house and wasn't even noticed despite Peter and his family were all in bed. "So, Stewie how are we going to get to Honduras?" asked Brian. Stewie pressed a button that lead to his weapons room. "Like this!" In the back there was a jet airliner. "Woah! How were to able to obtain that?!" asked Brian. "Let's just say Steve Miller owed me a favor!" giggled Stewie. Just as Brian and Stewie were going to board the jet, Cleveland broke in leaving the dog and baby startled. "Cleveland! What are YOU doing here?" asked Brian. "Nobody in Quahog seems to notice you two disappear! But I know you both do!" Cleveland began. "Oh no! He's onto us, perhaps we should neutralize him!" suggested Stewie. "No No no, wait! Let's see what he wants first. Hey, Cleveland old buddy. What brings you here." asked Brian walking up to Cleveland causally.
"I know you two are always up to something! Keep telling people I see you two come out of nowhere and nobody believes me! And I want to know what it is you guys always do together!" demanded Cleveland. "Well, Cleveland, why not come with us?" asked Stewie. "Yes, we are going to Honduras to promote my book!" explained Brian. "Hmmmm, all right! Thanks for inviting me. So I can finally show to Peter, Joe, Quagmire, and my friends and family that you two are always going on some trip all the time!" said Cleveland. "You pose no threat, right?" asked Stewie. "Not at all." assured Cleveland. "So how would you like to go to Honduras on Stewie's jet airliner!" asked Brian. Cleveland laughed joyfully as he, Brian, and Stewie all board the airliner. "Do you actually fly this thing?" asked Cleveland. "No I invented an autopilot device on it that will take up directly to whatever we want to go!" said Stewie. "Holy Crap! Stewie an inventor? Who knew? How come Peter and Lois never knew about this?" asked Cleveland.
"They never notice anything about us!" said Brian. "Be-Lieve me!" said Stewie. Brian and Stewie whispered to one another. "Is it okay to take Cleveland along......." "We did take Chris once and we had to pretend to him like he was dreaming...." "We agreed nobody can know our secret....." "What if he exposes us after.....knew we should've killed him when we had the chance....." "It's only our time travel adventures we keep secret....." "We'll just let Cleveland come along just once and then we'll erase his memory....." "Agreed....." "Saying anything?" asked Cleveland. "Oh, nothing! Hop aboard!" said Brian. Cleveland, Stewie, and Brian climbed into the airliner and brought a bag containing copies of his novel. Stewie used voice control on the autopilot, "Destination, Honduras!" Then the airliner flew out of Stewie's bedroom and was making it's way to it's destination.
*
Moments later, the jet airliner was flying over Honduras. The airliner was making engine noise so they had to shout to communicate. Cleveland was enjoying himself. "This is so much fun! You guys are better to hang around with than boring ass Peter all the time!" "Glad you're liking this! Good to have you on board with us!" shouted Brian over the noise the airline was making. "How often do you and Brian go on these adventures?" yelled Cleveland. "Almost all the time. There's some advantages of having a dysfunctional family who never notices you!" shouted Stewie. "Hope you bought a parachute, because we're about to jump!" screamed Brian. "Oh boy, skydiving too!" said Cleveland. Brian, Stewie, and Cleveland put on parachutes and Stewie says to the autopilot, "Prepare to land." to avoid an airline crashing. Cleveland was very impressed with all the technology Brian and Stewie had for their travels. "This is awesome! Parachutes, airliners that fly or land with the sound of your voice!" exclaimed Cleveland.
"Ready, on the count of three, we jump.....one.....two.....three!" Brian, Stewie, and Cleveland all jumped and their parachutes opened as they were going to land in Honduras. What they didn't realize was they were going to land in an uncharted jungle area. "Wow! This is an amazing view from up here!" said Brian. "You guys have high tech stuff ahead of our time." said Cleveland. "Well, the parachutes are made out of latex." said Stewie. Then their parachutes malfunctioned on them which caused them to fall faster.
"Can't imagine what it would be like to hit the bricks at this speed!" said Stewie. "Don't scare us like that!" said Brian. Stewie had an idea. "Quick! Brian and Cleveland! Spurn my overalls!" "Thanks for trying to keep me out of the danger!" said Cleveland. "Hopefully there's no kids watching us!" said Brian. "Just do it!" said Stewie. Brian and Cleveland grabbed Stewie by the straps on his overalls and the overalls ballooned into a parachute. "Good thinking, Stewie!" said Brian. "Wow! You guys have anything for any situation!" laughed Cleveland. The three of them slowly land in the uncharted jungle area. They see smoke from down there. "Smells like someone is having a Stinkweed get together!" said Cleveland. The smoke from the island got into Stewie's nose and he sneezed. "uhhh, Gesundheit?" said Brian. Then Brian, Stewie and Cleveland land in a black pot that was about ready to boil. "Looks like we landed in HOT water!" joked Cleveland. "Cleveland, please! This is no time for quirky euphemisms!" begged Brian. Cleveland, Stewie, and Brian see a bunch of jungle natives wearing masks. "BLAST! A bunch of baby eating blood lusting witchdoctors!" screamed Stewie. Brian asked, "Are you of you guys collecting for the March of Dimes?" asked Brian. "NOT COOL!" yelled Stewie.
"Slience!" The leader appeared before them. The jungle natives take off their masks and reveal themselves. They were all black and wore wood for piercings, bones, and loinclothes. The leader continued, "We are the Honda-Roos!" You desecrated our most sacred of rituals!" "Why do all these jungle natives have to be black! That's so offensive and racist!" mumbled Cleveland. "Assume we're going to be penalized for this?" asked Brian. "Yes! For this you must die!" the leader yelled then screamed at the other Honda-Roos in a native tongue. Then the Honda-Roos do a ritual dance. "Hooga Chaga! Hooga! Hooga! Hooga Chaga! Hooga Chaga!" "Great, their national anthem is that shitty cover of a BJ Thomas song!" Brian said sarcastically. "BJs! Hope they don't make us give them THAT here!" indicated Stewie. "Wait! Uhh, Honda-Roos! Maybe we can help! What is it do you need?" asked Cleveland. "What's with all this impassioned revelry and ritual shenanigans?" asked Stewie.
The leader explained, "We do this dance because we have waited for 'The Chosen One'! The Honda-Roos pointed to a silver idol that looked like Stewie. "Looks like he finally arrived!" said one of the Honda-Roos. The leader and the other Honda-Roos take Stewie out of the pot. "Later bitches!" shouted Stewie. Much to the horror of Brian and Cleveland who were confounded by what they saw. "Geez, I hope they won't hurt him!" said Brian. "What exactly did they mean by The Chosen One?" asked Cleveland. "Perhaps as backwards as these Natives are, maybe they're going to sacrifice him!" speculated Brian. "Oh, worse! Brainwash him!" said Cleveland in consternation. "Brainwashing. Of course! That must be their M.O." answered Brian. "We need to get him back! Then we need to go to civilization to promote your book." said Cleveland. "Yes that too! But first we must find out what these natives are going to do to Stewie. They'll probably propagandize him like what happened to Peter when he was investigating the Ipcress File!" said Brian.
Cutaway Scene:
There was a laboratory science room on one end, and a dark room right next door. An evil scientist was speaking into a microphone to Peter who was laying on a cot strapped down. Peter was helpless against the loud noises and light flashes he was seeing and hearing before him. The scientist told him, "YOU WILL NEVER COMPLETE YOUR MISSION TO FIND OUT ABOUT THE IPCRESS FILE!" Peter moaned weakly. "NEVER WILL YOU FIND OUT ABOUT OUR PLANS!" The scientist kept taunting him. "YOU ARE GOING TO BE BRAINWASHED FOR DOING OUR EVIL BIDDING!! FOR YOU ARE NO LONGER PETER GRIFFIN! YOU ARE NOW......TIGER WOODS! BWAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!" Peter cried as thought we were a toddler having a tantrum. Michael Caine was on the roof watching the whole thing. "What a wimp! He won't make it the way I did in this movie!" Michael Caine scoffed at Peter's whining.
*
Cleveland and Brian were trekking through the treacherous jungles searching for Stewie. Both were fearing the worst at what plans the Honda-Roos had for the baby. It was the assumption of the possibility that Stewie was probably killed. Either to be eaten or to be a sacrifice. If that were the case, Brian and Cleveland wouldn't know how to explain it to Peter and Lois once they arrived back in Quahog. "If Stewie were dead, how will we be able to explain what happened to him?" asked Cleveland. "That's why it's imperative that we find him. Don't even want to THINK about the consequences!" said Brian. "Ass whoopings for both of us! That's what." said Cleveland. Brian just remembered that bag he had brought that had copies of his novel and hoped it hadn't gone lost.
"Had a bag of my novels I was going to give to the residents of this country. Brought them aboard the airliner." recalled Brian. "Now we got to look for two things! Stewie and your novels." said Cleveland. Brian was using a machete to cut through the vines and tall grasses while Cleveland was having his face get hit by tree branches. "Son of A Bitch! Dammit!" cussed Cleveland. "You're obviously not used to going on trips like this." said Brian. " That's where you're wrong, Brian! Last time we were on an adventure like this was when Peter, Joe, Quagmire, and I were searching for the funniest dirty joke. Let's not forget about some fun adventures I had on my departed spin off show!" Cleveland remembered that memory to tell Brian that he had indeed had his share of adventures. "Stand corrected then." said Brian.
Hours after hours searching, both were sweaty and thirsty. "Hope you thought to have brought us some grape soda or something." huffed Cleveland. "Tell you what, once we find Stewie, we'll drink from coconuts or something like that." puffed Brian. "For someone who's been on so many adventures with Stewie you sure don't know how to think ahead and prepare for it!" irked Cleveland. "Well, we are usually in the hurry to go, then along the way we have unexplained situations that run into us so we don't have time." said Brian. Cleveland thought there was no use for them to argue. Both needed to be strong for Stewie's sake, "How about we let it go and find out why Stewie was the 'Chosen One.'" said Cleveland. "Good thought there. We need to stick together and not turn against each other." said Brian. As luck would have it, they finally see a beach area full of tiki huts with a golden idol that was painted from silver of Stewie and a Honda-Roos dancing around. Then the Honda-Roos were bowing to the Stewie statue and chanting, "Victory is Mine! Victory is Mine! What The Deuce! What the Deuce! Damn You All! Damn You All! Damn You All!" Cleveland was dismayed by what he saw, "Stewie had catchphrases?" "Not only that, plans for World Domination and to kill his mother." said Brian.
"So that's why Stewie was The Chosen One!" said Cleveland. "They wanted him to be an emperor of the sort, thank (beep) not a sacrifice." relieved Brian. "Wait? Kill Lois? Babies are supposed to love their mothers, not kill them!" said Cleveland in disblief. Brian and Cleveland go into the beach and see a throne. The Honda-Roos stop them, "Halt! Who goes there?" they asked. "We're friends of the 'Chosen One." said Brian. "Come this way." said the Honda-Roos. "The Chosen One Wishes to see you!" Cleveland and Brian were lead to a throne and they see some Honda-Roos feeding Stewie grapes and fanning him. "Oh great Chosen One! We worship you. Tell us what to do! This black man and this dog are here to see you." said the Honda-Roos. "Send them in." ordered Stewie. Cleveland said, "Woah Stewie! You're sure moving up on in the world!" "Brian! Cleveland! Where have you been?" asked Stewie. "And not a minute too soon! You're both in time for supper! BRING ON THE SHIT! We call food 'shit' around here!" "What have you done with this beach?" asked Brain inqusitively. "It is now, Stewie's Domain!" yelled Stewie.
Some Honda-Roos served Brian and Cleveland some food and boy were they hungry. "Food! Thank god!" Brian sighed. The Honda-Roos were serving the food on a wooden stretcher on a platter. Then suddenly changed their minds when they saw it was a pig that was roasted. "Uhhh, think we'll pass! Can we have some Soul Food instead? You know like, Fried Chicken and Collared Greens?" asked Cleveland. "Think we could draw the line here!" said Brian. The Honda-Roos stuck their spears at Brian and Cleveland. "You will eat our delicacies here on this island! King Stewie orders you to do so!" "All right, when in Rome I guess heh heh!" said Brian. "Come gather around for dinner everyone." ordered Stewie. While Brian, Cleveland, and Stewie were eating the pig along with the Honda-Roos they were asking Stewie questions. "So Stewie, what's it like to be the ruler of these backwards Natives!" asked Cleveland. "It's excellent! They do anything I tell them! Watch this! You two, do a nude strip dance for my amusement!" ordered Stewie. A Honda-Roo does a strip dance for Stewie. "You always were about being a leader, Stewie. Just want to ask you. What did you do with that bag of copies I had of my novel?" asked Brian. "Oh, you didn't notice?" asked Stewie.
Brian grew concerned. "Notice what, exactly? You knew when we go into the city of Honduras we were going to promote my novel there! What did you do to the copies?" "I did have the bag of your novel copies, Brian." confessed Stewie. "Don't keep us in the dark, tell us where the books are!" said Cleveland. "Well you see, I gave the copies of your novel to the Honda-Roos, and I ordered them read it first. They hated your book, by the way just like everyone else does, then I gave them the order to use the papers and front and back covers to make this little Tiki City here on the beach! Isn't it delightful! Take a close look!" squealed Stewie delightfully. Brian and Cleveland walk over to the Tiki Huts and saw that indeed Brian's novel was used to make the Tiki Huts for the Honda-Roos. Brian reached to the sky in outrage and yelled very prolonged, "NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
*
The Honda-Roos encircled around Brian and Cleveland. "Damn You All! Damn You All!" the natives chanted. "What's going on?" asked a worried Brian. "OH," Stewie explains, "Since they didn't like your unexceptional lackluster excuse of a novel, they want you out, Brian! That goes for you too, Cleveland!" Stewie blows a horn and Brian and Cleveland were thrown out into the jungle once again. The Honda-Roos awaited more of Stewie's orders. "Now I have no doubt there will be no more mild discontent among some of you. I have implemented. To prove your loyalty to me, you all will build me wooden statues of Jack Antonoff and Jeffery Tambor! That's an order! TUT! TUT! On the double!" The Honda-Roos listened to Stewie's orders as he enjoys his status as being King of the Jungle. "Always known someday I would be a ruthless bloodthirsty ruler of a bunch of dumbass who will do my highhanded commands!" Brian and Cleveland were back in the jungle. This time they were encompassed by tigers, gorillas, lions, Jaguars, Poison Dart Frogs, Pythons, Orangutans, Iguanas, Sloths, and Lizards. "Stewie being the Chosen One my ass!" said Cleveland. "If only there was some way we can get him dethroned." said Brian. "We have to. Can't stay here forever. I'll miss Donna and my stepkids! " said Cleveland. " What's about Junior?" asked Brian. "What?" bestowed Cleveland. "There's no telling what Stewie will do in that position of power. He's so suggestable and innocent. Stewie can become corrupt and immoral!" said Brian. "I know, this is just like the time when were we all in Camelot and Joe was King Arthur." reflected Cleveland.
Cutaway Scene:
Peter, Joe, Cleveland and Quagmire were dressed in Medieval style armor as they were walking through Camelot. Joe was wearing king's clothes and was in the lead and was singing, ""We're Going to Camelot! We're bold We're Dashing We're Brave! And We Got a Sword to Save! We're soliders going to Camelot! We're Bold We're Dashing, We're Brave! And We Got A Sword to Save!" Joe kept singing this tune 10 time over. Until Quagmire finally had enough. "STOP!!!!! ENOUGH NOW! STOP SINGING THIS CANDY ASS SONG! WE DON'T NEED TO BE REMINDED WE'RE GOING TO CAMELOT FOR A (beep)ING SWORD!
Cleveland and Brian were quivering and twitching in fear because they believed they were going to become the main course for the Jungle Animals surrounding them. "Don't say one word......" "Don't move an inch!" "Where's Duane Johnson, and Seann William Scott when you need them?" "Cool Rundown reference there!" Brian and Cleveland conversated with each other. Back in at the Stewie's Domain of what used to be the beach, James Woods comes to see Stewie. "Hey, Stewie! Heard you're a jungle king now, mind if I join you and he your right hand man?" Stewie used his horn and the Honda-Roos came to his aid. "This man had tried to destroy my family and now he's going to overthrow me! Throw this man in the quicksand pit at once!" The Honda-Roos did what Stewie ordered them to do and they picked up James Woods and threw him in quicksand. "I could've been the best henchman you'd ever have!" James Woods called out being taken to his death and ruination. Back in the jungle, Brian said, "Looks like we'll be here for a while......."
Luck was on their side, and a mysterious figure swings on a vine from under them and grans both Brian and Cleveland to safety. "Thanks so much another minute back there we would've been eaten and grounded into jungle shit!" fabricated Cleveland. The figure revealed himself to be an even bigger Honda-Roo. "Greetings outlanders. I am Jasiel. The original ruler of the Honda-Roos." "What can we do to repay you, sir?" asked Brian. "You can give me my rightful position as ruler of the Honda-Roos that's what!" answered Jasiel. "Why did you get exiled in the first place?" asked Brian. "The Honda-Roos didn't really think I was a good enough leader. Since I was in power to do whatever I wanted, I slept and had sex with their women. So they thought I was too horny for my own good. They also thought I kept maing promises to them I couldn't keep. So they shamed me and threw me out here with the animals." Jasiel explained his sad story. "Quagmire and this guy would get along great!" laughed Brian then Cleveland joined in.
"Who's the new ruler now?" asked Jasiel. "A dude that came with us named Stewie." responded Cleveland. "See came here on a jet airliner, then we landed here in Honduras to promote a novel I wrote. Then we landed into a boiling pot and the Honda-Roos surrounded us and their idol looked like Stewie who they deemed to be 'The Chosen One'. It's been hell ever since." Brian best describing their situation. "They tried to make us eat pigs!" said Cleveland in vile disgust. "Where can I find this Chosen One?" asked Jasiel. "I have something planned for him" . "Just follow us." Brian said as him and Cleveland were leading him to the Stewie's Domain. Stewie was watching a bamboo TV, "We Now Return To Desperate Career Women!" While Stewie was relaxing with the TV, he had one group on Honda-Roos doing a tribal dance to the Archie's song, 'Sugar Sugar' as some were building the wooden statues of Jeffery Tambor and Jack Antonoff. "Feel so deliciously Gilligan's Island!" cheered Stewie. Jasiel was affronted by what his tribe had become. "Is this new leader light in the loafers or something?" snided Jasiel.
Jasiel called out, "I am here for the Chosen One"! Stewie heard and said, "What the deuce? Who dare tries to oust me?" "I do!" said Jasiel walking up to Stewie's tiki hut throne. "Do you wish to pleasure me you perv?" asked Stewie. "NO! I am the real ruler of this tribe, and I challenge you to a duel!" said Jasiel. Brian and Cleveland were hiding and watching the whole thing from behind bushes. Stewie steps down from his throne. "Name it!" the baby demanded. "Spear Throw!" announced Jasiel. "Pick some spears". Stewie picked three as did Jasiel. "You first." said Stewie. Jasiel threw the spear far. "Now you." said Jasiel to Stewie as he threw the spear quite far but not by much. "My turn again." said Jasiel picking another spear and throwing it farther than before. "I admire your willingness." said Stewie who picks the third and last spear to throw and this time Stewie lets out a tribe holler and throws the spear way far into the sky. "I win! I will rule for eternity! Leave now!" said Stewie. Jasiel had one last trick up his sleeve. "You win this, but you won't win the drum off!" said Jasiel.
"You're on!" said Stewie. Jasiel used the bongos to bang on the drums and made the Honda-Roos dance. This lasted for three minutes. Stewie was getting embitteredly querulous. Brian and Cleveland were still watching, "Why do I have a feeling there's going to be an Emerald Forest thing going on here?" asked Brian. "What's that?" asked Cleveland. "Movie about Jungle Natives." Brian said. Jasiel handed the bongos to Stewie and he gets an MP3 player then plays Muse's Panic Station drumming along to the bongos that made the Honda-Roos party. "What in the world....." said an alarmed Brian.
After five minutes the drum off competition was done. The Honda-Roos were going wild after hearing Panic Station. "See? They love me! I win!" said Stewie. Jasiel said, "You fool! You made them rebel, revolt, and become defiant! We do not allow rock music on this island! You are hereby banished forever! By the power vested in me I shall reinstate myself as ruler of the Honda-Roos! I will make the Honduras Jungle Great Again! I will take back my land, give menial jobs, rape your women......" Stewie sobbed, "Unhand me vile native! This is MY JUNGLE!" Jasiel threw Stewie out and he landed where Brian and Cleveland were hiding. "So much for being the 'Chosen One, eh?" smirked Brian. "Oh shut up!" snapped Stewie.
"Now that it's over let's go back home." said Clevleand. "Can't wait to finally prove to my friends that you two have adventures together. Feeling dejected after being overthrown Stewie cried, "Why is it I can never be an evil ruler of anything?" Brian assured him, "Well, there will always be other times for that. You just have to have believe there will be better opportunities for you in the future! Now where is that jet airliner?" The airliner was parked along the shoreline. "There it is!" said Cleveland. Brian, Stewie, and Cleveland, all board the airliner and fly back to Quahog. Stewie vows revenge, "When I come back, I will impale your worthless black ass, Jasiel!"
*
Back in Quahog, Cleveland was at the Griffin home telling Chris, Meg, Quagmire, Joe, Peter, and Lois his fantastic experience. "You won't believe this! I have proof this time! Brian and Stewie took me to Honduras!" What Brian and Stewie didn't know was the Cleveland secretly filmed them on his iPAD. "Look! Here's us with the Honda-Roos! Then they made Stewie a Chosen One. Brian and I then got stuck in a jungle! Oh! I had so much fun! Look at these pictures!" exclaimed Cleveland. "In this one, Brian and I are surrounded by Jungle Animals who almost ate us! Here's Stewie in competition with the real ruler!" Peter, Lois, Joe, Quagmire, Chris, and Meg were none too amused. "How do we know you didn't use photoshop?" asked Joe. "Yeah, I would've been interested if you had told me about some horny jungle whores at least." said Quagmire. "Come on, kids, let's go. Not hearing any more of this." said Lois as Chris and Meg followed her. Cleveland was discouraged that no one wanted to listen. "Peter! You believe me now, right?" asked Cleveland. "We have better things to do than listen to your tall tales. Come on, Joe, Quagmire! Let's go to the game without this lunatic." Peter said. Joe and Quagmire agreed to go.
Cleveland feeling dispirited then was consoled by Brian and Stewie. "Don't worry about them." said Brian. "Yeah, if no one else believes you, at least YOU know it was real!" said Stewie. "Ahhh, thanks guys." thanked Cleveland. "It's a fun ride I will never forget." "Say listen, if you ever get bored with Peter and the gang, you can always come along with us on another adventure!" Brian suggested. "You mean it!" said Cleveland. "Abso-freaking lutely! Maybe I'll get to become an evil ruler again!" laughed Stewie. "You shouldn't care what Peter, Lois, Quagmire think anyway! What matters is that you had fun with us!" said Brian. "Brian and Stewie you are the weed to my tweed!" cheered Cleveland. Brian and Stewie decided to invite Cleveland to one of their quests anytime he wants. Cleveland couldn't be more glad and didn't care if Peter, Joe, Quagmire, or anyone else believed him or not.
The End
The Proceeding Has Been a Narwhal Puppy Production!
In Memory of Adam West (1928-2017)
A Narwhal Puppy Production
Stewie of The Jungle
After a fun night at the wrecking havoc in an abandoned doctor's office in Quaghog without Peter. Joe and Quagmire are on their way home. Cleveland was driving home by a pawn shop, and then a flash of light came before him. "What the hell! That flash is blinding me!" exclaimed Cleveland as he pulled on the brakes. After the flash came and passed, he saw Brian and Stewie stand on the time machine return pad. "It's them! There they are again! What is it those two are up to all the time?" wondered Cleveland. "Does Peter know about this?" Brian and Stewie walk home and have a conversation. "So that's what inspired all those Errol Flynn movies!" said Brian. "Our time travel trip to the 16th Century Pirate ship era was worthwhile, won't you say!" said Stewie. "What should we do next...." Brian went on.
Cleveland decides to follow them. "I'm gonna find out what you two are up to all the time!" Cleveland tries to keep up but loses sight of Brian and Stewie into the darkness. Cleveland decides to wait for Peter to come home as he parks his car in the Griffin's driveway. "There should be a way I can finally catch up to them. Like Frances Farmer's mother got the police to catch up with her!"
Cutaway Scene:
Peter Griffin is in a living room on an old fashioned telephone. "Hello, Seattle Police? I'd like to report a non conformist athetist actress by the name of Frances Farmer!" Cora Lillian (Frances's mother) tells Peter, "She was last seen escaping a mental hospital." Peter repeated what Cora said to him, "Here's a tip, she was last seen escaping a mental hospital......." Cora Lillian tells Peter, "I want her back in so she can be lobotomized." "Uh, yeah, once you get her, put her back in the hospital and lobotmize her! Thanks! BYE!" said Peter as he hung up the phone. "Don't worry, Cora Lillian! Your daughter has paid for her crimes now!!" assured Peter.
Peter, Lois, Chris, and Meg got home and Cleveland was relieved they were here so he can tell him about Brian and Stewie's whereabouts. "Oh Peter! You just missed an epic vandalizing we did in an old doctor's office!" said Cleveland. "Sorry I couldn't join you! Family obligation." Peter retorted as Lois jabbed him in the ribs. "Where did you go?" asked Cleveland. "We went to Ace Hardware to pick out paints for our kid's bedrooms." Peter explaining his absence. "Trust me, it sucked shit!"
Cutaway Scene:
Peter and Lois were standing outside Ace Hardware. "Hi, I'm Peter Griffin!" " And I'm Lois! His doting wife!" "More like bitch wife!" "We're here at Ace Hardware to pick out paint colors for our kid's bedrooms!" stated Lois. "Trust me I want to be out with the guys and not here!" said Peter. The commercial jingle was sung, "Ace Is The Place Where Parents Decide What Color Their Kid's Bedrooms Should Be." Meg comes out of nowhere and announces, "I want lilac for my room!" The commercial jingle sang again and said in a singing tone, "Shut Up Meg!"
Peter walked over to Cleveland, "What do you want Cleveland? You look like you have something to tell me," "You know me so well. What I want to tell you is, I saw Brian and Stewie on a street corner near the pawn shop. It's like the appeared out of nowhere!" "Can't help you buddy. Brian and Stewie have their own lives, in which I am not involved!" Peter walked inside his house with Lois and their kids. "Dammit! Why is it everytime I tell Peter I saw Brian and Stewie somewhere he never wants to talk about it! Maybe it's time I take matters into my own hands!" Cleveland vowed to get to the truth about why Brian and Stewie always seem to disappear for days on end then reappear.
*
Brian and Stewie were in Stewie's bedroom they go inside the time machine. Up all night obsessing, Cleveland was spying on them filming them with his iPAD. "Hmmmm. Hmmmmmm. Hmmmmm. Hmm Hmm!" Cleveland hummed to himself. Hours had passed and Donna comes downstairs to check on Cleveland. "You still at this again"? asked Donna. "Yes I am!" spoke Cleveland then he continued, "Do you ever notice that Brian and Stewie are always gone for a while, then they turn up again days and weeks later?" "I know them. The Griffin's dog and their youngest child. To answer your question, I did not notice that. At first, I thought you were spying on Quagmire to get tips to try to improve our sex life." said Donna. Cleveland looked disheveled from staying up all night. He had dark circles under his eyes and his clothes reeked of sweat.
"Phew! You smell like shit!" said Donna. "I'll be coming to bed soon." said Cleveland. "If you ever come back to bed, take a shower first! Meanwhile, I'll let you play your Rear Window game." Donna walked back to her bedroom. Cleveland still waited for Brian and Stewie to come back. "Come back, you sons of bitches!" Cleveland muffled! Cleveland decides to give it another hour before finally giving up. Growing tired and appetent, Cleveland walked over to his couch and fell asleep. "I haven't felt this impatient since Peter had to discipline a child that wasn't his on that 'How To Human' Watchable App!"
Cutaway Scene:
In a library, a little girl with long blond hair, a puppy shirt, and blue jeans was ripping up books. One after another. Peter ran after her and caught up with her. "HEY! STOP! THOSE BOOKS DON'T BELONG TO YOU!" yelled Peter at the little girl. She didn't listen as she still ripped up more books. "YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO DO THAT!" Little girl still wasn't cooperating. "GIVING ONE LAST FINAL WARNING TO...." Peter shouted. The little girl sneered at him, "You're an a psycho abusive drunken redneck!" Peter lost control and screamed in the air then punched out the little girl knocked her out on the floor. "OH NO!" Peter said trying to revive the little girl with CPR to no success. "Who gives a (beep) she wasn't my kid anyway! GOODBYE!" Peter ran out of the library.
Morning had reared it's head, a blast was heard, Brian and Stewie were walking down Spooner Street and Cleveland woke up as soon as he heard them. Getting his iPAD ready, Cleveland ran to the window, he couldn't make out what Brian and Stewie were saying. But Cleveland couldn't catch up to them and it was too late. "Crap! I was so close!" Cleveland decides to go over to Peter's house. Walking over to the Griffin house he knocked on the door. Peter answered. "Hey, Cleveland. Are you here to get back your Luther Vandeross CD?" "It happened again! Brian and Stewie were gone for a long time, then they reappeared again!" declared Cleveland. Peter put his arm around Cleveland's shoulder and gave him an answer he didn't want to hear. "Now, Cleveland. We've already been through this many times....." Peter said talking down to Cleveland as if he were a preschool aged child. "But Peter!" begged Cleveland, but Peter dominated this conversation as he asserted his dominance in the conversation. "Lois and I decide to let Brian and Stewie live their own lives. Whatever they do is none of your business. Now why don't you run along and do whatever it is black people do!" "Do you realize how much of a dick you're being?" scorned Cleveland.
Peter went on, "Joe, Quagmire, and I are headed to the Clam, you are welcome to join us for that. If you do, I don't ever want to hear about your stalking Brian and Stewie again? Got it?" Cleveland walks back to his house feeling very inglorious. Peter called out, "It's all in your imagination anyway! Just keep taking the pills, they'll go away!" Peter said, "Cleveland is very annoying about this Brian and Stewie garbage lately. This is just like the time when I felt appalled by seeing dogs on the Planet of The Apes.
Cutaway Scene:
Zira was sitting on the table in the kitchen of their house. Cornuelius walked in and kissed Zira. "Good morning, beautiful." "Cornuelius, did you take the dog out yet?" asked Zira. "No I did not, but I will." promised Cornuelius. Then a greyhound walked into the kitchen as Cornuelius got a leesh. "Hey there, sweetheart! Ready for your walk! Who's a good boy! Who's a good boy! kissy kissy kissy boo boo!" The scene cuts to Peter watching the Planet of the Apes movie on TV. "WHAT the HELL man! There's no dogs on the Planet of the Apes! All the dogs and cats died! What were they thinking!"
Brian and Stewie were watching tv as Cleveland was watching them. "What should we do for our next expedition?" asked Stewie. "My book Faster Than The Speed of Love could sure use some international recognition." suggested Brian. "Where should we go to promote your shit novel?" joked Stewie. "If you're going to insult....." when Brian was about to finish, he stopped himself from going batshit crazy on Stewie. "Was thinking we can go to Honduras. People there have yet to witness my genius! And encourage people in third world countries who were possibly illiterate to read!" "Excellent, at least it's better than going to Venezuela. People there nowadays are like cannibals. Just like when Fatman time traveled to the year 802701 AD then ended up living with the Morlocks from The Time Machine." indicated Stewie.
Cutaway Scene:
It shows The Morlocks in an underground cave and Peter is one of them. The Morlocks were eating human arms and legs. Peter asked, "Excuse me, Morlocks? Incredible Hulk lookalikes?" The Morlocks got his attention. "Is there other way to eat the Eloi? Besides raw? I mean, can't we bake them for a change? I know! How about we fry, boil, roast, or steam cook these Elois? What do you say? OH! Got it! How about an Eloi Hamburger! Or we can use them as topping on Pizza! Marinade? Barbecue? We should add more flavor and pizzazz to these Elois we always eat!" The Morlocks grew angry and threw Peter out of their cave. "WOOOOAHHHH! SON OF A BITCH! Last time I hang out with cannibals!"
Cleveland decides he is going to finally follow Brian and Stewie. "Okay, all set here. Looks like they're going to disappear again. Going to get to the truth of the matter once and for all!" With Stewie behind him, Brian is headed to his bedroom. Cleveland breaks into the Griffin house and wasn't even noticed despite Peter and his family were all in bed. "So, Stewie how are we going to get to Honduras?" asked Brian. Stewie pressed a button that lead to his weapons room. "Like this!" In the back there was a jet airliner. "Woah! How were to able to obtain that?!" asked Brian. "Let's just say Steve Miller owed me a favor!" giggled Stewie. Just as Brian and Stewie were going to board the jet, Cleveland broke in leaving the dog and baby startled. "Cleveland! What are YOU doing here?" asked Brian. "Nobody in Quahog seems to notice you two disappear! But I know you both do!" Cleveland began. "Oh no! He's onto us, perhaps we should neutralize him!" suggested Stewie. "No No no, wait! Let's see what he wants first. Hey, Cleveland old buddy. What brings you here." asked Brian walking up to Cleveland causally.
"I know you two are always up to something! Keep telling people I see you two come out of nowhere and nobody believes me! And I want to know what it is you guys always do together!" demanded Cleveland. "Well, Cleveland, why not come with us?" asked Stewie. "Yes, we are going to Honduras to promote my book!" explained Brian. "Hmmmm, all right! Thanks for inviting me. So I can finally show to Peter, Joe, Quagmire, and my friends and family that you two are always going on some trip all the time!" said Cleveland. "You pose no threat, right?" asked Stewie. "Not at all." assured Cleveland. "So how would you like to go to Honduras on Stewie's jet airliner!" asked Brian. Cleveland laughed joyfully as he, Brian, and Stewie all board the airliner. "Do you actually fly this thing?" asked Cleveland. "No I invented an autopilot device on it that will take up directly to whatever we want to go!" said Stewie. "Holy Crap! Stewie an inventor? Who knew? How come Peter and Lois never knew about this?" asked Cleveland.
"They never notice anything about us!" said Brian. "Be-Lieve me!" said Stewie. Brian and Stewie whispered to one another. "Is it okay to take Cleveland along......." "We did take Chris once and we had to pretend to him like he was dreaming...." "We agreed nobody can know our secret....." "What if he exposes us after.....knew we should've killed him when we had the chance....." "It's only our time travel adventures we keep secret....." "We'll just let Cleveland come along just once and then we'll erase his memory....." "Agreed....." "Saying anything?" asked Cleveland. "Oh, nothing! Hop aboard!" said Brian. Cleveland, Stewie, and Brian climbed into the airliner and brought a bag containing copies of his novel. Stewie used voice control on the autopilot, "Destination, Honduras!" Then the airliner flew out of Stewie's bedroom and was making it's way to it's destination.
*
Moments later, the jet airliner was flying over Honduras. The airliner was making engine noise so they had to shout to communicate. Cleveland was enjoying himself. "This is so much fun! You guys are better to hang around with than boring ass Peter all the time!" "Glad you're liking this! Good to have you on board with us!" shouted Brian over the noise the airline was making. "How often do you and Brian go on these adventures?" yelled Cleveland. "Almost all the time. There's some advantages of having a dysfunctional family who never notices you!" shouted Stewie. "Hope you bought a parachute, because we're about to jump!" screamed Brian. "Oh boy, skydiving too!" said Cleveland. Brian, Stewie, and Cleveland put on parachutes and Stewie says to the autopilot, "Prepare to land." to avoid an airline crashing. Cleveland was very impressed with all the technology Brian and Stewie had for their travels. "This is awesome! Parachutes, airliners that fly or land with the sound of your voice!" exclaimed Cleveland.
"Ready, on the count of three, we jump.....one.....two.....three!" Brian, Stewie, and Cleveland all jumped and their parachutes opened as they were going to land in Honduras. What they didn't realize was they were going to land in an uncharted jungle area. "Wow! This is an amazing view from up here!" said Brian. "You guys have high tech stuff ahead of our time." said Cleveland. "Well, the parachutes are made out of latex." said Stewie. Then their parachutes malfunctioned on them which caused them to fall faster.
"Can't imagine what it would be like to hit the bricks at this speed!" said Stewie. "Don't scare us like that!" said Brian. Stewie had an idea. "Quick! Brian and Cleveland! Spurn my overalls!" "Thanks for trying to keep me out of the danger!" said Cleveland. "Hopefully there's no kids watching us!" said Brian. "Just do it!" said Stewie. Brian and Cleveland grabbed Stewie by the straps on his overalls and the overalls ballooned into a parachute. "Good thinking, Stewie!" said Brian. "Wow! You guys have anything for any situation!" laughed Cleveland. The three of them slowly land in the uncharted jungle area. They see smoke from down there. "Smells like someone is having a Stinkweed get together!" said Cleveland. The smoke from the island got into Stewie's nose and he sneezed. "uhhh, Gesundheit?" said Brian. Then Brian, Stewie and Cleveland land in a black pot that was about ready to boil. "Looks like we landed in HOT water!" joked Cleveland. "Cleveland, please! This is no time for quirky euphemisms!" begged Brian. Cleveland, Stewie, and Brian see a bunch of jungle natives wearing masks. "BLAST! A bunch of baby eating blood lusting witchdoctors!" screamed Stewie. Brian asked, "Are you of you guys collecting for the March of Dimes?" asked Brian. "NOT COOL!" yelled Stewie.
"Slience!" The leader appeared before them. The jungle natives take off their masks and reveal themselves. They were all black and wore wood for piercings, bones, and loinclothes. The leader continued, "We are the Honda-Roos!" You desecrated our most sacred of rituals!" "Why do all these jungle natives have to be black! That's so offensive and racist!" mumbled Cleveland. "Assume we're going to be penalized for this?" asked Brian. "Yes! For this you must die!" the leader yelled then screamed at the other Honda-Roos in a native tongue. Then the Honda-Roos do a ritual dance. "Hooga Chaga! Hooga! Hooga! Hooga Chaga! Hooga Chaga!" "Great, their national anthem is that shitty cover of a BJ Thomas song!" Brian said sarcastically. "BJs! Hope they don't make us give them THAT here!" indicated Stewie. "Wait! Uhh, Honda-Roos! Maybe we can help! What is it do you need?" asked Cleveland. "What's with all this impassioned revelry and ritual shenanigans?" asked Stewie.
The leader explained, "We do this dance because we have waited for 'The Chosen One'! The Honda-Roos pointed to a silver idol that looked like Stewie. "Looks like he finally arrived!" said one of the Honda-Roos. The leader and the other Honda-Roos take Stewie out of the pot. "Later bitches!" shouted Stewie. Much to the horror of Brian and Cleveland who were confounded by what they saw. "Geez, I hope they won't hurt him!" said Brian. "What exactly did they mean by The Chosen One?" asked Cleveland. "Perhaps as backwards as these Natives are, maybe they're going to sacrifice him!" speculated Brian. "Oh, worse! Brainwash him!" said Cleveland in consternation. "Brainwashing. Of course! That must be their M.O." answered Brian. "We need to get him back! Then we need to go to civilization to promote your book." said Cleveland. "Yes that too! But first we must find out what these natives are going to do to Stewie. They'll probably propagandize him like what happened to Peter when he was investigating the Ipcress File!" said Brian.
Cutaway Scene:
There was a laboratory science room on one end, and a dark room right next door. An evil scientist was speaking into a microphone to Peter who was laying on a cot strapped down. Peter was helpless against the loud noises and light flashes he was seeing and hearing before him. The scientist told him, "YOU WILL NEVER COMPLETE YOUR MISSION TO FIND OUT ABOUT THE IPCRESS FILE!" Peter moaned weakly. "NEVER WILL YOU FIND OUT ABOUT OUR PLANS!" The scientist kept taunting him. "YOU ARE GOING TO BE BRAINWASHED FOR DOING OUR EVIL BIDDING!! FOR YOU ARE NO LONGER PETER GRIFFIN! YOU ARE NOW......TIGER WOODS! BWAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!" Peter cried as thought we were a toddler having a tantrum. Michael Caine was on the roof watching the whole thing. "What a wimp! He won't make it the way I did in this movie!" Michael Caine scoffed at Peter's whining.
*
Cleveland and Brian were trekking through the treacherous jungles searching for Stewie. Both were fearing the worst at what plans the Honda-Roos had for the baby. It was the assumption of the possibility that Stewie was probably killed. Either to be eaten or to be a sacrifice. If that were the case, Brian and Cleveland wouldn't know how to explain it to Peter and Lois once they arrived back in Quahog. "If Stewie were dead, how will we be able to explain what happened to him?" asked Cleveland. "That's why it's imperative that we find him. Don't even want to THINK about the consequences!" said Brian. "Ass whoopings for both of us! That's what." said Cleveland. Brian just remembered that bag he had brought that had copies of his novel and hoped it hadn't gone lost.
"Had a bag of my novels I was going to give to the residents of this country. Brought them aboard the airliner." recalled Brian. "Now we got to look for two things! Stewie and your novels." said Cleveland. Brian was using a machete to cut through the vines and tall grasses while Cleveland was having his face get hit by tree branches. "Son of A Bitch! Dammit!" cussed Cleveland. "You're obviously not used to going on trips like this." said Brian. " That's where you're wrong, Brian! Last time we were on an adventure like this was when Peter, Joe, Quagmire, and I were searching for the funniest dirty joke. Let's not forget about some fun adventures I had on my departed spin off show!" Cleveland remembered that memory to tell Brian that he had indeed had his share of adventures. "Stand corrected then." said Brian.
Hours after hours searching, both were sweaty and thirsty. "Hope you thought to have brought us some grape soda or something." huffed Cleveland. "Tell you what, once we find Stewie, we'll drink from coconuts or something like that." puffed Brian. "For someone who's been on so many adventures with Stewie you sure don't know how to think ahead and prepare for it!" irked Cleveland. "Well, we are usually in the hurry to go, then along the way we have unexplained situations that run into us so we don't have time." said Brian. Cleveland thought there was no use for them to argue. Both needed to be strong for Stewie's sake, "How about we let it go and find out why Stewie was the 'Chosen One.'" said Cleveland. "Good thought there. We need to stick together and not turn against each other." said Brian. As luck would have it, they finally see a beach area full of tiki huts with a golden idol that was painted from silver of Stewie and a Honda-Roos dancing around. Then the Honda-Roos were bowing to the Stewie statue and chanting, "Victory is Mine! Victory is Mine! What The Deuce! What the Deuce! Damn You All! Damn You All! Damn You All!" Cleveland was dismayed by what he saw, "Stewie had catchphrases?" "Not only that, plans for World Domination and to kill his mother." said Brian.
"So that's why Stewie was The Chosen One!" said Cleveland. "They wanted him to be an emperor of the sort, thank (beep) not a sacrifice." relieved Brian. "Wait? Kill Lois? Babies are supposed to love their mothers, not kill them!" said Cleveland in disblief. Brian and Cleveland go into the beach and see a throne. The Honda-Roos stop them, "Halt! Who goes there?" they asked. "We're friends of the 'Chosen One." said Brian. "Come this way." said the Honda-Roos. "The Chosen One Wishes to see you!" Cleveland and Brian were lead to a throne and they see some Honda-Roos feeding Stewie grapes and fanning him. "Oh great Chosen One! We worship you. Tell us what to do! This black man and this dog are here to see you." said the Honda-Roos. "Send them in." ordered Stewie. Cleveland said, "Woah Stewie! You're sure moving up on in the world!" "Brian! Cleveland! Where have you been?" asked Stewie. "And not a minute too soon! You're both in time for supper! BRING ON THE SHIT! We call food 'shit' around here!" "What have you done with this beach?" asked Brain inqusitively. "It is now, Stewie's Domain!" yelled Stewie.
Some Honda-Roos served Brian and Cleveland some food and boy were they hungry. "Food! Thank god!" Brian sighed. The Honda-Roos were serving the food on a wooden stretcher on a platter. Then suddenly changed their minds when they saw it was a pig that was roasted. "Uhhh, think we'll pass! Can we have some Soul Food instead? You know like, Fried Chicken and Collared Greens?" asked Cleveland. "Think we could draw the line here!" said Brian. The Honda-Roos stuck their spears at Brian and Cleveland. "You will eat our delicacies here on this island! King Stewie orders you to do so!" "All right, when in Rome I guess heh heh!" said Brian. "Come gather around for dinner everyone." ordered Stewie. While Brian, Cleveland, and Stewie were eating the pig along with the Honda-Roos they were asking Stewie questions. "So Stewie, what's it like to be the ruler of these backwards Natives!" asked Cleveland. "It's excellent! They do anything I tell them! Watch this! You two, do a nude strip dance for my amusement!" ordered Stewie. A Honda-Roo does a strip dance for Stewie. "You always were about being a leader, Stewie. Just want to ask you. What did you do with that bag of copies I had of my novel?" asked Brian. "Oh, you didn't notice?" asked Stewie.
Brian grew concerned. "Notice what, exactly? You knew when we go into the city of Honduras we were going to promote my novel there! What did you do to the copies?" "I did have the bag of your novel copies, Brian." confessed Stewie. "Don't keep us in the dark, tell us where the books are!" said Cleveland. "Well you see, I gave the copies of your novel to the Honda-Roos, and I ordered them read it first. They hated your book, by the way just like everyone else does, then I gave them the order to use the papers and front and back covers to make this little Tiki City here on the beach! Isn't it delightful! Take a close look!" squealed Stewie delightfully. Brian and Cleveland walk over to the Tiki Huts and saw that indeed Brian's novel was used to make the Tiki Huts for the Honda-Roos. Brian reached to the sky in outrage and yelled very prolonged, "NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
*
The Honda-Roos encircled around Brian and Cleveland. "Damn You All! Damn You All!" the natives chanted. "What's going on?" asked a worried Brian. "OH," Stewie explains, "Since they didn't like your unexceptional lackluster excuse of a novel, they want you out, Brian! That goes for you too, Cleveland!" Stewie blows a horn and Brian and Cleveland were thrown out into the jungle once again. The Honda-Roos awaited more of Stewie's orders. "Now I have no doubt there will be no more mild discontent among some of you. I have implemented. To prove your loyalty to me, you all will build me wooden statues of Jack Antonoff and Jeffery Tambor! That's an order! TUT! TUT! On the double!" The Honda-Roos listened to Stewie's orders as he enjoys his status as being King of the Jungle. "Always known someday I would be a ruthless bloodthirsty ruler of a bunch of dumbass who will do my highhanded commands!" Brian and Cleveland were back in the jungle. This time they were encompassed by tigers, gorillas, lions, Jaguars, Poison Dart Frogs, Pythons, Orangutans, Iguanas, Sloths, and Lizards. "Stewie being the Chosen One my ass!" said Cleveland. "If only there was some way we can get him dethroned." said Brian. "We have to. Can't stay here forever. I'll miss Donna and my stepkids! " said Cleveland. " What's about Junior?" asked Brian. "What?" bestowed Cleveland. "There's no telling what Stewie will do in that position of power. He's so suggestable and innocent. Stewie can become corrupt and immoral!" said Brian. "I know, this is just like the time when were we all in Camelot and Joe was King Arthur." reflected Cleveland.
Cutaway Scene:
Peter, Joe, Cleveland and Quagmire were dressed in Medieval style armor as they were walking through Camelot. Joe was wearing king's clothes and was in the lead and was singing, ""We're Going to Camelot! We're bold We're Dashing We're Brave! And We Got a Sword to Save! We're soliders going to Camelot! We're Bold We're Dashing, We're Brave! And We Got A Sword to Save!" Joe kept singing this tune 10 time over. Until Quagmire finally had enough. "STOP!!!!! ENOUGH NOW! STOP SINGING THIS CANDY ASS SONG! WE DON'T NEED TO BE REMINDED WE'RE GOING TO CAMELOT FOR A (beep)ING SWORD!
Cleveland and Brian were quivering and twitching in fear because they believed they were going to become the main course for the Jungle Animals surrounding them. "Don't say one word......" "Don't move an inch!" "Where's Duane Johnson, and Seann William Scott when you need them?" "Cool Rundown reference there!" Brian and Cleveland conversated with each other. Back in at the Stewie's Domain of what used to be the beach, James Woods comes to see Stewie. "Hey, Stewie! Heard you're a jungle king now, mind if I join you and he your right hand man?" Stewie used his horn and the Honda-Roos came to his aid. "This man had tried to destroy my family and now he's going to overthrow me! Throw this man in the quicksand pit at once!" The Honda-Roos did what Stewie ordered them to do and they picked up James Woods and threw him in quicksand. "I could've been the best henchman you'd ever have!" James Woods called out being taken to his death and ruination. Back in the jungle, Brian said, "Looks like we'll be here for a while......."
Luck was on their side, and a mysterious figure swings on a vine from under them and grans both Brian and Cleveland to safety. "Thanks so much another minute back there we would've been eaten and grounded into jungle shit!" fabricated Cleveland. The figure revealed himself to be an even bigger Honda-Roo. "Greetings outlanders. I am Jasiel. The original ruler of the Honda-Roos." "What can we do to repay you, sir?" asked Brian. "You can give me my rightful position as ruler of the Honda-Roos that's what!" answered Jasiel. "Why did you get exiled in the first place?" asked Brian. "The Honda-Roos didn't really think I was a good enough leader. Since I was in power to do whatever I wanted, I slept and had sex with their women. So they thought I was too horny for my own good. They also thought I kept maing promises to them I couldn't keep. So they shamed me and threw me out here with the animals." Jasiel explained his sad story. "Quagmire and this guy would get along great!" laughed Brian then Cleveland joined in.
"Who's the new ruler now?" asked Jasiel. "A dude that came with us named Stewie." responded Cleveland. "See came here on a jet airliner, then we landed here in Honduras to promote a novel I wrote. Then we landed into a boiling pot and the Honda-Roos surrounded us and their idol looked like Stewie who they deemed to be 'The Chosen One'. It's been hell ever since." Brian best describing their situation. "They tried to make us eat pigs!" said Cleveland in vile disgust. "Where can I find this Chosen One?" asked Jasiel. "I have something planned for him" . "Just follow us." Brian said as him and Cleveland were leading him to the Stewie's Domain. Stewie was watching a bamboo TV, "We Now Return To Desperate Career Women!" While Stewie was relaxing with the TV, he had one group on Honda-Roos doing a tribal dance to the Archie's song, 'Sugar Sugar' as some were building the wooden statues of Jeffery Tambor and Jack Antonoff. "Feel so deliciously Gilligan's Island!" cheered Stewie. Jasiel was affronted by what his tribe had become. "Is this new leader light in the loafers or something?" snided Jasiel.
Jasiel called out, "I am here for the Chosen One"! Stewie heard and said, "What the deuce? Who dare tries to oust me?" "I do!" said Jasiel walking up to Stewie's tiki hut throne. "Do you wish to pleasure me you perv?" asked Stewie. "NO! I am the real ruler of this tribe, and I challenge you to a duel!" said Jasiel. Brian and Cleveland were hiding and watching the whole thing from behind bushes. Stewie steps down from his throne. "Name it!" the baby demanded. "Spear Throw!" announced Jasiel. "Pick some spears". Stewie picked three as did Jasiel. "You first." said Stewie. Jasiel threw the spear far. "Now you." said Jasiel to Stewie as he threw the spear quite far but not by much. "My turn again." said Jasiel picking another spear and throwing it farther than before. "I admire your willingness." said Stewie who picks the third and last spear to throw and this time Stewie lets out a tribe holler and throws the spear way far into the sky. "I win! I will rule for eternity! Leave now!" said Stewie. Jasiel had one last trick up his sleeve. "You win this, but you won't win the drum off!" said Jasiel.
"You're on!" said Stewie. Jasiel used the bongos to bang on the drums and made the Honda-Roos dance. This lasted for three minutes. Stewie was getting embitteredly querulous. Brian and Cleveland were still watching, "Why do I have a feeling there's going to be an Emerald Forest thing going on here?" asked Brian. "What's that?" asked Cleveland. "Movie about Jungle Natives." Brian said. Jasiel handed the bongos to Stewie and he gets an MP3 player then plays Muse's Panic Station drumming along to the bongos that made the Honda-Roos party. "What in the world....." said an alarmed Brian.
After five minutes the drum off competition was done. The Honda-Roos were going wild after hearing Panic Station. "See? They love me! I win!" said Stewie. Jasiel said, "You fool! You made them rebel, revolt, and become defiant! We do not allow rock music on this island! You are hereby banished forever! By the power vested in me I shall reinstate myself as ruler of the Honda-Roos! I will make the Honduras Jungle Great Again! I will take back my land, give menial jobs, rape your women......" Stewie sobbed, "Unhand me vile native! This is MY JUNGLE!" Jasiel threw Stewie out and he landed where Brian and Cleveland were hiding. "So much for being the 'Chosen One, eh?" smirked Brian. "Oh shut up!" snapped Stewie.
"Now that it's over let's go back home." said Clevleand. "Can't wait to finally prove to my friends that you two have adventures together. Feeling dejected after being overthrown Stewie cried, "Why is it I can never be an evil ruler of anything?" Brian assured him, "Well, there will always be other times for that. You just have to have believe there will be better opportunities for you in the future! Now where is that jet airliner?" The airliner was parked along the shoreline. "There it is!" said Cleveland. Brian, Stewie, and Cleveland, all board the airliner and fly back to Quahog. Stewie vows revenge, "When I come back, I will impale your worthless black ass, Jasiel!"
*
Back in Quahog, Cleveland was at the Griffin home telling Chris, Meg, Quagmire, Joe, Peter, and Lois his fantastic experience. "You won't believe this! I have proof this time! Brian and Stewie took me to Honduras!" What Brian and Stewie didn't know was the Cleveland secretly filmed them on his iPAD. "Look! Here's us with the Honda-Roos! Then they made Stewie a Chosen One. Brian and I then got stuck in a jungle! Oh! I had so much fun! Look at these pictures!" exclaimed Cleveland. "In this one, Brian and I are surrounded by Jungle Animals who almost ate us! Here's Stewie in competition with the real ruler!" Peter, Lois, Joe, Quagmire, Chris, and Meg were none too amused. "How do we know you didn't use photoshop?" asked Joe. "Yeah, I would've been interested if you had told me about some horny jungle whores at least." said Quagmire. "Come on, kids, let's go. Not hearing any more of this." said Lois as Chris and Meg followed her. Cleveland was discouraged that no one wanted to listen. "Peter! You believe me now, right?" asked Cleveland. "We have better things to do than listen to your tall tales. Come on, Joe, Quagmire! Let's go to the game without this lunatic." Peter said. Joe and Quagmire agreed to go.
Cleveland feeling dispirited then was consoled by Brian and Stewie. "Don't worry about them." said Brian. "Yeah, if no one else believes you, at least YOU know it was real!" said Stewie. "Ahhh, thanks guys." thanked Cleveland. "It's a fun ride I will never forget." "Say listen, if you ever get bored with Peter and the gang, you can always come along with us on another adventure!" Brian suggested. "You mean it!" said Cleveland. "Abso-freaking lutely! Maybe I'll get to become an evil ruler again!" laughed Stewie. "You shouldn't care what Peter, Lois, Quagmire think anyway! What matters is that you had fun with us!" said Brian. "Brian and Stewie you are the weed to my tweed!" cheered Cleveland. Brian and Stewie decided to invite Cleveland to one of their quests anytime he wants. Cleveland couldn't be more glad and didn't care if Peter, Joe, Quagmire, or anyone else believed him or not.
The End
The Proceeding Has Been a Narwhal Puppy Production!
In Memory of Adam West (1928-2017)
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