Categories > Games > Kingdom Hearts > The Destiny Islands Chronicles

Kairi's Babysitting Job

by Axyli 0 reviews

Being a Keyblade Mistress won't make you much money, so it's kind of expected for Kairi to start babysitting. But what happens if the child is possibly demon-possessed?

Category: Kingdom Hearts - Rating: PG - Genres: Humor, Parody - Characters: Kairi, Riku, Sora - Warnings: [!!] - Published: 2006-09-16 - Updated: 2006-09-16 - 2794 words

0Unrated
Kairi was sitting on her bed, reading a magazine.
"Hmm...I wonder if I'd look good in that," she thought out loud. Her phone rang. She picked it up.
"Hello?" she asked.
"Is this Kairi?" a woman's voice asked.
"Umm...yes. Who's this?" Kairi asked.
"I'm Mrs. Heinike. I'm calling about the babysitting service I read about in the paper," the lady said. Kairi smiled.
"Oh. Okay," she said.
"I was wondering if I could drop off my daughter in about an hour, if you're free," Mrs. Heinike said.
"Of course," Kairi said brightly. Mrs. Heinike sounded like she let out a sigh of relief.
"Oh, thank you. I'm so sorry about the short notice, but me and my husband are supposed to go out and our normal babysitter is sick," she said.
"It's fine," Kairi said. "I just need to know your daughter's name and age."
"Her name is Lili and she's five years old," Mrs. Heinike said. Kairi wrote it down and said,
"Cool! I'll be happy to meet her."

An hour later, there was a knock on the door. Kairi opened the door and saw a pretty woman in her early thirties with a cute little girl with blonde hair in pigtails and bright blue eyes.
"You must be Mrs. Heinike," Kairi said. She crouched down. "And this must be Lili." The little girl smiled.
"We're gonna be friends, aren't we?" she asked. Kairi smiled.
"We sure are!" she answered.
Sweet kid, she thought. She'll be one of the easy ones.
"I'll come back here at eleven," Mrs. Heinike said. "Lili should be asleep by then, but it's okay if she's not." Mrs. Heinike bent over. "Angel! Give Mommy a hug before she leaves," she said. Lili hugged her mother and said,
"I'll miss you, Mommy."
"Oh, I'll be back soon," Mrs. Heinike said, smiling. "Now be a good girl for Kairi."
"Okay!" Lili said brightly. When Kairi closed the door and turned around, Lili's blue eyes had a flame of evil in them.
"We're gonna play House," Lili said firmly. "I'll be the mommy, and you be the little girl."
"Umm...okay..." Kairi said.
"You stay here while I get ready to go out," Lili said, running down the hall. Kairi sat on the floor.
Maybe this will be a little tougher than I thought, she thought. But she's only five. What's the worst she could do? She heard something in her room break. She instantly started running to her room. Lili was standing on a chair, looking at what she had just dropped. She had Kairi's make-up smeared all over her face and was wearing her necklaces. Kairi stifled back a scream.
"Wh-what were you doing in here, Lili?" Kairi asked, forcing a smile.
"I needed make-up to be the mommy," Lili explained simply. "Mommy lets me use her make-up all the time."
"Well, that doesn't mean you can use mine," Kairi said, taking her necklaces off the girl and taking her down from the chair. She stepped on a shard of glass and looked down. A picture frame was broken on the floor. Kairi gasped.
"This is me and Sora!" she exclaimed, picking up the picture. "Why'd you do this?"
"I didn't like him," Lili said. Kairi put the picture back on her vanity and saw that another frame's glass had writing on it. It was a picture of Riku with the words "This iz my huzband" scribbled onto it with eyeliner. Kairi stifled another scream.
"Why'd you write this?!" she asked quickly.
"I liked him, so I made him my husband. The other boy is my ex," Lili explained. Kairi frowned at the little girl.
"Lili, that was very naughty of you," she said sternly. Lili started screaming and hitting Kairi in the shins.
"NO!!!! NONONO!!!!!! LITTLE GIRLS DON'T TELL THEIR MOMMIES WHAT'S NAUGHTY!!!!!!!" she screeched. This caught Kairi off guard, so she did the first thing that came to mind. She shoved Lili into her closet and locked the door. Lili started whacking the door and kept screaming. Kairi went and got her babysitting backpack. This needed help. She needed Sora and Riku.

"What are we doing? Where are we going? I WANNA KNOW!!!" Lili screamed at Kairi as they were walking to Riku's house.
"I'm going to get some of my friends to help--I mean, play with us," Kairi said quickly to the little demon. She came up to Riku's house and saw Sora working on putting a CD player in Riku's car. The hood was open and there was oil everywhere.
"Hey Sora," Kairi said. Sora turned around too quickly and hit his head on the roof of the car.
"Ow," he said as he got out of the car, rubbing his head. "Hey Kairi. Did you see the new CD player? It took Riku a while since he got grounded for flipping off that girl, but he finally got it."
"Cool," Kairi said. "Where is Riku, anyways?"
"Down here," they heard a voice under the car say. Kairi finally noticed the two feet stuck out from under the car. Riku slid out from under the car, holding a wrench. He had oil on his face, hands, and hair. His hair looked the weirdest, with patches of black on the silvery-blue. He stuck the wrench in his jeans pocket.
"What are you doing here, Kairi?" he asked. "And who's the kid?" Lili had been staring at Sora for a long time, and Sora had been staring back at her. Then Lili walked up to him and kicked him in the shin.
"Ow!!!" Sora cried. He glared at her. "What'd ya do that for, you little brat?" he asked.
"My mommy told me that's what I should do if I ever met my ex when I got older," Lili told him, sneering at him. Sora looked at Kairi, confused.
"What the crap is she talking about?" he asked. Lili screamed.
"YOU SAID A NAUGHTY WORD!!!! YOU SAID A NAUGHTY WORD!!!!" she shrieked.
"Umm...I'm babysitting her today," Kairi said a little sheepishly.
"And you're here why?" Riku asked. Lili looked at him for a minute, then ran up and hugged him.
"Um...hi?" Riku said uncertainly, looking at the little blonde girl hugging his legs.
"My husband!" Lili cried happily.
"We were, ah, playing House before we came," Kairi explained.
"Um...okay, I'll go with that," Riku said, still looking at Lili. "Um...she won't try to rip my shirt off like that girl at the gas station, right?" Kairi shrugged.
"I hope not."
"So what are you doing here with little Blondie?" Sora asked.
"Well...I was going to ask you two to, umm.../play/ with us," Kairi said, winking. Sora's eyes widened and a trickle of blood came out of his nose.
"What the crap?" he asked shakily. Kairi glared at him and smacked him.
"You took that the wrong way," she said, annoyed. "I really want you guys to help me with the little monster," she whispered.
"Well..." Riku said, pushing Lili aside. "Why not take her for a little car ride?"
"But...are you guys done with the car?" Kairi asked. Riku wiped his hands on a rag, tossed Sora a tissue to clean up his nosebleed, and slammed the hood of the car down.
"Yeah," he said. "You sit in front, and Sora can watch the little girl."
"WHAAAD?!" Sora cried, holding the tissue to his nose. "Why should I?"
"I'll split the profit between the three of us," Kairi said. Riku flicked Sora on the forehead.
"Because if you don't, there probably won't be a Kairi for you to share a paopu fruit with," he whispered. Sora pushed Riku away.
"Oh, shud id, Riku," he said. "Fide, I'll do id."


A few minutes later, they were all in Riku's car. Kairi was rubbing her temples, Riku was driving and snickering at Sora, and Sora was having a full on fight with Lili.
"Of course there's such thing as Santa Claus!" Sora said loudly. "I've met him!"
"No, there isn't!" Lili screeched. "I got all this coal for Christmas last year! Santa wouldn't do that!"
"You were probably on his Naughty List," Sora said. "No surprise there, really." Lili's face got really red, and she punched Sora in the stomach. He doubled over, whispering,
"Oh crap, thank heavens it wasn't any lower." Riku had to stop the car so he could laugh. He eventually started hyperventilating, and Kairi had to slap him.
"Thanks," he said, starting to drive again. When Sora could breathe again, he dug into Kairi's babysitting backpack and pulled out a box of cookies.
"Here," he said, tearing the box open. "Have a cookie." He shoved a cookie into Lili's mouth and sighed. She started chewing the cookie. Kairi whirled around suddenly.
"You gave her a cookie?!" she cried.
"Yeah. So?" Sora asked.
"That's sugar!! The last thing that child needs is sugar!" Kairi exclaimed. Sora blinked, then looked at Lili, who was grinning evilly at him.
"Oh crap," he said.

After stopping in the park so Sora had a chance of survival by hiding in the men's bathroom until Lili's sugar high wore off, the four piled into the car. After a while, Lili cried,
"I have to go potty!"
"What?!" the three said.
"Why didn't you go in the bathroom when we were at the park?" Kairi asked.
"I didn't need to go then. I was looking for my ex," Lili said. She started wiggling in her seat. "I really gotta go!" she screeched. The two boys looked at Kairi.
"This is your department," Sora said. Riku pulled over at a gas station. Kairi rushed out of her seat, grabbed Lili, and ran straight to the bathroom. Sora went up to where Kairi had been sitting.
"I don't think we're gonna see her again," he said.

Riku and Sora had gotten bored while they were waiting for Kairi and Lili, so they started daring each other to do stupid things. First Sora had to propose to a random girl filling up her tank of gas. He had gotten slapped after that. Then Riku had to lick the hood of his car. He had thrown up after that. Sora was dared to stick his head outside the window and scream that he believed in Santa Claus. He didn't think that'd be a big deal, since he knew Santa was real, but he wasn't expecting everyone at the gas station to start laughing at him. Blushing, he dared Riku to do a Chinese Fire Drill five times. Riku had just run around the car the third time when he saw Kairi and Lili come out of the bathroom.
"Hey, we thought you two had drowned in there," he joked, ending the Chinese Fire Drill. He and Sora noticed that Kairi looked a little pale and shaken.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Sora asked, hopping out of the car and putting his arm around her.
"Well," Lili started, "I went potty and then Kairi threw up a few times by how dirty the bathroom was."
"It was truly disgusting..." Kairi said weakly. Sora looked concerned.
"Come on," he said. "Maybe we can get some Gatorade for you." He started walking with her to the shop, his arms still around her shoulders to steady her. Riku sighed.
"Sora should really be more inconspicuous," he said.
"What's that mean?" Lili asked.
"Not as noticeable," Riku explained. "But I think Kairi likes it." He turned to Lili and winked.
"Don't tell anyone, but I know those two lovebirds are gonna share a paopu fruit sometime soon," he said.
"Will you share a paopu fruit with /me/?" Lili asked.
"Umm...maybe when you're older," Riku lied.

"What time is it?" Kairi asked tiredly. She sipped her Gatorade as Riku looked at the clock on the CD player.
"Eight-thirty," he groaned. "We've been driving for four hours and fifteen minutes."
"I want dinner!" Lili demanded. "Give me dinner!" Sora, who had been in a stupor for the past half hour, suddenly perked up.
"Great! There's a recipe I've been wanting to try and..." Riku and Kairi had started snickering. Sora stopped talking and looked at them.
"What's with you two?" he asked.
"The Keyblade Master...cooks..." Kairi started, but erupted into a fit of giggling.
"You'll probably kill her if she tries it," Riku added, snickering. Sora glared at them.
"Remember when I invited you guys to dinner a few days ago?" he asked.
"Yeah," the two said, finally stopping their laughing.
"I cooked it," Sora said. Riku and Kairi looked dumbstruck. Sora put his hands behind his head and smiled in triumph.
"I don't want something cooked by /him/!!!" Lili exclaimed. "I want ice cream!"
"You can't have ice cream for dinner, Lili," Kairi said. Lili's face became really red again, and she started screaming.
"Okay! Okay! We'll get you ice cream!" Kairi said. They went to a Drive-Thru and Riku ordered an ice cream cone. The girl at the window winked at him and gave him her number with his change. Riku sighed and put it in the glove compartment along with all the other numbers he had gotten from random girls. He looked at Sora, who was glaring at him.
"Hey, it's not always fun to have my looks," Riku said, shrugging.

A few hours later, the three finally went back to Kairi's house. Kairi went to go get the first aid kit for Sora, whom she told to lay on her couch, and Riku was carrying in Lili, who was fast asleep. Kairi started putting Band-Aids on Sora's many cuts from that day.
"I'm gonna go get you some aspirin," she said, walking out of the room. Riku put some pillows and a blanket on the floor and laid Lili onto them, then crouched next to Sora.
"Y'know, you looked sort of happy when Kairi was helping you," he said, wearing a grin to match Lili's. Sora opened his eyes and glared at Riku.
"Shut up, you," he said angrily. Kairi came back with some water and two pills of ibuprofen in her hand.
"Here. Take this," she said. Sora sat up as she handed the glass and pills to him.
"I'll be taking some a little later," she sighed. Sora took the pills and swallowed some of the water. Riku and Kairi sat next to him on the couch. They all laid their heads against the back at the same time and sighed. All of a sudden, there was a knock on the door.
"I'll get it," Kairi said, slowly getting up from the couch. She answered the door and saw that it was Mrs. Heinike.
"Oh, hi, Mrs. Heinike," she said tiredly.
"Hello, Kairi. I'm here to pick up Lili," Mrs. Heinike said.
"Hang on. I'll get one of my friends to take her to your car," Kairi said. She went into the next room. She saw that Sora was asleep and Riku was almost there, too. She poked Riku.
"Riku? Can you take Lili to her mom's car?" she asked. Riku lifted his head.
"Sure."
He picked up Lili and started walking towards Mrs. Heinike's car. Mrs. Heinike looked at Riku, muttering,
"Is it legal for a boy to have hair that long?" She turned back to Kairi and smiled. "I hope Lili wasn't too much trouble," she said.
"Oh no. No trouble at all," Kairi lied.
"Well, here's your munny," Mrs. Heinike said, giving Kairi fifteen munny. "Maybe you can babysit Lili next week." Kairi hid her look of horror with a look of feign disappointment.
"Sorry, Mrs. Heinike," she said. "I'm busy next week. Maybe later." Riku walked back to the house.
"Um...thank you for taking Lili to the car," Mrs. Heinike said. Riku forced a smile.
"It was no problem," he said. "Glad to be of service."
"Good night, Kairi and...um...Kairi's friend," Mrs. Heinike said uncertainly.
"Good night, Mrs. Heinike," they both said as Kairi shut the door.
"How much did she give you?" Riku asked.
"Only fifteen," Kairi said, annoyed. Riku's mouth dropped open.
"What a jip!" he cried. Kairi flopped down onto the couch next to Sora and rested her head on his shoulder.
"Are you going to babysit her again?" Riku asked, dropping onto the couch next to Kairi.
"Are you kidding?! I'd rather have my heart go missing again," Kairi cried.
"I'd rather have one million kids like her than have your heart go missing again," Sora said. Kairi smiled.
"Aww...that's sweet," she said. She moved closer to Sora and put her arms around his neck. Blood poured from Riku's nose and he ran to the bathroom. He couldn't take this much love. It was disgusting.
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