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INT. ADJUNCT OFFICE – DAY

TITLE CARD: THE ARRANGEMENT

Leah is working at her desk while Freddy paces, ranting.

FREDDY

…and there's music blasting through the whole place, but I can't figure out where it's coming from— until I go into my bedroom. And I walk in on him with his legs hooked over my headboard, doing sit-ups in his underwear in time to the beat of some screeching house mix, sweating like a pig into my sheets! And he just looks at me, upside down, all, "Sorry, bro, it's the only thing heavy enough to anchor me!"

LEAH

Oh, the humanity.

FREDDY

But isn't that outrageous?

LEAH

Dogs and cats, living together.

FREDDY

And you know what the worst part is? In the end, he's hardly ever there! He just blows in long enough to clog up my shower drain, leave clothes everywhere, and get cracker crumbs in the Nutella.

LEAH

Why's that a problem?

FREDDY

I'm sorry, you like finding somebody else's boxer briefs tossed over a taxidermy bear?

LEAH

Better than over my ceiling fan like usual. But I mean that he's never there. Wouldn't that make it easier?

FREDDY

He's treating the place like a cheap hotel.

LEAH

Yeah, when it's more like a charitable youth hostel. I'm sure it sucks that he's messing the place up, but at least you don't have to deal with him in your space all the time.

FREDDY

Well… it's like he doesn't want to spend any time with me at all!

LEAH

Do you want to spend time with him?

FREDDY

Well— no. Of course not. But you show up on your cousin's doorstep, begging to crash, you could at least pretend you're not completely using him for his spare room.

LEAH

So what are you going to do? Tell him it's not working out?

FREDDY

I can't do that! That'd be cruel!

LEAH

Why not? Hasn't stopped you telling me.

FREDDY

He's my cousin! He's in a bad place right now, I can't just throw him out.

LEAH

So don't throw him out, just tell him there need to be some ground rules.

Freddy collapses into a chair.

FREDDY

Ugh, in our family, we don't just talk. We talk it to death, with references to case studies, until everything's so over-analyzed we all just wish we drank it out like regular people.

LEAH

But you just said he's in a bad place and needs help. Doesn't that mean you need to be the one to reach out?

FREDDY

Damn it, you're right. He came to me for a reason. If I'm going to be any good to him, I've got to make the effort.

He springs back up.

FREDDY

That's it. I'm going to track him down, and… we're going to hang, or… chill, or roll. Or whatever kids his age do to convey camaraderie and support.

LEAH

Yes. That conveys it.

He throws open his laptop and begins typing.

FREDDY

Now all I need to do now is check out the latest research on teen camaraderie and support. I hear there's a fascinating paper that just came out of Stanford on communication through Internet memes!