FicWad

Ang Nakaraan:

Cathleen stared at the bright computer in front of her as she continued to type the dreadful email to her ex, Althea Guevarra.

The ex who broke her heart.

“I write this email remembering every single detail. My grief comes in waves, Althea Guevarra. And when you sent me that email – it was as if you brought a whole storm to make these memories gush in. Now I am lost in these waves, drowning in it.

I sometimes wonder if you grieve like I do? Do you?

I know people mourn for their first loves, their TOTGAs, their exes with no closure – but do people ever mourn for that temporary girl? The “For Now” girl. The convenient one. The one at the right place and at the right time – but was never the right love.

I was that to you, Althea. I always wished I never accepted your apology that night.”

The hot tears are now streaming down her cheeks as she typed rapidly.

The rain poured in as Cathleen looked at the dark night in Seattle. She contemplates on the delete button…

“Putangina, dapat ko ba replyan ito,” she muttered underneath her breath.



__________________



Back to 2015...

Cathleen woke up with a pounding headache and a slight ringing in her ears. She was lying flat on her face and nose on the black couch. She was still naked, now feeling a certain damp coldness as she felt the breeze surge in. Not the most comfortable position to be in, she thought to herself. She squinted her eyes to the direction of the sunlight and there she saw the familiar figure.

Cathleen felt the flush crawling on her cheeks as she remembered their passionate night.

Napakagaga mo talaga. Why did you jump on her like that? She thought to herself.

Cathleen watched Althea as the willowy girl briskly wore her black shirt on. There was still paint on her face, strands of blue in her hair and tinges of yellow on her arm. She was hurrying as she stumbled into her jeans and clumsily slid her tennis shoes on.

Cathleen sneered at the sight.

The swift escape after the one night stand.


Typical. What do you expect from a mess of a girl who is hung up on a toxic ex? Cathleen thought to herself as she pretended to be sleeping. She did not want to have that awkward conversation and those gross, dry pecks on the lips after a one night stand. Escape. That is something that Cathleen was always good at. Escape. Un-attach. Those things are easy for Cathleen.

When she heard the door in the little studio slowly shut, Cathleen quickly opened her eyes. The pain in her head was now excruciating, as a bartender, she felt like she should know better than play Althea’s stupid drinking Titanic game.

“Stupid girl with her corny jokes and her corny ass pickup lines,” Cathleen was gauchely wearing one of her white sandos. She cursed underneath her breath as she stepped on to one of the paint brushes with her barefoot.

The TV was on in its full volume, the local news was blaring as the newscaster was doing the ‘Twerk it like Miley’ dance moves.

Cathleen looked at herself in the mirror, still with paint all over her skin. Her eyes bloodshot from the alcohol stupor and her face morose than ever regretting she just had a one night stand with that mess of a woman.

“Nadala ka pa talaga? For Fuck’s Sake,” Cathleen muttered as she slathers toothpaste on her toothbrush. She brushed her teeth with full force as if trying to erase the remnants of the night before. She was sure she could still taste Althea in her tongue.

“Cathleen, are we still telling each other secrets,” she said as she mimicked Althea in front of the mirror. Skewing her face in disgust, her mouth filled with the suds from her Colgate.

“Nyeh – nyeh – let us play Titanic – lalasingin kita so I can get in your pants,” she spat out.

She rolled her eyes as flashes of Althea’s flesh and red lips on hers suddenly burned into her memory.

“SO ANNOYING!!!” She closed her eyes, trying to get the images out of her head.

“My great love, my great pain --- such shet! Sabay lalagyan lang ako ng paint? Stupid,” she kept muttering.

“Just write me a check why don’t you --- stupid Althea Guevarra!”

She suddenly heard a cough echoing in the bathroom. And damn, it was surely not her cough.

She turned around and there was the raven haired woman in front of her. Althea looked at her with furrowed eyebrows as she lifted a plastic bag filled of pink bottles and Styrofoam container.

“Ka-kanina ka pa diyan?” Cathleen asked.

“Doon sa parte na tinawag mo akong stupid,” Althea laughed – “Bakit akala mo ba iniwan lang kita? Tsk, Miss Dubois, gentle woman ito kahit sa mga biglaang paint sessions at sleepover.”

Cathleen felt the flush on her cheeks, she hated how Althea was so confident when she flirted.

Althea started plopping bottles of pink Pedialyte on Cathleen’s coffee table and Styrofoam bowls of what looked like lomi.

“Bakit tayo may Pedialyte? Para sa anak mo? Diba pang baby yan?”, Cathleen asked as she massaged her forehead.

“Hindi! Secret weapon yan sa hangover,” Althea slid the bowl of lomi towards Cathleen slowly placing the plastic spoon towards her direction.

“Alam ko yung mga katulad mo baka hindi kumakain sa turo-turo .... pero a heartbroken drunk like me knows a hangover when I see one. And you are pretty hungover, Miss Dubois,” she sat by Cathleen while eating her lomi.

“Who says I do not eat turo-turo food? You know you should stop judging me- it is annoying,” Cathleen spat out tersely.

“Sorry na- trigger ka pala pag pino-point out na anak mayaman ka. Noted,” Althea laughed as she prepared Cathleen’s food.

“Why do you have to note that?”

“Ah – eh – para sa next time? Kasi diba… ano… friends? Kasi tayo?”

Cathleen sat in silence, not knowing how to answer Althea’s question. Shocked that Althea seemed to want to continue on beyond just an embarrassing one night stand.



“Look, Cathleen – about last night,” Althea stammered as her eyes darted everywhere but towards the freckled Mestiza right next to her.

“Wala yun, Althea. It just kind of happened, I guess.”

Althea breathed a sigh of relief as she continued on.

“It’s just that I just came from a relationship and I do not think I can do much more than just be friends right now,” Althea explained.

Cathleen smiled as she gulped the strawberry drink in front of her, she wiped her lips with a certain air of confidence and she slyly looked at Althea.

“Darling, sorry if I made you think I wanted a relationship but I knew what I was getting into. Matanda na ako, we all just wanted to have fun last night.”

Althea shyly smiled at Cathleen, biting her lip while her eyes glimmered.

“Sana Cathleen – wag ka maoffend but I really had fun too. I have not felt like that in a very long time. That was something kahit medyo kinagat mo kamay ko,” she said smiling again.

Truth was, Althea has not had sex in months and even with that – it was not as if it was frequent. It felt good for her to see that she still can make women weak.

The two grinned from ear to ear as they slurped their noodle soup.

--
When they got out of the make-shift studio – they bashfully walked meters and meters away from each other. Avoiding eye contact. The nervousness seeping in now that they were completely sober. In the day time the Prohibition Bar looked different, almost clinical and commonplace without the night club props.

The moment they stepped out of the club, there were the familiar faces of Batchi and Wila.

“Alam mo ba papatawag na kami ng pulis babae ka,”Wila said in her shrill voice.

“Althea naman sabi mo kasi hanggang 9 PM ka lang dito – eh wala ka naman sinabi na buong gabi ka nandito?” Batchi was angry now as she kept pointing at Althea.

“Sorry guys – nagkainuman lang naman kasi kami ni – Cathleen,” Althea said her voice a bit faint as she spoke the woman’s name.

“Eh bakit puro pintura ka,” Wila said in an annoyed tone.

Then Batchi and Wila’s eyes widened as their gaze moved back and forth at the two girls in front of them. Both disheveled. Both had dried paint all over their skin and hair. Both looked like they went through the walk of shame. Both had a pinkish tone on their cheeks and a certain glow.

“Ah putangina--- lumandi ito, wala na yung mga agiw at paniki sa ano niya,” Wila whispered.
Batchi quickly stepped on her foot to shut her girlfriend up.
“Aray, Batchi,”Wila said.

“A- ako nga pala si Cathleen,” her hand extended as she smiled at the two friends.

“I know we did not have a good start but Althea and I are friends now,” she continued on as she shook their hands.

Back to present day 2018

Cathleen slammed her laptop as her phone kept ringing.

She answered it and it was Shawn Masters, the exhibit manager from the Seattle Art Museum.

“Hi – Is this Cathleen Dubois?”

“Y-yes- this is her,” she stammered.

“Sorry, did I wake you up,” the man asked. Cathleen knew she probably sounded hoarse. But it was not because she was asleep or sick – it was because she has been crying the entire night – thanks to that dreadful email.


“No – I am just a little hoarse,” Cathleen spluttered as she got distracted by the time. It was already pass midnight.


She felt the cold draft as she walked walked towards the window – the rain was splattering heavily on the sunroof by her ceiling.

“Cathleen, we are just wondering if we have all your pieces- Miss Bowie was talking about another piece the one as big as the wall she said – the one with the two women,” the man from the other line sounded concerned.

Cathleen heaved a sigh as she kept sipping her tea. She walked towards her basement studio downstairs.

There was a black cloak that covered a canvas.

Cathleen closed her eyes, clenching her fist realizing how ruthless her situation is.

“I am not sure if this piece will be ready,” Cathleen said, staring blankly at the black canvas in front of her.

“Cathleen --- we need that piece. It is the reason why Miss Bowie wanted you in the exhibit anyway,” Shawn said.

Why must this happen to me? Cathleen said. Why must you haunt me again, Althea?

Maybe if we just stayed friends. Maybe if I never broke the gauntlet.

Her eyelids were getting heavy again. and the wave of grief now comes crashing in. Taking her.


Back in 2015

Cathleen and Althea were great friends. They laughed and often made fun of each other. Althea made fun of Cathleen’s accent. Cathleen made fun of Althea’s innate kabaduyan. They often checked out girls together – typically, no one was hot enough.

Everyone was too vapid. Too much fake eyebrows. Too pretty. Too young. Too flighty.

Not enough like Jade.

Cathleen rolled her eyes at the nth time Althea talked about The Rich Man’s Daughter.

But Cathleen listened. And gave advice. Showed Althea how to detox from an ex.

No contact. Block everything. Stay away. Not even a photo.

Cathleen was an effective friend.



Cathleen said they were like “dude-bros” she said in her fake California accent.

They got into a routine. Althea worked as an event coordinator by Cathleen’s bar – they would often see each other for lunch or dinner. Cathleen often cooked because Althea put too much special toyo on her Adobo. Plus Cathleen knew more about dishes – Althea hardly knew what type of quiche or beet, artichoke salad she was eating, all she knew was she liked her friend’s cooking.

They hung out in bars and coffee shops. As they fought over their political views and their choices in music.


They never got along. They often fought over the most ridiculous things from traffic to Kris Aquino.


Tita Cathleen is one of Miggy’s favorite fixtures in Althea’s small bungalow. Tita Cathleen was crazy – she gave Miggy rides in her fast old Escalade. Tita Cathleen made him the best Mac and Cheese. Tita Cathleen always gave him chocolate cake, even though his Mama Althea hated it. Tita Cathleen also made him watch The Conjuring even though it gave them both nightmares.

He loved it when Tita Cathleen would sleepover. Because he knew he could make French toast with her.

Tita Cathleen was Mama Althea’s new best friend.

Not quite Mama Jade na mahal na mahal ni Mama. But Tita Cathleen was different... Tita Cathleen was routine. Tita Cathleen was constant.

“Dudebros,” Cathleen said as she gave Althea a high five.

But do Dudebros really sleep together?

The other thing that is constant aside from their friendship was the sex.

The two of them lie on Althea’s bed, the sheets dampish and crumpled excessively.

Sweat beads drop on Cathleen’s tanned shoulder as she stared at the fan. She was exhausted and the humid heat did not help.

It was high in the summer so they were both glistering from the sweat and their after-sex glow.

Althea was breathing heavily with a wide grin on her face as she slowly faced Cathleen with a cunning smile.

“You are so yabang. You know what —- fuck you,” Cathleen chuckled.

“Ayun nga nangyari. Tapos naging turn mo. Tapos ako ulit...so accurate.”

“Ugh. You are so annoying. I will be so sore tomorrow.”

“You are welcome ha?”

Cathleen looked at the time on her iPhone and it was already 1 AM.

“Althea, I have so many errands to do. Shit. I have to be early tomorrow!”

Cathleen hurriedly stood up, the gray bedcovers on her waist. She always had this habit after sleeping with Althea. Either she had to do a swift escape with an excuse or she pretended to sleep until Althea got out of the bed.

Althea chuckled as she grabbed the covers that pulled Cathleen with her on the bed.

Althea tackled Cathleen, her fingers crawling to her lover’s tense belly.

“We can make waffles in the morning. Or French toast. Or daing. Sasamahan nalang kita sa errands errands mo. Arte mo,” Althea whispered, her voice turning husky. Her sleepy eyes burrowing into Cathleen’s intense stare.

Cathleen’s sharp features looked gentle as she watched Althea’s every move.

Their breasts touched as Althea inched closer to breathe Cathleen’s scent- she always smelled like tangerines.

“Good night, Miss Dubois,” she whispered as she gave Cathleen a chaste kiss on her damp forehead.

Althea slept quickly after that. Snoring quietly as her face slammed on to Cathleen’s skin just right by the crook of her neck.

The TV was always on because Althea remembered that Cathleen cannot sleep when the TV was off.

HBO was playing Renee Zelweger’s “Down with Love” .

The quiet soundtrack resonated in the hot room.

The crooner howled as he sung,

“You are far. When I could have been your star.

You are far. I’m never gonna be your star. I’ll pick up the pieces. And mend my heart.”

Cathleen was wide awake as her spindly hand touched Althea’s multicolored bracelet.

Jade’s bracelet.

Her friend has not listened to her advice.


Her friend. Friend. Dude Bro. New partner in crime. Friend. You know that. Cathleen kept chanting in her head.

—-

Today was a different day for their routines – because Cathleen had to go to the palengke for her little pop up restaurant by Taguig. Cathleen was always hands on – she did everything for her bar and her little restaurant. Today she had to buy seafood and some vegetables for a fusion salmon sa gata.

Of course, she could only drag Althea. Because as she said “medyo kargador ka naman Althea,e nasa look at lakad.”

Althea was wearing a rocker tee that displayed her biceps and jean shorts. While Cathleen was still in her old gym clothes.
“God mukha tayong tomboy na tomboy today,” Althea chuckled.


The two ran around the wet market playfully kicking each other on their legs and asses. Althea tried scaring Cathleen with the fish head as she decided to wiggle it on her face. The two shrieked and laughed as everyone watched.

On their way home they had to take the MRT. It was as usual jam-packed and smelled of arid sweat. The crowd were in a rapid pandemonium, pushing and shoving each other. Everyone yelling over each other. The two were mere inches away from each other as the transit sped through.

Althea held on to two water bottles, while Cathleen tried to hold on to the railings. The movement of the lightrail was rapid and Althea was noticing that Cathleen was having a hard time with her position.

She smiled as she shoved the water bottles in her back pocket. Her hands now free to roam.

“Pssst,” she hissed to grab Cathleen’s attention.
“Ano na naman?”
Althea did not say a word as her hand crawled to hold Cathleen’s warm hand.

Cathleen felt her heart jolt at the sudden touch. Althea coolly wore her headphones that were attached to her ear, music blaring.

She took off one of her headsets and placed it on Cathleen’s small ear.

She turned her head to the beauty next to her.
“Cathleen, wag ka maexcite sa holding hands … relax lang, mahuhulog ka na kasi,” Althea giggled, her eyes disappearing into that smile.

Cathleen had no answer, she just furrowed her eyebrows at her friend.

“Sa sahig ah… baka kung anong hulog maisip mo. Off balance ka na kasi. Halatang lampa,” she continued on.

Cathleen tried to shrug her off as she complained about the music.


“Ano na naman tong pinapakinig mo saakin na super archaic,” she asked tersely with her odd Taglish accent.


“Alam mo, Miss Dubois, OPM --- makinig ka lang.”



Let me sleep even just for tonight
'Cause I can't keep you from wandering 'round my mind
And even if I can't have you
Even if I can't make you mine
I'll be standing waiting till it's time

--
The night passed on and they were hanging out with Althea’s friends in her little home.

The two played around as they tried baking brownies. Althea laughed endlessly as Cathleen chased her around the kitchen. She just smeared chocolate batter all over her face.

“I am going to kill you, you are so stupid, Althea!”

The two ran around as their tsinelas made squeaking sounds on the slippery kitchen floor. Miggy kept clapping as he watched the two chase each other.

Batchi fixed her glasses as she watched the two.

“Mukhang nakakamove on na best friend ko,” Batchi said as she watched Althea get spattered with chocolate on her face.

“Alam mo – ex ko yan si Althea at disagree ako diyan,” Wila pointed out.

“Bakit mo naman nasabi yun? Eh mukhang masaya naman sila ni Cathleen…”

“Suot-suot pa ni Althea yung charm bracelet ni Jade.”

“Eh ano ngayon? Bracelet lang naman.”

“At malungkot pa rin mga mata niya, Batchi.”

The two glanced at Althea’s big, sad eyes that told a dozen stories. The ex’s bracelet that was so tight on her wrist and that told even more tragic stories.

“Pero ang delikado dito, Batchi--- yung masayang mga mata ni Cathleen,” Wila sighed.

The night was fading and the dancing games were on. The music kept booming in the sala.

Althea grabbed Cathleen by the waist and drew her closer to her body.

“Nagprom ka?” Althea asked.

“Well shit, I was prom queen with my ex-boyfriend was prom king,” Cathleen answered with a suspicious smile.

“Ako naman hindi ako nakapunta... nakipaghalikan lang ako sa Prom Queen- so Prom Queen ako by association.”

In a swift movement, Althea led Cathleen into a quick spin and swung her into a slow dance.

“Eto nalang – gay prom dance,” Althea laughed.

She inched herself closer to Cathleen snaking the Mestiza’s arm with her hand and slowly placing it on her broad shoulders.

Althea’s hand grasped Cathleen’s waist, while they swayed to the music. Slow dancing like they were back in prom.


But I can't let you ask me why
'Cause words won't ever be able to define
The happiness I feel when you're around
Can't let you look into my eyes
'Cause I'm afraid I might just give in
When it seems we're not ready to try



Cathleen stared at Althea intently as she told her stories about high school.

She watched as Althea talked frantically and smiled like a child in each punch line.


Althea cackled uproariously as she grabbed one of Miggy’s toy crowns and put it atop Cathleen’s head.

“Prom Queen Dubois! Prom Queen!”

Cathleen could not help but get lost in her large, dark eyes. Soon, she felt the warmth crawling to her chest. Althea always made her feel that jolt. That jolt terrified Cathleen.



It was deep in the night and everyone has left. Miggy has fallen asleep on his little bed.

Cathleen grabbed her car keys that were lying in Althea’s room.

The raven haired girl was on her bed as she watched Cathleen casually grab her keys.

It was almost overpowering how Althea walked towards her.

Althea’s hand slowly crawled towards Cathleen’s fingers.

“Uuwi ka na?” Althea asked.

“I should probably go,” Cathleen whispered.

“Ayaw mo magFrench toast para kay Miggy bukas?”

“I ---I don’t really know, Althea”, Cathleen said hesitating.

“Ayaw mo ako samahan?”

She asked her serious eyes zooming into Cathleen’s sharp features that were being lit up by the moonlight.

“Al- thea--- I don’t really know what we are do---“

But Cathleen was not able to finish her words as Althea’s mouth landed on hers, overwhelming her.

Soon Cathleen melted on to that kiss, instantly wrapping her whole body into an embrace with Althea. Grabbing her closer, inching her closer as if breaking away from her would be painful.

Althea broke off the kiss as she stared at Cathleen with that naughty glint in her eye.

She grabbed Cathleen’s hand as they walked to her bedroom. Slowly the door shut and a loud thud echoed in the night

—-

Cathleen has already memorized Althea’s body. It has been a month since the first time they did that tempestuous painting session. And she knew the tone in her voice, the shudder in her hips when she is losing control.

They were spent as they consumed each other for hours. Their body ached but it was the good kind.

The shower was now running and Cathleen was in deep thought as she kept chanting in her head....

“Friend. Dude-bro. Partner in crime. Friend.”

Cathleen has done casual set ups before that involved sex and friendship.

It was not new. It was not as if Cathleen cared for those things. She was a wreck herself- why would she want anything else?

This was perfect wasn’t it?

Althea was a good lay. She was a nice friend. She did not bother her with investment or emotional baggage.

Right? She thought to herself as the warm water splattered on her tanned skin.

She heard the shower curtain slide out. And there was a naked Althea before her, joining her in the shower.

They both looked relaxed almost lazy, almost sleepy.

Cathleen squeezed the bath gel on her hands as suds started bubbling up. Soaping Althea’s body in.

Cathleen trailed her fingers on Althea’s nape tattoo as she stared back at the dark-eyed beauty’s fervent face.


“Parang may gusto ka sabihin,” Althea said with a lazy swagger, her voice throaty as if in a command.

“o parang may gusto ka gawin....”


With that she grabbed Cathleen’s face and they both melted into a kiss. Her tongue asking for entrance and as usual, Cathleen matched her intensity as her hot mouth dragged on to Althea’s small face.

The shower felt like it was scalding now. Cathleen felt feverish.

Althea trailed her lips on Cathleen’s glistening, tan skin. Wandering from her neck to her clavicle to her breast to her shoulders.... soon to her kneeling down to kiss Cathleen’s stomach as she slowly lifted her right leg to prop on to her shoulder. Cathleen gulped as she backed up to the cold bathroom tile.

Althea’s hot breath blew onto her lower stomach. A moan escaped Cathleen’s lips because she knew what was happening next.

She felt Althea’s tongue slowly swirl in and finally darting into her center. She went in and out rapidly, which made Cathleen heave a long sigh.

She was near her peak but Althea will trail her lips on her legs just when she was about to find her release.

It was a torturous game of Althea bringing her to a colossal brim and then slowly moving her lips away as Cathleen was a whimpering mess.

“Althea... fuck, stop teasing,” she said panting. Pulling Althea’s wet hair and shoving her face deeper into her.

She was now writhing over Althea as she felt her lover’s mouth suck her in. Soon when the fingers joined in, her body quaked and trembled.

She was spent.

The shower was off and the dawn was slowly creeping in.

Cathleen was sound asleep this time before Althea was able to shut her eyes.

She looked like she was dreaming and in a whisper, she said something that felt like a sudden thrust to Althea’s consciousness.

“I love you,” Cathleen murmured in her drowsiness.

She sounded like a kid as she buried her face into the pillow.

Althea stared at the bracelet almost tightly woven to her skin.

Love will find a way. She told Jade. Love will find a way.

She still saw Jade sprawling in her memories. Her almond eyes. Her deep voice. Her kisses. Her taste. Her touch of her fingertips. Her warmth. Her beyond beautiful face. It still haunted her.

Now this time, it was Althea who was not able to sleep that night.

_______

It has been three days since Cathleen and Althea have spoken.

Which was weird because they constantly texted each other. They constantly at least have lunch. Or if they really have no time, Cathleen will visit Miggy. Or Althea will give her a coffee run.

But it has been casual silence until the date for one of their coffee runs came. It was an event planned from weeks back.

The two were quiet as they sipped their cold brews and spent most of their time on their phones.

They both came from work functions. Althea looked professional in her pant suit and heels. While Cathleen was wearing a floral Dolce and Gabbana blazer.

Cathleen bored out of her mind was looking through her messages, her Tinder inbox had six messages.

She saw Althea’s eyes drop to look at her screen.

Cathleen huffed as she closed the screen. Althea noticed that some of the butches in the cafe were looking at Cathleen. One was even demurely smiling at their direction.


“No luck pa rin sa mga date mo diyan? Ako kasi walang suwerte sa Tinder, e... patingin,” Althea asked as she grabbed Cathleen’s phone from her.

Her tongue was out as she curiously browsed through Cathleen’s dating prospects.
She swiped photo after photo as she giggled.

“O ayaw mo ito? Chix ito,o.”



Cathleen was miffed, trying to grab her phone away from her.

Althea refused, laughing while she hid the phone behind her. Keeping it away from Cathleen.


The two grapple over the black iPhone while Althea kept chuckling. Cathleen forced her way in as she finally got her phone back. Almost with a brutal shove. As if it was not play fighting anymore.

“Is everything a stupid, corny joke to you? I said, STOP,” Cathleen exclaimed.

Althea was startled at Cathleen’s livid reaction. She slowly backed away from the phone, deciding to sip on her iced coffee instead.

The waiter walked towards the two of them as he plopped a plate of mocha beignets on their table.

Althea quickly poked it with her fork. She watched as Cathleen took a bite while texting on her phone.

Althea shrugged it off lost at the sight of the soft, powdery pastry in front of her.

A smile suddenly sprawled on Althea’s red lips as she remembered a familiar taste.

“Sabi ng alam ko na ito,e,” Althea said with a child-like grin.

Cathleen’s ears perk up, watching Althea while she talked about a memory.

And her jaw clenched. She knew where this was going.


“Kasi may kinain din na ganito si Jade – pero ginawa niya shaped like Hello Kitty—well yun akala niya! dapat pusa eh nangyari – mukhang patatas – sobrang laugh trip,” Althea was lost in thought, her bright eyes animated. The only time Cathleen saw her eyes light up was when she was the topic. Jade Tanchingco.

Before the conversations about Jade took her by curiosity.

Then it became annoying.

Then it became grueling.


Now--- it became this painful, Cathleen thought.

It was the first time that Cathleen felt her eyes stinging. The dull ache combined with a sudden heat in her lids. Moments passed on; she felt her throat tighten and her chest felt like it was about to explode.

Althea still kept talking about Jade.

She still looked animated as ever but slowly as Cathleen watched her, her vision got more blurry by the minute.

Before she knew it, she felt a tear finally drop at the side of her eye.

“I really have to go,” Cathleen said dryly. Her voice faint, quickly, she stood up and walked out of the restaurant.

Althea’s eyes suddenly widened.

“Cathleen… saan ka pupunta?!”

--
Cathleen did not look back, she was walking so fast towards the parking lot, she felt the breeze drying her own tears.

“Fuck,” she exhaled.

Weak. Weak. That is what she was, she thought to herself. It was just a month and a half. How can she be so attached?

She heard the footsteps slamming the concrete following her.

“Cathleen! Cathleen!” she heard Althea exclaiming.

She felt a sudden grip on her arm, so Cathleen slowly faced the abyss she has been avoiding.

“Ano ba problema mo? Kanina ni hindi mo nga ako matignan sa mata sa café – tapos ngayon, you are walking away from me? May kasalanan ba ako? Can you chill,” Althea said out of breath from chasing Cathleen.

“Ako pa ang magchichill?” Cathleen asked sarcastically.

“What the hell is your problem, Cathleen?”

Cathleen shut her eyes and slowly paced herself towards the raven haired woman that was staring at her with furrowed eyebrows.

“I have been chill all this time, Althea,” Cathleen stuttered. Althea noticed that in high tense situations, she always had a stutter.

“I have been chill when you barged into my life without any invitation – I was chill.”

Althea watched her intently, seeing her seethe in anger.

“I have been chill that somehow – I have this weird friendship and emotional investment with you. You let me into your life. You made me invest in your friends… in your son… in you.”

Cathleen sighed in exasperation as she kept talking, partly covering her mouth as if she was going to hurl verbal vomit.

“OK lang sana kung sex lang ito,e. I am fine with that. I am a grown woman,” Cathleen whispered as she coughed trying to control her tears.

“ But you suddenly—ugh--- holding my hand, giving me my own drawer for my clothes in your place, my own toothbrush, fuckin asking me to stay in your bed, having me as this constant thing --- “

She was hyperventilating now.

“Tangina! Get involved in all aspects of your life! Having me cook for you, having you in my routines, having me listen to you cry and cry over a fuckin toxic ex --- then on top of that having me love your son--- and MYGOD ---having me LOVE YOU…”

“Ha?” Althea was shocked as the words and the truth finally spilled out. Cathleen’s voice finally broke as she released her anguish and cried.


“TANGA! Shit! How much do you want me to spell it out? Mahal kita, Althea. I have been CHILL all this time as I try to hide this pain away from you!”

“Cathleen,” Althea can only mutter her name.


“Althea, I cannot be your friend anymore,” Cathleen said, her voice shaking as hot tears stream down her flushed cheeks.

“Bakit kailangan mawala friendship,” Althea retorted, her shoulders slumped.

“I cannot sit here and pretend na ok lang ako? Na THIS --- THIS is ok? No. I do everything to make you see me. Na maybe you can love me… only for me to keep hearing stories about her? Iniiyakan na kita. I cannot do it anymore. I have to draw the line somehow. I need to stay away from you.”

“Cathleen, I am sorry that I hurt you. P--pero bakit kailangan mo umalis sa buhay ko?”

“I am sorry too, Althea – but it is either you can commit to this or I walk,” Cathleen said as she speedily got the car keys in her pocket.

Cathleen gazed at Althea keenly, the sad eyes staring back at her, the pursed lips still tightly shut. The silence that killed her.

Althea was frozen unable to react to her.

Cathleen bit her lip, defeat written all over her freckled face.

“Well- I guess a Dubois gets rejected once in a while. Have a good life, Guevarra,” she murmured. Cathleen got into her SUV within seconds, speeding away.

But I can't let you ask me why
'Cause words won't ever be able to define
The happiness I feel when you're around
Can't let you look into my eyes
'Cause I'm afraid I might just give in
When it seems we're not ready to try But I love you
But I love you
But I'm afraid this can't go on

She did not know how she even got to drive home that night. Her eyes were so blurry from the burning tears.

Finally Cathleen let out a loud sob, finally embracing her pain and heartbreak from a storm named Althea Guevarra.


Althea did not see Cathleen for weeks after that.

Cathleen never answered her text messages. Never returned her calls. Ignored all her ways to get to her in social media. So Althea gave up. There was no point to.

She looked over her cold bed, her hand smoothing over the sheet. She was not used to this.

She has somehow gotten used to how it was. Even Miggy told her it was weird not to have Cathleen around.

Althea has gotten used to the laughter, the smell of Mac and Cheese, her arguments, her potty mouth ---Althea has gotten used to her.

Althea looked at her phone – the photos has a full folder of her ex-girlfriend, Jade. A wide array of couple photos, solo photos of the ravishing Jade, the one who continuously haunts her, the one great love Althea had.

Her thumb flicks photo after photo. But then the last photo struck her.

It was a photo of Althea and Cathleen in a goofy pose with the large fish head from the palengke tour they did from weeks back.

Althea gently stroked her phone as if trying to relive the day through the photo.

She suddenly felt something wet on her cheeks. Althea suddenly got up from her bed, her thumb sliding on her cheek.
“Umiiyak ka talaga,” Althea whispered to herself.

She shook her head and soon her eyes darted to the charm bracelet Jade gave her from a year ago.

Her hand gently stroked the stones wrapped around her wrist.

Althea sighed, grabbing her phone as she browsed through her Instagram.

And there she saw a post from Prohibition Bar was having a Throwback: Adult Prom Night.

She looked at her charm bracelet.

She glanced at her phone.

Althea plopped her body on her bed, grabbing the pillow next to her- frustratingly, she let out a muffled scream.


Cathleen was busy even though it was almost time for close. It was one of those nights again. Frenzied. Blistering. Crowded. Annoying men hitting on her. Fights she had to break off. People ordering her around. But she was too busy. That was what she did to cope, she kept herself busy.

The club was blaring music from the 80s that night – people were dancing to techno remixes to Michael Jacksin.

She was pouring Jager and Ginebra around-the-clock because these were the big specials for the night. Her strong arms scooped the ice cubes in a rage as she went from one order to the next.

She cussed underneath her breath as she took a swig from her cold pale ale.

Cathleen as usual grabbed everyone’s attention; she wore dark lipstick that night, her hoop earrings were bigger than ever, her silver dress exposed her long legs and her muscled back.


She was exhausted by the time she plopped herself on the couch in her make-shift studio down the club. She was itching to paint, it was her only outlet in days when the pain seems to seep through from time to time.

She has been staying away from that painting studio because it brought her memories of her passionate nights with Althea. But tonight, she promised herself she would paint. Even though things in that little studio reminded her too much of Althea Guevarra.

A name, a woman she would like to curse out and erase from her memory.


She got a little paintbrush, she dipped it into a harsh pink. She started working on the strokes and the spatters. Trying to put all her rage and pain in the canvas.

She heard footsteps. It must be her general manager, Reggie probably saying goodbye for the night.

“Reggie, sige--- babye,” Cathleen said still focused on her artwork.

“Umalis na ata kanina pa si Reggie…”


Cathleen suddenly dropped her paintbrush, pink splattering all over the cold floor.

She knew that gentle voice. It was familiar like a mix of home and dread.

“Look, I know this is weird pero sana sumakay ka nalang muna, Cathleen.”

There was Althea standing there in a white suit, with her was a picnic basket and a bouquet of red roses.

“Sana gutom ka,” Althea said as she plopped a bottle of rose’ and a plate of Adobo on the table.

She placed the flowers on the couch and on the table was Althea’s phone with Bluetooth speakers attached to it.

Spandeau Ballet’s “True” was playing in the background.

Cathleen looked at her, annoyed. There she is again, barging into her life uninvited.

“Alam mo, Cathleen --- pumayat ka! Hindi ka ba kumakain?” Althea blurted out awkwardly.

“What the fuck do you want Althea?”

“Eh diba prom yung theme ng gabing to?”

“Do I look like I care? What’s all this?”

“Cathleen – Hindi ako sanay sa ganito ok? I do not do flowers. Nagbibigay ako ng aso…. Magiigib ako ng tubig… pero the usual --- hirap na hirap ako dito,ok?”

Althea nervously was pacing around as she was holding on to the flowers, the petals shaking from her anxious hand.

“Pa-para sa’yo pala—gusto ko kasi mag-sorry,” she said handing over the roses to Cathleen, hardly giving the Mestiza in front of her any eye contact.

Cathleen looked perplexed as she took the flowers.

“Thanks, I guess?” she muttered.

“Sana pakinggan mo lang ako – gusto ko lang talaga mag-sorry kasi,e. Tama ka, manhid ako. I was wrong,” Althea said.

Althea slowly approached Cathleen as she breathed heavily trying to move closer and closer to her.

The piano chords were resounding in the little make-shift studio.

Noo'y umibig na ako
Subalit nasaktan ang puso
Parang ayoko ng umibig pang muli
May takot na nadarama
Na muli ay maranasan
Ayoko ng masaktan muli ang puso ko


“May I have this dance?” Althea asked apprehensively.

“You know I do not do cheesy dances like this,” Cathleen answered.

“Cathleen – please, sumakay ka nalang. Gusto ko lang talaga maisayaw ka. Hindi nga ako nagprom e, diba?”

Althea gave her a sly smirk and Cathleen gave an innocent laugh at that sight. Althea still gave her surges of kilig.

Althea’s hand slowly snaked over Cathleen’s waist their hips and stomach now touching.

Both their hands on each other’s waists as they slow danced to what Cathleen will call a “chessy, archaic, OPM song”. Cathleen noticed Althea did not have the charm bracelet anymore.

Slowly Cathleen wrapped her arms around Althea’s neck. She cannot believe how much she missed that familiar, warm skin on hers.
Ngunit nang ikaw ay makilala
Biglang nagbago ang nadarama

Para sa'yo
Ako'y iibig pang muli
Dahil sa'yo
Ako'y iibig nang muli
Ang aking puso'y
Pag-ingatan mo
Dahil sa ito'y muling magmamahal sa'yo
Para lang sa'yo


“I just want to say sorry for hurting you, Cathleen. I just want to say I am sorry for not seeing you,” Althea whispered.

“I do not know what you want me to say,” Cathleen looked up to stare Althea intently. The two of them fixated on each other’s eyes as they danced.

There was a certain glimmer in Althea’s eyes this time. It did not seem so somber. It did not seem so sad.

The two of them were silent as they continued to dance.

Althea quickly stepped backwards as she got something out of her blazer pocket.

It was a toy, a red fish of sorts- it was ugly and it looked cheap as Cathleen noticed. The eyes were swollen, the lips thick, with huge teeth, and it looked like she probably stole it from Miggy. There was a pink ribbon on top of it.

“I just thought you would remember the fish ---- sa palengke,” Althea chuckled.

“You are so fuckin weird,” Cathleen snorted.

Cathleen took off the ribbon impatiently and she looked at the fish that was as big as her palm.

It had a sticker that said, “squeeze me”.

Nonchalantly she did squeeze.

The hideous toy let out a squeak. And the mouth opened – in it were two gold rings with mini stones engraved in it, the details showing a heart shape.

“We could be matching,” Althea said as she smiled at Cathleen.

“Al--- ano ito?”

Cathleen was stuttering again.

Althea inched closer and grabbed one of the rings, lifting it in front of Cathleen’s beautiful face.

“Gusto ko sabihin sa’yo --- maraming salamat sa lahat ng ginawa mo para saakin. Maraming salamat sa pagmamahal mo kay Miggy. I am sorry na manhid ako. Mabagal ako, dense ako, gago ako …”

Cathleen had tears in her eyes at this point as she was realizing what Althea was doing at that moment.

“I am sorry I hurt you. I am sorry I never saw you. I am so sorry I have been fixed on a memory when I have been loving you all along ---I love you, Cathleen Dubois. Mahal na mahal kita,” Althea also had tears as she said these words.

Then with those words, she offered the ring to Cathleen.

“Cathleen Marie Dooboyz---I mean, Dubois- please be my girlfriend?”


“You are such a fucker. Yes, I want to be your girlfriend. I have been waiting for this question since I met you,” Cathleen was partly laughing and crying as Althea slowly slid the ring into her finger.
In moments they realized they both have the matching rings on their left hand.

“Nakakadiri naman kasi talaga yung dude-bro, mas type kong tawagin kang ‘babe’, girlfriend ko,” Althea murmured.

Before Cathleen could even react, Althea cupped her face and slowly showered warm kisses on her lips. Cathleen kissed back, melting into Althea’s embrace.

Para lang sa'yo
Ako'y iibig pang muli
Para lang sa'yo


Present Day 2018

Now that song seems stale. Now a moment that seemed to bring so much warmth and hues – is now a memory filled with darkness and remnants of despair. Like a ghostly shipwreck that continuously haunts her.


Cathleen looked at the black cloak that covered the canvas in front of her. The Seattle Art Museum really wanted this piece. She honestly has not even looked at the artwork since she arrived in the US.

With a swift move with her hand, Cathleen dragged the cloak and it slowly dropped into a loud thud.

There right in front of her was a vast painting – partly a self-portrait and the two women who are painting it.

She painted her almost so distinctly. Her raven hair. Her sad eyes. Her dimples. Her pursed lips. Even her swagger.

The painting depicted a memory of her and Althea. Their happier times back when it was supposed to be a one night stand at the make-shift studio.

Cathleen slowly looked down at her phone she just threw to the ground. There on the screen was a photo of Althea …


And her new girlfriend – or her ex-girlfriend- now fiancé Jade Tanchingco. Jade was flashing a diamond engagement ring with the hashtags #ISAIDYES #LOVEWINS.


“Did you really love me at all Althea or was it because I was convenient,” Cathleen whispered as she drank her red wine. Looking at the painting she is supposed to submit in three days.

“Ano nangyari saatin?”

She picked up her phone and there it was it says, “NEW MAIL”

And her name in bold “FR: ALTHEA GUEVARRA”

TO BE CONTINUED …
Why did Cathleen and Althea break up? What does Althea want from Cathleen that she has now sent her two emails? What will Cathleen do with her artwork? Will their paths cross again?

I promise the last chapter will be my next one.