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"I just don't know why it would have happened out of nowhere," Levi found himself saying for the hundredth time, running a hand through his hair.

"It is rare," Hanji agreed calmly, patiently.

"I've had missions before this. I've heard gunfire, I've watched innocents die."

"But you haven't had such rough missions since what happened," Hanji reiterated. Again and again she'd found herself saying it, growing weary of the words. If it was anyone but Levi, she'd have given up long ago. "You've only been sent into the field for spur of the moment jobs; things like defusing a homemade bomb or settling a hostage crisis. You haven't had a big job like this."

"But those are more intense than a damn mission briefing," Levi said, bewildered. "So why now?"

"It's very simple, Levi. The stakes are high again and the infiltration is very similar to before. Your mind naturally pulled up a memory from the similarities and replayed it." So many times she had attempted explaining PTSD to someone. It made sense that Levi, of all people, would have a hard time coming to grips with showing signs of the disorder.

"Why would something so calm trigger such a flashback?" Levi questioned. "Mission briefings are all similar; why wouldn't any prior ones trigger something else I struggled with?"

"My only guess would be that you simply got over it," Hanji replied with an air as if she was shrugging. "We cannot predict or categorize what our brains process as better or worse, overwhelming or not. We can't control it. And probably the worst part is that we can't control our triggers.

"One of the most common forms of post-traumatic stress disorder is what I like to refer to as the deja vu; the smallest, most remote similarity to a situation - the smell of something or the feeling of something against your skin, even a noise, for example - throws the victim back in time to when the traumatic incident occured."

Levi sounded almost distressed when he asked, "So you're saying that's the type you think I have?"

"It's certainly likely. For you, all it took was your brain piecing together that, like before, you had to intercept a patrol and pick your way into a building. It isn't yet understood why the human mind will insist on dragging its host back to one of the worst moments of their life, but we have found methods of how to control it, even without medication."

"So there's that going for me, at least," Levi sighed. He finally stopped pacing about his small hotel room and sat down on the bed, rubbing his face tiredly. He didn't have the time or energy for this. "I guess you are helpful sometimes, shit-for-brains."

"You're welcome," Hanji replied airily. "Now, you've got a practice to be at, don't you?"

"You make it sound like high school football," Levi snorted. "Talk to you later."

"Later, short-stack."

Click. Beepbeepbeepbeep -

Levi grabbed his duffel bag of equipment and shouldered it, leaving his phone on the nightstand. Just as he shut the hotel room door behind him, a small chime went off, signaling a text message from an unknown number.

.-.-.-.-.

The purchased building was every bit identical to the structure they would be infiltrating in two days, and Levi hated how similar it was to a building he'd been in before. But during sessions like this, he knew how to focus; attention to detail was crucial, and he valued his life and job. He had training under his belt, tactics on staying focused on the task at hand and letting nothing bother him enough to get in the way.

They had already taken out the mock guard, and Petra was fiddling with the lock. The door creaked open, and they all cringed as sentries were alerted. Oluo snuck forward and took the two out with a sheathed hunting knife, the mock guards startled at the surprise attack. "Mock" wasn't really a good word for it; this was a replica of the operation, with trained men acting as the targets, and the weapon requirements being blank rounds, sheathed blades, and flash bombs in place of normal, lethal weaponry. Everything was free game, and the opposing sides may as well have been out for each others' blood.

Most of the drill was a blur, a system of search and kill, cat and mouse. An intricate dance, because he knew the movement of their stand-in criminals, and he was just doing his part as a small cog in the well-oiled machine. It didn't get interesting until they made their way to the "leader's" office, where they had to be on guard. They didn't know how many men there would be, and they were the highest-ranked and trained officers the NYPD had.

Levi led the way to the rendezvous point, which was the room just before their objective. He spotted Hitch's strawberry-blonde hair in an instant and found her squad had reached the point before his and cleared the room. They glanced down the hallway to their destination, and Hitch nodded to Levi, giving full control over to the more experienced officer.

The ravenet signaled for stagger formation, and then they were moving down the completely barren hallway. Eld was behind Levi and to the left, and behind him to the right was Marlo, and so on. They kept crouched, ready to spring into action as Levi stood, preparing to kick the door open.

When he did, it was chaos, but he spotted the "leader" instantly, marked by the shirt he was wearing. The man ducked behind his desk, and then there was gunfire all around.

The office was huge, and every potted plant and filing cabinet alike was being used as cover. The officers were at a severe disadvantage, with only three of them finding cover in the room, and the rest falling back behind either side of the doorway. Gunshots resounded in the room, and Levi winced. The blanks weren't any quieter than real bullets.

When he glanced in to look for cover, three of the opposing men were down, meaning two were left. Gunther was playing dead and Hitch had switched to her left hand, telling Levi they must have been hit by blanks. As the observation registered, as if on cue, Hitch went down, as well as the remnants of her team.

Levi's stomach churned dangerously at the sight, and he pushed down flashes of another time, dashing in and taking Hitch's place. Unlike the hallway, here he could do damage. He fired once and took the remaining lackey out with a shot to the face, and as the leader ducked out to take a shot, another headshot from Levi sent him down.

There was a moment of silence, and everyone waited for Levi's word, but it didn't come. The "dead" people were forced to wait as Petra, one of the only survivors, stepped forward to see what had happened. She found her captain standing over the stand-in, breathing heavily with his finger on the trigger and barrel still pointed at his target's head. Petra inched closer.

"Captain?"

A small jolt ran through his body, and suddenly he was holstering his gun, stepping away from the body.

"Clear," he stated, and nobody noticed the tremor in his tone or the way he rubbed his wrists among everyone standing and brushing themselves off.

After all, if he'd just seen ghosts from his past, if he'd just recalled memories of enchainment and torture - so long as it didn't affect the mission, who had to know?

.-.-.-.-.

"Levi, you told me you were fine."

"And I am," the ravenet responded stubbornly. He checked the magazine and shoved it in the gun, then back in the thigh holster. He repeated the process with the one he kept on his left side as Erwin watched, thick eyebrows furrowed.

"Then what happened during the simulation?" his boss asked accusingly, narrowing his eyes further when Levi continued by checking his knives.

When he started to strap his vest on, it became clear Erwin was being ignored. Levi slid on his earpiece and headed to the door as if Erwin had said nothing and opened the door to leave.

"Levi, don't you dare walk out on me."

It happened so fast Erwin wouldn't have caught it if he hadn't worked with Levi before. The hand on the ravenet's wrist stopped him for only a split second, as he was quick to tear away from the grasp and let out a feral snarl. Nobody else except perhaps Hanji could have caught the vulnerability that flashed in his eyes, because as soon as it was there, it was gone, replaced with cold anger.

"I'm fucking fine, you dense moron," he growled. "Keep asking me and I'll shove my foot so far up your ass you can taste the hands of the Chinese children that made these shitty boots."

"Levi," Erwin started warningly, but he was interrupted by the ravenet.

"We're waiting on you for finalization, Smith," Levi said coldly, pushing Erwin towards the hotel door. "So get out there and do your job."

Levi was right, and Erwin knew it. The moment the blond was out of the hotel, however, the ravenet was happy to slam the door behind him. But before he could sit and stew on his anger, his thoughts were interrupted by a familiar ringing noise.

titanicjaeger: Hanji says your operation is tonight. I hope you do okay. Message me whenever you can, okay?

In the future, Levi would scold himself for diving for his phone so quickly. But in that moment, he didn't care. His thumbs flew across the keyboard, and his response was short.

Humanitys-Strongest: Video call?

He'd made up his mind. He didn't have time to type out responses and read them, anyways. He wanted to see that the brat was okay for himself. And, he thought as he set the phone on its stand and sat in front of it, this may be his last mission. Their last chance to talk. He would be lying if he said he wasn't curious.

titanicjaeger: uwah give me a second

titanicjaeger calling . . .

Accept.

The image winked into existence, with an apprehensive look on sea-green eyes being the first thing Levi saw. Half of his face was hidden by a blue pillow, which the boy was clutching to his chest. Those eyes widened when he caught sight of Levi, and his face transformed to one of awe, and Levi couldn't help the small flush that formed at being gawked at like that.

Beautiful was the first word to pop into Levi's mind, and he was lucky that his voice wasn't working to say it. Eren didn't seem to be so lucky, however.

"Holy shit, you're gorgeous."

Tan cheeks suddenly flushed a beautiful pink, and he hid his face so that all Levi could see was the mop of fluffy brown hair. It looked so soft. If only Levi could touch it, just to check.

"I know I am," Levi said smugly, easing the tension. "Not such a gross old man, am I?"

"Don't get ahead of yourself," Eren grumbled, rubbing his face wearily before finally peeking out at Levi and giving a skittish smile. "You're not that pretty."

"You're just resentful because you're jealous," Levi replied haughtily. The joking dropped not a second later, and he continued with a concerned, "How have you been? Are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm okay," Eren answered, and it didn't sound burdened like Levi expected. "Not super great, but okay. I'm more worried about you. Hanji said this case is dangerous."

"They're all dangerous, kid," Levi answered truthfully. Normally the words would make his stomach sink a bit, the dread settling in before he could clear his mind. But his mind was surprisingly clear. Perhaps it was the effect of being able to tell someone else, an outsider. Whatever it was, it was nice. "I've survived this long."

"Well, you had better survive this one, too," Eren told him sternly, like a mother hen. "You're not allowed to die, got it?"

"How reassuring," Levi said sarcastically, but it was. It was reassuring. Eren was acting as someone to live for, to come home to, even if they hardly knew each other.

Suddenly the bluetooth in his ear crackled, and he sighed.

"I have to go. Wish me luck."

"Don't die, old man."

"You're a fucking brat, you know that?"

Eren laughed, and the sound could have stopped a baby's tears. "I know. Now go on. I'll be here when you get back."

A pounding on his hotel door made Levi hang up instantly, and he answered the door to find Gunther and Eld waiting for him.

"Let's go, boss. We're briefing in the van."

"Understood."

Maybe Eren was right. Maybe everything would turn out okay.

.-.-.-.-.

"Things always go wrong," Uncle Kenny had taught Levi, and he should have stuck to that philosophy. A stray bullet, a piece of glass in the wrong place, a foot skidding on loose gravel, an unexpectedly placed enemy. In this case, it was the last, and none of them were ready for it.

Petra had no choice but to fire, but Levi still held some form of resentment as the building became a hive of activity. Voices all around them, clamoring from every room, guns cocking and men shouting as they came to investigate. It was only a matter of time before they were overwhelmed.

"We heard the gunshots!" Ah, Levi had forgotten the two entry points were connected so closely. Hitch was beside him in an instant. "Looks like we're doing this the hard way, eh?"

"You sound excited," Levi commented dryly, counting his remaining bullets.

"We have faith in you, Captain Ackerman," Marlo said brightly, pressing his back to Hitch's. Levi's heart twinged at the gesture. They were close. Partners at least, maybe even in a future relationship. It was dangerous.

There was no use dwelling on it now, though. Levi shook his head and said, "That's retarded," before the first man rounded the corner.

Hitch's skilled aim impressed him for the split second he cared, and then there was an influx of attackers.

There was only one option: Fire, fire, and keep firing, before they had the chance to respond, and retreat as they did so. But it wasn't a perfect plan, and by the time they had boxes to hide behind, two of Squad Dreyse were already dead. By the time they all had spots to take cover, Gunther was down, clutching a bleeding thigh.

It was inevitable. There were no theatrics, nothing dramatic - this wasn't a cop drama. Officers dropped like rag dolls, and they had no time to dwell on their fallen comrades. Gunther couldn't crawl to safety, nor could anyone help him, as an onslaught of bullets flew his way and Petra learned the hard way she couldn't be a hero. Her brain was everywhere in half a second, and Gunther's chest was pierced straight through. The barrage of brass didn't stop until both bodies were limp on the floor, barely recognizable as human, with gore splattered everywhere.

Levi chanced to poke out and make two precise shots, instinct shooting his way through two hostiles as shots rang from behind him as well. He ducked out of the way just in time to dodge a bullet aimed at his face, but Oluo wasn't so lucky, taking brass straight through the face. A wince was all Levi gave as three of his squad members died in roughly twenty seconds total before he dared to peek out again.

It was inevitable, he kept telling himself. They would all die, or at least, that was what he needed to expect. Levi had seen enough people die, time and time again, and he knew the fragility of human life. But just as the lives of his comrades were fragile, so were those of his foes, and he bounced back from those deaths with a vengeance.

"Captain Dreyse!"

When had Eld gotten up like that? When had the other squad gone down to two members? When had Marlo sustained that shoulder injury?

When had Hitch decided to commit suicide like that?

"Hitch!" Marlo shrieked, dropping formalities in his desperation as she raced down the hall with one of her dead teammates as a meatshield. She pulled the pin from a grenade with her teeth before rushing into the group of men before her, Eld straight behind her.

What did he hope to accomplish? Did he think he'd save her by taking her from all that? That they could run from both the blast and the bullets at that distance? But then again, grief and anger makes one stupid and reckless.

Levi could only watch as the explosion came, could only duck when the fiery plume approached, could only listen to Marlo scream and cry.

It was always the same. Levi clenched his jaw and squeezed his eyes shut, allowing himself a second of grieving while the smoke cleared. So many people he'd led to their deaths. So many of them, so young and full of hope. So many crying and broken, and not given mercy from cruel fate.

He couldn't save any of them.

Marlo's whimpers reached him suddenly, and everything else came to a screeching halt. No. He could save this one, at least.

"H-Hitch . . . no, G-God, Hitch . . . "

The smoke was still clearing. Levi could make out bodies crumpled on the floor, and a few coughing and trying to stand. Nine bullets in one mag, eight in the other, a fully loaded AR on his back.

Levi would make up for their deaths. He'd avenge everyone that died there that day. And he'd live for them. Eren, too.

He wasted no time in delivering headshots to those closest to him in the fading grey cloud. He had to be quick, before they gained their bearings. The deaths were fast, just as anticlimactic as those of his teammates. His friends.

Levi didn't even register the red crawling over his vision as he abandoned his empty pistols and pulled the rifle strap over his head. The stock rested comfortably between arm and torso as he squeezed the trigger and held it, bullets flying without halt. Sick satisfaction came with every sickening crack, every wet gurgle that he could barely hear over the thunderous noise.

And there was the leader, raising a pistol at him. He fired once, twice, both in the stomach, before a bullet was going through his skull in the most insignificant death of them all.

Another bullet, then another, then another. One for every fallen comrade. One for every pulse of pain in his heart, and now the open wound in his gut. But there weren't enough bullets for that left, weren't enough in the first place.

Finally, lafter several moments of silence, after dozens of empty clicks from the gun, he was falling, falling into the blissful abyss that had claimed eight friends that day and countless foes, and he dimly registered Marlo's frantic commands before the blackness swallowed him whole.