FicWad

The next morning Robyn stirred awake Benji also woke a little.
“ouch.” Robyn said runny her head from the hang over and her neck from sleeping awkwardly.
“what time is it.” Benji mumbled.
“I dunno.” She pushed herself up a little more to reach her phone noticing Sally was already awake on her phone and Dan was asleep on the floor. She grinned at the sight of Dan sleeping on the floor.
“8.15.” Sally answered Benji’s question.
“I dunno what hurts more my head or my neck.” Robyn sighed holding both.
“where’s Dan?” Benji asked not being able to see him on the floor from where he was. Sally pointed downwards to the floor. Robyn couldn’t help herself she threw a pillow at him to wake him up.
“this you roughing it again.” Robyn joked laughing as he jumped up but then groaned as his body ached from being on the hard floor. “haha not as fun as it used to be eh?”
“not funny there's only so much space on them sofas.” Dan groaned. Getting up slowly and sitting on the sofa with Sally.
They sat on the sofas a little while longer chatting not being bothered to move until the need for coffee and or bathrooms grew. No one else was up and out yet but there was some movement around the lodge signalling that others was starting to get up.

Nearly an hour later the ones who wasn’t too drunk last night where up and about but the likes of Jimmy Karl and Brian where still asleep. Robyn was say at the breakfast bar with a coffee reading a magazine after having whizzed round with Sally with him bags clearing up from last night and Benji and Dan putting things back together again.
“hey have you seen Benj?” josh walked through.
“he’s outside with Joel and Billy.” Robyn smiled.
“thanks.” He said
“coffee in the pot if you want it.” Robyn said before he left.
“ah fab. Thanks.” He smiled. He grabbed a cup of coffee and went outside.
Dan walked in and sat next to Robyn looking at her. She slowly looked up from her magazine giving him a questioning look.
“So have you thought about the tour? have you spoke to Benji about it yet? I know it'll be hard for you and I know I'm asking a lot of you but there’s no one better than you to train Emily up. You know the ins and outs of that routine and your horses better than anyone else.” Dan said. Whilst they was away Dan had approached Robyn with a very difficult request for her. As the team would be going on tour in March doing their stunt show. Dan had asked Robyn to come along and work through the routine she used to do in the show and train Emily her replacement in the riding side on how to do it on her horses. It was so hard for Robyn as she missed doing it so much herself it was her life her dream for so long just to have it ripped away from her in the car accident.

Robyn sat there a few silent tears started to fall. She ran outside the front door nearly knocking Karl over in the process.
“what the hells going on?” Karl looked to Dan. “she going to blow.” Knowing his sister too well. “someone get Benji.” Karl said running after Robyn. Knowing she probably wouldn’t calm down for him but she would for Benji but he had to stop her first.
Jimmy who was behind Karl went and got Benji a bit confused about what was going on.
Sally went over to Dan knowing what must have been going on.
“I hope you wasn’t harsh.” Sally warned him.
“honestly I wasn’t its just a very sad subject.” Dan said back feeling bad.

Karl ran after Robyn and caught her by the waist lifting her to stop her fighting to get away from him now in hysterics.
“let me go! Get off me.. Karl leave me alone!..” Robyn fought to get away from him he still had hold of her round the waist her back to his chest as she struggled breathless through tears and anger to get.
“no I’m not letting you go like this...” Karl held her hoping Benji would be here soon.
“just leave me alone.” Robyn said a little weaker. Just then Benji got to them Robyn hadn’t noticed at first. Benji mouthed to Karl ‘what’s going on' looking confused. Karl shrugged and spun Robyn round to Benji.
“talk to him.” Karl pleaded as he felt Robyn stop fighting he slowly let go of her as Benji stepped forwards quickly to catch Robyn as she collapsed into hug, he dropped to his knees with her still holding her sobbing body with her head in his chest. Karl took off his hoodie and wrapped it round Robyn and headed in giving them space.
“what’s going on, is Robyn ok?” linzi asked worriedly.
“I’m not sure.” Karl said not paying much attention to linzi he was focused on Dan.
“what the hell did you say to her?” Karl said to Dan. As everyone looked on to what all the commotion was.
“karl I would never intend to hurt her its just a difficult subject for her I just didn’t realise quite how much. We need her to train up Emily our new rider but obviously it’s upsetting for Robyn with the accident and everything.” Dan explained.
“bit insensitive don’t you think. Is there no one else?” Karl said.
“no there’s not. Robyn is one of the best riders and instructors around. She does some of the highest risk stunts in the shows and there’s no one better for Emily to learn off. No one knows those stunts and horses better than Robyn. I understand its a big ask but I just didn’t realise just how much.” Dan explained.
“no I don't think any of use realised just how much she's been bottling it up. She's her own worst enemy at times.” Karl sighed.
“obviously Robyn comes first so if it is too much for her then of course I won’t expect her to do it at all.” Dan said.
“don’t worry mate our kids a tough cookie she just needs to let it all out now and I’m sure she'll come through.” Karl said.

Meanwhile outside Benji just held Robyn for a while whilst she sobbed. Clearly she had kept a lot of emotion of how her shoulder injury had effected her bottled up all this time.
“so do your think you want to talk to me yet.” Benji said softly. Robyn lifted her head and wiped her eyes on Karl’s hoodie sleeve and took a deep breath.
“it’s just so unfair. Some idiot runs a red light crashes and walks away unscathed and yet my life is ruined.” She said fresh tears starting to fall.
“your right it’s not fair at all but your life is not ruined...” Benji reasoned his heart broke for her seeing her so upset.
“I just.. it’s so hard not being able to do in things. My life was horses and the team and now I'll never be able to do that again. I miss it so much it hurts.” Robyn said.
“you didn’t need to keep it all bottled up.” He said softly wiping a few tears from her cheeks.
“I know I guess I just pushed it to the back of my mind and when I was with you on tour it kept my mind off it and I was busy with doing the office work and driving your bus. Then we’ve had time off and then going back moving the horses being around them again and.. and then Dan's asking me to basically train up my replacement to do my show on my horses, I just.. It just blew my brain.” Robyn said putting her head in her hands.
“he asked you to do what!” Benji said sounding angry.
“no no don’t be angry. He didn’t mean to hurt me or be an asshole. I totally understand and I will do it. It just sort of hit me like a tone of bricks all the hurt and anger I’ve ignored about the accident. I was going to talk to you about It better than this just I sort of lost it.” She tired to explain in the best way she could.
“I don’t understand if training your replacement is upsetting you so much then don't do it. I'll tell him your not doing it if you don’t want to let him down.” Benji said not quite getting where she was coming from.
“no it’s not that, that's just really brought home the reality of the effects the crash has on my life. I’m upset because I’ll never be able to do what I love what I've lived for for some many years any more and that kills me but I need to help Emily because its much bigger than just me, the team needs someone in my place, they need Emily and Emily needs me to help her.” Robyn said. Benji nodded.
“but how much do they need you compared to how much it hurts you.” Benji said.
“don’t get me wrong it will be hard but it will be nice too to have a part of what I use to be back.” Robyn said.
“As long are your sure.” Benji said not sounding too convinced. She nodded. “so do you think we can go inside to get warm now.” She nodded again he helped her up and put his arm around her as they walked back into the lodge. Most people was around doing they're own thing. Dan Sally Karl and linzi where in the kitchen clearly waiting for Robyn and Benji to get back in.
“I think I'm going to go for a bath.” Robyn said quietly to Benji as they walked through the door. Keen to avoid having to talk to anyone for now especially linzi. As much as she loved linzi she wasn’t in the mood for her interrogation to what was wrong and why. Benji nodded and let her sneak off down the corridor tibthe bathroom.
As Robyn was heading to the bathroom she bumped into Jimmy. He looked at her sympathetically and pulled her into a hug which she embraced.
“I erm...” Robyn's voice croaked.
“you don’t need to talk or explain anything to me or anyone.” He said quietly she smiled gratefully at him she remembered how great a friend he was when shit was happening. “now do you need anything?”
“a glass of wine wouldn’t go a miss.” She sighed and smiled.
“coming right up.” He grinned and headed to the kitchen as she went in the bathroom to run a bath. She’d finished running the bath with plenty of bubbles when there was a knock at the door she went to open it.
“ok so... nice.” Jimmy grinned when he seen the bath. “anyways I did pour you a glass of wine.” He said revealing a glass of wine from behind his back. “but then I thought I’ll just bring the whole bottle too.” Jimmy grinned revealing the bottle from behind his back in his other hand.
“you are amazing.” She smiled taking the glass and bottle from him.
“I know but its the least I can do for stealing your bed last night.” He laughed.
“ah well you see I didn’t have the heart to disturb cuddle time with your one and only.” She smirked.
“hey I’m always nice to you, watch it.” Jimmy said faking hurt laughing.
“I’m sorry your right you are.” She laughed.
“apology accepted.” He joked. “anyways get in the before it goes cold.” He said nodding to the bath.
“thanks.” She said and he left and she looked the door and enjoyed a long soak in the bath in her own thoughts getting her head together.

Meanwhile in the kitchen.
“how is she? What’s going on? What was all that about? What’s she doing?” linzi started her concerned interrogation to Benji.
“wow linz slow down. She ok she just she's got some feelings to work though from the crash and stuff I think she’s best explaining to you herself in her own time she just gone for a bath I think she needs some time to sort her head out a little.” Benji said.
“mate she propper lost it I’ve not seen her like that for a long time.” Karl said. Benji nodded.
“yeh she's had some stuff bottled up for a while that I don’t think she even fully realised. The crash has had a massive effect on her life, I mean thank God she survived it but it has had a massive effect on her and she's struggled to fully come to terms with it so I guess she's just push it to the back of her mind and then it all just came out all at once just then.” Benji explained. Jimmy walked into the kitchen poured a glass of wine and took the glass and the bottle.
“wine and a glass not like you Sullivan.” Matt said with a smirk.
“correct and it’s not for me.” Jimmy smiled and carried on to the bathroom to Robyn.
“was that for Robyn.” Matt asked when Jimmy returned and sat with him.
“yea.” Jimmy nodded.

“you two are quite close aren’t you?” Matt pretty much stated. them both talking quietly whilst everyone else was doing their own thing.
“she's almost like the female version of me I feel like we just get each other without even trying.” Jimmy explained. He had a lot of time for Robyn and was confident she felt the same both in a platonic way.
“how is she?” Matt asked.
“I'm not sure I didn’t ask she'll talk about it if and when she’s ready. she seemed ok ish but quiet she's hurting but clearly putting on a brave face.” Jimmy said. Matt nodded.

Benji was sat on the sofa with the tv on but not really paying attention deep thought about Robyn. He was snapped out of his thoughts by someone clearing his throat. He looked up to see Dan.
“can I sit?” Dan asked awkwardly. Benji nodded.
“so erm I take it she told you about the tour?” Dan struggled with how to start.
“yeh she did. I’m not going to lie I think your being pretty insensitive considering all what she been through surely there’s someone else to train the girl or get some one else to do it who doesn’t need the training.” Benji said clearly a little pissed with Dan.
“I knew it was a big ask for her but I honestly would never have even brought it up if I’d have known it would have hurt her this much. It’s just she is the best of the best she knows her routine, those stunts and those horses better than anyone and I just wanted to give Emily the best chance possible. Robyn knows we need a replacement Robyn told me to replace her but that’s not an easy task she's hard act to follow. Emily is great but she will need guidance if she or anyone has a chance of pulling off Robyn’s show but if it’s hurting her this much I don’t expect her to do it at all. We'll manage we could change the show. Robyn’s been like family to me to all of the team for years she comes first. I feel terrible to have caused her pain in any way.” Dan said Benji softened he didn’t need to be angry at Dan it’s not his fault.
“don’t feel bad it’s not your fault you asking her to come on the tour isn’t what’s caused all this. It’s her angry and pain from the crash that caused her to have to give up a massive part of her life. It’s just it brought it all out when you asked so you sort of got the brunt of it. I'm sure once she’s got her head right she'll sort The next day out with you.” Benji said.
“we miss her so much too I wish the crash never happened she's left such a hole that's going to be hard to fill.” Dan said a little emotionally Benji nodded.