Categories > Cartoons > Family Guy
This fanfic is set after The Peter Principal and before Dearly Deported. Only meant to serve as a short one shot. If you were expecting anything more out of this. Too bad.
After having lost their bed and breakfast, Stewie and Brian now work in a Dry-Cleaning place called 'The Pip Boys'. It was a place where suits get pressed and ironed. Brian was pressing a suitcoat, and across the room, Stewie was trying to iron some pants that kept curling up everytime he turned away. "What the duece? I can't never press these pants! I feel like Don Music from Sesame Street! I'll never get it right! Never! Never! Never!" shouted Stewie while he was holding an iron, he dropped it and it landed in his pants! "FUCK!!! NOW MY ASS IS ON FIRE!!!!" shouted Stewie. "Whoa! Calm down here. This is only our first day, Stewie!" said a concerned Brian. "I thought suit pressing would be fun!" said Stewie. "Want to take a break?" asks Brian. Stewie agrees, "Sure I guess so. Let's watch some TV! Want to catch up on Orange is The New Black!" said Stewie.
There was even a TV in the place and they decided to watch it and turned on the news and there was a report they were quite interested in.
"Good afternoon. I'm Tom Tucker! Going solo for once! In news today, the notorious James Woods and his gang are robbing a series of banks and safes, and the police haven't caught them yet, and a reward is offered for anybody who catches James Woods." said Tom Tucker. "Whoa! James Woods's even more insane than I thought!" said Brian. "Now that we know his agenda, let's try to catch the bastard!" said Stewie. Just then, James Woods's car passed by The Pip Boys store and a piece of paper came out of the car, Stewie and Brian went outside to pick it up. "What's it say?" asked Stewie, "I haven't read it yet. Give me some time." answered Brian.
"It like has numbers on it." said Brian. Stewie was taking a look at it, (the paper was a number to open a safe.) "Indeed Brian. This must be message to decipher, like the movie Source Code. Or maybe Sneakers." said Stewie, who read the paper, "LRLRLRLRLRL" then begins to crack up. "That's the most hilarious code I've ever heard!" Stewie laughed.
"Settle down, Stewie. We don't know if it's a code or not." said Brian as he smacked Stewie upside the head. Just then, Joe came in to complement so good a job they did pressing his suit. "Boys! Somebody did a great job pressing my suit last week!" said Joe. "Umm, hey there! Welcome to Pimp Boys may I help you?!" said Stewie to Joe. "That's Pip Boys, Stewie! Please excuse him, Joe he's new to this." said Brian.
"Yes, I came here to......" Just when Joe was about to finish, Brian said, "Bet we can get you a pair or slick slacks, or even a coat!" "But, I don't want a coat!" replied Joe. Stewie and Brian didn't listen and went to get a coat for him and put it on him, which really got him mad. "I don't want a coat! I don't want a coat! I DON'T WANT A COAT!!!" shouted Joe. He got real pissed off and left the store in disgust wheeling out with the coat still on him. "Hey, crippled douche! You forgot to pay!" Stewie shouted after him.
"Yeah! Get back here and try on my slick slacks!" Brian shouted. "FUCK YOU!" Joe screams back at Brian and Stewie.
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Meanwhile, James Woods was robbing a bank, and he realized he had lost the combination to the safe. With him was Lois's brother Patrick Pewterschimdt. "Where is that paper to the safe?" asked James Woods. "I remember it flew out of the window when we drove past Pip Boys." replies Patrick. "C'mon Patrick! We're going to that wuss place the Pip Boys, that's where we left that piece of paper! Those turdwipes are gonna pay!" said James Woods as he and his gang jumped into the car and went straight to Pip Boys. Meanwhile back in Pip Boys, Stewie and Brian were pressing pants and coats. "Hey, Brian! I'm finally getting the hang of ironing these slick slacks!" said Stewie.
"See? I told you it will get easy after a while! You are learning, little Stew!" said Brian. Stewie glared at him in anger. "What?" asked Brian. "You know what you did." said Stewie standing cross armed.
Just then, James Woods along with Patrick showed up at 'The Pip Boys', and Stewie and Brian saw him and they could not believe it! "Welcome to Pimp Boys, Whoops! hee hee! Little nervous there! May I help you?" asked Stewie as James Woods walked in. James Woods's cohort Patrick grabbed a hold of Brian's shirt and James Woods did the same to Stewie. "Okay, you pathetic worthless shit! Where's that piece of paper?!" asked James Woods.
"You mean the one with the numbers on it?" asked Stewie who was sweating. "Yes yes, that's it!" "Also, the letters LRLRLRL?" asked Stewie. "Yeah! That's the one! Where is it?" asked James Woods again. Stewie cracked up again and just said, "LRLRLRLRL!" "Will make you ass fuckers talk!" said James Woods as he carried Stewie to a rotating coat rack and Patrick carried Brian to the coat pressing machine. When James Woods got Stewie on the rotating coat rack James Woods asked him again, "Where's that piece of paper?!" Stewie cracked up again saying "LRLRLRLRL! What kind of message is that! It sounds like something a dumbass would have on his luggage." "Oh, still won't talk!" said James Woods as he kicked Stewie in the butt which caused Stewie to spin in a circle on the coat rack. "AAHHH!" Stewie screamed.
Patrick was giving Brian a different type of torment by pressing Brian's head in the coat pressing machine and pressing an iron on his butt.
"Quagmire beating me up for fucking Ida is child's play compared to this!" Brian shouts. James Woods just kept punching Stewie and he rotated on the coat rack again screaming. "Can we join you? Think some Stockholm Syndrome is starting to set in." asked Brian to Patrick didn't answer and just kept continuing pressing Brian's head in the presser. Just then the police came in, "FREEZE!" they shouted as they ran to James Woods and arresting him and Patrick too, and took them away. Mayor Adam West released Brian from the pressing machine, and got Stewie down from the rotating coat rack.
"Boys, you must be really proud! You captured James Woods and his.....his.....who was that with him anyway?" said Mayor Adam West. Stewie and Brian were okay enough to talk. "How did you know we were being attacked?" asked Brian. "Got an anonymous tip." answered Adam West. Peter Griffin appears briefly on his phone in his bedroom.
"hee hee hee hee hee I was the anonymous tip! Made my way into this episode bitches!"
"So do we get an reward? Tom Tucker on the news said something about that." said Stewie. They asked about the reward. "Reward! I get the reward!" said Adam West. "Here's $50 dollars for your troubles though!" said Mayor Adam West again as he walked out of the store. Brian counted the money, and discovered it was actually $400. "Wow! 400! How do you like that Stewie? We should invest wisely with this!" Brian said. "That's nice Brian. Not what we expected. Didn't anyone teach Adam West how to count money?" scoffs Stewie.
After having lost their bed and breakfast, Stewie and Brian now work in a Dry-Cleaning place called 'The Pip Boys'. It was a place where suits get pressed and ironed. Brian was pressing a suitcoat, and across the room, Stewie was trying to iron some pants that kept curling up everytime he turned away. "What the duece? I can't never press these pants! I feel like Don Music from Sesame Street! I'll never get it right! Never! Never! Never!" shouted Stewie while he was holding an iron, he dropped it and it landed in his pants! "FUCK!!! NOW MY ASS IS ON FIRE!!!!" shouted Stewie. "Whoa! Calm down here. This is only our first day, Stewie!" said a concerned Brian. "I thought suit pressing would be fun!" said Stewie. "Want to take a break?" asks Brian. Stewie agrees, "Sure I guess so. Let's watch some TV! Want to catch up on Orange is The New Black!" said Stewie.
There was even a TV in the place and they decided to watch it and turned on the news and there was a report they were quite interested in.
"Good afternoon. I'm Tom Tucker! Going solo for once! In news today, the notorious James Woods and his gang are robbing a series of banks and safes, and the police haven't caught them yet, and a reward is offered for anybody who catches James Woods." said Tom Tucker. "Whoa! James Woods's even more insane than I thought!" said Brian. "Now that we know his agenda, let's try to catch the bastard!" said Stewie. Just then, James Woods's car passed by The Pip Boys store and a piece of paper came out of the car, Stewie and Brian went outside to pick it up. "What's it say?" asked Stewie, "I haven't read it yet. Give me some time." answered Brian.
"It like has numbers on it." said Brian. Stewie was taking a look at it, (the paper was a number to open a safe.) "Indeed Brian. This must be message to decipher, like the movie Source Code. Or maybe Sneakers." said Stewie, who read the paper, "LRLRLRLRLRL" then begins to crack up. "That's the most hilarious code I've ever heard!" Stewie laughed.
"Settle down, Stewie. We don't know if it's a code or not." said Brian as he smacked Stewie upside the head. Just then, Joe came in to complement so good a job they did pressing his suit. "Boys! Somebody did a great job pressing my suit last week!" said Joe. "Umm, hey there! Welcome to Pimp Boys may I help you?!" said Stewie to Joe. "That's Pip Boys, Stewie! Please excuse him, Joe he's new to this." said Brian.
"Yes, I came here to......" Just when Joe was about to finish, Brian said, "Bet we can get you a pair or slick slacks, or even a coat!" "But, I don't want a coat!" replied Joe. Stewie and Brian didn't listen and went to get a coat for him and put it on him, which really got him mad. "I don't want a coat! I don't want a coat! I DON'T WANT A COAT!!!" shouted Joe. He got real pissed off and left the store in disgust wheeling out with the coat still on him. "Hey, crippled douche! You forgot to pay!" Stewie shouted after him.
"Yeah! Get back here and try on my slick slacks!" Brian shouted. "FUCK YOU!" Joe screams back at Brian and Stewie.
()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()
Meanwhile, James Woods was robbing a bank, and he realized he had lost the combination to the safe. With him was Lois's brother Patrick Pewterschimdt. "Where is that paper to the safe?" asked James Woods. "I remember it flew out of the window when we drove past Pip Boys." replies Patrick. "C'mon Patrick! We're going to that wuss place the Pip Boys, that's where we left that piece of paper! Those turdwipes are gonna pay!" said James Woods as he and his gang jumped into the car and went straight to Pip Boys. Meanwhile back in Pip Boys, Stewie and Brian were pressing pants and coats. "Hey, Brian! I'm finally getting the hang of ironing these slick slacks!" said Stewie.
"See? I told you it will get easy after a while! You are learning, little Stew!" said Brian. Stewie glared at him in anger. "What?" asked Brian. "You know what you did." said Stewie standing cross armed.
Just then, James Woods along with Patrick showed up at 'The Pip Boys', and Stewie and Brian saw him and they could not believe it! "Welcome to Pimp Boys, Whoops! hee hee! Little nervous there! May I help you?" asked Stewie as James Woods walked in. James Woods's cohort Patrick grabbed a hold of Brian's shirt and James Woods did the same to Stewie. "Okay, you pathetic worthless shit! Where's that piece of paper?!" asked James Woods.
"You mean the one with the numbers on it?" asked Stewie who was sweating. "Yes yes, that's it!" "Also, the letters LRLRLRL?" asked Stewie. "Yeah! That's the one! Where is it?" asked James Woods again. Stewie cracked up again and just said, "LRLRLRLRL!" "Will make you ass fuckers talk!" said James Woods as he carried Stewie to a rotating coat rack and Patrick carried Brian to the coat pressing machine. When James Woods got Stewie on the rotating coat rack James Woods asked him again, "Where's that piece of paper?!" Stewie cracked up again saying "LRLRLRLRL! What kind of message is that! It sounds like something a dumbass would have on his luggage." "Oh, still won't talk!" said James Woods as he kicked Stewie in the butt which caused Stewie to spin in a circle on the coat rack. "AAHHH!" Stewie screamed.
Patrick was giving Brian a different type of torment by pressing Brian's head in the coat pressing machine and pressing an iron on his butt.
"Quagmire beating me up for fucking Ida is child's play compared to this!" Brian shouts. James Woods just kept punching Stewie and he rotated on the coat rack again screaming. "Can we join you? Think some Stockholm Syndrome is starting to set in." asked Brian to Patrick didn't answer and just kept continuing pressing Brian's head in the presser. Just then the police came in, "FREEZE!" they shouted as they ran to James Woods and arresting him and Patrick too, and took them away. Mayor Adam West released Brian from the pressing machine, and got Stewie down from the rotating coat rack.
"Boys, you must be really proud! You captured James Woods and his.....his.....who was that with him anyway?" said Mayor Adam West. Stewie and Brian were okay enough to talk. "How did you know we were being attacked?" asked Brian. "Got an anonymous tip." answered Adam West. Peter Griffin appears briefly on his phone in his bedroom.
"hee hee hee hee hee I was the anonymous tip! Made my way into this episode bitches!"
"So do we get an reward? Tom Tucker on the news said something about that." said Stewie. They asked about the reward. "Reward! I get the reward!" said Adam West. "Here's $50 dollars for your troubles though!" said Mayor Adam West again as he walked out of the store. Brian counted the money, and discovered it was actually $400. "Wow! 400! How do you like that Stewie? We should invest wisely with this!" Brian said. "That's nice Brian. Not what we expected. Didn't anyone teach Adam West how to count money?" scoffs Stewie.
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