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Chapter 17



Now I'm Beginning to Understand



"Ah, I wondered if you'd pick up on that. Very good, Harry. Ok, remember I said I thought that was when Severus decided to join Voldemort? Well, Professor Dumbledore suspected that might be the case, too, and he had a talk with Severus and told him that/, no matter what happened/; Severus could always come to him for help or shelter, /at any time/. That simple reassurance was always in the back of Severus' mind. Well hidden from Voldemort, obviously, but there, none the less.



"But he did become a Death Eater."



"Yes."



"I don't understand. Why didn't he kill you if he was a Death Eater? Old friend or not," Harry inquired, with a puzzled look on his face.



"Ah, well, it seems that just as he was leaving Voldemort, to come to your grandparent's house to call off the others, he overheard Voldemort boasting to one of the other Death Eaters. Something to the effect that he was getting pretty good at getting rid of parents who stood in the way of his plans: first his own father and grandparents, then the Snapes, and now the senior Potters. Whoever he was talking to asked what he meant and he explained the he had wanted Severus as a follower because of his abilities in potions. Severus' father had been an early supporter of Voldemort and had bragged to him about his son. But Severus' mother objected vehemently and as Voldemort became bolder and more ruthless; his father was having second thoughts, apparently. So, Voldemort had gone to their home, put an Imperius Curse on Severus' father and forced him to kill his wife. When Voldemort left and the curse wore off, his father did go insane, with the realization of what he had done. His father had a reputation as a violent, mean, abusive man anyway, so no one questioned that he had finally lost his mind and murdered his wife.



"But Snape showed up at my grandparent's house anyhow, obeying Voldemort orders."



"Yes, but he was in shock, on autopilot, so he did come to get the others, but when he arrived, what did he find but me/, dueling Lucius and /that was /it/; he'd had enough of the killing and hatred. He wanted nothing more to do with it. But he had to get me out of the middle of that mess, so he did the only thing that came to mind; he knocked me out and got me to a safe place; St Mungo's. That's also when he contacted Dumbledore and became a spy for the Order."



"So that's what changed his mind. Now I'm beginning to understand."



"Yes, he risked his life to go to Dumbledore. He immediately started passing information to the Order and through them to the Ministry. Unfortunately, Voldemort never revealed who his spies/ /were, so Severus couldn't warn the Order about what Voldemort had planned. Or get a warning to James and Lily. He thought, like everyone, it had to have been Sirius that betrayed them. That is, until you helped Sirius unmask Peter, and later at the Tri-Wizard Tournament and what happened then. But it was too late; there was just too much left over animosity, on both Severus' and Sirius' part, to settle things, and, no time, as it turned out.



"Do you really think they could have become friends?" Harry asked in amazement



"Not friends, but I think if push came to shove, they'd have fought side by side with Dumbledore against Voldemort. But more 'maybe ifs' won't bring Sirius or your folks back. Hopefully, in our next life, we'll all be friends and live happily ever after."



"You believe that?"



"Oh, yes. But that's a whole different discussion. Where were we, oh, right, Severus not killing me. "



"But he could have come to you at St. Mungo's and told you why he'd just saved you life. Weren't you curious?"



"No. As I said, I was SO /bloody mad; I wouldn't have listened if he /had tried to tell me. I blamed him for keeping me from doing my job, helping my friends, just being there. Had I been thinking properly, I might have wondered why he /didn't /just kill me, as Lucius had ordered."



"That would have been my big question," Harry agreed.



"I've only just found out about all of this myself, Harry. Severus told me the details at the beginning of the term. That's when I finally understood the real reason he didn't kill me. I had always thought, maybe, because it was me, he just couldn't kill the only friend he'd ever had, but it went much deeper than that."



"Deeper? I don't get it."



"Harry, Severus loves me. Has since we were in school .. and I love him."



"WHAT? SNAPE!"



"Well, as long as I'm telling you everything/, I may as well let you in on /that secret...our secret. Besides, I've be dying to tell /somebody/!"



"But you hated him! Or at least didn't trust him much, even now."



"That's my, our, cover story."



"Since when?"



"First night."



"No!"



"Yes, and I didn't even know myself. He told me how he felt about me after all of you had left."



"You and Snape .. Bloody hell!" Harry put back his head and started to laugh.



"/What/, may I ask, is funny?" Anna crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow.



"Not funny, it's actually really cool, but, He! He! He! Draco would have a stroke!"



"Oh! Wouldn't he just?" Anna agreed and they both dissolved into a fit of the giggles.



After they calmed down, Anna reached for her wand. "Well, I'd better finalize that memory charm, before I forget! Seriously, it's too dangerous for you to know all about us and the last bit I told you about Severus. So, it's for your safety as much as ours."



"Oh, sure, I understand."



Anna pointed her wand at Harry, who closed his eyes and winced.



"This won't hurt, Harry, so just relax. 'Obliviate Arcanum' ."



She watched Harry's face go slack and then his eyelids started to flutter. She smiled, a little sadly and cleared her throat.



Harry looked up, perplexed. "So that's what a memory charm feels like. Will you ever tell me the whole story I just lost?"



"Yes, someday soon, I hope." Anna smiled at him.



"Ok, I can live with the fact that I know, but don't remember. So, you were saying?" He smiled at her.



"Let's see .. humm. Oh, yes, survivors: you and me .. and Voldemort. But there is a big /difference. Voldemort fears death, Harry. He craves immortality. He doesn't understand it is a hope, a promise that love gives us, that there /is more after death. He doesn't know or understand love, so he has no hope; except /not /dying.



"Yeah." Harry hung his head.



Anna tilted her head and looked closely at him. He looked up at her and her eyes widened.



"Oh, Harry, does it have to come to that?"



"Can you do Legilimens?"



"Oh, yes, always have been able to, I'm a natural, as Severus is at Occlumency. We learned that the first time our eyes met. But, Harry! The Prophesy!"



"You know?"



"I do now .. sorry .. I didn't mean .."



"It's ok. Actually, it's a bit of a relief. Now I can talk about it. Only Professor Dumbledore knows."



"There's no way around it?"



"No."



"Well, if it has to happen, at least you're prepared. Or will be, if I have anything to say about it. I won't make any obvious extra efforts for you in front of the other students, but you'll know if I want you to pay special attention."



"How?" Harry was perplexed.



"Watch me." She got up and walked around the room. "'When I'm talking, if I look straight at you at any point," she said, turning and tilting her head, locking eyes with him, "you'll know I want you to pay /special attention/." But that part of the sentence, Harry heard inside his head. "Do you see what I /mean/?" Without Anna saying a word aloud, he had heard her.



"Wow. /That /was strange." Harry shook his head.



"Well, I don't use it, normally, unless I know the person and they are aware of my ability, or if it's a matter of life and death. Mad-Eye, Albus and Severus know, of course. It's not needed most of the time, but it's handy, on occasion." Anna sat down again.



"Once, a few years ago, I was wearing my Invisibility Cloak and was looking into someone's eyes. She was just sitting there, staring, thinking, so I talked to her. And she answered. She didn't even realize I was doing it. Now that was strange."



"Who would you want to talk to, wearing an Invisibility Cloak?"



"Alice Longbottom. That's when I realized there was hope for Frank and her. She couldn't, or wouldn't, talk with anyone who was right there in front of her. She would hardly even look at you, certainly not recognize you, just drifted around. But in here," Anna whispered, tapping her head, "I can talk with her. Work with her and Frank. It was Christopher's idea to try, after visiting them with me, soon after we were married. He said they resembled people with Autism. He thought it might work, so I tried it. But without getting Neville's Gran's permission, it's been a slow and, obviously, secret process. But there has been progress."



"That's /great/! Does Neville know?"



"Yes. He and Christopher and I talk about his parent's progress about once a month, after I get back from seeing them on my bi-weekly trips to St. Mungo's."



"So that's where you go. We'd wondered why you weren't here every weekend. So, it is working?"



"Definitely. It would be better if we - I - could work with them full time, instead of in secret, at odd intervals. That's a stop-start-stop-start frustration factor I'm getting tired of. When Neville comes of age next summer, he said the first thing he's going to do is give me permission to go at it full time. Then we'll see how quickly they come around. But, I'm very hopeful."



"That would be wonderful/, for Neville /and his family and for you. That weigh would be lifted, eh?"



"Indeed, Harry, it surely would." Anna smiled at him.



The sound of barking made them both look up.



"Dogs?" Harry asked. "Oh, yeah, Doctor Jones has those two retrievers, doesn't he?"



"Yes, come with me." Anna and Harry went to the door of her chambers and stepping out onto the landing, had an almost eye level view of the nearby painting. "There they are," Anna said, pointing to the landscape, where the two dogs were romping in the tall grass. That's Chester," Anna commented as she indicated the yellow lab on the left, "and Beau, the chocolate lab, is the other one's name. Christopher must have had them out for a romp."



Sure enough, he came striding out of the woods and, seeing Anna and Harry, waved.



"Hello, Doctor Jones." Harry waved back. "Good looking dogs you have there."



"Hello, Harry! Yes, these old boys are great company. Go on, you two. Go lay down."



The retrievers obediently trotted off into the painting of Christopher's study and flopped down on the hearth rug for a rest.



"Where have you been? Bit of a ramble?" Anna leaned on the railing, smiling at her late husband.



"Actually, I just took a little walk, but got lost again, so it fast turned into a ramble. I did find my way back, though. Some knight on the upper floors kept challenging me to combat! Odd little fellow."



"Sir Cardogan," Harry laughed. "Yes, he's a bit of a nutter, but he will show you the way, if you're hopelessly lost. Considers it a quest, you see."



"Well, that's good to know in case I encounter him in future." Christopher walked into his study and settled into his favorite chair. "So, what have you two been doing? Having that tea and chat you promised Harry your first night here?"



"Yes." Anna smiled.



"Exactly." Harry nodded.



"I tried to answer his questions, but I'm sure some more will pop into Harry's head. We'll get to them later."



"Speaking of getting to .. " Doctor Jones checked his watch. "Shouldn't you two be getting down to dinner?"



"Oh no, what time is it?" Anna looked down at the clock on her desk. "Harry, we'd better make a run for it!"



"Right .. race/ you/!"



"You're on!"



X # X # X



The two of them went tearing down the short flight of steps from Anna's chambers and ran the length of the classroom, laughing, and through the door they flew, along the corridors, leaping over benches, skidding around corners and down the stairs, two at a time, to finally slide to a stop outside the Great Hall. They then proceeded through the doors, walking slowly and calmly, although with flushed faces.



"Don't look at me, Harry, or we're in deep trouble."



"Yes, I think that's best," gasped Harry, fighting valiantly to suppress a grin.



Strolling down the table, Harry stopped and took a seat with his friends as Professor Twigg-Jones continued to the staff table. As she sat down at her place, greeting Professor Flitwick and Professor Snape, she glanced down the Gryffindor table to Harry, who looked at her and smiled. She winked.



"What have you and Potter been up to this dreary afternoon?" Snape inquired softly, handing her a basket of rolls.



"Oh, just having tea." Anna answered, turning to Professor Flitwick. "Rolls, Filius?"



"Thank you, my dear."



"Tea?" Snape persisted, with eyebrow raised.



"Yes, tea." She looked at Harry and tilted her head slightly. "/Nosy git, isn't he/?" she commented. Harry spat out the pumpkin juice he was starting to drink and laughed. She dissolved into giggles, glancing at Severus. Seeing him frown and knit his brow, Anna laughed. "You had to be there, Severus."



"Indeed. Pity I can't get you alone for an afternoon," he growled.



"Well, the holidays are fast approaching; perhaps Father Christmas will bring you something extra special this year."



"Such as?"



"Me."



"Ah, well, in that case I must launch a search for an extra large stocking, straight away."



She buried her face in her napkin and dissolved into a severe case of giggles at the idea.



"Silly woman." Snape turned and devoted himself to his dinner.



"Yes, indeed," she gasped.



"Ditto," he hissed back.