Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > I'm Not Sure If This Matters
Misery loves me.
I swear on Ashley's grave, that every powerful negative emotion loves me. I sat there watching as they recorded a few new songs for this mini album. It was cold outside and I could feel the frost sitting a foot away from the window.
"Jenny," I turned my head to see Joe smiling and sitting next to me on the oversized couch. "What's up?" he asked and I leaned against him before breathing out.
"Just thinking," I mumbled and he raised an eyebrow.
"Bout what?" he asked and I shrugged.
"Life," I replied and blinked slowly again before coughing slightly. "And a lot of 'what if' scenarios," Joe smirked lightly and shook his head while playing with my little friendship bracelet.
"I think you've crushed Patrick's spirit," he whispered and I tilted my head up to look at his face.
"Huh?" I asked and he laughed at me.
"Pete? Come on, tell me it's a jealousy thing," I sighed and shrugged.
"It feels right, but...I don't know," Joe clicked his tongue and began to absent mindedly mess with my longer brown hair.
"Confusing to a lot of us, you know," I let out a short laugh.
"I'm sure Ashley has turned over in her grave," Joe laughed at that remark and shook his head as he calmed down.
"Maybe it's just going to be weird for a while," I nodded and he shifted slightly. "But I can't get over the fact that maybe he's doing this because, well," I raised an eyebrow and tilted my head back again.
"What?" I asked and Joe but his lip.
"Jenny, I mean, come on...he dated Ashley for the longest time, and then they had the roughest break up, and she died before he could even see her," My expression completely diminished.
"I never thought about it like that," I whispered and looked away. Joe groaned, upset with him self and cupped my cheek, bringing my face back.
"Hey, maybe that's not true, but...I'm just saying, don't get too attached, because we don't need our lives plagued by some bitch," he paused and lowered his voice. "Named Anna," I broke out into a smile before giggling slightly.
"Ok Joe," I mumbled and leaned against him again, continuing to watch the February snow fall lightly outside the window of the studio.
"Hey, that's my bitch your snuggling with," I laughed to myself as Pete came around and Joe grunted, my warmth leaving but replaced not a moment later.
"Bitch, ehh?" I asked, turning to him. Pete smirked and sighed, before shaking his head.
"I think a lot of people are freaking out about us," I smiled and nodded.
"I know," I whispered and he sighed again.
"What do you think, Jenny?" he asked and I shrugged.
"I think we're perfectly fine, and people are just..." Pete laughed.
"Jealous?" he asked and I nodded.
"They're just jealous," we stayed quiet for a while but Pete nudged me.
"Patrick's taking us out this weekend, all of us," I nodded and he played with my hair for a few seconds. "It's...it's a nice restaurant, so...do you have something?" he asked and I gulped.
"I think," I whispered and he shifted to lie down more, the sound of guitars strumming behind us.
"I'm kind of freaked out to know what he has stored up in that mind of his," I smirked and looked forward lazily before shrugging.
"Maybe Anna's pregnant," Pete chocked up and I laughed as he pretended to barf.
"Ah god, that's a disgusting thought," he commented.
"What's a disgusting thought?" we both turned to see Patrick with an eyebrow raised his hands lightly on the couch's back. Pete smiled and shook his head.
"If Jenny was the mother of my first born child," Patrick scrunched up his nose and nodded.
"That would be rather disgusting," I laughed as Pete lifted up a leg and attempted to whack him.
"Hey!" he yelled and Patrick laughed heartily before shaking his head and walking away. Pete settled down and snuggled closer, his cheek rubbing against my shoulder and a lazy smile appearing on his lips.
"I wanna go home," he mumbled like a five year old and I smirked before rubbing my fingers through the top of his head.
"Now we can't always have what we want, Peter,"
Oh, what an understatement.
----------
I shivered as Pete led me down the hill that was currently covered in light snow and watched as he let my hand go to walk down a few steps before reaching up to help me down.
"I don't know why he told us to meet him here," he mumbled to himself and I looked over at him as we walked through the powder.
"So who's this friend we're meeting, again?" I asked and Pete laughed.
"Our new roadie, he's so awesome," I raised an eyebrow and he shook his head. "Don't ask," I was about to respond when another person ripped me out of Pete's grasp and tackled me to the ground, my throat emitting a shrill yelp.
"Calm yourself, Jesus, Pete, you got a screamer!" I opened my eyes to see Pete laughing, bent over and pointing at my face. I turned back to the man and sighed, shaking my head.
"You must be the 'awesome' roadie," I muttered and he slightly got up, helping me to sit up.
"Yep, Dirty at your services," I raised an eyebrow and watched as Pete leaned to sit down next to us and smile.
"See, I told you he was awesome," he spoke and I laughed lightly as Dirty looked pleased.
"How kind of you, Peter!" he yelled and jumped him into a hug.
"Ahh! Get him off!" He yelled and I fell backwards in a heap of laughter before rolling in the snow and into the hug.
"Jenny sandwich!" Dirty yelled and I giggled and Pete laughed onto my neck and ear.
"Oh, next tour is going to be so much fun," I breathed and Pete hummed.
"Yes, it certainly will," Dirty burped openly next and I looked at him, bewildered.
"What? I'm Dirty," I smiled and shook my head.
----------
Stepping outside onto my front lawn I watched as the boys packed up that white van for the second time in a row.
"Summer tours are the best, it sucks that you can't come with us," I turned to see Andy messing with something on his cell phone before flipping it closed and turning to me, hands in hoodie pockets.
"Yeah," I mumbled and pushed my sunglasses further up my nose.
"But, I guess it's alright, just the boys this time around," I smirked and shook my head.
"Pete said something along the lines of a sausage fest," Andy laughed for a minute before crossing his arms and observing, just as I was doing.
"I'll be the vegetarian judge of that," I giggled to myself and let the chirping of birds fill the silence.
My eyes danced across the boys and it fell on Adi who had since in the last five minutes dragged Andy away, the two talking on and on about post tour happenings. Sighing, I let my vision drift to where Anna was standing, arms crossed and her oversized white sunglasses dominating her face. Patrick soon immerged from behind the van and smiled, catching her before walking over and taking her hands.
I sighed and looked down and then right back up in time for them to sneak a kiss, one that Anna was glad to sneak out of by laughing against him into a hug. Patrick's lips began to move and she brightly smiled before I noticed a slight tear roll down her cheeks a kiss awaiting the now happy Patrick. Biting my lip, I let my own tear slide down but jolted my attention forward as a warm thumb brushed it away and cupped my cheek, blocking vision from the happy couple.
"Hey, don't cry," I glanced up to see Pete smiling and fluttered my eyes closed as he leaned down and kissed me before shaking his head.
"I...I don't know what's so different from last time," I whispered and Pete shrugged.
"It's a longer tour, and...maybe this time around your closer to one of the members," I smirked and breathed out as Pete pushed my sunglasses up, my hair going with it. He shook his head and kissed my forehead once.
"Maybe," I agreed and he smirked.
"Is that it?" he asked and I giggled before wrapping my arms around his neck and hugging him, my legs stretching as I went up on my tippy toes to reach.
"I love you, Jenny," I blinked and observed from a few feet away as I heard the same thing slip out of Patrick's mouth, except to Anna. Those damned tears came back to my eyes and I blinked slowly before holding tighter.
"I love you too, P..." I paused for only a millisecond and gulped. "Pete," I whispered and he smiled before kissing my cheek and pulling back.
"So, November?" he asked as he started to walk backwards. I nodded and watched as his hands slipped out of my smaller ones and he continued to walk backwards.
"November," I echoed and he smiled before turning around slowly and running to the van, gripping Patrick's arm and dragging him along.
"Bye Jenny!" I couldn't tell who had screamed that, because by then I had turned around, tears already flooding down my face.
My front door slammed as I slid against it and brought my knees up slightly and rested my forehead against my kneecaps before screaming out, in frustration. My vision picked up and I gripped the doorknob to help me up before dragging myself to my bedroom where I glanced at the pictures behind my door. I looked straight into the eyes of my sister and bit my lip as I wiped the tears away.
"What do I do, Ashley?" I croaked and shook my head before plopping down onto my bed. The shock made the shelf above my bed rattle, causing a bulky book to fall and almost hit my head. It opened to one of the many autograph pages where I saw that familiar scribble of a signature right below three words.
Trust. Love. Hope. -Ashley xoxo
I swear on Ashley's grave, that every powerful negative emotion loves me. I sat there watching as they recorded a few new songs for this mini album. It was cold outside and I could feel the frost sitting a foot away from the window.
"Jenny," I turned my head to see Joe smiling and sitting next to me on the oversized couch. "What's up?" he asked and I leaned against him before breathing out.
"Just thinking," I mumbled and he raised an eyebrow.
"Bout what?" he asked and I shrugged.
"Life," I replied and blinked slowly again before coughing slightly. "And a lot of 'what if' scenarios," Joe smirked lightly and shook his head while playing with my little friendship bracelet.
"I think you've crushed Patrick's spirit," he whispered and I tilted my head up to look at his face.
"Huh?" I asked and he laughed at me.
"Pete? Come on, tell me it's a jealousy thing," I sighed and shrugged.
"It feels right, but...I don't know," Joe clicked his tongue and began to absent mindedly mess with my longer brown hair.
"Confusing to a lot of us, you know," I let out a short laugh.
"I'm sure Ashley has turned over in her grave," Joe laughed at that remark and shook his head as he calmed down.
"Maybe it's just going to be weird for a while," I nodded and he shifted slightly. "But I can't get over the fact that maybe he's doing this because, well," I raised an eyebrow and tilted my head back again.
"What?" I asked and Joe but his lip.
"Jenny, I mean, come on...he dated Ashley for the longest time, and then they had the roughest break up, and she died before he could even see her," My expression completely diminished.
"I never thought about it like that," I whispered and looked away. Joe groaned, upset with him self and cupped my cheek, bringing my face back.
"Hey, maybe that's not true, but...I'm just saying, don't get too attached, because we don't need our lives plagued by some bitch," he paused and lowered his voice. "Named Anna," I broke out into a smile before giggling slightly.
"Ok Joe," I mumbled and leaned against him again, continuing to watch the February snow fall lightly outside the window of the studio.
"Hey, that's my bitch your snuggling with," I laughed to myself as Pete came around and Joe grunted, my warmth leaving but replaced not a moment later.
"Bitch, ehh?" I asked, turning to him. Pete smirked and sighed, before shaking his head.
"I think a lot of people are freaking out about us," I smiled and nodded.
"I know," I whispered and he sighed again.
"What do you think, Jenny?" he asked and I shrugged.
"I think we're perfectly fine, and people are just..." Pete laughed.
"Jealous?" he asked and I nodded.
"They're just jealous," we stayed quiet for a while but Pete nudged me.
"Patrick's taking us out this weekend, all of us," I nodded and he played with my hair for a few seconds. "It's...it's a nice restaurant, so...do you have something?" he asked and I gulped.
"I think," I whispered and he shifted to lie down more, the sound of guitars strumming behind us.
"I'm kind of freaked out to know what he has stored up in that mind of his," I smirked and looked forward lazily before shrugging.
"Maybe Anna's pregnant," Pete chocked up and I laughed as he pretended to barf.
"Ah god, that's a disgusting thought," he commented.
"What's a disgusting thought?" we both turned to see Patrick with an eyebrow raised his hands lightly on the couch's back. Pete smiled and shook his head.
"If Jenny was the mother of my first born child," Patrick scrunched up his nose and nodded.
"That would be rather disgusting," I laughed as Pete lifted up a leg and attempted to whack him.
"Hey!" he yelled and Patrick laughed heartily before shaking his head and walking away. Pete settled down and snuggled closer, his cheek rubbing against my shoulder and a lazy smile appearing on his lips.
"I wanna go home," he mumbled like a five year old and I smirked before rubbing my fingers through the top of his head.
"Now we can't always have what we want, Peter,"
Oh, what an understatement.
----------
I shivered as Pete led me down the hill that was currently covered in light snow and watched as he let my hand go to walk down a few steps before reaching up to help me down.
"I don't know why he told us to meet him here," he mumbled to himself and I looked over at him as we walked through the powder.
"So who's this friend we're meeting, again?" I asked and Pete laughed.
"Our new roadie, he's so awesome," I raised an eyebrow and he shook his head. "Don't ask," I was about to respond when another person ripped me out of Pete's grasp and tackled me to the ground, my throat emitting a shrill yelp.
"Calm yourself, Jesus, Pete, you got a screamer!" I opened my eyes to see Pete laughing, bent over and pointing at my face. I turned back to the man and sighed, shaking my head.
"You must be the 'awesome' roadie," I muttered and he slightly got up, helping me to sit up.
"Yep, Dirty at your services," I raised an eyebrow and watched as Pete leaned to sit down next to us and smile.
"See, I told you he was awesome," he spoke and I laughed lightly as Dirty looked pleased.
"How kind of you, Peter!" he yelled and jumped him into a hug.
"Ahh! Get him off!" He yelled and I fell backwards in a heap of laughter before rolling in the snow and into the hug.
"Jenny sandwich!" Dirty yelled and I giggled and Pete laughed onto my neck and ear.
"Oh, next tour is going to be so much fun," I breathed and Pete hummed.
"Yes, it certainly will," Dirty burped openly next and I looked at him, bewildered.
"What? I'm Dirty," I smiled and shook my head.
----------
Stepping outside onto my front lawn I watched as the boys packed up that white van for the second time in a row.
"Summer tours are the best, it sucks that you can't come with us," I turned to see Andy messing with something on his cell phone before flipping it closed and turning to me, hands in hoodie pockets.
"Yeah," I mumbled and pushed my sunglasses further up my nose.
"But, I guess it's alright, just the boys this time around," I smirked and shook my head.
"Pete said something along the lines of a sausage fest," Andy laughed for a minute before crossing his arms and observing, just as I was doing.
"I'll be the vegetarian judge of that," I giggled to myself and let the chirping of birds fill the silence.
My eyes danced across the boys and it fell on Adi who had since in the last five minutes dragged Andy away, the two talking on and on about post tour happenings. Sighing, I let my vision drift to where Anna was standing, arms crossed and her oversized white sunglasses dominating her face. Patrick soon immerged from behind the van and smiled, catching her before walking over and taking her hands.
I sighed and looked down and then right back up in time for them to sneak a kiss, one that Anna was glad to sneak out of by laughing against him into a hug. Patrick's lips began to move and she brightly smiled before I noticed a slight tear roll down her cheeks a kiss awaiting the now happy Patrick. Biting my lip, I let my own tear slide down but jolted my attention forward as a warm thumb brushed it away and cupped my cheek, blocking vision from the happy couple.
"Hey, don't cry," I glanced up to see Pete smiling and fluttered my eyes closed as he leaned down and kissed me before shaking his head.
"I...I don't know what's so different from last time," I whispered and Pete shrugged.
"It's a longer tour, and...maybe this time around your closer to one of the members," I smirked and breathed out as Pete pushed my sunglasses up, my hair going with it. He shook his head and kissed my forehead once.
"Maybe," I agreed and he smirked.
"Is that it?" he asked and I giggled before wrapping my arms around his neck and hugging him, my legs stretching as I went up on my tippy toes to reach.
"I love you, Jenny," I blinked and observed from a few feet away as I heard the same thing slip out of Patrick's mouth, except to Anna. Those damned tears came back to my eyes and I blinked slowly before holding tighter.
"I love you too, P..." I paused for only a millisecond and gulped. "Pete," I whispered and he smiled before kissing my cheek and pulling back.
"So, November?" he asked as he started to walk backwards. I nodded and watched as his hands slipped out of my smaller ones and he continued to walk backwards.
"November," I echoed and he smiled before turning around slowly and running to the van, gripping Patrick's arm and dragging him along.
"Bye Jenny!" I couldn't tell who had screamed that, because by then I had turned around, tears already flooding down my face.
My front door slammed as I slid against it and brought my knees up slightly and rested my forehead against my kneecaps before screaming out, in frustration. My vision picked up and I gripped the doorknob to help me up before dragging myself to my bedroom where I glanced at the pictures behind my door. I looked straight into the eyes of my sister and bit my lip as I wiped the tears away.
"What do I do, Ashley?" I croaked and shook my head before plopping down onto my bed. The shock made the shelf above my bed rattle, causing a bulky book to fall and almost hit my head. It opened to one of the many autograph pages where I saw that familiar scribble of a signature right below three words.
Trust. Love. Hope. -Ashley xoxo
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