Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Wonderwall

They've got love to give, but they're afraid to let it in...

by getup_n_go 1 review

It's almost time!

Category: Panic! At The Disco - Rating: R - Genres: Angst, Drama, Romance - Warnings: [!!] - Published: 2006-09-25 - Updated: 2006-09-26 - 1386 words

Title: "Walking Behind" - The Moffatts

After four straight months of nothing but promotion and touring, Panic! was lucky enough to get a months break. Tinsley was very much on her final trimester and was glad to have her bed back. Ryan decided to move in with her and Hazel, to sort of help Tinsley whenever she needed it. Hazel and Tinsley's relationship was never the same after she left to be with Panic! and Hazel never let her forget that among their friends, she was nothing but a pregnant whore. It was an awful feeling for Tinsley, especially at such an emotion time in her life. She was crying almost everyday, most of the time for no reason at all and Ryan was becoming increasingly edgy, he was not into sitting around all day, cleaning and rubbing Tinsley's feet. He would of course always help her when she needed it, but he was beginning to feel a little constricted and knew that that feeling was only going to get much worse. He also kept going on websites, trying to learn about newborns and how to live with them and maintain a relationship and so far, the things he was reading were making it worse. There seemed to be no upside to non-married, unprepared pregnancies in kids his age.

He was sitting at his laptop learning that at Tinsley's stage of pregnancy, 7 and ½ months, his son (they were definitely having a boy) weighed about five and was about 15inches long, when he heard a dish smash in the kitchen. He jumped up and headed to the kitchen to find Holly and Tinsley giggling, Holly picking up the broken pieces of the plate off the floor.

"What happened?" he pressed, confused about their laughter. Tinsley turned around and saw the concern on Ryan's face and walked over to hug him tightly. Even though she knew it was getting to him, she always loved the constant loyalty and sincerity he showed.

"I just got startled. Feel," she said, picking up Ryan's hand and placing it over her belly, "he's kicking." She grinned up at him as she felt their son tap the inside of her uterus with his foot. Ryan stood with his hand on her, transfixed. It quickly dawned on him that there was actual life inside of this girl. He felt proud suddenly, not only of his girlfriend for giving him this gift, but of his future son, just for being alive. He looked up at Tinsley who was still grinning at him excitedly.

"I love you," he said to her before he even realized it was coming out. Tinsley smile faded from her face. He never even hinted to her that he had any kind of real loving emotion toward her the past 7 months, even though Brendon was constantly reassuring her of it, and she wasn't sure how to react. Ryan removed his hand from her belly and stared at the floor. Noticing the situation that was about to unfold, Holly carefully exited around them, going upstairs to join Spencer and Brent in whatever video game they were currently playing and of course, to gossip about what was happening in the kitchen.

"In seven months I haven't gotten even a hint from you that you love me, Ryan. You expect me to just say it back, too right?" Tinsley said, feeling defensive.
"I show you I love you everyday! Fuck! I'm here aren't I? If I didn't love you, I wouldn't be here rubbing your back, getting you things you need and reading about fucking babies and shit on the internet. I said it and I meant it, Tinsley. Trust me, I use those words carefully.

Tinsley stared into his brown eyes. She still wasn't sure and she wasn't going to tell him back until she knew for certain. She shook her head and slowly walked away from Ryan and sat on the couch. Ryan glared at her, feeling embarrassed about his decision to finally open up to her.

"Do us both a favor and forget I said anything. And if you want to see how much I don't love you, don't ask me for anything else," he said, his tone full of hurt. He stomped us the steps to where everyone else was, leaving Tinsley alone on the couch to think about what was happening.


Ryan slammed the door behind him, causing everyone in the den to jump.

"Shit, Ryan. Save the fucking pieces, kid," Brendon said, the noise barely distracting him from the game. Spencer eyed Ryan, knowing that face. He pressed pause and stood up to join his friend on the far couch.

"Wanna talk about it?" Spencer said, nudging Ryan in the arm. Ryan shrugged.

"I told her I loved her and she fucking accused me of not showing it, ever. I show her everyday how much I love her and my son. She just won't open up to anything from me unless it benefits her in some way. Who the fuck cares about my feelings," Ryan gushed. It felt good to be able to vent. Spencer pondered over the right words to say but nothing came to him. He wanted to tell his long time friend that everything was going to be okay, it was all going to end up fine. But he just wasn't sure of that, no one knew what to expect anymore. It was getting down to the wire and everyone was a little edgy.

"I can't even begin to know what you must be going through, man. All I know is that if it's meant to be, it'll be, right?" Spencer offered. It was the best he had. Even though it was an old cliché, Ryan pondered over that statement for a minute before nodding.

"If it's meant to be, it'll be. You're right. I guess I just should force it and just enjoy the fact that I'm going to be a dad soon." Spencer nodded approvingly, although it still seriously weirded him out hear Ryan say he was going to be a dad.

Ryan walked quietly down the stairs to see Tinsley asleep on the couch with her hands on her stomach. He smiled to himself. It made him melt inside to see the girl he loved and his son so close together. He walked up to the couch and sat down in front of where she was lying and placed his left hand on her belly. He left it there and felt his son kick a few times, truly dazzled by the event. He talked to his son quietly, he wanted to make sure that he knew his dad's voice and he wanted his son to be sure that no matter what, he was always going to be right there for him. He wasn't going to be like his father, he was going to be a better dad. Forgetting momentarily that he was touching someone, he leaned in a kissed his baby. He loved this boy already and It was going to be a long two months before he would finally be able to hold him.

Tinsley stirred, feeling commotion by her baby and opened her eyes to hear Ryan speaking softly to her belly.

"I love you so much. You can always count on me to be there for you. I need you to know that. No matter what, I'm on your side," he was saying. Tinsley couldn't help but get tearing at the event in front of her. It was so endearing and so true that she felt bed for telling Ryan that he was wrong.

"Honey," she managed to squeak out through her tired and tearful throat. Ryan stopped and pulled away from the baby. He inched up to be level with Tinsley's face. "I love you, too." She added softly. Ryan didn't wait for an alternate reaction to come to his head and simply leaned forward and kissed Tinsley on the lips. He reached his right hand back and gently ran his finger through her hair as she reached back and pulled him in for a deeper kiss. Tinsley stomach felt like it was doing repetitive back flips and she realized that it wasn't only from the feeling she was having for Ryan, but also these were her first "butterfly" contractions.
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