Categories > Cartoons > Family Guy

You Can't Have Those Happy Days Back

by PickleGarden 1 review

An alternate ending to The Father, The Son And The Holy Fonz.

Category: Family Guy - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Humor,Parody - Published: 2020-10-12 - 1815 words - Complete

After a long hiatus! I'm finally back!

Peter Griffin was getting ready for the day. This day was special, on account of he's going to give a sermon at his newly found church. This church he built worships the breakout character from Happy Days named Arthur Fonzerelli. Also known as The Fonz. Surprisingly lots of people gathered to come together to come to Peter's Church of The Fonz.

Francis came to the church as did Lois, Brian, Chris, Meg, and Stewie still stuck in a plastic bubble from being doused with tainted Holy Water. With good reason, Francis was outraged, "What in blazes is this! I thought you said we were going to church!" "This is church, Francis. A new church. Created by a man who was brave enough to follow his own vision." Lois said.

Peter takes his place at the podium. Dressed as a Priest. Brian and Stewie sneak out. "Come on, Stewie. I have a plan." Brian said. "Even though you didn't acknowledge I'm still Bubble Boy with Jake Gylenhaal?" spewed Stewie.

"Please rise," Peter orders his followers. "Now sit on it!" The followers sit back down. "The Fonz be with you," Peter preaches. "And also with you." said the followers. "Now let us, Ayyy!" Peter says. "AYYY!" said the followers. Watching from the audience, Lois said, "I can't believe people are buying this." "You're his wife. Do something to stop this!" Francis said.

Reading from his 'Bible' Peter spoke, "Yea, and did Fonzie downstairs cometh from his apartment above the garage and sayeth he, 'Reassembleth will I the pieces of my motorcycle though I suferreth from temporary blindness."

Reading some more from the 'Bible' Peter read, "And yea, for I am holy, befriendeth I will with Sticks Downy, the only black guy in Wisconsin. Amen!"

The followers says, "AMEN!"

Across the street, in a building, Brian's plan is in effect. "All right, Stewie. Start playing the stereo." Brian asks him. "Hope I can do it from this bubble!" said Stewie. Managing to press the button on the stereo. The song "Stars and Stripes Forever" plays at a deafening volume. The followers at the Church of The Fonz all scatter out of Peter's church to see what the music was coming from.

"Hey, get back here, everybody! What is fuck is going on?" Peter shouted in frustration. The followers from Peter's church all see the building from across the street. It was called "CHURCH OF CHACHI." "Hmm, what's Brian up to?" pondered Lois.

Brian who talks like a television salesman announces, "Folks! Come this way! Why worship The Fonz when you can worship an even better character from the show! Introducing The Church of Chachi!" Half of the followers stayed at Peter's church, while the other half went over to Brian's Church of Chachi.

Peter was beyond confused, "The hell?" "Don't worry, Peter. You still have some followers left!" Meg tries to reason with her father. "SHUT UP MEG! Who the hell started this Church of Chachi shit!" Peter ran over to the building that was now the Church of Chachi. "If I get my hands on this person who.....BRIAN!" Peter was astounded.

"Hey, leave! Nobody who believes in the Fonz is not allowed in the Church of Chachi!" Brian told Peter. "Yeah, what does Chachi do that was so special? Fonz jumped over a shark on water skis!" Peter challanged Brian.

"Chachi was The Fonz's cousin. Why are fans so ga-ga over The Fonz, anyway? Why doesn't anybody give Chachi any recognition? Right people!" Brian asks the crowd.

The crowd of followers clamoured, "Yeah" "He's right." "Fuck the Fonz." "Fonz is shit." "Chachi needs more attention."

"Hey, why are you guys buying into this Chachi shit? Why not come back over to my side?" asked Peter to the followers he had lost.

Brian stood with his arms crossed, "You know these people have a right to worship whoever they want to you know! Ever heard of Freedom of Expression?"

"Oh think you're so cool for starting this Church of Chachi! Tell me one thing, if Chachi was so great then why did his spin off only last a few episodes?" Peter said snidely.

"That doesn't matter. He's still better than your precious Fonzie!" Brian said. "Yeah well the Fonzie will always be the most popular character. Not to mention the break out character I may add!" Peter pointed out. "Chachi may be underrated, and characters like him need a popular fanbase too!" Brian fought back.

The followers that were still on Peter's side came over and soon both the Fonzie worshipers and Chachi followers were auguring.

"Here's an idea. I want to have a fight!" Peter said. "Oh you're on, pal!" Brian says. "Winner keeps his church, loser shuts downs his church forever!" Peter spits out.

"DEAL! Looks like you're daring me into a Seventh Seal scenario! You're on!" Brian said with anger.

"One side, Fonzie followers! The other side, Chachi followers!" Peter yells. Stewie witnesses all the chaos before him.

"Guess it's true what they say. Religion really is the cause of all the wars of the world." Stewie observes.


Lois, Francis, Chris, and Meg even watched the huge religious 'war' that was about to occur. "Oh my gosh. Someone is going to get killed out there!" Lois worries. "This is terrible! Will somebody please stop this!" Chris panicked. "Nah, let them murder each other." Francis says with glee. "But, why, Francis?" asks Lois. "So Peter can stop this blasphemy he calls a religion and get taught a valuable lesson from it." Francis says.

Meg was about to say something, "You know....." "Oh zip it, Meg! You don't even understand this shit!" Lois spouts off at her daughter.

Peter with his followers behind him ready to pound and plunder. "Fall in, Fonzie troops! On the count of three, I shall do my battle cry! One.....two.......AAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!"

The Fonzie followers all run into 'battle' by using Peter's battle cry, "AAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!" Brian with his Chachi followers behind him, he yells, "ATTACK!!!!!!" As Brian's Chachi followers run into battle as well.

A huge fight to the death was in the middle between the two 'churches'. One of the Chachi followers grabs Meg and shouted, "WE HAVE A PRISONER OF WAR!" "HHHEEELLLLPPP!" Meg screeched in fear.

Brian and Peter stare at each other in a spiteful manner. Francis walks up to both of them. "See where this has lead to? What you both did wasn't religion. It was gibberish nonsense!"

"All religions are gibberish nonsense! Don't you get it!" Brian tells Francis. "My Fonzie followers are going to kick the asses of your stupid Chachi followers!" Peter said to Brian.

Stewie decides to take a stand. "That's it. I've had enough of this Fonzie vs Chachi horse shit!" In his bubble, Stewie runs into the 'battle' where the Chachi and Fonzie followers were still beating one another senseless. In all a very violent and bloody fashion.

"This isn't a religious war. It's a fanboy war!" Brian said. "You're right Brian. What were we thinking! Its like if the Star Trek fans had a fight against the Star Wars fans." Peter observes. "We might as well be at the Comic Con." Brian said.

Using his bubble, Stewie rolls himself like a bowling ball that made all the 'followers' fall over and trip. Stewie then jumps into the sky and bounces himself in his bubble and bounced on the Fonzie and Chachi followers one by one like a ping pong ball.

The followers were all hit on the head by Stewie's bubble. Every one of them were walking away in a zombie like trance to go back home.

Meg was on the grass getting trampled on. Francis and Brian both give Peter a piece of their mind.

"See? If you would've followed along on my Catholicism. None of this would've happened." Francis scolded Peter. "Way to lay on the Catholic guilt, Dad." Peter said solomnely.

"What made you think that the Fonz would a religious symbol for you?" asked Brian.

"Well, when I first began to watch the show. It brought me so much joy and pleasure." Peter explains himself.

"And you wanted your own religion just so you can get back at your father." Brian said.

"Yeah, that's right, Brian. Not only that. I just wanted to relive and recapture the magic I had when I was watching my all time favorite sit com. I used to get so excited when Happy Days would come on. Just to see what the Fonz was up to every week!" Peter said.

"In other words, you just wanted to live in the past." Francis told him. Lois, Chris, and Stewie walk away. "Come on kids. Let's go.". Lois said. Chris demands, "Don't call us kids, we're teens!"

Meg was left behind and ignored, as she was embedded in the muddy grass. "The Fonz was my idol. He was everything I wanted to be but I couldn't. Even wanted Chris and Stewie to be like the Fonz so they can live vicariously through my dreams to have a family member who was like the great Arthur Fonzerelli. Was so sad when Happy Days had it's series finale and....." Peter trails off.

"Well, you've gotten into more and better shows since then." Brian said and then added on, "Hey, look on the bright side. It lasted over 10 years. Lasted longer than the actual 1950s." "That 70's Show lasted that long too. You liked that show." Francis said.

"Truth is, I hate Catholicism. It's so fucking strict. It's like you have to follow all their pointless rules or else you'll go to hell." Peter says. "Every religion is like that." Brian said.

"You're no better, Brian. You started that whole Chachi nonsense." Francis says. "I only did that to show Peter how much of a fool he was making of himself." said Brian.

"Well you succeeded. In fact. You embarrassed this whole town. It'll be all over the six o'clock news tonight. You can mark my words on that." Francis said walking off to join Lois, Chris, and Stewie.

Peter begins to feel bad about what he had done. And where it all lead to. "Dad's right. I was living in the past. Last time I start a religion based on a tv character."

"Don't sweat it Peter. Think the both of us can learn something from this." Brian assured Peter.

"Do you want to tear down those churches?" asked Peter.

"I think we ought to. In the meantime I just want you to know something." Brian said.

"What is that?" asks Peter.

Putting his paw on Peter's shoulder, Brian looks into his eyes and says, "You Can't Have Those Happy Days back!"

"I know buddy. At least it'll live on in reruns." Peter said. Brian and Peter both agree to tear down the Churches before going back home.

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