Categories > Cartoons > Family Guy

Plays and Cruise Lines

by PickleGarden 0 reviews

Peter has to perform a play. Brian and Stewie get their own cruise line.

Category: Family Guy - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Angst,Humor,Parody - Published: 2021-04-08 - 5616 words - Complete

In the kitchen of the Griffin family home. Peter this time around was making dinner. Peter was using eggs to bread chicken fillets that he was preparing. "Oh Peter. It is so sweet of you to offer to make dinner!" Lois complements. "Why thank you, Lois." Peter tells his wife. "Where did you learn how to use breadcrumbs like that?" Lois asks. "In Hell's Kitchen. Gordon Ramsey yelled at some dude for not breading chicken with eggs!" Peter answers. "You learned from the best! Be sure to fry that chicken afterwards." Lois said. "I shall do that, Lois!" Peter called out.

Setting the chicken fillets in the frying pan, Peter cooks them until they are brown on both sides. "Little do they know I used a secret ingredient!" Peter says in a sly tone. Once the steaks are done, Peter serves them to his family.

"Well, Peter. Let's hope you made some good steak here." said Brian. "Of course I did. Why wouldn't I?" asked Peter. "Just saying." Brian said. Stewie implies, "Knowing Peter he probably watched The Cook, The Thief His Wife and Her Lover." Lois calls Chris and Meg for dinner. "Kids, suppers ready!"

"Supper? Do people even say that anymore?" asked Meg. "Dinner. Supper. Whats the difference, bitch!" Chris told off his sister.

Gathering around the table. Everyone enjoyed Peter's chicken fillets. "Wow! Peter you outdid yourself with this one!" Brian exclaimed. "Why thank you, Brian." Peter says. "What did you use?" asked Meg. "Is it a secret family recipe?" asked Chris. "Yes. Please. Tell us your secret!" Lois said. A knock is heard at the door. Peter goes to answer it.

On the other side of the door was Joe Swanson. "Hey, Joe! Hey! That's a Jimi Hendrix song! Did you know that? Hey Joe!" Peter laughs. "Yeah, I knew it. I'm here because I want to ask you a question." Joe told Peter.

"Okay sure. You can ask me anything!" Peter implies.

"Have you been stealing eggs that were from exotic reptilia?" Joe asks Peter in suspicion.

"Why no. Where did you get such a crazy idea like that?" Peter asks.

Lois, Brian, Stewie, Chris, and Meg continued to eat their dinner. They paid no mind to the conversation Peter was having with Joe.

"I got lots of complaints from some alligator and python farms that somebody has been stealing eggs. Was that you?" Joe said.

"No it wasn't me Joe! Sheesh! Why can I always your number one prime suspect?" Peter asked in an annoyed tone.

Joe looks at the kitchen and sees some eggs in the garbage that was ready to be taken out. "A-ha! It was you! Wasn't it!"

"No no! I can explain! I'm just as much a victim as those reptile eggs!" Peter begs Joe.

"Don't deny it, Peter. You're innocent until proven guilty. You are proved guilty!" Joe shouts.

"I know how those eggs got there! Uhh, I was framed! I know who did it! There is a mysterious black guy out there that stole those eggs. Then he put the frame on me! Don't you ever watch Law and Order Special Victims Unit!" Peter says.

"Hands behind your back, Peter! You're under arrest for stealing exotic reptile eggs!" Joe arrests Peter.

"Don't worry Lois! I'm just headed over to the Drunken Clam." Peter called out. "Okay, Peter. Thanks for the chicken fillets." Lois called back.

Joe leads Peter into the police car to take him to jail.

Tomorrow had come. Peter was sitting in a jail cell waiting for his arrignment hearing. Back at the Griffin home, Lois was taking out the garbage and sees the broken egg shells. "Oh, so that was Peter's secret. He breaded the chicken with a special type of egg." Lois said.

After taking out the trash, Brian told Lois that Peter wasn't back from the Clam yet. Still had no idea he got arrested. "Have you seen Peter?" asked Brian. "No I haven't. Not since dinner yesterday." Lois says. "He hasn't even called. He couldn't be in the Clam overnight. Or perhaps he got called into work." Brian says.

"I think I discovered Peter's secret to that delicious chicken dinner he made." Lois tells Brian.

"Really? What did he use?" asked Brian.

"Probably your shit, Brian!" laughs Stewie.

"Shut up, Stewie!" Brian growls.

Lois holds an eggshell, "Do you have any idea what type of animal laid this egg?"

"Hmmm, possibly a goose." Brian said.

Stewie drags Brian into his bedroom. "Time for some extensive research." "Its always up to us to solves these mysteries! Like we're fucking Nero Wolfe!" Brian said in disgust.

Now in Stewie's bedroom. Stewie was trying to find out what type of egg it was.

"Did you find anything yet, Stewie?" Brian asks.

"Yes I did. The type of egg the Fatman used was from a python..." Stewie said.

"Oh I guess that's no big deal and....WHAT THE FUCK!" Brian turns his head as he screamed.

"PYTHON!" Brian and Stewie both screamed. "We ate a snake!" The dog and baby scream again.







Brian and Stewie continued to scream back and forth. Running around the bedroom.

"Now's the time to do your 90 second long vomit Brian!' Stewie tells him.

"I can't! Wish I could! Oh my gosh! Oh my fucking gosh! I can't believe we ate a fucking snake!" Brian cried.

"I know, Brian! I know! I'm never eating the Fatman's cooking again!' Stewie cries along with Brian.

The phone rings, Lois answers it. "Hello."

"Hey, Lois!" Peter said on the other end.

"Oh hey Peter. Why didn't you come back last night?" asked Lois.

"Uhh, just got called into work is all." Peter answers.

"Oh all right. Hope you can make dinner again. In fact. Why don't you?" suggested Lois.

"Yeah, sure Lois. I'll be home faster than you can say Greased Lightning!" Peter tells his Lois.

"OKay, see you later! Bye!" Lois said hanging up the phone.

Peter got a telephone yanked away from him by a guard. "Time for your arraignment, Mr. Griffin." The guard said leading him to the courtroom.

Before he knew it, Peter was before a judge.

"Just hope Lois doesn't find out the truth....." Peter said to himself.

"Stop talking to yourself, spazzoid!" a bailiff said as he jabbed Peter with a nightstick.


Judge Blackman was residing over Peter's arraignment. Going over the charges against him. "Mr. Griffin. You are here because you stole eggs from exotic reptiles and used them for cooking. How do you plead?"

"No guilty your honor!" Peter said.

"Mr. Griffin, don't you know it's a crime in the state of Quahog to use exotic reptiles for food and cooking?" asked Judge Blackman.

"I just wanted to kick it up a notch! BAM!" laughs Peter.

The people who in the courtroom laughed.

"This is no laughing matter, Mr. Griffin. I've dealt with more unfunnier people than you! Since this is your first offense in doing this...." Judge Blackman was about to continue.

"Please don't send me away judge! Don't send me to...Sing...Sing...Sing...Sing....." Peter begged.

"I'm warning you! Don't make me get a gag order on you!" Judge Blackman tries to give an ultimatum.

"Oh come on Judge! It's not like I made Chilled Monkey Brain!" Peter contends his word.

The people in the courtroom laughed once more.

"Enough of those tomfoolery! You're in enough trouble as it is!" Judge Blackman said.

"Ohhh." Peter moaned.

"Mr. Griffin, as I was saying this was your first time doing this crime. I sentence you to community service." Judge Blackman ordered.

"What are you going to make me do?" asked Peter.

"Well, you did some unsafe cooking with those reptile eggs you have stolen. So you are going to put on a play for children about Kitchen Safety. In fact, you are going to find three people do to the play with you. Might I add you and whoever you choose are going dress as the Ronald McDonald Gang! If you fail, you get five years in prison! Case dismissed!" Judge Blackman tells Peter.

As the Bailiffs were leading Peter out of the courtroom, Peter was saying, "Sheesh! Where am I going to find three people to star in this play I have to do?" The Bailiffs hit Peter with their nightsticks once more.


In the Griffin family home, Brian was walking to his Prius. Stewie was following him.

"Hey, Brian. Going somewhere?" asked the baby.

"I am. Would you like to come too?" asks Brian.

"Sure! I'd love to. Where are we going?" Stewie asked.

"Let's just get away for a while. We'll go to the Hotel Quahog on Route 66." Brian told him.

Brian goes into his car. Stewie is in the passenger seat.

"You know, Stewie. That whole thing about Peter using those python eggs for cooking was just totally disturbing." Brian tells Stewie.

"I know. Don't blame you there. In fact I spied on Peter. I was wondering why those eggs were green." said Stewie.

"Sure wasn't Green Eggs and Ham." Brian said.

"I wish I could've warned you." Stewie says. "It's alright if you didn't. Sometimes you just got to let Peter have his moments." Brian said.

It took 2 hours for Brian and Stewie to drive to the Hotel Quahog. Once they get settled into their rooms. They finally have peace.

"Ahhh, so good to be away from Peter." Brian says.

"Yes indeed. We'll hit the buffet later and get some real food." said Stewie.

"You're telling me. Food that's not cooked in reptile eggs!" Brian said.

Noises of people screaming were heard.

"What the deuce?" Stewie sounded astounded.

"Just ignore it. Probably just some married couple arguing." Brian assures.

"Well, I'll put a stop to this shit!" Stewie shouts. "Stewie no! It's not worth it!" Brian tries to lull Stewie back. Stewie ran outside and saw where the noise was coming from. There was a school bus that was unloading. Out came people who were in mental hospitals.

"My god! It's like One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest in our own back yard!" Stewie said.

"This was a mistake. New Hampshire isn't too far away from here." Brian suggested. Then Brian had a flashback to when he got invented to a meeting for his book at a pizza parlor.

"Do you remember when I got that award from the Rhode Island For Special Literary Excellence?" Brian asked Stewie.

"You bet I do. That was hilarious!" Stewie giggled.

"Seeing all these mental hospital patients reminded me of that fucking terrible day." Brian bemoaned. One of the mental patients runs up to Brian and shakes his hand. "Are you that Brian Griffin guy who wrote Faster Than The Speed of Love? I loved your book oh yes oh yes oh yes I did!" The mental patient was pulled away in a violent fashion by the men in the white suits.

"Too bad we can't send these guys away on a cruise ship and....." Stewie paused for a minute then goes on, "That's it!"

"What's it?" Brian asked. "This could be our fun subplot adventure Brian." Stewie said with glee.

"Where are you going with this?" Brian asks off the cuff. "A cruise line for mental hospital patients! We'll call it, PICA Cruise Lines!" Stewie speaks in excitement.

"PICA Cruise Lines?" Brian stared blankly in confusion. "Yes, or course. PICA stands for Psychiatric Intensive Care Association." Stewie explains.

"Okay, let's do it! PICA Cruise Lines it is! This way we could help those poor people and we can really make a difference." Brian said.

"Glad you're 'on board' with this Brian! Pretty soon you and I will be 'Out to Sea'". cracks up Stewie.

"How about we drop the boating puns, and try to find a boat in a junkyard. Wouldn't hurt to start out small." Brian says.

Brian and Stewie drive away from the Hotel Quahog. Now they were on their way to a junkyard trying to find a boat for their cruise line.

Stewie sings, "I can be like Kathy Lee Gifford! If They Can See Me Now! Out On This Fun Ship Cruise...."


At the Drunken Clam. Peter was saddened and anxious about the play he has to put on for his sentence.

"....if that wasn't bad enough. My sentence is to put on a play about Cooking Safety. And get this. I have to find three people to star in it and play roles as the Ronald McDonald Gang." Peter talks to his friends.

"You're lucky I was able to work things out with Judge Blackman for giving you the bare minimum." Joe assures Peter.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Where am I going to find three people to play the Ronald McDonald gang?" Peter asks out loud.

"Look no further. We can be the Ronald McDonald gang. I'll be the Hamburglar." Cleveland imposed. "Yeah, I can be Grimace." Joe offers. "I'll be Birdy. I would not mind playing the part of a female! Get it? Part of a female! Get it? Part of a female!" Quagmire said.

"Yeah, we get it Quagmire!" Joe said.

"We can have fun with this one!" Cleveland said.

"We'll we need a script. I'm pretty good at script writing. I was a script writer or Ron Jeremy." Quagmire said.

"Let's have some fun with it." Joe said. "We can make it be very violent." Cleveland laughs. "Kids love violence that's for sure!" Peter said. "Yeah, we'll make the Ronald McDonald Gang teach Cooking Safety and make them get killed one by one!" Quagmire said as he smiles evilly.

Peter loving the idea now has a gung ho attitude about it. "Gentlemen! We are going to put on a violent play about the Ronald McDonald gang meeting a deadly kitchen demise!"

"All right! I'll go write the script!" Quagmire said. "We'll rehearse the play in my garage." Joe said. "I'll get the costumes!" Cleveland said.

In a junkyard that was only three miles away from the Hotel Quahog. Brian was in a junkyard trying to look for something that looks like a ship. "Hmmm, there's gotta be a ship around here somewhere." Brian thinks to himself. Then he hears Stewie call him.


"You did? Where?" asked Brian.

Running to the sound of Stewie's voice. Brian sees Stewie standing next to an empty abandoned cruise ship.

"TA DA!" Stewie displayed proudly.

"Great work, Stewie. Never thought we'd find one so fast!" Brian said. "I know right! This is exactly what we need to get our show on the road!" Stewie said, "Or should I say, Show Boat!"

"You'd do anything to mention to a Broadway Musical out of the blue!" Brian says. "Well, come on! What are we waiting for?" Stewie said.

Going inside the ship, Brian hooks it up to the end of his Prius. Then he and Stewie go back to the Hotel Quahog.

"Now how do we get a mental patient's attention....." Brian pondered. "I know how. ATTENTION! ATTENTION! IF ANYONE HERE IN A MENTAL HOSPITAL PATIENT! COME OUT AT ONCE!"

All the mental patients clamoured outside to see Brian's and Stewie's cruise ship.

"You guys want more independent lives?" Brian asks.

"YEAH!" cheered the patients!

"Tired of people controlling you all the time?" Stewie asks.

"YEAH!" cheered the patients once more.

"Then come on over to PICA Cruise Lines!" Brian says.

The Hotel Quahog overlooked the Atlantic Ocean. So Brian backs his Prius into the water so the Cruise Ship can set sail.

"You don't even need to pay! Just come on over!" Stewie said.

The Mental Patients immediately boarded the cruise ship. "We got fun and games!" Brian said. "And all the stuff you were never allowed to do before!" Stewie announces.

Unhooking the Cruise ship from his Prius. The Cruise Ship was sailing. Stewie was steering the ship. Soon Brian and Stewie were stopped by a familiar looking woman who was a celebrity.


"Who is she?" asked Brian. "Oh come on! You don't know who that is? Are you that much of a fucking dumbass! That's Britney Spears!" Stewie shouted. "Oh now I see." says Brian. "Didn't have to be a dick about it." Brian muffled.


"Nope, I haven't a clue." Stewie tells her.

"IT'S BRITNEY BITCH!" Britney ran away in a screaming frenzy. "I STILL GOT IT! I STILL GOT IT! DADDY CAN'T GET ME NOW!"

"Guess you can say we pleased the #FreeBritney crowd!" Stewie exclaimed.


Rehearsing the play in Joe's garage. Peter, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire all glossed over the script Quagmire wrote.

"Not too bad right guys." Quagmire asked. "This is amazing Quagmire." Joe says. "Loving Every Minute of It! Loving Every Minute of It!" Peter sang giving his approval.

"I can see this is going to be a lot of fun!" Cleveland said. "OKay, let's get into our McDonalds gang costumes and rehearse this mother fucker!" Peter said.

The rehearsal lasted 3 hours. Peter, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire were having a load of fun with it. Now that they were done Peter gets a phone call. "Hello?" Peter answers the phone. On the other end it was Judge Blackman. "Mr. Griffin. You need to perform that play about Ronald McDonald teaching kids about Kitchen Safety...TODAY!" Peter gulped nervously, "OKay. We just got done practicing. Where will it be held?"

"At the Quahog Library. You better put on a good show. Or else! Goodbye!" Judge Blackman hung up the phone.

Peter goes to tell his friends. "Just got a call from the Judge. We have to perform right now. This minute."

"Then we're ready!" Joe says. Cleveland gets into the Peter's car. As do Joe, Peter who was driving and Quagmire.

On PICA Cruise Lines. Brian was faced with a huge responsibility as he tries to keep the mental patients entertained. Stewie didn't help. His excuse was that he had to steer the boat. Brian was playing a card gambling game with one of them in the game room. THe mental patient looked like John Candy and kept trying to place a hotel on Boardwalk Avenue on the game.

"Uhhh, 5 on red!" said the man.

"You don't have a 5 on red. That's a 10 on blue there." Brian tells the man.

"5 on red." the man said again.

"You don't have a 5 on red there." Brian again tells the man.

"5 on red," the man says once more.

"Dammit! Do you even know what you are playing? Sheesh!" Brain walks away in frustration then he runs into another mental patient who was a cannibal.

"Hello, Clarice, oops! Sorry I thought you were someone else." said the cannibal.

"Yeek! Staying away from you!" Brian tries to sneak away then the cannibal comes again.

"Would like to join me for dinner? I'm having liver and fava beans and a glass of....."

"FUCK OFF! Shit! Where the fuck is Stewie!" Brian stomps off. Brian finds Stewie in the captain's deck. "Stewie! You gotta help me! It is so hard to keep these people entertained."

"No problem Brian. I'll just put this on cruise control." Stewie said.

"Oh good. You know I thought this would be a good idea. Have these people get some freedom that have been taken away from them." Brian implied.

"Well, maybe they're used to their lives being locked up." Stewie implied.

Brian said, "These mental patients are driving me crazy!"

"Don't worry. Nothing like a little song and dance to keep these guys entertained." Stewie suggests.

"Uh, okay. Anything to keep these guys off me. One of them is a cannibal for fucking out loud!" Brian protested.

Stewie joins Brian in the game room.

"May we have your attention please!" Stewie tells the mental patients.

The mental patients all have their attention on Brian and Stewie.

"We are going to do for you. A dance. So enjoy!" Stewie tells them all. "Singing too!" Brian said. "And a 1 and a 2 and a.." Stewie begins.

Brian and Stewie both sing, "In the morning! In the evening! Ain't we insane! Not much money! Oh but honey! Ain't we insane! The cruise is great here and you have....."

The song came to a halt when one of the women patients screeched. "DID YOU JUST CALL US INSANE?"

"Uhhh, Yes." said Stewie. "It was just a joke. We were just doing a cover of a Doris Day song...." Brian tries to explain

"We find that offensive! Get them!" the woman ordered all the other mental patients to chase after Brian and Stewie.

"Geez Brian. You haven't learned your lesson with that whole thing you started on Twitter about the Ride Along sequel." Stewie said.

"You're the one who wanted to do this. So this is on you, pal!" Brian yelled. The mental patients continued to chase Brian and Stewie who went to hide in the captain's deck. Then the metal patients all ran around the boat in a circle until they were all tired out from running and went to sleep.

"Running away from metal hospital patients was easy." Stewie said. "You're right about that." Brain agrees.

The New Mayor of Quahog Wild Wild West was shown as he says, "Now, let's go see what Peter is up to....."


At the Quahog Library. Peter, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire were making preparations for their upcoming play. Children were in the audience. Elle, the librarian came to announce the play that was going to come.

"Okay children. Who wants to see a play about Ronald McDonald!" Elle announced. The children in the audience all cheer. "And here they are! Every one of them is here. Ronald, Grimace, Hamburgler, and Birdy! As they say, break a leg!" Elle laughs.

Peter dressed as Ronald McDonald introduced himself. "Hey kids! I'm Ronald McDonald."

"I'm Grimace!" Joe says in his Grimace costume.

"I'm the Hamburgler! Rubble Rubble!" Cleveland says in his Hamburglar costume.

"And I'm Birdy!" Quagmire says in his Birdy costume.

"Today we are going to learn how to be Safe In a Kitchen!" Peter says then takes out a kazoo and plays a down note and an up note.

"What the fuck was that for?" Quagmire whispers. "I don't know. Wasn't that how Ronald McDonald commercials usually start?" Peter whispers back. "Who cares? Does that matter!" asks Joe. "Let's just do the show!" Cleveland said.

"OKay kids! Ever wanted to know how a Happy Meal is made?" Peter asks the crowd of kids.


"All right now. What do you want to see made first?" Peter asked the kids.

"MILKSHAKES!" the kids screamed.

"Milkshakes it is! Birdy, get some cream." Peter said. "Sure thing, Ronald!" Quagmire gets the cream used for the milkshakes and it spills on the floor without them knowing. Cleveland as the Hamburgler pretends to slip on it.

"WOAH! YIKES! Going for a ride here! Rubble Rubble!" Cleveland shouted. Then Hamburgler falls into a freezer and the door closes shut.

The kids murmured.

"What just happened here kids?" Joe as Grimace asks.

"The cream for the milkshakes spilled on the floor!" a kid answers.

"Correct! You should never have a slippery floor when you're in the kitchen!" Peter said.

"Especially when you're making Happy Meals!" Quagmire says in a cheerful voice.

"We need a mop to wipe up this mess!" Peter said. Joe as Grimace got the mop. As Peter and Joe were mopping the mess. "I know I'll fly over this mess so I won't slip!" said Quagmire as Birdy who flies over the floor only to bump her head and fall into a deep fryer.

"HELP! HELP! HELP! RONALD! GET ME OUTTA HERE!" Quagmire shrieked as he played the part of Birdy. The kids grew concerned with what they had just seen. "Oh no." one of them says. "Are Birdy and Hamburglar going to be okay?" another kid asks.

Peter turns off the deep fryer Quagmire in his Birdy costume was in. Birdy was dead from the deep fryer.

"Oh my gosh! What a tragic accident." cries Joe. "I know. Birdy should've looked where she was going. Now she's Chicken McNuggets." Peter says. The kids grew terrified. "Guess we'll have to go without her." Peter said.
"Yep the show must go on!" Joe says.

"What do you want to see get made next kids?" Peter asks the kids. The kids were in stone faced shocked at what they had just seen. There were much more horrors to the play that were to come.

"Hamburgers I guess...." said a girl in a monotone voice

Walking over to the frying station where the hamburgers were made. Peter makes some burgers. "Now remember kids. Whenever you're frying food. Be sure to look out for a grease fire!"

The frying station had a fire emerging. Peter tries to put the fire out and fails to do so. The kids were terrified at the play that were seeing. Joe as Grimace gets his costume on fire.

OH! OH! OH! I'M ON FIRE! JUST LIKE THAT BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN SONG! HELP!" Joe screams. But none of them were hurt since it was all just an act.

The Grimace costume explodes. Inside was ketchup and fake body parts. The ketchup put the fire out. Peter as Ronald McDonald soon found himself wrapped in intestines.

"Ohhh, intestines all around me. Now remember kids the key is to....." Peter said.

A heart was heard pumping inside Peter's mouth. Then Peter takes out the fake heart and says, "Oh look! There's a heart in my mouth!"

"WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS THIS!" Elle yelled. "Uhh, a McDonalds play about Kitchen Safety?" Peter asked innocently. "You horrid man! Do not go any further with this!" Elle gruffs at Peter. "We haven't gotten to the best part yet." Peter tells her. "THIS PLAY MUST STOP NOW!" Elle screams at the terrors that Peter had brought upon the young impressionable minds. "Come on kids. We'll call your parents and ask them to take you home!" The kids were following Elle and crying as they were running out of the library.

"Well, guess my community service is over. Thanks so much for helping me with this!" Peter says. "Anytime Peter. What are friends for!" Quagmire said. "Glad we can help!" Cleveland says. "Guys, I think we gave those kids a double dose of reality!" laughs Joe.

"I know right! Think we ruined McDonalds for them forever!" Peter laughs. His cellphone rang. Peter answers it. Judge Blackman calls Peter once again.

"Did you do the play?" asked the judge. "I sure did." Peter said. "Good, your sentence has been suspended. Go home now!" Judge Blackman said as he hung up his phone on Peter.

"Guess I'm off the hook!" Peter said happily. "Thank God nobody knew it was us!" Quagmire said. "You bet then we'd really be in trouble!" Cleveland laughs.

Their laughed soon subsided as Lois walked into the library. Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire got out of their costumes. Peter did not.

"PETER GRIFFIN! There you are!" Lois practically hollered.

"Oh hi Lois!" Peter said in a nervous tone.

"You have five minutes to explain why you're in that Ronald McDonald costume!" Lois demands.

"Well, gotta go." Joe said. "Guess you're in trouble now! Sock it to me." Cleveland said. "See you in a month, Peter. That is if she grounds you!" Quagmire joked.

"Where were you all day? You were supposed to come home and make dinner!" Lois said.

Peter explains. "I got arrested and had to do community service."

"Oh my that's terrible. What was the charge?" asked Lois.

Peter confesses, "It's not an easy story to tell. You see. I was arrested for stealing python eggs. From a snake farm to be exact."

"OKay, what's next." Lois said with her arms crossed tapping her foot.

"I used those python eggs for our cooking!" Peter finally told Lois. "WHAT!" Lois gasped.

"You were eating python embryos this whole time dear." Peter said. "There I said it!"

Before Lois can talk anymore. She faints on the floor. Quagmire rushes in.

"Lois fainted? No way! Can I fuck her for five minutes at least? She'll never know!" Quagmire asked.

"No I wouldn't. If you want your ass kicked." Peter warns the pervert.

"Understood! Good night, Peter!" Quagmire walks out of the library. Lois fainting really delighted Peter. "Once Lois wakes up she'll forget I ever used python eggs!" Peter says. Carrying a fainted Lois out of the library.


The next morning. Brian and Stewie fell asleep along with the mental patients. They woke up before the menta patients did. Brian looked admiringly at the sunrise.

"Won't you look at that sunrise, Stewie." Brian told the baby.

"Quite indeed. What a beautiful Shutter Island morning!" Stewie jokes.

"What the fuck does that supposed to mean?" Brian said in anger. "Are you making fun of these poor people? If so who's offensive now huh?"

"I dunno. Just thought I'd do a mental hospital movie reference." Stewie said.

The mental patients were all waking up. Brian makes an announcement to them. "Hope you are enjoying yourselves here on PICA Cruise Lines. I know we got off to a bit of a bad start but..."

"The best is yet to come! You ain't seen nothing yet! Stewie told the mental patients.

One of the female patients says, "I hear an airplane! OH MY GOSH! I HEAR AN AIRPLANE!"

"I'm sure it's just an audio hallucination. That's common with some of you here. There are no plane flying over us." Brian tries to assure the patients.

"Oh yes there is! LOOK FOR YOURSELF!" The lady screams. Brian and Stewie look up in the sky. The lady was indeed right. A bomber plane was flying over the cruise ship.

"WHAT THE DEUCE!" Stewie screeched in fear. "By golly! That crazy lady was right. It's a World War 2 Bomber!" Brian yelled.

"World War 2 is still going on?" one of the male patients asked as he screamed. "No it's long over. It's the year 2021 now!" Brian said trying to calm everyone now. As the mental patients were now all in a heap of panic.

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! LOOSE LIP SINK SHIPS!" one of the patients yelled.

Up in the sky, there was Stewie's half brother Bertram playing the World War 2 Bomber. Bertram presses a button and bombs fall out. "BOMBS AWAY, ASSHOLES!" Bertram laughs evilly.

"ABANDON SHIP!" Brian and Stewie both scream. As they jump out of the cruise ship. The mental patients remain.

"Come on and jump!" Brian tells them. The mental patients soon meet their death as the bombs from the bomber plane dropped on the ship causing it to explode. The mental patients were all dead. Brian and Stewie survived. Bertram flies above them.

"No way! It can't be!" Brian says. "It is. Bertram!" Stewie said in shock. "Greetings, Stewie Griffin! I have returned!" Bertram said.

"Why did you do this?" Brian asked. "Simple really. I snuck into Stewie's time machine and went back in time to World War 2. I managed to steal this bomber plane. Bring it to the future so I can kill you guys!" Bertram explains his plan.

"Well you didn't succeed! In fact we're still alive. You killed mental hospital patients for crying out loud!" Stewie cries out. "I get it. You wanted us dead so you can be the first baby to take over the world!" Brian says.

"Correct. You catch on quick there. I may have not killed you. I just wanted you both to see who's boss! Now I gotta go! Until next time, Stewie!" Bertram laughs as he flies away in the bomber plane.

"Next time, hey? Well I accept that!" Brian said. "I do too! When he comes back. We'll be ready!" Stewie says swearing revenge.

"After all what we did to him. I guess we wanted to get back at us." Brian said. "Yeah I know. We shall learn from this experience and come back stronger to get him!" Stewie said.

Looking around at the damage and dead bodies of mental patients. Brian says, "At least they're free now. Nobody can control their lives anymore."

"This didn't go over too well. Did it?" asked Stewie. "I know. They were so used to their lives at the mental hospital they did not like anyone to take that away from them." Brian said.

"Never thought of it that way. Now that I think about it. We were actually trying to control them in our own way." Stewie sees the light.

"Nothing else to do but go home." Brian said. "Good thing the cruise ship had a life preverser." Stewie said.

Brian and Stewie use the life preserver to swim back home.

"Want to know what this reminds me of, Brian?"

"What Stewie?"

"Us swimming like this." Stewie asked.

"What does it remind you of?" Brian asked.

"The end of those Misterjaw cartoons. When Misterjaw would always tell off Catfish." Stewie answers.

Brian laughs, "Oh yes! Misterjaw! GOTCHA! Peter watches those on youtube.

"Misterjaw was part of Pink Panther!" Stewie says. Brian said, "Oh yes. That's true. Peter thinks that cartoon is called Gotcha The Shark!!"

"I tell you this, Brian. Someday. I will destroy Bertram and I will take my rightful place as ruler of the world!" Stewie said.

"And I'll help you in any way I can!" Brian says.

Stewie and Brian finally made it to shore. Stewie was tired so he fell asleep. Brian picks up Stewie and puts him in his Prius and they both head home.

Sign up to rate and review this story