FicWad

Their Virtues We Write in Water (while we recall well anything done to harm us, we forget quickly the good others do)
California, October 2014, Fall
As soon as they were parked on the street outside their building, Tweek ripped off his seatbelt, wrenched open the door and threw himself out of the car. Craig stumbled out after him, hurrying to follow him towards the front door.
‘Tweek, Tweek! Wait! Talk to me, please!’
He found Tweek pacing their living room, nervously tugging at his hair. He looked up as Craig entered and stood static, taking a deep breath.
‘Ok. You really want to know what’s going on in my head, Craig?’
‘I really do. Please.’
Tweek sighed. “Ok. Look. I’ll try and get it out and make it sound rational.’
Craig nodded and gently sat on the edge of the couch. ‘Ok. Thank you. Wil you sit with me?’
‘Not right this second. Maybe in a bit.’
‘I understand.’
Tweek sighed, pulling at the edges of his oversized sweatshirt. He didn’t make eye contact with Craig as he spoke.
‘Look. Craig. Of course I don’t want to be your only friend. I never have. But I thought I’d always be your best friend and I don’t feel like I am anymore. I’m so glad Tricia is back in your life. Our life. But it still hurts when you call her with news before you call me, even if I do have a meeting or something.”
He finally looked straight at Craig, his eyes splintered with painful tears. Tweek saw his own sad expression mirrored on Craig’s face.
“And you tried calling me once yesterday and then gave up. You thought I’d had the meeting. You knew how scared I was. Why didn’t you try harder, Craig?”
“Tweek -”
Tweek raised a hand to stop him, his throat painfully tight. When he spoke again it was strangled.
“Craig. Why weren’t you firmer with that guy tonight? Blake?”
“Because - I didn’t want to be rude and shut him down.”
Tweek shook his head sadly. “Look, if you want to sleep with other people I understand. God, I would if I were you. Just look at me. But I thought if you did you’d talk to me about it.”
“Tweek, I didn’t mean it like that. Of course I wanted to shut him down, but not in front of everyone. I didn’t want to make a scene and make it awkward for everyone.”
Tweek gasped with a sudden sob of grief that shook his chest. “But it was ok to dump me for a year and completely ignore that I was still alive?”
“What? Tweek. That isn’t fair.”
“No, Craig. Maybe it isn’t fair. But we don’t talk about that, do we? We never have. Do you really think I ever got over it? I mean, deep down?”
“Tweek, I had to do it. Or, I thought I had to at the time. I was a mess. I’m sorry.”
“I understood why you did it. But it didn’t make it ok. I could never do that to you. I couldn’t even think about it.”
“Tweek, I’m sorry -”
“You’d shown me that if things get too hard you just turn your back on me. Ever since my parents died, I’ve been terrified that you’d get sick of me being sad and just walk out again.”
“I could never do that -”
“How could I know that, Craig?”
“Because that was my pain, not yours. I wouldn’t leave you when you were sad. I wouldn’t leave you, period.”
‘Ok, well I don’t know that. It’s not like this has just come out of nowhere.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I’ve been spiralling for months. Not that you’ve have noticed’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘You didn’t answer your phone when the Dean called me in and then couldn’t see me.’
The words sounded childish as soon as they were out of his mouth. Craig put his head on the side, looking bewildered.
‘Wait. Is that what this is all about? That you don’t really trust me?’
Suddenly the panic exploded in him and the words were out before he could stop them.
‘I don’t trust you not to dump me again because things got hard!’
The silence stretched between them. Tweek felt his throat tighten with the threat of renewed sobs. Craig reached out to him but he pulled away.
‘Tweek - I’
“Look. I know you’ve explained to me why you dumped me. I know why you did it. I just never understood why you thought it was the best thing for either of us.’
‘I’m sorry ¬-’
‘I know that it isn’t fair to bring it up. I know that. But no matter what I do, I still just can’t understand why you did it. It’s why I just ignore it.”
‘Tweek, I know that it was the wrong thing to do. I know that. But I had no home, no future, no one -’
‘You had me. Or, at least you could have had me if you’d still wanted me.’
‘I always wanted you.’
‘Craig, how would it feel if I had dumped you after my parents died? Even if I told you that it was because I was too sad, and I didn’t want you to have to deal with it? Plot twist – I am incredibly sad, and I don’t want you to have to deal with it. But I’m not doing that, because I don’t want to break up with you. I don’t want to do that to you. I love you.’
‘I know you love me, Tweek. But that’s different to what happened -’
‘How is it different? It’s not like it was a random car crash or something. They were murdered for being drug dealers. They were supplying a whole town with meth.’
‘I know they were, Tweek. I’ve tried so many times to get you to talk about it -’
‘What even is there to talk about? What do you want me to say?’
Craig shakily stood up. Tweek stopped pacing and faced him, raising his chin to look Craig in the eye.
‘Tweek, honey, I don’t know what I want you to say! I just want to know what’s going on with you! It’s not healthy to just clam up and not talk to anyone! You don’t have to talk to me, but you need to talk to someone -’
‘Who else would I talk to?!’
‘I don’t know. A professional?’
Tweek sighed and sat on the edge of the sofa. He buried his face in his hands. ‘We’ve talked about this. I would if it was something we could afford. It’s like your tooth. Basic insurance doesn’t cover it because they don’t see it as essential. I’m not saying that to make you feel bad, but it’s true.’
‘But we could do something to -’
‘If I lose my scholarship, which is seeming more and more likely, I’ll have to add even more to my student loan. It’s just not an option.’
‘But if you need help, we can do something. I don’t know what, but if we talk about this, we can figure it out. But you won’t talk to me.’
Tweek heard an angry little laugh slip out as he looked up at Craig where he stood in the middle of the living room.
‘Craig. Honey. I tried to talk to you. I tried to get hold of you yesterday. I tried to get hold of you when the Dean had to reschedule weeks ago. But you didn’t seem to give a fuck at that point. I really thought you might have wanted to tell me about your GED results. I thought you might have wanted to see how I was doing.’
‘Tweek, I -’
‘Look, Craig, I know this is shit for you. I’m sorry I’m such a misery guts right now. But I’m not trying to be. I’m trying to get better, even if it’s a lot. But maybe this is just something that I need to get through naturally. Am I not allowed to grieve? And even if I went to a therapist, what would they do?’
‘They could help you talk through everything you’ve been through. They could give you ways of dealing with this better than -’
‘Craig, you’re talking an awfully big game for someone who never went to therapy for any of your shit either. I know it’s not your fault and the stuff you tried sucked, but it’s still hypocritical. Okay? And you’re being awfully judgemental about me not wanting to talk about what I’m dealing with when you literally wouldn’t speak to me for an entire fucking year.’
For a few moments Craig stared at him.
‘Ouch. Well, ok then. I guess you’re right.’
Tweek shrugged.
‘Well, what can we do? What if we both go to therapy? Together?’
Tweek sighed.
‘Look, Craig. Apart from the expenses we just talked about, it just seems retraumatising at this point. And that’s even if we could afford it, which to reiterate yet again - we can’t. And I don’t want some stranger making condescending noises and judging my parents. Just the thought of it makes me want to clam up and never talk to anyone ever again.’
Craig’s expression softened. He moved to sit on the edge of the sofa. Tweek turned away from him to face out of the window at the street.
‘Tweek, I know it’s really scary. But it would help us. Would it not be worth it for that?’
Tweek shook his head angrily. ‘I know what they did was wrong. Craig, I’m actually not deluded even if you think I am.’
Craig frowned. ‘Look, I know this sucks. But if it’s stopping you from moving on I can’t just let you do it.’
‘You’re not letting me do a damn thing.’
Craig stood up again.
‘Tweek, this is enough now, ok? Look. I’ve left you to rot for months because I thought it was the best thing to do. I wanted to give you space to heal. But the truth is, I don’t actually think you’re healing at all.
Tweek turned to glare at Craig. ‘Hey, I -’
‘No, Tweek. Listen. Please.’
Reluctantly, Tweek scowled but slowly nodded, his expression set as Craig went on.
‘Look, has it ever occurred to you that maybe you’re not actually appreciating the gravity of this? Maybe you’re just not facing this head on and it’s stopping you from moving forward?’
‘Craig, I don’t -’
‘Ok, look. I spent ages trying to convince myself that my parents were ok people because it hurt less somehow. Even though I was freezing in a trailer with a bunch of my bones broken when I was fucking sixteen years old. I told myself that it was just the time they grew up in. It was normal to my dad to hate gays and beat your kids. I tried to tell myself that so I could have a relationship with him again someday, or at least think of him peacefully. It’s a normal response, but that doesn’t mean it’s right.’
‘Craig -’
“Tweek. I get why you’re doing this, ok, I really do. But it isn’t helping you process this properly and that’s why you’re stuck here.’
‘I don’t -’
“What do you want me to say, Tweek? I know it’s hard for you. Trust me, I know. But you need to think about it rationally. I mean really, what they did was unjustifiable, and if it was anyone else, you’d agree with me in a second. Tweek, they must have sold it to so many addicts. What if they sold it to kids? Someone with hungry kids who spent their money on drugs instead of feeding their kids or buying them shoes? It fucking happens! Someone who was pregnant?
Tweek’s eyes were wide, his jaw set as he stared at Craig.
‘Tweek. The real difference here is that I grew out it. I figured out it wasn’t helping me, and I stopped deluding myself into thinking my parents were good people.”
Tweek’s face, set with stubborn anger just a fraction of a second previously, suddenly lost all colour as he looked away from Craig. He blinked slowly as he stared into space.
Craig instantly knew he had gone too far and desperately tried to backtrack.
Tweek felt the breath go out of his lungs. From the look on Craig’s face, Tweek knew he knew had crossed a line. Craig sniffed hard as he stepped towards Tweek, reaching his arms out to him as he stumbled over his apology.
“Tweek, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean that -”
He tried to reach out to him, but Tweek shook his head and raised his hands, his expression totally blank. He glanced at Craig and gave a little half shrug that broke Craig’s heart.
“No, you’re right. It’s ok.” He spoke slowly, his voice as utterly void of emotion as his face.
“Fuck. Tweek. I’m so sorry. I - I didn’t really mean that. It was out of line. You’re processing this as best you can. I can see how much pain you’re in.
Tweek shook his head, his voice flat. ‘Don’t even worry about it.’
‘Look, let’s just go to bed. I think we both need cuddles. We’re both tired and upset and irrational. Please.”
Tweek shook his head stubbornly. “No, you’re right. It’s not like you didn’t say anything I haven’t been thinking.”
“Tweek -”
Tweek stood up, brushing away Craig’s hands as he tried to reach out to him. “No. I have to – I have to get out of here. I’m sorry. I promise I’ll stay safe, and I’ll be home tonight. But I can’t stay here.”
‘Tweek -’
‘Please don’t stop me.’
“Tweek -”
“I’m sorry, Craig. I can’t stay here.”
Tweek shook his head as he grabbed the keys from the table, stumbling towards the front door. He didn’t look back at Craig as he left him behind.

He drove around the empty streets of Pasadena for around an hour, chain smoking through the window. His brain was on autopilot, the details of the argument playing and rewinding over and over again in his mind’s eye. It was an absolute shock when he realised he had pulled up next to the tutor’s office on campus.
At least you didn’t get in a car wreck on the way here, I guess. You could have killed someone. Fucking dumbass. Fucking dumb fatass.
Turning off the engine, he saw a series of messages from Craig on his phone blinking in the darkness. Sighing, he unlocked his phone and read them.
Tweek, I’m so sorry. Please come home.
Tweek, are you ok?
Please text me when you get this.
Please tell me you’re safe.
Holding his cigarette between his lips, he typed out a reply.
Hey, I’m safe. Just at work. I’ll be home before long. Don’t feel you have to wait up for me. I won’t wake you up when I come in. I’m sorry too. We can talk in the morning x
He saw the bubble next to Craig’s name instantly pop up with the three dots to signify he was typing.
OK. Thank you. I’ll sleep on the couch if you want.
No, it’s fine.
He paused before adding to the message. I love you so much, Craig.
Craig’s relieved response came through within seconds. I love you too, Tweek :) xxx
Tweek took a huge breath as he tried to speak kindly to himself.
Ok. It’s ok. It’s all going to be ok. This isn’t a breakup. You’re just feeling really stressed and it just came to a head tonight. Craig loves you. He’s suggesting really rational things to work through these challenges.
That cruel little voice in his head piped up again.
Just because you had a few texts doesn’t mean this is sorted. There might not actually be any coming back from this. I mean, come on. Be realistic. What if this is actually the beginning of the end? Are you really thick enough that you can’t see that’s probably what’s happening?
Tweek rubbed the heels of his hands against his eyes, stinging with sickness and smoke and dirty cold city air and something that had long surpassed exhaustion. He knew the cruel voice in his head wasn’t reality, but it always seemed so real.
With a heavy sigh, he unbuckled his seatbelt and stepped out of the car, gently shutting the door behind him. If he just did an hour or two of study he knew it would help calm him down. He knew it wasn’t the best coping mechanism available but it was the healthiest one he had. His thoughts were of Craig alone in bed as he crossed the campus green towards the physics building.
As the old lift rattled into view, he tried to rationalise his racing thoughts.
Ok. So if we play worst case scenario for a moment? Maybe you’ll lose the scholarship. Would that be the worst thing in the world?
Is that more important than Craig?
No. Of course not.
He shook his head slightly to himself as he stepped into the lift and pressed the button for his floor.
But you’ve worked so hard. And it’s not like you can control what Craig wants anyway.
Maybe once you’ve talked to Craig.
Yeah. Make a study plan. Figure out what you need to do, and do your best. But if you lose your scholarship, you lose your scholarship. You need to fix your mental health.
The doubts were starting to creep in again. He shoved them to the back of his mind and continued his internal pep talk.
Do this now. Get your thoughts in order. Then go home to Craig. Have a good night’s sleep. Let him cuddle you til you feel better. Clearly you’re not well and need to look after yourself. Talk through all these issues in the morning.
He felt himself smiling at these thoughts. It all felt so doable.
He reached for his keys in the pocket of his jacket, smiling as he felt his fingers closing around the little guinea pig keyring he’d had on there since high school. Suddenly the cruel voice of doubt hissed into his internal ear again. This time he couldn’t stop it.
You bought that to cheer yourself up when Craig dumped your ass for a whole year because it was too much. Remember that?? Remember?! You’re pathetic. And you’re deluded if you think he’s not about to do it again. He just wants you home safe so he can dump you there and not feel bad about it if you drive off the road or something.
Tweek forced himself to take a deep breath as he slipped the key to the office into the lock. He twisted it, but found no resistance. Frowning, he pushed open the door.
Who else would be here at midnight on a Saturday?
It took a moment for his eyes to adjust as he stepped inside. The small office only had space for ten tutors. It was dark except for a light at the end of the room. A desk lamp, illuminating a sole occupier. They slowly, calmly turned around as the door opened.
Tweek recognised the dark red hair, dull in the poor light. It was Sam.
Tweek offered a sheepish smile of apology. ‘Hey, sorry, Sam. I didn’t mean to startle you. I didn’t think there would be anybody here.’
‘Tweek. Hey.’ Sam smiled at him but it didn’t meet his wide, wild eyes.
‘Hey. Sorry, I can leave you to it.’
‘Nah, it’s fine. What are you doing here so late?’
‘It’s a long story. I could technically ask you the same, ha.’
‘Mmm. Anyway, how did it go with Moran?’
‘Loaded question.’
‘Ah, I see. Long stories and loaded questions.
He gave a longer smile which Tweek forced himself to return as Sam asked his next question.
‘So, did you lose your scholarship?’
Tweek looked at him for a second, then shook his head.
‘Nah. I mean, I have to bring my grades up to an A+ average this term but I’m confident I can do it.’
Sam gave a little chuckle that was harsher than it needed to be. ‘You’re confident of that, huh? That’s impressive, I guess.’
‘I am, yeah. Anyway, I’m trying really hard not to get too worried about it. If I lose it, I lose it. I can’t control it completely. I can just do my best, you know?’
He moved to sit at his own desk as Sam shook his head dismissively.
‘Tweek, come on. That’s loser talk. Like, for fuck sake. You think you’ll ever get a job if you literally lost a scholarship?’
Tweek forced another smile. ‘How would people know?’
Sam laughed. ‘You think the Caltech physics community is that big? Especially the one where people have scholarships?’
‘I mean, I -’
‘Look, if you never had one that’s ok, you’re just average. But to be that much of a failure? I mean, actively?’
Tweek frowned and shook his head. ‘Look, I get that, but my parents died in really horrendous circumstances. Surely that has to count for something.’
Sam shrugged and made a little gesture with his hands. ‘Yeah. Maybe it does. Or maybe people will just see it as you making excuses. We all have shit to deal with, you know? Most of us don’t lose our scholarships’
‘Mm, I guess.’ Tweek pulled his notebook out of his bag and opened it, trying to avoid eye contact with Sam as he tried to push aside the feelings of inadequacy that were threatening him again. He tried to focus on his surroundings. Dimly he began to notice a sharp chemical scent in the air, one that was all too familiar and filled him with dread.
As he clicked open a pen and started trying to make a list of work to do, Sam didn’t stop his interrogation.
‘Look, not to be rude, Tweek, but I wouldn’t be that confident if I were you. For one thing, you high key look like absolute shit.’
Tweek laughed softly. ‘Well. How could that possibly be rude?’
‘No really, dude, you don’t look well at all. What’s wrong?’
Tweek shook his head. ‘I don’t know. And it’s really not your business.’
‘Hey, calm down. I’m trying to help you out here. There’s a flu going around. Is it that?’
Tweek shrugged.
Sam raised his eyebrows, getting up and walking over to Tweek. He sat down on the edge of the desk. ‘I had it for a bit, you know. But I got over it really quickly. I can tell you how if you want.’
Tweek shook his head, turning back to his desk. ‘I’ll be ok. Thanks. I should do some work.’
He pulled out his headphones from his bag and pressed the button to turn them on.
Movement out of the corner of his eye demanded his attention. When he looked up, he was shocked to see Sam was pulling a glass Pyrex pipe from his pocket. Sam caught his eye and smirked.
‘Yeah, I thought you already knew, even if you’re trying to play dumb, Tweek. I certainly haven’t forgotten our conversation, even if you want to pretend you did.’
‘I don’t -’
‘You know that it’s made from flu medication, right? It’s why it’s so cheap. And that’s why it’s so popular. Honestly, if you think half of us at the top schools aren’t doing it then you’re deluded. How do you think we keep up with the workload?’
‘I didn’t -’
‘Your grades are shit, Tweek. And it’s not like I saw you in here studying hard today. To be totally honest, I think you know it’s not good enough. And you’re definitely not doing enough to fix that. Surely you know that too.’
Tweek shook his head, feeling himself approaching the brink of tears. Fuck, get a grip.
‘Sam. Why are you pressuring me like this? Why can’t you leave me alone?’
Sam gave a little laugh, shaking his head slightly as he leaned back in his chair. ‘Well, there’s a few reasons. First of all, it makes the rest of us look bad if one of the other tutors loses their scholarship. Second of all, it’s good for my relationship with my guy if I can get him another client. Oh, and third, if you want to suck me off for it you can.’
Tweek blinked in shock. ‘What the fuck, Sam?’
‘Just testing your reaction.’
‘No.’
‘How’s that scholarship of yours looking? Huh? Are you prepared to lose that?’
‘Sam -’
‘What’s your grade point average at the moment?’
‘No.’
‘If you’re saying no for your boyfriend, that’s just stupid.’
‘Huh?’
‘Tweek. Take it from someone who knows. Sophomore year I stopped doing meth for my boyfriend’s sake. He was the one who got me onto it originally, though. Ironic, huh?’
‘Your boyfriend?’
‘Yeah, my boyfriend. Well, ex-boyfriend. Grow up Tweek. I know you’ve got this disgustingly wholesome ‘I’ve only ever been with my high school sweetheart’ thing going on, but you should know meth use is a huge thing for gay communities in the city. I know you just came from a little redneck Midwest town where all the country bumpkins do it to get through the day-to-day boredom of their pointless nowhere lives, but you’re hardly going to escape it here either. People take it so they can work hard and play hard. Excel in their career even though they spent the night partying and fucking all the hot guys around here.’
His eyes roved over Tweek’s body and smirked.
‘Well, most of them are hot.’
Tweek impulsively crossed his arms over his stomach, shaking his head. ‘Sam, I’m sorry that happened to you. But -’
‘Look, the point is, I stopped for him because he wanted to get clean. So, I stopped and it was ok, even if my grades dropped. But it didn’t stop him from dumping me anyway.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t be. While we’re on the topic, it’s also pretty juvenile that you don’t have any experience. My point being you shouldn’t be sacrificing your future for the sake of some Midwest boy that you’re very unlikely to actually be with forever.’
Oh, you can fuck right off.
Tweek frowned at Sam as he spoke again, his annoyance making his voice stronger, lower.
‘Ok, first of all, we’re not from the Midwest. We’re from Colorado. Ok? And second of all, don’t talk about Craig like that. I don’t care what you say. I love him. I respect him. And he trusts me.’
Sam looked, if it were possible, even smugger as he raised his eyebrows. ‘Oh, so there’s trust. There’s always trust. The truth is, Tweek, that doesn’t mean as much as you think it does.’
‘It does.’
‘So, bit of a Freudian slip there. You said you love him and you respect him. But you said he trusts you. That’s cute, I guess. But do you trust him?’
‘I -’
‘He’s always made you feel safe and appreciated? He’s always felt like someone you could depend on?’
‘He -’
His breath caught in his throat as he watched Sam fiddle with the pipe.
The breakup, not three years ago.
Blake, not three hours ago.
He wanted to break down and sob like a child. He wanted Craig.
Sam looked up at him as he pulled a lighter out of his pocket. A red Bic lighter, like Tweek had shared with Holly and Lucy at the party. It already felt like a lifetime had passed as Sam spoke again.
“I could always tell, Tweek. I can spot another addict from across the street. You were on it for a long time, weren’t you? Courtesy of Mom and Pop?”
Tweek paused.
‘Remind me how long?’ Sam pressed.
“Fifteen years,” Tweek breathed, so softly he was scarcely sure he had spoken. Sam looked genuinely shocked for a moment, his weathered face tensing and his sunken eyes briefly animating. Then he reverted to his ordinary expression, a twitching, deep sad weariness tinged with malice. Tweek knew that was how he looked to others too.
“Fifteen years. So you really were a proper kid. Fuck, man. That’s heavy.”
Tweek bit his lip, staring at the coffee-stained carpet in the tutors’ office. He shrugged; hands still buried in his pockets.
‘What I’m hearing, though, is that you were using when you got into Caltech. You were using when you got the scholarship, and when you got to this point. You need meth to perform to the level you need to keep your scholarship. You’re already addicted. No wonder you look so dead now.’
Tweek didn’t make eye contact with Sam as he slowly shook his head. He knew it didn’t convey the same conviction. Suddenly all he wanted was to lie down and sleep for millennia.
Sam was still talking.
‘Look. Tweek. I’m offering you a chance to get your shitty grades up and keep your scholarship. You’re not going to get that again. You can think of me as a jerk if you want, but you’re already an addict. You’re in withdrawal, and truthfully, I don’t see you trying to actually get clean. If you really wanted to detox, and do it properly, you would have by now.’
Sam leaned forward over the desk, facing Tweek. Reluctantly Tweek looked up and met his eyes.
‘Listen to me, Tweek. You want this. I can see it in your eyes.’
‘Sam -’
‘This would just be bringing things back to normal, like they were for you before.’
Back to normal.
Wordlessly, without taking his eyes from Tweek’s, Sam flicked the lighter under the base of the pipe. Tweek watched as the discoloured liquid in the bottom bubbled and Sam inhaled the smoke. For a few seconds all was silent but the ticking of the cheap plastic clock above the door. Tweek thought of the cuckoo clock at home. He didn’t want to think about how late it was getting. He didn’t want to think about Craig at home.
Tweek thought of life before his parents died. Sure, he had a lot of anxiety. He hadn’t opened up to anyone other than Craig since his high school friends had ditched them. But he had his academic success. And no matter what history they may have had, he had his life with Craig. Maybe he couldn’t get that back again. Maybe it was impossible. But he could get his grades up. He could perform well enough to keep his scholarship.
You’ve probably already fucked it with Craig. It’s a miracle it took you this long.
You need to have the grades.
You might be a loser with no friends and no family and a disgusting body and a bunch of mental problems that you aren’t strong or smart enough to do a damn thing about, but at least you’ll have the grades.
Before he could stop him, Sam blew a stream of acrid chemical smoke at Tweek’s face. The sensation of it was overwhelming.
Tweek felt paralysed in his seat. He used to be able to move quickly, but for the past six months he had felt like he was trying to wade through water that was over his head.
‘It’s right here, Tweek. Let me help you.’
The past year flashed through his mind’s eye. The funeral. The lawsuit.
The previous years followed. The time spent with Craig. The time spent without him.
Suddenly he caught himself thinking about the future. How did he know if it would be with Craig? Either way, he didn’t want to destroy whatever career he could have before it had even begun.
The meth pipe was in his face. Sam eyes were on his, awaiting his next move.
Tweek sighed and his heart sank. “Fuck. You’re right, Sam. I can’t do this. I really can’t.”