Categories > Cartoons > American Dad

Toaster Promotion

by PickleGarden 0 reviews

Roger and Jeff find a real estate promotion in the mailbox.

Category: American Dad - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Humor - Warnings: [V] - Published: 2022-07-25 - Updated: 2022-07-25 - 5124 words - Complete

Special thanks goes out to Narwhalpuppy. To help make this fanfic possible!

Running to the mailbox Roger and Jeff take out a pamphlet that looks like a sweepstakes. "Wow! Will you take a look at this, Jeff!" Roger said. "Yeah, dude! That looks like it's going to be fun!" replies Jeff.

"Let's go inside and show Stan and Frannie!" said Roger. "Cool! Maybe Hayley and Steve will like it too!" said Jeff. Roger and Jeff ran back inside the Smith house, Roger joked, "Just like Steve Martin from The Jerk. Goes to the mailbox and back!" "I've seen that movie, there was no such scene, dude." said Jeff. Inside the Smith Family Kitchen. Francine was cooking dinner. Hayley, Steve, Klaus, and Stan were gathered around. Roger runs in waving the pamphlet around with Jeff behind.

"Attention Smith family! I have something to tell you!" Roger announces. "This time we won something in the mail!" said Jeff. Klaus rolled his eyes, "What now? Did they bring back Colombia House, I hope? 11 records for a penny?"

"No way dude! We won stuff for all of you Smiths for being so awesome to us!" said Jeff. Roger reads the pamphlet, "Pony rides for Steve...." Steve interrupts, "Pony Rides? That's not going to get me laid!" Roger continues to read and ignores Steve, "Tennis lessons for Hayley!"

Hayley then interrupts, "I am NOT going to play a sport that's popular with corrupt rich capitalists!" "Me neither, babe! Want to know another sport that's popular with the rich, golf!" Jeff scoffs.

Roger continues, "Dinner and dancing for Stan and Frannie! And you guys too, Jeff and Hayley since you're both married!" "Now that I like!" said Hayley. "Just as long as the dinner is vegan!" Jeff states.

"And best of all. For me, Roger..." said Roger. "Don't forget me! I found it too!" said Jeff. "A toaster!" says Roger.

Stan and Francine seemed oblivious thinking that Roger was just out for himself and seemingly didn't care about the Smiths. "Guess you didn't hear us!" begins Jeff. "A TOASTER!" Roger shouted.

"We heard you." Hayley says. "Did I mention this toaster talks?" asked Roger. "It's this first time I've heard of it!" Jeff says. Stan takes the pamphlet away from Roger and reads it over, "Oh Roger. This isn't a sweepstakes! You didn't win anything." said Stan. Francine glances over the pamphlet, "This is just a real estate promotion."

"Yeah, it includes a sales pitch about vacation homes! I don't trust it. Probably some con man agent who wants to start a pyramid scheme. This has the movie Pacific Heights written all over it!" said Stan.

"It's an Asheville North Carolina!" Francine observes. "Isn't that where your biological family is from?" Stan asks Francine. "No, that was South Carolina." answers Francine.

"According to my CIA calculations, it takes 5 hours from Langley Falls to get to this place. Guess it couldn't hurt. Maybe we should go." said Stan reconsidering. "No, Stan. You can't drive that long, you can barely hold your liquor!" said Francine.

"Oh, come on, Francine. Don't you remember how long I drove when we were in Korea for that Noah's Ark?" asked Stan. "Sorry I don't trust you driving that long." said Francine, "And I'm sorry Jeff and Roger. Maybe it's best we just don't go at all." Francine says.

A doorbell rings, and Stan goes to get it. On the other side it was Avery Bullock. "Hello Smith!"

"Oh Bullock. What are you doing here?" Stan asked. "Did you happen to get a real estate promotion in your mailbox concerning vacation rentals in Asheville North Carolina?" Bullock asks.

"Yes I did. It's all right here." Stan says handing the pamphlet to his boss.

"The toaster people." Stan answers. "Since my wife died, I go to these things all the time. One of the many perks of being an old bachleor" said Bullock who then gets an idea, "Hey, I got it Smith. I've been looking for one of my fellow CIA agents to go with me. You're one of my best agents, Smith! How about we go together!"

"I'm kind of wishy washy about it." admits Stan. "Because of me?" asked Bullock. "Oh no. You have nothing to do with it, Bullock. We'd love to spend a weekend with my boss. But, Francine has been skittish about my driving for so long." Stan says.

"Well you can fly there in one hour." said Bullock. "Thanks for the offer, Bullock, but who could afford it." Stan wonders. "I'll fly you there for free! We can take the CIA jet!" Bullock says.

"Oh yes that's right. You were a fighter pilot in Vietnam! You always tell that story when you were in Hanoi you took some Charlie shit in your ass!" laughs Stan.

Francine walks in with a plant. "Oh hi Bullock! What are you guys talking about?" she asked. "Oh hello, Francine," said Bullock who then walks away, "Then it's settled. See you Friday Night after work, at the Langley Falls airport!" Bullock walks out of the Smith house.

"Settled? Airport?" Francine says confused. Hayley, Jeff, Roger, and Steve walk into the living room. Steve has Klaus in a bowl.

"You might as well know. Bullock wants to fly us to Asheville North Carolina." Stan announced.

Roger cheers, "YAY! WAY TO BE MR. AVERY!" "Dude, that's a mad rhyme!" Jeff said high fiving Roger. "We don't have to see Bullock in a bathing suit, do we?" asked Hayley. "You saw him in his underwear once when you fucked him, why would that bother you?" Stan asked.

Hayley says, "That's water under the bridge Dad! Nothing happened!"

"No! Because I won't allow it. We're not going!" Stan demanded. "Why? It'll be fun! Maybe I'll see some bathing beauties!" Steve says in a sly sense.

"A weekend with Bullock? I'm with Stan on this one." said Klaus. "It's not as if we have to share the same bathroom." Francine says.

"I highly disagree Klaus! Let's go anyway!" Roger suggested. "Fine! But one of us has to stay behind." Stan finally caves in.

"I volunteer to stay behind. I don't like anything having to do with real estate anyway." said Klaus.

"Pack your bags everyone! Come Friday afternoon, The Smiths are going to Asheville!" Stan says. "Wonderful!" Francine says. "Sure could use a vacation!" said Hayley. Steve tells Klaus, "You've gone six months without starting a fire! Don't have any wild parties while we're gone, fish!" Jeff and Roger jump and cheer then chant, "ASHEVILLE! ASHEVILLE! ASHEVILLE ASHEVILLE!"

Klaus agrees to stay behind while the Smith Family goes to Asheville North Carolina.


When Friday came. The Smith family found themselves in the CIA Jet. Bullock was flying while Stan was his co-pilot. Roger disguised himself as a stewardess. The jet was flying too fast. Hayley, Jeff, Francine, and Steve were feeling sick.

"This is Captain Bullock speaking...." Bullock announces. Stan joins in, "For those with iphones, on your left there's a Charlotte Toxic Waste Dump!"

Roger was walking around, not feeling sick at all, "Cigars! Cigarettes! Cigars! Cigarettes!" "Roger! Stewardesses serve food, not tobacco!" Steve spat out.

"Yeah, dude! What do you think this is, that cancelled short lived series Pan Am?" Jeff says. "Hey, just trying to have a little fun here and twist things up on this other boring jet ride!" Roger says.

"Want us to fly lower so you can get a better view?" asked Stan referring to the Charlotte Toxic Waste Dump. "No no no. We can see it fine from here!" Hayley tells her father.

"Sure do get a kick out of flying civilians for a change! Instead of just government agents!" exclaims Bullock. Steve holds his nose, "Where is that shitty smell coming from! Smells like an elephants penis!"

"From the cargo hold where the pigs are, dude." answers Jeff. "Gosh I feel so sick! Why do we have to fly facing backwards anyway? The passengers from the movie Red Eye had it better than us!" Francine cries out.

"So we can keep our eye on the pigs?" guessed Hayley. Roger calls out, "I know what can make you guys feel better! Cigars! Cigarettes! Cigars! Cigarettes...." "YUCK GROSS! THAT'S THE LAST THING WE NEED!" Steve shrieked.

"Bring some here, stewardess!" orders Bullock. "None for me, thanks!" Stan says.

As Roger was serving Bullock some cigarettes, Bullock sings, "Come Fly With Me! Come Fly! Come Fly Away! Ba Da Da Da!"

Momentarily, the Smiths settled into a hotel at Asheville North Carolina. A bellhop drops off their bags, Stan pays him when the bellhop exits the room. The Smith Family were all amused. "Wow! Stan! This place is really kind of nice! It's very surprising!" Francine exclaims. "Me too! I gotta admit. This hotel is great! But there's always that part of me that will keep looking for the catch!" says Stan with suspicion.

Roger comes dressed as a sales manager. "Hello! You must be the Smiths!" Stan scoffed, "Roger! We know that's you!" "Play along, okay!" Roger says.

Shaking Stan's hand, Roger says, "My name is Bixby English! Sales manager for Asheville North Carolina!" "We were expecting you!" Stan says.

"No, no, no. Mr Smith. I think you were looking for the hard sell. There's nothing to worry about." said Roger as Bixby English. "Good, I guess." Stan said. Roger drags Stan, "Now after you see this slide show you are going to be begging me to sell you a home!" Roger demands.

Opening a closet there was a projector that turned on and the slide show began. The voiceover says, "Buenos Dias! That means Good Day! Here At Asheville North Carolina Everyday is a Good Day." Stan turns off the slide show, "Would it be okay if we looked at this later?" "When later?" asked Roger.
"Much later!" said Stan.

"Drop the act, Roger. You're not fooling anyone!" said Hayley. "Exactly. You're dressed like that because you think that talking toaster you and Jeff want so bad is going to come to you at any minute!" says Stan.

"Roger is right! I don't see the toaster we were promised dude!" Jeff says. "Can we just forget about the fucking toaster! How about we check this place out. Like say play tennis, go swimming, and maybe try fishing." Stan suggested. "Okay sure! We might as well take advantage of this place while we're here for the whole weekend." Francine says.

"Well excuse me for trying to give you guys a sales pitch!" Roger said in disgust. "No disguises are going to make you give us that toaster!" Steve says.

"I don't see the toaster anywhere! I was hoping it was going to be here when we arrived in this room!" Roger says. "Yeah, Roger, I'm kind of disappointed too! When someone promises you something, you have to get it for them." Jeff agrees.

Bullock knocks on the door, "Hey, Smith! Guess what! We have adjoining rooms!" Stan tells Roger, "You better hide!" "Can't we shake that Bullock guy!" Roger added. "Steve, take Roger into the bedroom!" Hayley tells her brother. "OKay, good thing I brought some nudie magazines in case I get bored!" Steve says leading Roger into the nearest bedroom. "You have great taste Stevenson!" Roger said.

That very night, the fact that the Smiths had adjoining rooms with Bullock. Hayley slept on the floor using couch cushions as a bed. Steve slept in a sleeping bag. Stan and Francine got the bedroom. Roger and Jeff were nowhere to be seen. Stan gets up and sighs and closes the door loudly by accident. Waking up Hayley and Steve.

"Dad? What are you doing up so early?" asked Hayley. Stan apologizes, "I'm sorry Hayley. I never got to sleep. I spent the whole night listening to Bullock snore."

"Bullock snores?" Hayley asks. "In a pattern! Like a conversation! Didn't you hear?" Stan asked. "Yeah, I heard that, but I thought it was the ice machine." Hayley answers.

Stan notices Jeff and Roger were gone then he gasps in panic, "Where's Jeff and Roger!" Hayley was stunned that her husband and Roger weren't there. "I thought he was with me, and I thought Roger was with you and Mom!"

"FRANCINE!" Stan calls out. Steve was woken, "What's wrong?" "I can't find Jeff and Roger!" Stan yelled.

Roger enters the hotel room, along with Jeff. Both of them had a bag of dime sacks. "We're right here!" Roger says. Francine wakes up and goes into the other room. "Stan! What's wrong? Did a terrorist sneak in?" Francine says in a sleepy fog.

"Where were you guys!" Hayley asked Roger and Jeff. "Out buying dime sacks, Hayley babe!" Jeff says. "Yeah, this place is crawling with weed dealers at night!" Roger says with excitement. "Somebody could've seen you, Roger!" Steve reminded him. "No way, this place is like Army Of Darkness before dawn! So I thought I'd surprise you all by serving dime sacks in bed!" Roger tells the Smith Family.

Bullock knocks on the door, "Smith family! Rise and Shine!" Stan goes over to Roger, "Hide in the bedroom!" Roger corrected Stan, "Bathroom! Gotta roll the weed! Come on, Jeff!" Jeff says, "Yeah, there's some old newspapers in that bathroom!"

Jeff follows Roger into the bathroom. Bullock enters the room after Stan says, "Come on in Bullock!"

Bullock walks in, "Good Morning Smiths! You're already up!" Roger calls out from the bathroom, "Hey we got a bidet to shit in!" Francine goes to the bathroom door, "That was Jeff Fisher. Your old romantic rival!" Francine tells Bullock. "Why does his voice sound funny?" asked Bullock. "Oh, uh.... he got tooth and tongue surgery." Steve answers.

Roger and Jeff were making sounds in the bathroom that was newspaper crumpling, "Crumbling newspapers I take it?" asked Bullock. "Yes! He really hates the Wall Street Journal!" Stan laughed nervously.

"That's good, Smith. You gotta take a stand! Say, listen. Now that you're all up and about. How about we take some pony rides?" Bullock asks.

"Oh no. We're just going to stay here!" Francine tells Bullock. Hayley said, "Yes, it's such a great room! So we don't want to waste it! By going out!" "But you gotta go out! There is going to be a big sales presentation! It's mandatory for everybody!" Bullock told the Smiths. "Even I have to go?" Steve sighs.

"All of us?" Stan asked. "Away from this room?" Francine asks. "At the same time?" asked Hayley. "Oh what the fuck be crazy!" Bullock says confused by the Smith's actions and walks back to his hotel room. Stan knocks on the bathroom door, "Roger he's gone."

"He's busy rolling weed!" Jeff says. Roger hands Stan some newspaper shreddings. "Won't be needing the Wall Street Journal anymore!" Roger tells Stan. "Neither will I!" Stan added on.

"That was too close!" said Francine. "Who knows what Bullock would've done if he had smelled the weed." said Hayley. "Well, let's just get ready for that stupid sales presentation! Make Bullock feel better!" Stan tells his family. Steve was flabbergasted, "Yeah I am going to be the only kid there. Imagine how much fun I will have.

"Jeff and I will stay here in case the toaster comes!" Roger says. "Fair enough!" said Hayley. "Don't worry, Roger and Jeff! You'll both get your 'precious' toaster!" Stan gruffs in anger.

"Didn't have to be like Gollum about it, sheesh!" Jeff spouted off. "CIA agents! DRA-MA!" Roger sang.


The Smith family sans Jeff and Roger along with Bullock were at the Sales Presentation. Francine wearing a long dress she brought was walking back to the dining table where Stan, Bullock, Hayley, and Steve were dining.

"Magnificent dress Francine!" complemented Bullock. "Yeah, you look really sexy in that!" Stan said. "Oh yes! Anyone can feel good in this." laughs Francine.

Hayley looks at the shellfish on Bullock's plate. "Uhhh, Avery. You better be careful with that shellfish. If you're allergic it can give you a terrible reaction." "Now that I'm a widower, I can eat what I want! No one can tell me how to eat or live! And besides, what about the Mexican Food Stan is eating? Right, Smith?" inclined Bullock.

"Oh I'm sorry sir. I was worried whether or not our room would be alright. All alone." Stan says. "Yeah, Dad is always worried that Isis or Al-Qaeda is going to come out of nowhere." Steve said.

"Never fear Dad, our room will be okay. It has my husband and a toaster to keep it company!" Hayley told Stan. Bullock looks at Stan like he was insane.

Back at the Smith's hotel room, Roger and Jeff finally got their new talking toaster. How exactly did they get it? Roger and Jeff were happily playing with it like children with a new toy.

"TOAST" says the Toaster in an electronic voice. Roger and Jeff both laughed. Jeff and Roger both pressed the toaster button to make it talk while it was toasting bread loaves.


The talking toaster puts the bread down to brown. "We did it Roger!" cheers Jeff. "You know it! This toaster was worth the trip!" says Roger. "Let's call room service." suggests Jeff.

Roger phones room service, "Hello, room service. Get another loaf of bread over to room 13..leave it outside the door again..."

"TOASTING" the talking toaster says.

"Shut the fuck up! On the phone here!" Roger tells the toaster. As it turns out, Jeff and Roger got many bags of bread that were toasted. Roger concludes the room service call, "Oh, and bring some nachos and queso dip!"

"Now let's see what this toaster can do with sweet lady Mary Jane!" Jeff said.

Back at the Sales Presentation, the real Bixby English comes out. "You know, somebody hit me over the head and tied me up in the closet." "Really? We had no idea." said Hayley.

"Do you guys know anything about it?" asked Bixby English. "We haven't the slightest clue, Mr. English sir." answers Stan. "Now people help me out here. Improve my mind. After I was knocked out and tied up. When I freed myself, I saw that a talking toaster was missing. Do you guys know anything about a talking toaster?" Bixby English began to interrogate the Smiths like they were criminals. Bullock was absent from the table getting more shellfish.

"So come on tell me! Did you guys have anything to do with..." Bixby English begins. "NO!" Hayley tells him. Bixby English says, "Come on..." "No!" Francine said. "Are you sure?" Bixby English asked again. "NO! LEAVE US ALONE"! Steve shouted. "Sure...." Bixby English tries to get a confession. "NNOO!!" Stan yelled in Bixby's face.

"All right. Settle down folks. I'll just go about my day like nothing happened. Guess I'll start the Sales Presentation! That's why we're here, right?" Bixby English asks the crowd as they clap. Bullock comes back to the Smith's dining table with more shellfish.

Bixby English departs and says, "Of course there are guests who are always coming back for the free food and shellfish!"

Joining the Smith's at the dining table Bullock sits down. "Last chance for seconds!"

Hayley was disgusted, "Avery! You said you were only going back for salad....oh wait I forgot. I'm not supposed to tell you how to live. Never mind!"

"That's very wise, Hayley!" Bullock concedes.

Bullock notices Stan didn't eat anything on his plate. "Hey, Smith! You didn't eat a thing."

"Had a bad experience once with Mexican Food." Stan explained. "Yeah, I was a replacement news anchor for Greg Corbin when Terry Bates went away. Stan then went on a Mexican Food eating spree that almost cost him his colon and anus!" Francine says.

"So I see. Still worried about your room?" asked Bullock to Stan. "Nah, I guess I'm over that now." Stan tells his boss.

Jeff and Roger come running by the window to the room of the Sales Presentation. Francine thought it was a prowler.

"Uhh, Stan? Are there prowlers there in Asheville?" Francine asked with panic.

Jeff and Roger ran by the window again, Roger had a fire extinguisher. Jeff runs back with Roger to the hotel room.

Stan gets up fast from his seat and yells, "YES IT WAS!" Looking out the window he spots Roger and Jeff. Stan runs out of the Sales Presentation and screams incoherently.

"I warned him about that Mexican Food." Bullock observes. "I did too. Guess he didn't learn his lesson!" Francine lightly laughs.


Later on, The Smiths learn that Roger had Bixby English stashed away and disguised as him. As it turned out, Roger had stolen the toaster, secretly having it hidden away. The fire was from the talking toaster after Jeff and Roger tried to use it for their rolled up dime sacks. When the whole floor to the Smith's hotel room reeked of marijuana, the Smiths were kicked out as was Bullock.

The weekend was winding down. Bullock was flying the CIA jet back to Langley Falls. Stan was co-piloting. "I tell you Smith," begins Bullock engaging in conversation, "I thought only reality tv show stars got kicked out of hotels!"

"Yeah, it was my stoner slacker son in law that caused that toaster to short circuit." Stan explains. "Sure stunk up the place! Smelt the burned weed all the way to the lobby." said Bullock.

Bullock turns to Francine, Hayley, and Steve. "By the way Smiths. Hows that smell in the cargo section?" "Smells the same last time we were here!" Francine calls out.

"Sorry about that, I meant to hose down the wart hogs." said Bullock. Who then begins to feel under the weather. "Oh shit. I feel a little woozy. Can someone give me a Bromo?" Bullock asks.

"I don't know what a Bromo is. If I did I would give one to you." said Steve.

"We warned him about that shellfish." Hayley muttered.

Stan joins his family in the jet where they were sitting. "Quite possibly. The worst weekend of our entire lives."

Jeff and Roger emerge from the cargo section they were banished there for punishment and forced to stay with the wart hogs. "Come on, Mr S! Give us another chance!" Jeff pleaded. "No shit! They haven't stopped bitching since we burned down that room!" Roger exclaims.

Stan rushes over to the cargo section to yell at them, "YOU TWO! BACK TO THE WART HOGS!"

"They're not wart hogs, they're regular pigs! They snort!" said Roger. "They're wart hogs!" Stan spat out. "Then why are they making honking sounds at us?" asked Jeff.

"Just go!" Stan demanded. Roger and Jeff go back into the cargo hold.

Bullock was flying and he was beginning to feel delusional. "Lt. Mackintosh! Give me the coordinates! We are flying over Charlie territory."

"Charlie territory? What Charlie territory?" asked Stan.

"What Charlie territory? What do you think that is, the Mississippi River?" shouted Bullock who then says, "This is the Cu Chi Tunnels!" Bullock was nearly asleep, Stan runs over to try to help him.

"Snap out of it, Bullock! Vietnam is over!" Stan yelled at his boss.

"You're right, I did overdo the shellfish." Bullock says in a regretful tone. Francine goes over to the cockpit. "Stan? What's going on?" asked Francine.

"I'm not sure. Could be the allergic reaction Hayley warned him about." Stan said. "Switch on the autopilot Smith." Bullock tells. Stan presses the autopilot and Bullock tries to fight off the allergic reaction. Getting up from the pilot seat Bullock says, "I'm going to walk around a little. Stretch for a moment so I don't pass out...."

Bullock collapses on Stan and Francine. Both of them try to revive him and use washcloths to clean off his sweat from his brow. "BULLOCK! BULLOCK!

"SAY SOMETHING! ANYTHING!" Stan and Francine both say.

Bullock looks up and says, "Thank heavens for the USO!" Hayley and Steve show concern. "Oh no! Is he okay?" asked Steve.

"Shit! What are we going to do? Who's going to fly the plane?" asked Hayley.

"Dad, you fly it!" Steve tells Stan. Putting a blanket over Bullock Stan says, "Relax everybody! Out of respect for Bullock and to my career in the CIA. Nobody is going to fly this jet!"

Coming out of the cargo hold, Roger comes out. Jeff was still in the cargo hold getting bombarded by the wart hogs. "I'll fly it!" Roger announces. The Smiths glanced at Roger and didn't know what to say.

"We have an emergency! I'm the logical choice!" Roger says. "Roger can fly jets?" Steve asks. Roger added, "Oh you were right. They weren't pigs, but they were snorting!"

"Roger flying a plane! After the disaster he and Jeff pulled hopefully Klaus was responsible back home." Francine says. "Fly a jet my ass! He can't even work the fucking toaster he was so excited for!" Stan says. "He flew a spaceship." Francine reminded him.

"Of course I did. Even if I was a Crash Test Dummy! How different could it be?" Roger implies. Then Roger sees a lever and pulls it. The jet begins to accelerate. Thus causing the Smith family to lean over.

Jeff calls from the cargo, "Tell that Bullock dude to stop fooling around!"

"Oh no! Jeff!" Hayley says. Running to the cargo hold, the door to it was locked. "This door is stuck! Somebody help me!" Jeff screamed.

Francine joins Hayley, "I'll try to help. I unlocked the cells when I was in prison." Francine tries to open the door to the cargo with no luck. Then she decides to keep Jeff inside because she didn't trust Roger flying the jet. "We'll need to block the door!" Francine said.

"Help is on the way, Jeff!" said Hayley. Steve got up and wanted to see what was going on, "Steve sit down and buckle up!" Francine tells him. Steve goes back to his seat, and Francine gives Hayley a signal to block the door. "Why Mom?" asked Hayley. "It's for his own protection!" said Francine.

"Hey! Who's blocking the door!" Jeff calls out. "Uh, A Wart Hog!" Hayley says.

Roger was now in the pilot seat. Stan and Francine come to the cockpit.

"Did you figure it out? Can you fly it?" asked Francine to the alien.

"I think so! I need to see an owner's manual, though!" Roger tells Stan and Francine.

"There IS NO OWNER'S MANUAL!" Stan yelled at Roger.

"Then I can't fly it!" Roger complied.

"Roger, the laws of aerodynamics are the same everywhere in the universe." Stan says.

"That's right! What are they?" Roger asks to turn away from the window. Stan points at a mountain and says, "We're headed straight for that mountain Roger! Do something!"

"Please! Do something right for once!" Francine shrieks. Roger got a hold of the jet controls and flew over the mountain. "Got it! Got it! Easy! Up, up, up, and over!" Roger says.

Feeling a sense of pride, Roger flew over the mountain and joked, "Talk about the Summit of The Gods! Get it! Movie about a mountain and I saved your asses from one!"

"This is no time for movie references! Get us back to Langley Falls! I just want to forget this weekend ever happened!" Francine screamed.

"Man, this is awesome! This flying is a piece of cake!" Roger speaks out. "Piece of cake. More like a piece of luck!" Stan says.

"Luck! Ha! Check out this sweet trick!" Roger says. Moving the jet controls sideways, Stan and Francine take a tumble. Stan and Francine both shout, "WOAH!"

Roger sings, "Highway To The Danger Zone! Fuck Tom Cruise! There's a new Top Gun pilot in town, Roger Smith!"


The Smith family was back home in their house on Cherry Street. They were about to enter and Bullock stopped them. "I got to hand it to you, Smith. You did a great job bringing in that CIA jet. Next time Smith, you might want to mention to the airport that you plan to land."

Stan salutes his boss, "I'll keep that in mind."

Bullock says, "This was a lovely weekend, we must do it again sometime!"

Francine says, "Since we were banned from Asheville North Carolina, we'll try someplace else. Perhaps Daytona Beach?"

Bullock goes back home and Stan calls out, "Only if we get the wart hogs!"

Entering their house, Steve notices there's a truck out front. "Is that a carpet cleaner truck?"

"Oh my gosh you're right! It is!" exclaims Stan.

"If Klaus fucked up while we were gone..." Roger says. "That means we're off the hook!" Jeff says.

Running inside, Roger, Stan, Francine, Steve, Hayley and Jeff see Klaus yelling at a carpet cleaner.

"NEIN NEIN NEIN! They'll be back at any minute and...." Klaus tells the carpet cleaner. Klaus turns around and sees the Smith Family have come back from their weekend.

The carpet cleaner runs away scared and drives off. Stan walks up to Klaus, "You have some explaining to do!"

"Okay, I got into Francine's wine cabinet and made a stain then I called the carpet cleaners and..." Klaus stuttered his words.

"We trusted you! Why did you get into my wine! That's my property only!" Francine yelled at the goldfish. "I was just bored and..." Klaus says.

"You're grounded Klaus! We are never leaving you behind again! Roger is more responsible than you!" Stan says. Jeff tells Hayley, "Hayley babe I think I might need a tetinus shot from those wart hogs." "We'll get you one." Hayley promised.

Roger laughs at Klaus, "HA! Bet you never thought you'd hear that!" Stan tells Klaus his punishment, "No TV or internet for a week!" Klaus walks away in disgrace crying.

"So let's pick up from where we left off." said Roger to Stan and Francine. "What are you talking about?" asked Francine.

"I believe you were thanking me for saving your lives." Roger reminded them.

"No I think we have thanked you enough. If anything we thanked you several times!" Stan tells Roger.

Steve says, "I cleaned the wine stain!"

Roger gets the talking toaster that now has some burns on it and puts it on the kitchen table and says, "Well, you can thank me again!"

Stan sighs exasperatedly and goes on, "You talked me into it. Thank you, Roger! We never could have made it back without you! You're the best alien in any family...."

The talking toaster says, "TOAST UP" and the marijuana Jeff and Roger wrapped with newspapers emerges from the toaster.

"Hold that thought Stanny! My weed is ready!" Roger says.

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