FicWad

The Silent Cynic
By Dr. T

Chapter 15—Into Christmas

“Tell Jane I really hate her,” Quinn told her sister the following Tuesday as they passed each other in the cafeteria line. Jane had already been through the line and was saving a place at a table for Daria while Quinn was getting ready to get into the line.

‘It probably will not be as much fun as you think,’ Daria signed back.

“Good luck with it,” Quinn replied. “I don’t mind little kids, but I don’t know if I’ll like reading to the afternoon program.”

Daria scribbled on her white board:
I do not like this, Sam I am,
I do not like reading to kids like them.

Quinn smiled and went to get in line. Daria turned and pointed. As the lunch ladies were now used to her; they knew her gestures.

“What did Quinn want?” Jane asked as Daria sat down.

‘To tell you she hates you for getting us the dog walking job at the shelter,’ Daria replied. ‘I may also hate you; we will see how it works out.’

“Any mutt we’re assigned over twenty pounds I walk, I promise. Anything smaller than that shouldn’t be able to bite through your boots or be big enough to bite higher.”

‘They can still bite my hand or jump on me, but I admit, compared to most of the other jobs that I could do, this or the art job at the hospital were the best options.’

Jane frowned. “But you don’t like kids, and that’s arts and craft in the kiddie wards.”

‘True, but even I am not heartless.’ She sighed, ‘I was older than most kids in those wards when Quinn and I were in the hospital back in Highland, but I still saw how bored the little kids were, especially the really sick ones.’ She looked at Jane. ‘Remember, there were a lot of cancer cases there because of the contamination.’ The days Daria was there with those (mostly terminal) children without Quinn still haunted her almost as much as the memories of the attack and its aftermath did.

Slightly contrite, Jane could only say, “So I did okay, but not great?”

‘You did great, just maybe not perfect.’ Daria shrugged. ‘Who can say which one would actually work out better? It might have been too hard for me to communicate with the kids.’


After she had been removed from Eric’s supervision, Helen had gotten into the habit of making sure she sat with each of her daughters at least one night per week before they went to sleep, usually twice. Daria was therefore expecting her that evening, sitting up in bed.

“How was the dog walking, Sweetie?”

‘It went surprisingly well in most respects,’ Daria replied. ‘However, you are very lucky I have that job and not Quinn.’

Helen looked a bit confused. “Why is that?”

‘Really? A building full of dogs, cats, puppies, and kittens?’ Daria explained. ‘Most of them somewhat to very cute?’ Daria’s posture slumped a bit, and her signing went smaller. ‘All of them doomed if they are not adopted.’ She looked up at her mother, and Helen could see the sadness in her expression. ‘I wanted to take most of them home; Quinn might have tried.’*

“True,” Helen admitted. She looked at her daughter’s expression and body language. “You really wish you could have brought one home, don’t you?”

‘Kind of,’ Daria admitted. ‘On the one hand, it would be nice having one of the sweeter dogs to come home to, but I know how much is needed to take care of a dog, not just the obvious feeding and cleaning up, but making sure it knows it is loved. I do not think we would be a good fit for getting a dog now. Five or six years ago, yes, but not now.’ She sighed. ‘Even if you said, ‘Daria, go ahead and bring home one of the dogs tomorrow,’ which one would I pick? The cute, begging Chihuahua? The little mixed-breed that looks a bit like Toto that bounces around and wants to jump into the arms of anyone that will give it attention?’ She shrugged. ‘Any one of four or five others?’

“I understand,” Helen admitted. She was grateful that Daria’s heart was touched, if a bit sad how much she was affected. Still, it was good she was not as closed off as she had been in the past. She certainly agreed that she was glad Quinn was reading to preschoolers rather than working at the shelter.

Daria looked at her mother, just a bit hopefully. ‘Well, since even Quinn will be gone in a few years, maybe you and Dad would like a sweet little dog.’

Helen sighed. ‘Maybe when you or Quinn is closer to leaving; unfortunately there will likely be no shortage.”

Daria sighed in turn, but she had to agree. Seeing the forlorn look on her daughter’s face, Helen gave her a rare hug; and even more unusually, Daria leaned into it.


This year, Christmas was on a Friday, so the Snow Ball would be held on the 19th. The Saturday before, Troy invited Daria out to dinner. While he did not take her to Chez Pierre, neither did he take her to Cluster Burger or one of the usual pizza places. Instead, they ended up at Beef’n’Cake, which specialized in burgers, roast beef sandwiches, and Maryland crab cakes.

‘What is the occasion?’ Daria teased after he placed their orders. Since Troy had agreed to order two large orders of onion rings, she figured that heavy necking wouldn’t be too intense after dinner.

“I’m celebrating, and wanted to share it with you,” Troy answered with a smile.

‘Nothing says ‘celebration’ like onion rings,’ Daria replied with a smirk.

Troy merely picked up the tray with their orders and followed Daria to a table.

‘So, what are we celebrating?’ she asked, sitting next to him.

“I’ve been asked to write a book. I select thirty of the games which led me to getting recognized as an International Master and of course supply commentary.”

‘Impressive,’ Daria agreed.

Troy shrugged. “If I never get beyond this, I doubt it will sell two hundred copies, maybe not even the full first run of fifty. Still, it’s nice to be recognized.”

‘It is,’ Daria agreed. She leaned over and, in a rare public gesture, kissed his cheek. After talking about the book a bit more, they moved on to discussing the Snow Ball.

The previous year, Daria had not paid a huge amount of attention to exactly how many of her fellow students were interested, if not obsessed, about the Ball. This year, as part of an established couple, she had more time to observe the maneuvering, chaos, and even a bit of heartbreak as dates were arranged and sometimes broken as some students tried for the ‘perfect’ date, the best formal gown before a rival snapped it up, and, as time drew near, arguments about Lawndale’s candidates for Snow Queen, and even choice reservations at some of the better eateries in the county.

Juniors could compete for Snow Queen as well as seniors, although typically few juniors were nominated. This year, Jody and Brittany were both running, and it seemed likely that at least one of them would be one of the three nominated from Lawndale. This was because there were few seniors as well known or as popular as either. Jane had teasingly suggested to Daria that she run, and Daria again was reminded that Jane was an excellent sprinter, as she didn’t come close to catching her for retribution for the suggestion. In the end, Jody was one of the students nominated but Brittany just missed out, placing fourth.

Like the year before, the quartet went as a group in Mrs. Loomis’ LTD. While there were again photos taken in front of the Morgendoffers’ tree, this year there was no interrogation. This year, the couples would exchange gifts on Christmas Eve during another double date rather than the night of the dance.

While there were again a few waltzes (it was the same band as the year before), other than those Troy and Daria only danced the slow dances. The two couples stayed just long enough to see Jody crowned Snow Queen, and then left. This time, while encumbered by winter coats and formalwear, Troy simply pulled the car to the back of the parking lot (as it was empty and had a broken overhead light, giving them a tiny bit of privacy), where they happily steamed up the windows until it was time to go home.

*

To Jane’s surprise, her mother had come home for the holidays, and she would be staying until just after New Year’s. Except for the crimp that put in her and Paul’s love life (as well as Daria and Troy’s to a lesser degree), Jane didn’t mind. That her father would also be home for six days over Christmas before heading out to the Great Barrier Reef was even more shocking to all. A bemused Amanda did accept an invitation for the three Lanes to join the Morgendorffers for Christmas dinner.

The Monday after Christmas, Jake took Daria (along with Jane and Quinn) out to buy her the promised car. Ideally, Daria wanted a dark green new model VW new-style Beetle. When Jake admitted that it was a bit beyond even what the newly more-affluent Morgendorffers were prepared to spend, the salesman pointed out their last remaining 1998, a light green model. Daria shrugged, Jake sighed, and the deal was made.

Brittany hosted a large get-together on New Year’s Eve for most of the girls she was friendly with, which amounted to a large group of twenty-three, including Daria and Quinn. While only Quinn and Brittany could interpret for Daria, some of the other students had grown used to Daria, with her little whiteboard and cards, so that they were willing and able to communicate. So, while still more of an observer than a participant at social functions, Daria mingled and actually enjoyed herself.

The party ended at around 1:00 am, and few stirred before 9:15 that morning, although all were up for a brunch at 10:00. Mr. Taylor had urns of tea and hot chocolate, individual quiches, muffins, fruits, and other goodies, leaving all the girls going home (in groups but in limos Mr. Taylor had hired) happy and well-fed. Mr. Taylor was happy that this party went so much better than the co-ed parties his daughter had held behind his back. (It had helped the party’s success that his son was spending the holiday with his ex-wife, the boy’s mother.)

Helen and Jake were still asleep (or at least in bed) when the sisters came in. Quinn claimed the shower first, so when Daria went back to her room after her shower, she was surprised to find Quinn there.

Daria merely cocked her head, and Quinn signed, ‘May I talk with you?’

Daria nodded, and went to pull on a t-shirt and sweatpants. Surprised not to hear Quinn, Daria quickly dressed and turned around. Quinn continued to sign, ‘This is private. Sisters’ secret?’

Daria was surprised. ‘Sisters’ secret’ was a rarely invoked pact between the two, invented after ‘the incident,’ and one which neither had violated.

‘Sisters’ secret,’ Daria agreed.

‘First, before I get to it, may I know how far you and Troy have gone?’

Daria looked at her sister and thought a moment. Quinn knew Daria well enough to know that she was thinking through her answer. Finally, after reminding herself that ‘sister’s secret’ went both ways, Daria decided how to answer. ‘I am a virgin. As to what else we have done…I am still a virgin.’

Quinn nodded, understanding the subtext, and then she asked, ‘And how far with Jane?’

Daria realized that this was a more important question to Quinn than the first question. Still, she answered without real hesitation. ‘Nowhere near as far; casual kissing, hugging, and only a bit intimate contact more than that. Enough some would label us as queer or something, but nothing all that sexual.’ She studied Quinn, and then asked, ‘So, do you have a crush on someone, or does someone have a crush on you other than those three idiot boys?’

Quinn looked indecisive.

Daria thought about her sister and how she acted, and so asked her something she had long wanted to ask, ‘Even ignoring the J’s, are you really attracted to any of those boys you date?’

Quinn shook her head. ‘Not really; I cannot imagine being…really intimate with any guy. I…I don’t think I really…well….’

‘Meaning either one) if there is a boy you would want to be intimate with, you haven’t met him, or two) you do not think there would ever be such a guy?’

Quinn sighed. ‘I am not sure which would be true.’

‘And girls?’

‘I really was not interested there, either,’ Quinn admitted.

‘But a girl has taken a chance and confessed interest, and you do not know how to respond.’

Quinn nodded. ‘Exactly.’

‘Is it either Stacy or Tori?’ Those were the two girls Quinn was around the most, at least.

Quinn’s expression gave it away.

‘If it is Stacy, you will have to be out in the open,’ Daria pointed out. ‘I do not know if you could keep it a secret, but we both know she never could.’

‘I think Stacy might like me like that a bit, but she is nowhere close to admitting it to herself, let alone to me. And so yes, it is Tori,’ Quinn admitted. “She said that she just realized that she liked girls more than boys, and really likes me.’

Daria didn’t add anything for a moment, but admitted to herself that she was glad that it was Tori. She would be more or less equal to Quinn, while Stacy might be too submissive, feeding some of Quinn’s less attractive qualities. ‘Okay, do you want to take a chance with her?’

‘I…I think so.’

‘And does Tori, and you for that matter, want to keep this in the closet?’

Quinn nodded, then signed, ‘Both of us would want to.’

‘Then my advice? Talk with Tori before trying anything. Work out how much you can both continue with the casual dates you have with boys, how far and how fast you want go with your physical relationship, and so on. If you two agree?’ Daria shrugged.

Quinn smiled. ‘So, you really are okay with this?’

Daria shrugged again. ‘I care far more about the inner person than the outer shell. Unless I someday want kids and a traditional family, male or female does not matter all that much. I am happy with Troy; I could be just as happy with Jane, although I suspect she is even less inclined towards girls than you are towards boys.’ Daria hoped Jane was more interested in girls, or at least her, but they had not really discussed this together.

Daria came over and put her hands on Quinn’s shoulders. To Quinn’s surprise, Daria drew her into a very brief hug, and whispered in her hoarse, nearly non-existent voice, “Just be happy.”

Quinn went back to her room with a smile.

*

The first Friday after classes restarted, Jane and Daria were called into Principal Li’s office, where they were told that their poster/poem was selected third overall in the state and would feature in a brochure the State Department of Health would be issuing on student mental health issues the following summer. Even better, each would have a $500 a semester scholarship at any state university or community college for up to eight semesters. Considering how much tuition now cost, $500 (a lot back in the 1970s, when these occasional contests had started) was only a fragment of the total cost even at a state university, but it was still an amount which would figure into decisions.

The next day, the girls and many of the rest of their classmates were at school to take the SATs. A number of the seniors were present, either to retake the tests or to take various achievement exams. This included Troy, who was taking two language achievement tests. Afterwards, Troy and Daria went to see ‘Star Trek: Insurrection’ while Jane and Paul went to Jane’s to celebrate having the house to themselves, Jane’s mother having left the Thursday before, while Trent and his band were out of town.

When Daria and Troy arrived at Jane’s a little after 5:00 and bearing two large pizzas, they were surprised to see Paul’s car gone. ‘I had better go see if there is a note, or if Jane is even there.’

Daria made her way to the house, and when there was no answer to her ringing the doorbell or knocking, she let herself in (Daria and Jane had exchanged keys long before). As she moved towards the stairs, she rushed up them when she heard Jane crying.

Daria really couldn’t get her attention, so she went back down to her car and told Troy what little she knew. “How about I come in and eat some pizza, and then if you haven’t come down, with or without Jane in say forty-five minutes, I’ll walk home and we can talk tomorrow.” Daria considered that plan, and knowing that Troy’s mother would be even more inquisitive if he arrived this early without having had supper, agreed.

Upstairs, Jane had cried herself to sleep, so Daria came down and ate with Troy. When they finished, Troy went to walk home, while Daria went up to see Jane.

When Daria sat on the bed, Jane stirred. Putting her hand on Jane’s shoulder made Jane turn around and started coughing and snorting, obviously still congested from her crying jag. Daria merely placed a box of tissues near Jane and helped her sit up. After Jane managed to clear her nose, Daria merely cocked her head.

Jane wouldn’t look Daria in the eye. “We came back here….” Jane sighed. “We were…you know.”

Daria nodded, and gestured for Jane to go on.

“It broke.”

Daria blinked, ‘It broke…how?’

Jane glowered. “I don’t know. It broke when we were…active, and he realized it, and didn’t stop. So, when he came and shifted our position to start in again and I told him he needed to change condoms, he said it didn’t matter because the first had already broken!”

Daria blinked at that.

“When I asked him if he was crazy, he said he doubted anything would happen, and since it broke what did it matter, so why shouldn’t we keep going?” Jane looked at her friend. “What if I’m pregnant?”

Daria realized that this was even more than the broken condom – there was Paul’s callousness, and all of Jane’s memories of Summer’s teen pregnancies weighing on her as well. Daria therefore started with a simple statement of fact. ‘You are not.’

Jane frowned at that. “How do you know?”

‘Because it takes a few hours to a day or so to happen; it is not instant.’ Daria bit her lip. ‘Two immediate choices. One, do nothing until Friday, then we get some home tests and see if you are.’

“Tests?”

‘If the first one is negative, we retest in a week to double check. If the first is positive, we double check the next morning. If it is positive, we are back to option two, just delayed a week.’

Jane looked at Daria in fear. “And that is?”

Daria sighed. ‘We ask Mom for help.’ She held a hand up. ‘She can get you a ‘morning after pill’ today if you want one. I cannot, and you cannot get one at sixteen, even if you know of a place to get one. If we wait, and you are positive, then you have to decide….” Daria hesitated, but then continued, “Do you have it, and if you do, do you keep it, or do you…well….’

“I can’t keep it,” Jane admitted. “And I…I really can’t even have it. That leaves…abortion….”

Daria nodded and agreed, ‘There is no good choice here if you are positive, but despite all Mom’s hangups, obsessions, and so on, when it comes to crises like this, even if there are sometimes a whole lot of recriminations afterwards, she is good in that crisis, even if she is sometimes almost as excitable as Dad.’

Jane teared up again. “Can we wait the week?”

Daria hugged her friend, and nodded.

“Will you…could you….”

‘I already had permission to stay tonight. I will stay with you, and I will be with you through this, no matter what you decide.’ Thinking back to the conversation she had with Quinn, Daria leaned forward a gave Jane a gentle kiss, and whispered, ‘I will always be with you.’ As Daria leaned back, Jane managed to tease her friend, “At least you won’t get me pregnant.”

Daria gave Jane her slight smile and held her hand for a moment before signing, ‘No matter how many times we make love, I promise never to get you pregnant.’

Jane’s eyes went wide, and then she hugged Daria for a very long time.

*

Helen Morgendorffer, in many ways, had concentration problems. Not problems concentrating; in fact, she was too good at concentrating on a problem or issue. If someone then threatened to break that concentration, she would sometimes lash out. This often meant that when she was concentrating on a work-related problem, her husband or children often felt the results when they tried, or needed, to get her attention.

Still, she often absorbed what went on around her, usually only recalling those ideas or events as she cleared her mind to fall asleep. Unless she decided that what she had only partially understood was important, she would either compartmentalize the information for later consideration or basically delete it from consideration. So, she immediately understood that Jane and Paul had broken up, and that there had been some upset centered around it. Over the next week, she saw that both Daria and Jane were acting oddly, but only thought about it when compartmentalizing her thoughts at night. She loved her daughters, and had come to care about Jane very much, so she did not dismiss things. She worked out several possibilities, but had come to no conclusions, and therefore waited for more data.

That next Sunday, however, when Daria asked her mother if she and Jane could talk with her in private, Helen opened those compartments in her memory and gave Jane and Daria her full attention when they went into the little dining room to speak in private.

As soon as she saw the look on Jane’s face, the fear in her eyes, Helen was taken back to the summer of 1966, when she had been seduced by a stunt car racer. She remembered those terrible weeks of concern and shame, and she remembered having the same look. Therefore, before either teen could say anything, Helen simply asked, “Jane, do you think you might be pregnant?”

A bit shocked, Jane could only nod her head, her eyes on the floor.

“How sure are you?”

Daria got her mother’s attention. ‘Two home tests sure.’

“Two?”

‘One Friday, one yesterday to check the results.’

“And when…when do you think it happened?”

“Last Saturday,” Jane mumbled.

Helen blinked at that. “I don’t understand why….”

Daria again intervened. ‘Condom broke.’

“Ah.” She took a moment to give Daria a strong look.

‘I have had no need for the redundancy.’ She was, after all, on the pill.

Helen merely nodded and turned back to Jane. No doubt Daria and Troy were active far beyond mere kissing, but she knew she had to concentrate on Jane. “It may be too soon to be totally accurate, but if you are, what do you want to do about it?”

Jane sighed. “I know I can’t go through it like Summer did. I don’t know if Mom will try to talk me into going through it and then keeping it if I tell her – she did Summer – but I know I can’t. The first…almost died twice even before he was born, nearly killed Summer, and nearly died again. No, I hate the idea, but if I am, I will have to….” Jane sniffled and Daria pulled her into a hug as Jane started to cry.

Helen came over and put her hand on both of their shoulders. “When I was a few months younger than you,” she told them softly, “I made a mistake. There were no home pregnancy tests, and abortions were illegal. I had to wait weeks, but I was so relieved to find out I wasn’t pregnant. So, I understand how you feel.” Helen took a deep breath. “I’ll make an appointment for you, and we’ll see if we can get this confirmed. Either way, I think we should get you on the pill when we can.”

Crying even harder, Jane muttered, “Never seeing that bastard again.”

Helen pulled Jane into a hug, releasing Daria’s hold. She looked at her daughter.

‘Paul did not think it a big deal, and wanted to go for round two without since ‘it would not matter’.’

Helen shook her head at the foolishness of teen males, and hugged Jane a bit tighter. “Don’t worry, Jane. No matter what, we’ll be here for you,” she said to Jane but looking at Daria, “I’ll be here for you. I promise.”

Daria’s eyes went wide at that, and then she and Helen were both shocked when Jane muttered something they both heard as, “Thanks, Mom.” Helen just hugged Jane tightly again. She decided that if Daria decided on Jane rather than Troy or some other man as a life partner, Helen would be happy with her choice.





*I don’t remember the story, but there is one where Quinn tries exactly that while working at a shelter; eventually Daria, Jane, and Trent end up helping her take the large number of animals to a shelter that will house them even if not adopted.