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The Silent Cynic
By Dr. T

Chapter 17 Hearts & Pink

“You look pleased, and yet somehow conflicted,” Jodie teased Daria as the pair plus Jane entered Lawndale High the first Monday in March.

Daria gave her friend a twisted smile and nod of agreement. Giving a tiny sigh, Jodie turned to Jane for an explanation.

“Do you remember the writing contest that fashion magazine was holding?” Jane asked.

“Vaguely,” Jodie admitted. “Mom wanted me to enter it, until she realized what ‘Val’ was likely looking for, not to mention how…stereotypical its stances are. Well, that and the fact they rarely if ever feature layouts with any sort of minorities.” There were so many such ‘opportunities’ that one parent or the other (if not both) suggested or commanded her to try for, that they rather blended together in Jodie’s mind. If her mother hadn’t changed her mind about forcing Jodie to enter it, plus Daria having mentioned it in passing, she might not have remembered it even if she had made a token effort at entering.

Gesturing at Daria with her thumb, Jane went on, “Well, she probably would agree with your mother to some degree, but Missus M has been pushing the idea of expanding her portfolio, so Daria wrote the most subtly subversive thing I’ve seen from her.”

Jodie pretended surprise as she asked, “Subversive I believe, but subtle?”

Daria blocked Jodie’s progress and mimed a laugh.

“Seriously, what’s that have to do with your mood?” Jodie inquired.

Daria indicated that Jane should continue. “Well, first prize is a plaque, five hundred dollars, a ‘lifetime’ subscription to ‘Val’ and the article published in the magazine, and to cap it off, a visit from Val herself, so despite the five hundred, you can understand why she prefers having been awarded one of the three silver medalists prizes….”

‘Silver? Everything is Pepto-Bismol pink….’ Daria interrupted.

“Whatever,” Jane continued after her translation for Jodie’s sake, waving the interruption away. “The three second-level pink prizes are a plaque, a hundred dollars, the article placed on the magazine website for a year, and a year’s subscription.”

‘Even Quinn does not look at the magazine all that often,’ Daria pointed out. ‘She thanked me for the subscription anyway.’

“Congratulations, on the prize and appeasing your parents,” Jodie said sincerely, especially on that second point. Daria gave her a small nod and slighter smile in thanks.

“Let’s go see what horrors await us inside of Laaaaawndale High this week,” Jane commented brightly. Jodie and Daria rolled their eyes as they greeted Brittany as she bounced towards them.

*

‘Where does that man get his ideas,’ Daria complained after sitting down for lunch.

“There’s probably a newsletter – submitters get credit with their principals if accepted, even for dumb ideas,” Jane suggested.

“But…but this sounds like fun!” Brittany squeaked as she sat next to Jane and across from Daria.

‘No boy toy today?’ Daria asked.

Brittany frowned for a moment, then answered, “You mean Kevvie?” She glanced around, and then signed, ‘He is getting help from a tutor, so he can stay…so he can play next year.’ “Oh,” she added, “thanks you two again for explaining that trigonometry stuff. I got a C plus!”

‘Congratulations, and you are very welcome.’ Daria, who was in the senior advanced calculus class, had tutored both Jane and Brittany for a big test they had the previous Friday. Jane had already told her she had managed a B-, an improvement for both juniors.

Brittany frowned. “But what’s wrong with Mister O’Neill’s assignment?”

‘I know he said students can use school computers, but really, how many of those machines can do even the basic graphics needed? Two?’

“Two in the computer lab, one in the art room,” Jane put in.

Daria nodded. ‘How many students have their own computers that can do a decent job, assuming they even would know how to? My PC could do a mediocre job and I think I know how to do some very basic animation….’ She looked at Jane.

“Yeah, I upgraded the programs a few weeks ago; we can do it on mine,” Jane answered. “I’ve played with the animation software.”

Brittany was twirling her hair, often a sign of thought for her. After a moment’s reflection, she agreed, “I think my new computer has those kinds of programs, but I guess most students wouldn’t have them. I know I haven’t used them if they are there.”

Daria held a hand up, obviously pausing in thought, her eyes closed. ‘I have an idea. He said we should work in teams; he did not say teams of two.’ She looked at Brittany. ‘If you want, and if Jane also likes my idea, we three could do this together.’

Jane blinked in surprise; she didn’t dislike Brittany, but wondered why Daria would want to expand the assignment to include her. Brittany was also a bit surprised to be asked. On the one hand, she usually worked with Kevin, but on the other, even she knew this often hurt their grades, especially hers. Daria rarely earned anything other than an A in ‘Language Arts,’ if not an A+. So, she looked at Jane.

“What’s the idea?” Jane asked. When told, Jane had to agree it would work out better with three.

*

The next morning, Daria and an even-more-tired-than-usual Jane were walking to school. Despite having seen Jane down coffee at the Lane home before they left, Jane was operating on automatic. Daria therefore stopped Jane’s somewhat meandering forward progress by putting a hand on her friend’s shoulder. She then slung off her backpack and fished out a brown bottle she had been packing for this scenario. She twisted off the cap and handed it to Jane, shouldered her backpack, and got them moving again.

Jane moved, and stared blankly at the bottle, as she really couldn’t focus on the label. ‘I know I’m not really awake, but Daria wouldn’t give me a beer, especially not before school.’ Knowing even in her current condition that Daria wouldn’t poison her, Jane took an experimental swig from what turned out to be a bottle of very sweet coffee. The beer-like brown bottle earned the pair a glare from the security guard at the school entrance, but since Jane had by then long finished the coffee, she simply handed him the empty. Seeing what it was, the guard nodded and tossed it into recycling.

Daria nudged Jane. ‘Are you semi-awake now?’

“Yeah, semi,” Jane agreed.

‘Did you get Trent to loan us that little keyboard/synthesizer he just got?’

Jane flushed a bit. ‘Actually…no. I was going to ask after their first set, but I met this guy….’

Daria shook her head. ‘Of course you did. I suppose it was just a matter of time….’

Jane leaned in close and whispered, “No matter how many dates Tom and I go on, you will always be my number one partner.”

Daria blushed slightly in return. After visiting their lockers, Daria asked on the way to homeroom, ‘And who exactly is this Tom person?’

“Tom? I met him at the Zon, obviously. He’s…kind of cute, and more droll than sarcastic. He’s our age, but goes to Fielding Prep….”

‘A son of mid-Atlantic privilege?’ Fielding was an exclusive boys’ school in every way – it was very costly, and it had high academic standards.

Jane shrugged. “Maybe. He’s a day student there, not a border, and considering he drives an actual Seventies Pinto, I’d say he’s more likely on scholarship.”

‘Or he’s rich and wants to fly under the radar when he goes slumming,’ Daria thought, but what she said was, ‘That could be. But if you do not get that keyboard….’

“I’ll ask him right after school today, even if I have to dump cold water on him to wake him up!”

‘You had better. If you do not, I will play harmonica for the background music.’

Jane made certain that she got the keyboard.


The trio worked on the video over the next few days, and all three were happy with the results. Daria was a bit worried about what some of the other students might produce – she thought that theirs was good for the time they had and the software available, but she knew a few other students might have access to even better equipment, and that O’Neill sometimes favored style over substance (especially ‘positively’ presented style over any sort of realistic message, never mind in anything smacking of unpleasantness or negativity). Having learned from the poster presentation, this animation, while not really O’Neill-level positive, was leaning on the positive side. By the next Tuesday, Jane was set to start rendering the animation and Brittany and Jane had just finished recording their dialog in Daria’s garage (where Jane claimed there were the best acoustics). ‘Do you two want to stay for dinner?’

“You’d subject Brittany to your father’s cooking? Or yet another brand of frozen lasagna?” Jane teased.

‘Dad actually has proclaimed today ‘Taco Tuesday’ – even he gets tired of frozen lasagna, no matter how many times he changes hot sauce. And it is safe, everything comes from the Food Lord. And yes, Jane, I am sure Dad will share his hot sauce du jour with you.’

While Jane made yummy noises, Brittany spoke up. “I would, but Kevvie is taking me out to dinner.” Her face hardened. “If he forgot again, he’ll be sorry.”

A few minutes later, after Brittany left, Jane turned to Daria as the front door closed. “I had some real doubts about her contributing much. You were right.” She shook her head. “She kept us from going sarcastic.” Her eyes narrowed. “That was your plan, wasn’t it? Why? You usually like jerking O’Neill’s chain.”

‘I do,’ Daria admitted. ‘What is different this time? Think.’

Jane thought, and then an idea popped into her head. She examined it. Finally, she looked at Daria, somewhat humbled. “You’ve been tutoring me in all my classes all term, and Brittany a bit as well. If this earns us an A, my average would slip up to a B plus, and Brittany’s to a C plus or even B minus.”

‘And?’

“And while you’ll happily yank his chain on your own, when you want to help us, you won’t risk it.” Jane sighed. “You want to make sure we have a better GPA when we apply for college next year.”

Daria smiled a bit. ‘Especially you; I want you with me.’

Jane kissed her cheek, making Daria blush a bit. Daria was about to retort when Helen stuck her head into the living area. “Girls, could you come help set up the table?”

“Sure, Missus M!” Jane responded.

“Anything new at school? How is the project going?”

“The project is going remarkably well,” Jane stated, to which Daria nodded. “As for what’s new at school….”

Helen noted Daria’s scowl. “What happened?”

“From yesterday until this Friday, two of the more annoying local DJs are broadcasting from school until after lunch,” Jane told her.

“They are hard to ignore,” Quinn agreed as she came into the kitchen. “They’re always trying to get us to go on the radio, before school, between classes, and during lunch.”

‘Embarrass yourself on the air,’ Daria put in as she went to put the refried beans into the microwave, ‘and you too can win a key chain, bumper sticker, or if you really embarrass yourself, even a very cheap t-shirt.’

“It’s bad enough that the shirts are ugly,” Quinn agreed as she pulled the lettuce and tomatoes from the fridge and went over to the cutting board to cut them up, “you sort of expect that from t-shirts that serve as ads. It’s that they’re about as thin and cheaply made as you can imagine.”

“Not to mention most of the slogan transfers are crooked,” Jane added, spooning the guacamole into a bowl and setting it near the bowl of various types of tortilla chips she had poured out. “I could do a better job by hand with the school equipment, and that’s mostly worn out. I think it was new somewhere in the late Sixties.”

“Are you alright, Daddy?” Quinn asked, as a somewhat sweaty Jake entered the kitchen.

“I suppose, just a stressful drive home,” Jake told them, breathing a bit heavily. “Bunch of lunatics, worse than usual,” he added in something of a mutter. None of the others said a word, but each wondered how many of the other drivers would have said something similar to Jake’s sentiments about him.

Jake sat down and surveyed the spread that was developing – it wasn’t often he got his wish for any sort of what he considered ‘Tex-Mex,’ although it was really closer to Taco Bell. Still, soft tacos, refried beans, ground beef cooked with a little mild salsa and chili powder, guacamole, chips, cheese and sour cream, veggies, and wide variety of salsas and hot sauces; Jake was happy.

He glanced around. Quinn, Daria, and Jane were sitting down, but Helen was on the phone, trying to get a junior associate to understand something she wanted him to do; from the tone, she wasn’t being very successful.

‘Should we start?’ he signed when Helen glanced his way. Helen glared, first at Jake, but then at the food and her phone. She rolled her eyes at the phone but nodded at Jake and the girls to start. They each started to fill their shells, each with a different proportion: Quinn mostly the lettuce and tomatoes, mild salsa, and (a bit guiltily) guacamole with just enough meat and sour cream to barely flavor it, and no cheese; Daria had fairly standard portions of each; Jane more meat, less veggies, cheese, and sour cream but extra guacamole and some of Jake’s ‘special’ salsa and hot sauce. Jake, as was his custom on those days he got this treat, was fixing his first taco without the lettuce or tomatoes – he’d add some to his second. Instead, this was meat, sour cream, hot sauces, a little cheese, and lots of guacamole. ‘Mom’s gonna miss the guacamole,’ he chanted softly when the bowl reached him.

Jake paused mid-motion, causing Daria to look up. She saw her father was suddenly very pale and then very flushed, and sweating as he grabbed his left bicep. She elbowed Jane in alarm. Jane looked up, and their movements caught both Quinn and Helen’s attention, just as Jake collapsed, still clasping his left arm.


Jake was lucky, and it turned out to have been about as minor a heart attack as one so noticeable could be. Part of the problem, it turned out, was that Jake had not bothered getting even a basic checkup for several years. Helen was deeply embarrassed by this, as well as unhappy with Jake. She was careful to schedule yearly exams for the girls (now also paying for Jane to have one when Daria went) and twice-yearly ones for herself, and had simply assumed Jake was doing the same. It turned out he had untreated high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and several other more minor, related problems, which all should have been under treatment, and which now would be. He would even go along with taking the pills now required and (most of) the dietary restrictions – more because of the guilt Quinn and Daria subjected him to than because of the severe scolding Helen had inflicted.

Before being released, the doctor recommended a few days of bed rest before returning for a checkup the following Monday, and only then considering a return to work. Helen worried about Jake taking care of himself (since he hadn’t done a good job so far), not to mention the underlying fear he might suffer another attack while alone even if the physicians said that was very unlikely. Jake’s suggestion of having his mother come for a visit had made the other three freeze, even Quinn, who had the fewest objections. Daria made the first comment, with a gentle reminder, ‘Dad, do you really think that would bring down your stress levels? Remember her last two visits?’

Jake often had a somewhat selective memory. The memories of his mother’s last two visits, both back in Highland, still surfaced in fairly accurate form. The first had been shortly after the attack on the girls, the second had been when they had been preparing to move to Lawndale. She had clashed with Daria, annoyed Quinn (and himself, he had to admit to himself), while she and Helen had had almost as nasty a series of fights as Helen had had with her own mother when she had visited one Christmas.

‘Mom, it is really only for Friday.’ Daria placed a hand on her father’s shoulder. ‘Dad will not be home until late tomorrow afternoon when you bring him home, so you will be with him then. That leaves Friday for at most eight hours, since we will all be with him over the weekend, and you’ll take him to the doctor Monday morning. If you want, write Quinn a note and she can call during her study hall, at the end of lunch, and the afternoon activity period. You can check as well. Or, you can write me a note and I will stay with Dad.’

“Why you?” Quinn demanded.

Daria pointed to herself, ‘All homework and assignments finished, A average.’

Quinn huffed, but then smirked. “Isn’t Friday when your group animation is premiering?”

Daria shrugged. ‘All the work is done on it, and I cannot contribute much to the actual presentation.’

“Isn’t that class right before lunch?” Helen asked. Daria nodded. “Fine. I’ll leave at Nine; you can come during lunch and stay home. I’ll call Ms Li tomorrow to let her know.”

Jake pouted; like most people, he hated being managed, but he knew there was little could do about it.


Jake was a bit more upbeat Friday when Daria got home. After greeting him, Daria had retreated to the kitchen. She returned about fifteen minutes later with a tray with two bowls of chicken vegetable soup (low sodium). Jake smiled a bit when he saw Daria had also brought a bottle of hot sauce for him.

Jake waited until Daria had finished her smaller bowl of soup before asking, “How was the presentation, Kiddo? What was it, anyway?”

‘It went well; O’Neill gave us an A anyway.’ She shrugged. ‘One student got an A plus, but even if his content was not as good, his animation was better.’ She shrugged again. ‘Ours was three contrasting views of school life.’

Jake managed a small smile. “Your and Jane’s views of school life? And that O’Neill of all people still gave you an A?”

Daria gave her father a very tiny smirk. ‘Very funny, Dad.’ The smirk turned into an actual if still tiny smile. ‘I hope this means you are feeling better.’

He shrugged, echoing his daughter. “As well as can be, when your first major organ decides to betray you.” He grimaced. “I had at least hoped I would outlast the old man.”

Daria took her father’s hand. ‘You can make at least another what? Five years?’

“About that,” Jake agreed. He looked at Daria with a slightly wistful smile. “I had also hoped to walk you and then Quinn down the aisle.” He gripped Daria’s hand a bit more. “It doesn’t really matter if it’s a nice guy like Troy, or a nice girl like Jane for you, or that Tori for Quinn, as long as they love you and treat you well.” He smiled at Daria’s startled look. “I know, I have my clueless moments, but I’m not always that clueless, and I figured it out even before your mother started giving me hints.”


It was nearly 4:00 when the doorbell rang. Grabbing her whiteboard, Daria went to answer. She was pleased to see it was Jane, accompanied by a somewhat good-looking teen who she presumed was the mysterious Tom.

Daria waved them in as Jane made the introductions. “Are you still on Jake-watch?” Jane asked.

Daria shook her head. She wrote, ‘Quinn got home about five minutes before you two got here.’

“Wanna join us for pizza?” Jane asked. She poked her thumb at Tom. “He’s buying.”

‘You not only want me to join you on your date?’ She erased and wrote, ‘Worse, you want me to ride in a Pinto?’

“The actual date is later,” Jane replied. “I want you two to get to know each other a bit. He already knows Troy.”

Daria looked at Tom. “Only a vague acquittance,” Tom replied to the unasked question. “I’m also on a school chess team.” Daria remembered that Lawndale played Fielding every April. “He’s beaten me twice there, and three times when I played in local tournaments. I’ve kind of gotten away from playing much other than with the team this year.”

Daria thought, giving Tom the chance to add, “As for the Pinto, I do have fire extinguishers.” Daria shook her head and gave an internal sigh. ‘I will go check with Dad and Quinn.’


‘So,’ Daria asked as Tom went up to order, ‘did anything happen at the crazy place this afternoon?’

Jane snorted. “Actually, you’ll never be able to guess, so I won’t make you.” Tom came back with their sodas. “The roof to the library collapsed.”

Daria and Tom’s reactions were the same: blank faces of surprise. Finally Tom asked just before Daria could, “Was anyone hurt?”

Now it was Daria who snorted in derision. Jane explained, “There are at most twenty students who consistently use the library for what it’s meant for, and since Daria wasn’t there this afternoon, and none of the others usually are there on Friday afternoons, it was almost empty. Fortunately, the librarians were in different areas. The only students there were Kevin and Brittany, who were more than making out in the periodical section.”

‘Is Brittany okay?’ Daria asked.

Jane rolled her eyes. “Yeah – according to the near eye-witness report from Andrea, who was just going in for some reason, they were in the missionary, so everything hit Kevin, and his usual football pads prevented any injury, since nothing hit what passes for his head.”

“You are kidding, right?” Tom couldn’t really believe that 1) students would actually be having sex in a high school library and 2) that this Kevin actually wore his football pads outside of practice and games.

Daria sighed, and wrote, ‘Believe it.’

“Do you still claim Highland was worse?” Jane teased.

‘If Lawndale ever has at least three drive-by shootings at school per term, at least four assaults of some kind and seven fights a week and two knife fights a month in the hallways and sometimes in class, a teen birth rate over ten percent across the board, students setting fires on the school grounds and sometimes in the school or even to the school, and at least one student who has schizophrenic delusional episodes during class every few months, Lawndale can compete. Lawndale is just more corrupt.’

“Fair enough.”

*

When Helen got home the next Monday evening, she found her daughters engaged in a silent if emphatic argument, with the pair’s hands signing faster than she could fully follow.

“Helllooo!” Helen called, getting them to break off and look at her.

Daria gestured to Quinn. “Well…Ms Li came up with a fund-raiser that she claims will go towards fixing the library roof. It’s a Renaissance Fair, in two weekends,” Quinn start. Helen nodded. “Obviously, her plans include a lot of volunteer work from students. One thing is a series of scenes, from….” She looked at Daria.

‘Chaucer.’

“Right, from Chaucer through Shakespeare.” Quinn glared at Daria. “I want to try out; Daria is against it.”

Helen looked at Daria with a puzzled frown. ‘I am not at all against her trying out if she really wants to, but I am concerned about her trying for all the scenes. Brittany and Kevin are trying out for a Shakespeare scene; I worry about Quinn having to work with Kevin – I think if Kevin is in any scene, it will be a disaster. Not many boys will try out, so Kevin might get a scene by default no matter how bad he is.’

“But if I don’t try out for all five scenes, I might not get any of them,” Quinn almost whined. “That’s how he’s doing auditions – by scenes!”

‘Jeffy seems to be the smartest of your puppy pack,’ Daria pointed out. ‘Pick any two of the other scenes and rehearse with him. After that, it will be up to O’Neill, and while he will likely mess things up somehow, if you audition as a team, it will likely be to your advantage, not that O’Neill would likely give anyone even three scenes if he can help it, to ‘be fair’ to those who at least audition. Plus, do you really want to memorize even three different scenes, never mind five if you did get all of them? If chosen, you probably cannot turn one or more down.’

Quinn snorted and crossed her arms, but it was clear to her sister and mother that she was actually pondering rather than digging her heels in. She finally heaved a huge sigh and gave in. “I guess I had better ask Jeffy.”

As she left, Helen asked her other daughter, “And what will you do for this Fair.”

Daria shrugged. ‘I will at least have to show up as a paying customer. I may also help Troy or Jane. Troy will have a series of chess boards set up to play, and Jane is going to do charcoal sketches.’

Helen smiled; glad her daughters were involved.


Two days later at lunch, Daria, Jane, Jodie, and Brittany were discussing the upcoming Fair. Brittany was not happy. “I can’t believe how badly Kevvie did!” Brittany pouted. “Now we can’t try ‘Romeo and Juliet’.” She looked at Jodie. “Thank you for making me your assistant.” She frowned. “I wish I could find something nasty for Kevin to do.”

‘Too bad we can not get him to act as a penitent,’ Daria mused.

“What’s that?”

‘In the Middle Ages and early Renaissance, some people flagellated themselves….’

“Daria!” Brittany cried out, getting a lot of attention as she blushed. Her voice dropped to a whisper. “I can’t believe you said that!” Then Brittany giggled. “Besides, Kevin is nowhere near that limber, or equipped.”

The other three froze, then Daria blushed while Jane laughed. Jodie leaned over and whispered in Brittany’s ear. Brittany giggled. “Sorry. I don’t think we could trick Kevin into whipping himself, either.”

‘At least Quinn got her two scenes with Jeffy,’ Daria thought. Quinn had wisely turned down the balcony scene when none of those who had auditioned were good enough, knowing that Brittany would likely have it in for the pair who did that one.