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The Silent Cynic
By Dr. T

Chapter 23--Discussions

After school Monday, Tom took Jane to the multiplex to see ‘The Bone Collector.’ As Tom handed Jane a tub of popcorn, she asked, “What’s up?” Tom seemed rather dissatisfied with something. “You suggested this movie.”

“Nothing; I just thought Daria might have wanted to see it as well.”

Jane shrugged. “I mentioned it, but she didn’t seem interested.” ‘Mostly to distract Missus M by pointing out I’m on a date,’ Jane added mentally. “Why, you miss her?”

“Well, she is with us almost as often as she isn’t,” Tom pointed out.

“H’mm.”


A little after 6:00, Helen was home and entering the kitchen. “Something smells good,” Helen commented aloud, thinking, ‘Well, different at least, and better than when Jake cooks!’

Daria shrugged as she looked up. ‘I stopped at the store. I just could not face lasagna for a while, so we are having lamb chops and hashbrowns, plus the usual salad.’

“No Jane tonight?” Helen asked, trying to be casual.

‘No, she is on a movie date with Tom.’ Daria held up a forefinger to pause her mother while she rechecked the food on the stove. Satisfied, she turned off the heat under both frying pans and covered them. Turning to give her mother her full attention, she signed. ‘Ask or say what you want to.’

Helen almost prevaricated, but then decided to just get into the subject. “Very well. It’s about this triangle you seem to be in with Jane and Troy.”

Daria again stopped her mother, this time going over towards the phone and grabbing a piece of notepaper. She marked it with the Letters D, J, and T. She then drew a line from the D to the T, and one from the D to the J. ‘Note there is no line between J and T, so it is not a triangle, or at least not a triad. Jane and Troy are not romantically, emotionally, or physically paired in way, other than both being in a relationship with me.’ She looked at her mother directly and intensely. ‘It is also not a traditional love triangle. I am well aware that this is unlikely to last, but Jane has always known of my romantic relationship with Troy and known each step as it has evolved. Troy has certainly known of my emotional attachment to Jane from the beginning, and has been aware of its…other aspects for a while. Both accept the status quo, at least for the moment.’

Daria sighed and her eyes lowered. ‘Like I said, I know this is unlikely to last. Troy may find someone he does not have to share; Jane may fall in love with Tom or someone else. I may lose either…or even both.’ She looked back up at her mother, who was surprised to see tears running down Daria’s cheek. ‘I know I will almost certainly be…hurt, and probably very badly, especially if I lose both but I care for both so much, cannot I not enjoy this while I can? While both are willing to put up with me? They each do…they do love me, and I love them.’

Helen was torn in many directions, and of course she wanted to protect the daughter she still saw as in need of protection. Instead of risking saying the wrong thing, she made a tentative gesture, which Daria accepted, moving into a rare motherly hug.

Finally, Helen said, “Sweetie…on the one hand, I am worried, well, for you more than about you. But you are eighteen now, and you know the high risks, at least intellectually. Please be careful.”

Still in her mother’s rare embrace, Daria could only nod.

“You know as well as I do, homo and bisexuality, if they are to some degree acceptable these days, well that’s still more in theory than in fact when people are confronted by it. So again, be careful.” She let go of Daria when they heard Jake call a “honey, I’m home” as he came in the door. “Is your sister upstairs?” she asked.

Daria nodded, wiped her eyes, and went to start setting the table. At that point, they heard the front door open again, and then slam. Daria winced, and signed, ‘I do not think the date went well.’ Jane had long been given her own key to the house, and an open invitation for dinner whenever she wanted.


Earlier: “Jane, what’s wrong?” Tom asked as they exited the cinema.

“I should be asking you that. For the last few weeks, when Daria isn’t with us, you seem to want her here. When she is, you pay almost as much attention to her as you do me, but you ignore what she’s trying to say….”

“I don’t understand ASL,” Tom pointed out.

“I didn’t either, when I met her,” Jane retorted. “On the one hand, you seem about as interested in her as me, on the other hand you seem to think of her as what? Not as a real, total individual, but not really an object or a toy; maybe an accessory?”

Tom actually blushed.

Jane turned to face Tom, and forced him to look at her. “That’s it, isn’t it? It isn’t that you want to date Daria, or even just screw Daria; you certainly don’t want to form a real relationship with her. No, instead of me, you want us both serving, or maybe servicing, you.”

“Come on,” Tom snapped. “I’m not blind; I don’t know how far you two have gone, but it’s clear you have far more than just friendship. Are you saying you two haven’t at least fooled around? You have, haven’t you?” Then Tom crossed the line. “Let me guess, besides each other, you two have screwed Troy together. Did you two do that Paul as well? Or did you just swap across pairs?”

As Jane glared at him, Tom realized he had been verbalizing his fears (and fantasies) rather than likely reflecting any reality. Jane, realizing that they were in the parking lot of a multiplex on the outside of town, simply walked towards Tom’s car. “Drive me home, and then never speak to me again.”

Tom followed, but at this point couldn’t resist one last snark, “Home? So, would that be to the Lanes, or the Morgendorffers?”


“Are you alright?” Helen and Jake asked Jane as Daria signed the same.

Jane bit her lip and forced herself to calm down. “Not really. Tom…Tom…let’s just say we broke up.”

Helen and Jake looked at each other as Daria crossed the room towards Jane. Just before Daria got there, Helen spoke up. “Daria.” Daria forced herself to stop and to look back.

“Take Jane upstairs. Tell your sister we eat in twenty minutes. Jane, if you feel up to it, join us.”

Daria smiled at her mother in understanding, took Jane’s hand, and they went up the stairs. Helen and Jake went to set the table and make the salad.

After alerting Quinn to dinner, Daria took Jane into their room and just looked at her.

Jane sat on the bed, and decided it was best to sign what had happened. When Jane finished, Daria sat and gave her a hug. Finally, she signed, ‘I am sorry; and I am sorry if I contributed to anything other than accidentally inspiring any of Tom’s fantasies.’

Jane sighed, then managed to smirk as she turned to Daria. “So, honey, I’m home. What’s for supper? Lasagna?”

‘No, lamb chops.’ Daria smirked. ‘Do you want to tease Quinn about eating a cute baby lamb, or do your Hannibal Lector impersonation?’

“You do the first; I’ll do the second.”

Daria sighed. ‘After dinner, we need to work on college applications.’

Jane stood and took Daria’s arm. “Come along, my delicious lamb chop,” she teased. Jane halted before taking a full step. “You cooked, right? Not your mother, or worse, your father?”

Daria simply pointed to herself.

Jane smiled a bit wanly, but she still smiled. “I may not have a boyfriend, but I do have partner I not only love but one I can rely on.” Jane was rewarded with a rare wide smile from Daria.


The day before Thanksgiving was dragging at Lawndale High. Even though this year it was only a half day, it seemed longer. Lunch was cancelled (Daria was not alone in thinking this had been initiated by Ms Li as a cost cutting measure before the tax raise passed), and the period after lunch moved up into the time slot (that way Ms Li could count this as a full day), and that would be the last class. For Daria and Jane, this made the class economics. Rather than her usual overlapping diagrams, Mrs. Bennett announced a new assignment, and let the class discuss their projects.

“So, what do you want to look into planning?” Jane asked Daria.

Daria shrugged. ‘The ‘starting a business’ looks to be the hardest, even with some help from Dad. Used car, apartment, wedding…those seem the easiest of the others.’

“I guess.”

‘I wonder why there’s not ‘planning a funeral’?’

“We can always ask if we can do that instead. It does say ‘suggestions welcome’ on the sheet.”

Glancing around and seeing that both Brittany and Mack were occupied, Daria signed, ‘Good idea. I think we have been outed enough this week, so we probably should not plan for the wedding or apartment.’

‘Good point,’ Jane agreed, and then said raised her hand.

“Yes, Jane?” Mrs. Bennett asked, coming over.

“We know it’s kind of downbeat, but we were wondering about seeing about the costs of a funeral.”

When Daria poked Jane, she looked over as Daria signed. Jane translated for Mrs. Bennett. “Yes, that will include the difference between burial versus cremation, different modest headstones, and such. It’s not pleasant, but these are things we are likely to have to do in the future, if hopefully not as soon as most of the other possible assignments.”

The teacher refrained from sighing or rolling her eyes. Upon quick reflection, however, she realized the pair was right. “Very well girls.” She glared at them. “Try and be reasonable.”

The two gave her angelic smiles, which didn’t really reassure her at all.


That afternoon, as Daria did some preliminary research for economics on her computer, Jane changed the subject. “You know, if you and Troy wanted to go to that tournament in December, I won’t be going to the Snow Ball. So, no reason to feel you need to double-date me. I’ve no intention of going on a casual date.”

‘Are you sure?’

Jane nodded. “I’m not going to be going, so you two do whichever you prefer.”

‘I’ll email Troy and ask Mom.’ Daria turned around in her chair and fully faced Jane. ‘Or would you want us to go together?’

“I’ve thought about it,” Jane admitted. “But while I’m not ashamed of us, it wouldn’t be worth the hassle here.”

‘You are probably right about the hassle,’ Daria agreed. ‘Hopefully college will be different. Do you have those last two applications ready?’

Jane nodded. “Just got to seal up the envelopes and mail ‘em Friday. Thanks for helping to pay for all those slides.”

Daria shrugged. ‘I want you with me, so I do not mind at all.’

Seeing Daria trying to say something, Jane merely gave her an encouraging motion.

Daria sighed. ‘Why exactly were you so upset with Tom? I know you have fantasized about me and Paul; are you saying you never fantasized about me and Troy, or me and Tom?’

“Of course I have, just like you have and I’m sure Troy does and Paul did. Now when I thought about us and Paul, I was the center of attention. When it has been us and Troy, you were the center of attention.”

Daria nodded, her fantasies had been similarly oriented.

“With Tom, it always seemed to end up centering on him, and somehow it all fell apart when it reached that stage,” Jane explained. “Also, it wasn’t his ideas, it was more like the tone he said it is, as if we’re….”

‘Yes?’

“Do you think we’re, well degenerate, perverse, or, well something along those lines?”

‘No, but there are likely many who would. Tom…?’

“It was like because we love each other, and he and I were in a sexual relationship, you should be an add-on, a bonus for his entertainment. This was about him stroking his ego, or at least our both stroking something, nothing about love or even affection, just a selfish lust.”

Daria scooted her chair over to where Jane was standing and hugged her, her head resting between Jane’s breasts. Jane placed her arms around Daria’s shoulders and head, and then she leaned over and kissed the top of her hair.

Daria looked up and whispered, “Thank you for sticking with me. I do love you.”

The two kissed, and then went back to work.


Thanksgiving was a bit different this year for Daria and those around her. While the extended Loomis family made a huge deal out of Christmas, Thanksgiving was more of a low-key, nuclear family occasion. Hearing this a few weeks before the holiday, Helen had decided to invite Troy and his parents over for Thanksgiving dinner. While Daria and Troy’s parents had met and even socialized a few times, with would be the most time the two families had interacted one-on-one. Jane would also be there, and Daria wondered if this was primarily a plan on her mother’s part to see how Jane and Troy interacted with Daria. While not a primary motivation, that idea had indeed occurred to Helen.

In addition, Stacy’s parents were going to be at a race in Florida. Stacy would be staying with Quinn over the long holiday weekend, with Tori joining the pair in braving the Black Friday crowds. Eight people would normally be about the limit for the rarely-used Morgendorffer dining room, but Daria, Jane, Quinn, and Stacy were all thin enough that the nine could eat without being crowded. Trent and the band were playing two gigs on Thanksgiving (one afternoon and one evening) as well as repeating that schedule on Black Friday at a dive bar where men avoiding their wives/girlfriends on Black Friday would be hanging out.

Mrs. Loomis had offered to cook anything Helen didn’t want to bother with. Told that Helen would be supplying the basics limited Mrs. Loomis to providing a few side dishes (deviled eggs, stuffed celery, baking powder biscuits, creamed corn, green bean casserole, and cornbread dressing to compliment the regular dressing Helen was ordering) as well as bringing the ingredients and dishes for shrimp cocktail to serve as a starter. Mr. Loomis made a dish he always made for holiday dinners, a Waldorf salad.

Mrs. Loomis was surprised when she realized that Helen had done no cooking – she had not attempted to cook a holiday dinner from scratch since her commune days. Troy’s mother was very impressed at the China settings, silverware, and glassware however – unaware that while Helen’s mother had given it all to her, the family considered the first and third sets were the ‘fourth best’ of the China and stemware Helen’s mother had inherited from various ancestors, while the silver was the third best.

While not really a teetotaler, Mrs. Loomis rarely drank (a reaction against her many hard-drinking relatives). However, she decided she did not disapprove of the two bottles of off-dry Reisling poured for dinner, nor was really disapproving of the 1/3 glasses poured for Quinn and Stacy and half glasses poured for Jane, Daria, and Troy.

On the whole, she decided she had enjoyed the dinner, even if everything she had not brought which was served had been ‘store-bought.’ The closest thing to homemade was a dessert Daria had made, which Daria called a ‘refrigerator cake’ and which she called an ‘icebox cake’ – dark chocolate wafers assembled in a long log with faux whipped cream and coated with a tub of more faux whipped cream so that the cream soaked in and softened the wafers, then recoated with the same whipped topping. It had been several years since she had made one, and so she chose that rather than the offered store-bought pumpkin or apples pies. She had been impressed, as she had always just served the cake ‘as is,’ while Daria sprinkled half of the log with crushed nuts and the other half with shaved chocolate – both interesting ideas to her mind.

As she sipped her after-dinner tea (Quinn, Stacy, and Daria also had tea, the rest had coffee), Mrs. Loomis felt comfortable around the Morgendorffers for the first time – she had always liked Daria, if a bit unsettled by her muteness. Even discounting that, she was a rather strange but overall likable girl. The former was being highlighted as she was describing (as retold by Jane and Troy) a current school project.

“But why a funeral?” she finally asked.

“Several reasons,” Troy relayed. “First, this was an assignment she gives to her senior class every year, so there will be lots of repetition of projects. How many times will she hear about overly-smooth used car dealers or landlords who give students tough leases to understand? I did the used car assignment, and I was one of six in my class. And starting a small business? If someone knows a banker or someone like dad, err Mister Morgendorffer, they might get some worthwhile information, but not otherwise. A lot of the girls in my class wanted to do the wedding….”

“That’s true,” Quinn pipped up. “I think most of the other girls I know in that class are doing that.”

“So we’re going to be different, and Missus Bennet likes that,” Jane said. “Plus a lot of the information can be gathered online.” Daria poked her, and Jane relayed her ideas. “Wedding planners are probably inundated by requests for information all the time. We’re betting funeral directors and cemetery officials will be more willing to get their stories listened to. Hopefully that will improve the narrative.”

“That sounds very well thought out, Sweeties,” Helen told them. Mrs. Loomis noticed, not for the first time, that the Morgendorffers often treated Jane like a daughter. Her middle children had vaguely known the three oldest Lane children, and had not thought much of them. Jane, therefore, seemed well-off semi-adopted.


As things turned out, Jane and Daria’s predictions were correct. Their presentation stood out not just for the topic, but because they got some really interesting insights and information from some serious people who were rarely asked about their work. Despite some real temptation to try and shock their classmates (and teacher), the pair managed to hold back just enough. They earned the only 100s on the assignment.

Meanwhile, Daria had submitted a one-act play to an open competition run by the Lawndale State theater department earlier that school year. Hers had been selected as one of four to be presented during the next term. Daria would expand this into a full play a few years later, but that was for the future. For the present, she and Jane spent two evenings a week at Lawndale, first watching (and only able to slightly influence) the casting and the initial blocking for the play.

Fortunately, the announcement of the play’s acceptance had occurred the day before Daria was going to mail out her first applications; she was more than willing to redo her applications to include this new information. Where allowed, she also included a tape of the scenes she had had performed the summer before, as well as a dvd with some of the Mystik Spiral songs she had written the lyrics for. Daria was more certain than ever that she wanted to be a writer, but was still uncertain where she might be going with it. Despite the fun she had writing poems and lyrics, she thought that might not be the direction she ended up going. She decided not to worry about that, knowing that even if she became successful, the genre she would up writing in might be determined by chance.


As the Saturday of the Snow Ball approached, Daria watched Jane carefully, and if missing the dance bothered her, she showed no sign of it. She intended to act as a roadie for band, as they had a gig for the entire weekend at a club in Baltimore. She rarely did this, in part because a lot of her time was already spoken for, but also because a number of the places the band was playing these days outside of Lawndale were not places Trent wanted to hang around himself once off stage, let alone let Jane be alone at. The club in Baltimore was a bit more upscale, and had decent security.

Both Helen and Mrs. Loomis metaphorically bit their tongues and allowed Daria and Troy go to a rare very well-financed (i.e. the prize money was much larger than the sum of the entry fees minus expenses) out-of-state chess tournament, without Amy chaperoning. Neither mother liked the idea that the pair would be sharing a room for two nights. Mrs. Loomis decided to blame Helen for not being strict enough and to forgive Daria. Helen decided to blame Amy.

Helen was not appeased that Daria did well enough to pay for her expenses, while Troy won the tournament. Mrs. Loomis had a mixed reaction to Troy’s using most of his winnings to buy Daria a thin white gold ring with a small blue topaz stone that matched the color of his eyes. Helen was pleased, as it was the first piece of jewelry she had ever consented to wear. As Daria chose to wear it on her left ring finger, everyone at school would presume it was at least a pre-engagement ring, as did Mrs. Loomis while Helen reserved judgement.

Daria would always shrug at the comment. Again, that was the future. The Monday morning after her return from the tournament, Helen approached her elder daughter’s room. She was a bit surprised to see the door wide open, as she knew Daria was done in the bathroom. She usually closed herself off until ready to come down for breakfast, especially when Jane was not overnighting. Coming up to the door, she saw Daria sitting on her bed, fully dressed and with a slight smirk.

Obviously, Daria was expecting her.

Daria motioned her mother in, and signed before Helen could speak. ‘Good morning. May I ask you something?’

“Of course, Sweetie.”

‘Would you mind if I have my ears pierced?”

Helen blinked. Years before, the April before ‘the incident’ in fact, eleven-year-old Quinn had been given permission to finally have her ears pierced (she had been asking for over three years at that point) as part of her birthday presents. Helen had asked Daria if she wanted to have hers done as well; and to Helen’s surprise, after a bit of thought Daria had agreed. Quinn had thrown a fit at not being the center of attention, resulting in Quinn being denied permission for the next two years and Daria scowling ever afterwards when asked if she wanted hers done as well.

However, rather than commenting on that past incident, what Helen answered was merely, “No, of course not.” She actually bit her lip to stop herself from adding more.

‘You may ask,’ Daria told her.

Knowing Daria had planned on this, Helen nevertheless asked, “Any reason why you’re thinking of this now?”

Daria merely stood and came over to her mother and handed her a small jewelry box. Opening it, Helen saw a pair of earrings which matched Daria’s new ring. “Troy has good taste, but why earrings?”

‘Troy bought the ring; Jane bought me the matching earrings.’ Daria again smirked slightly. ‘Does that also answer what you came to ask me about?’

“Yes, it does,” Helen admitted. She had wondered if the ring would cause any change in Daria’s relationships; if so, it appeared they were both only strengthening.