Categories > Original > Drama > Diary Of Emilia Miller [English]
[//]Dear [deleted name],
Yesterday, I wanted to do it. Yesterday, I wanted to kill myself, or at least try to. Under no circumstances did I want to turn 17. But I did not do it. I do not know why either. I am telling myself the whole time that I did not do it because I did not have this notebook yet. Maybe there is also a different reason. I do not know. Perhaps it is that I did not want to leave you behind. I love you, and yet I can never tell you. If I told you and you were to not love me back, I just know our friendship could never be the same anymore. I want to believe that you are the reason for my decision to stay in this life full of pain and suffering. But I do not know, I truly do not know the answer. I wish someone could tell me why I did this decision, but there is no such person. Yesterday, I wanted to attempt to take my own life. I had it planned. I planned when I would do it, and how. Pills. That is my ideal way of ending. Nothing else can do. Who knows? Perhaps a heartbreak could kill me? (I doubt it.) That does not matter right now. I want to believe that I stayed only for you, and for no one else. Who else is there to stay for? No one, that is right! You are the only person I have left that might show me a sliver of care. Would you cry, would you mourn? Would you do these things if I were to die? Would you? Would you..? I want to think that you would, my heart wants to think that you would. But my head, my mind tells me that it is just childish of me to think so. It tells me that you would be happy if I was gone. That you might even be celebrating my death. That you would be happy to finally have gotten rid of a burden like me. Please, tell me. What would you do if I were to die tomorrow? Should I listen to my heart, the wishing and hopeful part, or should I listen to my mind, the logical part? I do not know what to do anymore. It is getting to much for me. Everything. I just... I just want help. The help that I can never get because no one cares. I bet everyone - excluding you perhaps - would be happy. Happy that there no longer is this sick, unhappy child that needs so much attention and even after given attention to it, it still is not enough attention. But, my dear [deleted name], would you care? Do you love me enough to also care? Or maybe you do not care and love me in the first place? I do not know. I wish to know, I think. But only if you love me too, only then do I wish to know.
I love you.
Love, Emilia
- [deleted date]
Yesterday, I wanted to do it. Yesterday, I wanted to kill myself, or at least try to. Under no circumstances did I want to turn 17. But I did not do it. I do not know why either. I am telling myself the whole time that I did not do it because I did not have this notebook yet. Maybe there is also a different reason. I do not know. Perhaps it is that I did not want to leave you behind. I love you, and yet I can never tell you. If I told you and you were to not love me back, I just know our friendship could never be the same anymore. I want to believe that you are the reason for my decision to stay in this life full of pain and suffering. But I do not know, I truly do not know the answer. I wish someone could tell me why I did this decision, but there is no such person. Yesterday, I wanted to attempt to take my own life. I had it planned. I planned when I would do it, and how. Pills. That is my ideal way of ending. Nothing else can do. Who knows? Perhaps a heartbreak could kill me? (I doubt it.) That does not matter right now. I want to believe that I stayed only for you, and for no one else. Who else is there to stay for? No one, that is right! You are the only person I have left that might show me a sliver of care. Would you cry, would you mourn? Would you do these things if I were to die? Would you? Would you..? I want to think that you would, my heart wants to think that you would. But my head, my mind tells me that it is just childish of me to think so. It tells me that you would be happy if I was gone. That you might even be celebrating my death. That you would be happy to finally have gotten rid of a burden like me. Please, tell me. What would you do if I were to die tomorrow? Should I listen to my heart, the wishing and hopeful part, or should I listen to my mind, the logical part? I do not know what to do anymore. It is getting to much for me. Everything. I just... I just want help. The help that I can never get because no one cares. I bet everyone - excluding you perhaps - would be happy. Happy that there no longer is this sick, unhappy child that needs so much attention and even after given attention to it, it still is not enough attention. But, my dear [deleted name], would you care? Do you love me enough to also care? Or maybe you do not care and love me in the first place? I do not know. I wish to know, I think. But only if you love me too, only then do I wish to know.
I love you.
Love, Emilia
- [deleted date]
Sign up to rate and review this story