FicWad

Bronx’s graduation ceremony was the next day. We got the kids all dressed up for it. We sat with Ashlee and Evan and their kids. It was so nice to be able to do that for him. This was why Ashlee and I had worked so hard to make sure the families were able to happily be together for Bronx. We all loved him and wanted to support him.

When he walked across the stage to get his diploma the cheer that went up from our section was very loud. He grinned at us from the stage. When the ceremony was over, we all headed to Ashlee’s house for his party. Bronx had the best time. He was gifted some really nice things. Besides Luna, he got some things for his college apartment, some cool camping gear, and money. What teenager didn’t want money?

When the party was over, we headed home. The twins were ready for bed. Saint and Marvel wanted to stay up a bit late so we indulged them. Pete wanted to spend time with them since he wasn’t going to see them for a little while.

Marvel wasn’t happy that her Daddy wasn’t going with us. And she made it known. As we were putting her to bed that night she asked why Pete wasn’t going with us on Tuesday.

“Daddy, why don’t you want to go with us to see Pops and Granny? Don’t you like them? I thought you had fun on the farm when we went before.”

“I do want to go with you guys. But I have to stay here and finish recording the album with the guys.” He told her, trying to explain.

“If you wanted to, you'd come with us.” She said angrily. “Don’t you want to be with us?”

“Of course I do! But I need to finish my work first. Then I’ll go and be with you guys. I’ll come out just as soon as I can.” He promised her.

This only helped a little bit. She was still upset he wasn’t coming with us. Saint wasn’t too happy Pete wasn’t coming with us either. He wished Pete would be there all summer and not just part of it. He was sullen and only turned his back on his father.

During the time we had together before the kids and I left, Pete took every opportunity to show me he loved me. He was sweet and gentle with me. But we were also careful with each other’s feelings. Neither of us wanted to make things worse. We were getting better each day.

On the morning we were leaving, Pete took us to the airport. He helped me get all of our bags and the car seats for the twins into the airport. Then he said goodbye to us.

He hugged and kissed the twins, told them that he was going to miss them. He also said goodbye to Saint and Marvel. Told them to help me with the twins, to be good for me and Pops. He promised both of them that they would talk tonight once we got to the farm. He also promised that he would be there as soon as he could. Saint didn’t believe him and told him so.

“You aren’t going to come out. You and Mom are splitting up. I know it. I don’t care what you said. You don’t want us anymore either. Just like our other mother.” Saint said in a very bitter voice. “You’re just like Uncle Patrick. You only care about the music and not your kids.”

“Saint! You know that’s not true.” I said in surprise.

Pete only looked defeated. He leaned down so he was at eye level with his son. “Saint, I promise you that isn’t true. I’m coming out in just a few weeks. And I’ll call you guys every night. I love you very much. You are so much more important to me than the music. I’ll see you very soon. Please give me a hug. I’m gonna miss you so much.”

“Then come with us.” Saint said.

“I want to. But I have to finish up this one last song. And I want to try one more time to convince Patrick to go back to his family.”

Saint didn’t reply but he did hug his Dad.

I finally got to say goodbye. He hugged me tight.

“Call when you get to your Dads. I’m going to miss you guys.”

“I’m going to miss you too. Don't take too long to finish this last song. I love you.” I told him.

He gave me a real smile and then kissed me. “I love you too. Have a safe flight. I’ll talk to you tonight.”

He gave each of the kids one more hug and kiss, and then he left.

I got the five of us checked in. Got our bags checked and then headed to TSA and then to our gate. We had a very early flight. We also got lucky and were the only passengers in first class. I had bought a seat for the twins to share. Since they were under 2 I didn’t have to buy them a seat, they could sit in my lap for the flight. However, I knew I didn’t want both of them in my lap for the full flight. Having an extra seat meant they could sit there or in my lap and we would all have more room. We ended up being able to stretch out even more since there were open seats. And the flight attendants fell in love with the babies. They also thought Saint and Marvel were just the best passengers ever. It was a good flight. And I was very thankful for that.

When we landed I was wishing that Pete was with me. Trying to get the twins and Marvel and Saint to baggage claim, and then to the rental car counter was challenging. But, I got us all together and into the van I had rented. The car seats had made it without breaking so I counted that as a win too. By the time we were pulling into Dad’s driveway, I was ready to let the kids run wild, have a glass of wine or a shot of something stronger. And then take a nap.

Dad and Amy rushed out to greet us. I was so happy to see them.

Dad opened my door before I could. “Gracie! I’m so happy you’re here!” He said as he opened my door and I slid out into his arms. I had missed my Daddy.

Amy had gone around and opened the back door to let the kids out. After getting his hug, Saint helped her get the twins out.

Dad held me tight because he knew what I had been hurting. I hadn’t told him everything, but he knew I was going through something with Pete. When I was ready, I ended the hug. Dad went and greeted all the kids with enthusiasm. He loved them and was very happy they were there.

“Saint! I think you’ve grown at least 6 inches since January! My goodness, you are growing into a strapping young man!” Dad told him with an affectionate smile.

“And so handsome too.” Amy told him.

Saint blushed and smiled under their praise.

“And you, Marvel, I think you’re the prettiest girl on the farm.” Dad said to Marvel as he hugged her.

The twins knew who Dad and Amy were. We did FaceTime calls with them. But they were tired and fussy and needed to eat and sleep. Jupiter hid his face in my neck when Amy tried to hold him. Star was ok with Dad taking her.

“I hope y'all are hungry. I have dinner ready for you.” Amy told us as we headed in.

We got Saint and Marvel settled in the rooms they would be staying in. The twins were going to be in the room across the hall from me. I was in my old room. We headed to the kitchen as soon as everyone claimed a bed and put their bags down.

I called Pete before we ate. He wanted to talk to all of us, and we wanted to talk to him. Star tried to take the phone out of my hand so she could see her Daddy. Jupiter kept pointing at Pete and said “Dada, Dada.”

“Dada! Wan Dada.” Jupiter cried when he hung up with Pete.

“I know you do Jupiter. Dad will be here soon.” I told him as I tried to comfort my son.

Amy had made fried chicken for us. All of us enjoyed it very much. Jupiter still loved potatoes and was happy to eat through his plate. Star was tired and cranky by the time we started eating. But Dad got her to eat. The two of them were ready to go to bed once we were done with dinner. It took me a while to get them bathed, changed and down for the night.

Jupiter asked for his Daddy more than once. He would look at me and ask, “Da? Wan Dada.” And then he would cry. I did my best to soothe him and get him calm. He did that a few times before he finally fell asleep.

Marvel asked to go see the animals as soon as we got there. She wanted to ride the horses and give Taco a treat. Dad took her out to the barn and let her visit the horses and the donkey after we ate while I was bathing the twins and putting them to bed. Saint and Amy sat and visited. They have a very special relationship. He just adores her and loves her company. Amy feels the same way.

That night, after everyone was in bed, I called Pete again. I just wanted to talk to him. He was happy that I called. He told me he had gone into the studio that morning after dropping us off and told Patrick he had until the end of the next week to get the song done. After that, Pete was leaving and if they weren’t done recording, then too bad, the album just wouldn’t be completed. And if that happened, that he, Pete, would be done with the band.

“I told him in front of Andy and Joe, that my family, you and the kids, were more important to me than the album or the band. I told him that he was an idiot. That he needed to get his head out of his ass and realize what he had thrown away. Elisa and the boys should be the most important people in his life. And he needed to give up the thought that someone he used to have sex with 20-some years ago is the one for him. Because that isn’t gonna happen.”

I will admit that when he told me that it made me extremely happy.

“What did he say?” I asked.

“He was pissed. He really doesn’t want to deal with the problems with Elisa. He said that we’re musicians and that music should be the most important thing to us. But Andy and Joe both spoke up. They said they were husbands too and Joe’s a father. They agreed with me that our families were more important than the music. They both agreed that if the song wasn’t done by the end of next week, they too will be leaving it as is. If that means the end of Fall Out Boy, so be it.”

“But, I don’t want you guys to disband Fall Out Boy!” I told him. I really didn’t. I had been a fan longer than I had known him.

“I don't either. But if that’s what it takes to get Patrick’s head out is his ass, then it’ll be worth it.” He answered.

“I’m sorry. This is all my fault.” I started to apologize.

“No it isn’t. It’s Patrick’s fault.” He told me.

“But if I hadn’t pushed you,”

He cut me off with, “You were right to be upset about what happened with him. It was wrong of him to think he could ruin our happiness. He needed me and Andy and Joe to push back. He needs to fix his family.” He stopped talking and looked at me through the phone. “I miss you already. The house is too quiet, too empty. I’ll be out there no later than the Saturday after next.”

“We miss you too. Jupiter was asking for you tonight.”

“I wish I was there to put him to bed. Soon, I’ll be there soon. I should let you go. It’s getting late out there. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. I’ll text and call you. Goodnight Honey. I love you.”

“Goodnight. I love you too.”

The first couple of days went by smoothly. Marvel and Saint played outside most of the time. Their fort was still standing and in good shape. They spent a lot of time out in the woods and fields just being kids in the country. They hunted for grasshoppers, frogs, tadpoles and fireflies. They came in each afternoon for lunch happy and dirty. And every evening tired, sweaty, dirty and very happy. They usually had jars full of their interesting finds. Most nights I went out and let the insects and small animals they had found go. They were fine and were never hurt.

I took the twins out to see the animals and let them run in the yard and play with supervision. I let them dig in the dirt and find worms. Jupiter tried to eat one. I showed them moths and butterflies. The second day we were there I caught grasshoppers for them. The grasshoppers always jumped away before the babies could actually touch one.

One of Dad’s dogs decided that the twins were her responsibility to guard. She’s an older German Shepherd that has raised a few litters of puppies. Her name is Muffin and she can be as sweet as a muffin. But once she decided to be their protector nothing would stop her from watching over them. She was a huge help when we were out and about on the farm. Both babies loved her. They were used to being around a dog. Bowie was their best friend, with Fred and George a close second. Mr. Fluff was a bit more aloof in general, but even he could be found cuddled up next to one of the children every night.

The second morning we were there, I woke up early. I couldn’t get back to sleep so I got up and grabbed my journal. I went downstairs and got the coffee going. I had kept a journal for most of my life. Sometimes I write more than others. If I was happy and busy, the entries were short and a few days apart. When I’m trying to work things out in my head the entries can take pages and be daily. Dad found me later sitting at the table drinking coffee and writing.

“Good morning. Why are you up so early?” He asked as he poured himself a cup and joined me at the table.

“Couldn’t sleep.” I answered without stopping.

“Gracie?” Dad asked in that parent way that told you they were concerned.

“I’m ok. Just can’t sleep.” I finally stopped writing and looked up at him. I could see he was worried about me. And he had reason to be.

“Are you missing Pete?” Dad asked.

I nodded. “Yeah, course I miss him. But we needed time apart.” I told him.

“Why? What’s going on with you two? I know you’ve been hurting, but you haven’t told me why.”

“We’re, umm. I don’t..” I sighed heavily, not sure just how much I wanted to share with my Dad. “Do you think you have a soulmate?”

Dad looked a bit surprised at the question. “I’m not sure I’ve ever thought about it. I guess I’d say Amy is. She understands me more than anyone else ever has. And I love her. I’m sorry to say this to you, but I love her more than I ever loved your Mother.”

I only smiled at him. “I stopped being hurt by your divorce thirty years ago. Mom is difficult at best.” I told him. Then I asked, “How would you feel if Amy told you that you aren’t her soulmate, but an ex lover was? Someone that she had wanted to have a relationship with and tried very hard to make that work. Someone that was still in her life as a good friend?”

Dad only gave me a pained look. “I would be devastated. Is that what you’re going through?”

I nodded. I didn’t want to voice it just then.

“I’m sorry Sweetheart.” Was all he said.

I sniffed because I was close to tears. I had been since I woke up. And pouring my heart out onto the pages of my journal had left me emotional.

Dad reached over and wrapped his arm around me. Without realizing it, I was in my fathers arms crying out all my hurt. He just let me cry. When I was done I pulled back from his embrace and wiped my eyes. I grabbed a napkin and blew my nose.

“Gracie, you know that man loves you beyond words. The way he looks at you, it’s obvious how much he loves you. I’ve never seen anyone else love you as much as he does. His whole family thinks you’re the best thing to happen to him and those kids. Are you sure he doesn't think of you as his soulmate?”

“He’s said that he thinks of Patrick as his platonic soulmate. Part time soulmate, full time problem is what he calls him. But he hasn’t said he thinks of me as his romantic soulmate. And that hurts so much. I just, I think of him as mine. I didn’t even have to think about it, it just is. He fits me and I fit him. Him, and the kids, it was like I was a puzzle piece that fit into their world. But they also fit into mine. I don’t want to think that the fit wasn’t as good as I thought.”

Dad sat quietly as he sipped his coffee and thought over what I had told him. He finally said, “I’m not sure Pete has ever had a partner that he saw as his true equal, or someone that could truly be his soulmate, before he met you. I’ve met Ashlee and although she is a lovely young lady and a fantastic mother to Bronx, it's easy to see why they didn’t work out. He told me about Meagan when y’all were out here the summer before last. And to me it seemed that she was young, maybe too young, got pregnant and trapped in the relationship. I think he had to take a leadership role with her, you know, he was the only true adult and had to be on her about what to do for the home and family. It’s pretty obvious why neither of them would fit the role of soulmate.”

Dad paused and got up to make another cup of coffee. And then he started another pot. As he puttered around the kitchen, he started talking again.

“I think that when the two of you met, you both had already lived your lives, figured out who you are. Marriages, children or lack thereof, heartbreak, divorce, all of these things have made both of you stronger. And, you both know your own minds. You aren’t some young girl trying to figure it all out. You already know who you are and what you want and you don’t compromise on that. You’re independent and don’t need him like the other two did. And I think it’s the same for him. But, I also think it’s new for him to have a partner like that.”

Dad was done getting the coffee pot going. He came back over and sat with me again.

“I think that Patrick has been the one person in Pete’s life that has always been an equal partner to him. They were going through the same things at the same time. Being in the band, the fame, finding partners and starting families. They don’t have a follower/leader friendship. They’re equals, they’re partners, writing partners, best friends, and as you said, ex lovers. Their relationship is unique. I can see why in Pete’s mind, Patrick is a soulmate compared to his ex’s.”

I was thinking over everything Dad had said. It was interesting to hear what my Dad thought. Dad put things into a perspective I hadn’t thought of.

“So, what is it you want to do about it? Leave him? Try to work it out?” Dad asked me.

“I agreed to go to couples counseling with him when we go back home. I love him, and I don’t want our relationship to be over. I’m willing to work on things with him. But, honestly, I’m very hurt. And I’m just not sure how to get over it. And if I can’t get over it, it’s just going to make me resent him.”

“I can understand why you’re hurt and upset. I think you have reason to be. But I hope you can work things out with him. You’re good together.”

“I hope we can too. But it’s going to take me some time to get over the hurt this has caused me.”

“Well, whatever happens, you always have a home here if you need it or want it. All of you. You, the kids, even Pete.” Dad told me.

I smiled gratefully at him. “Thanks Dad. I love you.”

“I love you too, Gracie.”

I heard one of the twins starting to move around upstairs so I went and got them up. Marvel and Saint were starting to wake up too. I took them all down and had breakfast with them, Dad and Amy. Then I asked if they would like to go swimming in the river. They wanted to so that’s what we did for the day. I took the four kids down and let them play in the water. I kept the twins on the shore with me while the bigger kids did some swimming. We headed back for lunch once everyone was tired and hungry. It didn’t take long to get the babies down for their nap that afternoon. Saint and Marvel went and played outside for the rest of the day.

Each night we called Pete all together. He wanted to talk to us every day we were gone. And we all wanted to talk to him. But once the kids were done talking to him, I usually needed to go get them ready for bed and that left very little time for just him and I to talk. He was still telling us he would be out no later than the next Sunday.

On the fourth night we were at the farm I was sitting up in bed reading. I was taking advantage of the quiet. It was around midnight and everyone else in the house was in bed. Most of them had been in bed for hours. I should have been asleep too, but I was having trouble sleeping. So, I was sitting up reading.

I had my door closed over, but still open a few inches so I could hear if the twins needed me. I heard one of the children's doors open, small footsteps to the bathroom, the light flicked on and then the bathroom door closed. A few minutes later the toilet flushed, the water ran in the sink and then the door opened and the light was turned off. I expected to hear the footsteps head back to their room, but instead, then crossed the hall to my room. Then there was a soft tapping at my door.

“Come in.” I called out softly.

Saint’s dark haired head poked around my door and peered in. “Mom? Can I come in?” He asked me.

”Of course you can.” I said as I pulled back the covers and patted the bed next to me. He scampered in and over to my bed, He climbed in and snuggled up next to me as I wrapped my arm around him.

“Why are you up so late, Sir Saint?” I asked him once he was settled in.

“Bad dream.” He said.

Usually when Saint or any of the children came looking for some cuddles when they had had a bad dream, or weren't feeling well, it was Pete and I both in bed. We never minded when one of the children needed us in the middle of the night. We’ve had all the kids except Bronx in our bed with us at one time or another. I had climbed into bed with both my Mother and Father as a child when I needed them. Pete had done the same thing. We welcomed them when they needed us.

“Bad scary or bad sad?” I asked him.

“Sad.” he answered.

“Do you remember it?” I asked.

He shook his head. “Not really. Just that Dad called and said he wasn’t coming anymore.” He mumbled into my shoulder where he had laid his head.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Sweetie. You know your Dad is coming, right?” I said into the top of his head as I hugged him tight.

“Is he? When is he coming?” Saint asked me.

“As soon as he can.” I answered.

Saint was quiet for a few moments and then he asked, “Are we going to live here now?”

“No. We’re only staying here for the summer. We’re going to go back home before school starts.”

“I don’t want to go back to California. I want to live here.” He told me.

“Why don’t you want to go back home?” I was worried about his answer.

“I have fun here. I like playing outside. And you’re happy here. I like being with Pops and Granny. And I don’t like the school back home. I liked online better.” He told me. “But, I miss Dad.”

“I’m glad you have fun here. And I miss your Dad too. Why don’t you like your school?”

The children went to a private school. Joe and Marie sent Ruby and Zadya to the same school. Bronx had just graduated from it. It was a good school.

Saint shrugged his shoulders but said, “I just don’t like it. Can I do online school again this year? When I do online school, we can go on more adventures. I miss going on adventures.”

I thought about his request for a moment before I answered him. “I’ll talk to your Dad about it. You did well with it before. And our schedule will probably be very busy this year. We might be able to do that. I'll tell you what, I’ll look at all the options and see if maybe homeschooling or online school will work for you.”

I wanted to be sure he knew I was taking his request and his feelings into consideration, but that I was still going to talk with Pete first.

“Are you and Dad fighting?” He asked me after we had been silent for a few minutes.

I took a deep breath and tried to think about how I was going to answer him. I tried to always be honest with the children, but also age appropriate.

“No, we’re not fighting. But, he did hurt my feelings by accident, and I think I hurt his too. We didn’t mean to do it, and it wasn’t on purpose. But it happened.”

“What did you do?” He asked.

“Nothing you really need to worry about. And we’ve apologized to each other.”

I looked at the time and realized that it wasn’t very late back home.

“Would you like to call your Dad? It’s late here, but it’s not that late where he is.”

Saint looked up at me and nodded. “Can we?”

I smiled at him, and said, “Yeah, we can.” I reached over to the bedside table and picked up my phone.

I texted Pete, Saint and I are missing you real bad. Do you have time for a call?

Not more than thirty seconds passed before my phone rang for a FaceTime call.

“Hi!” Pete greeted us excitedly.

“Hi Dad!” Saint answered.

“Sir Saint! I’m missing you like crazy. Are you having fun? Tell me all about what you’ve been doing on the farm.”

Saint started telling Pete all about everything we’ve done on the farm. The two of them had a nice long conversation. They both needed it.

Saint ended the call by asking Pete how much longer before he would come and join us. Pete assured him no later than the coming Sunday. “But if I can, I’ll come out sooner. I miss you guys so much. I can’t wait to be out there with you.”

“Please hurry. I really miss you.” Saint told him.

“I will. Can I talk to Mom real quick?” Pete asked.

Saint handed me the phone. “Hi.” I said as I took the phone.

“Hey.” He said and smiled at me. “I miss you so much. It shouldn’t be much longer, we’re almost done with the song. I can’t wait to see you all.”

“We miss you too. I miss you very much.”

Pete smiled at me and said, “You have no idea how badly I want to pack a bag, drop off the animals at Seth’s and go get on a plane. I miss you so much. I miss all of you so much. I promise you, I'll be there in a week or less.”

“Good. We need you. I need you.” I told him.

“I love you.” He told me sincerely.

“I love you too.” I told him just as sincerely.

“I love you Saint. Very very much. I promise I’ll see you very soon. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Dad. I love you and miss you.” Saint told him. We hung up after that.

“Do you want to sleep in here with me or in your bed?” I asked him.

Saint thought it over for a minute before saying, “With you. Is that ok?

“Of course it is. Come on, let’s turn the lights off and try to get some sleep. It’s late.” I turned off the lights and we both got settled down.

I slept better that night than I had since we had arrived on the farm.