Categories > Cartoons > Proud Family
A reality TV show star spots Abaddon and wants to spread the word (Haunted Hotel fanfic)
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Yep I jumped aboard the Haunted Hotel bandwagon! It's from one of the creators of Rick and Morty. Being the Rick and Morty fan I am, thought I would check it out! I love it! This is a fanfic I wrote about Haunted Hotel!
Enjoy the ride!
In the backyard of the Undervale, Abaddon the child from Colonial Times who now had a demon living in him for years and years was picking avacados and taking a bite. When he's disatisifed he throws it on the grass. "Shit! Too Ripe!" "This one doesn't look good either." Ben and Esther walk into the backyard and spot Abaddon.
"Hey Abaddon! What are you doing in the backyard?" asks Ben. "Yeah it's not like you to hang out here." added Esther.
"What's a demon have to do to get a decent avacado around here?" Abaddon ponders. Ben picks an avacado off a tree, "This one has a worm in it!"
"MINE!" Abaddon quickly snatches the avacado away from Ben. "You eat worms?" exclaims Ben. "What else are you supposed to do with them? Feed them to birds?" Abaddon snides.
"Worms are good to use for magic spells. Boy let me tell you!" Esther speaks out. "We have some news." Ben tells Abaddon. "OKay the worm in the avacado can wait. What's this news." Abaddon asked.
"Those two paranormal reality TV show stars from Ghost Hunters Jib and Lonney moved in next door to us!" announces Ben. "Don't recall seeing them. Who are they again?" Abaddon seemed perplexed.
"They came to the Undervale once. The one time when Mom and Uncle Nate discovered a secret part of Undervale." Ben says.
Calling from inside, Katherine calls Ben and Esther, "BEN! ESTHER! TIME FOR DINNER!" "We're coming Mom!" Ben and Esther both answered in unison.
Esther asked "You coming, Abaddon?" "Nah, you 2 go ahead. Your mother won't let me eat worms in the house."
Walking inside for dinner, Ben says, "Enjoy." "Thanks." Abaddon tells Ben. Taking a closer look at the avacado, Abaddon gets angry and discovers there wasn't a worm in it.
"THERE'S NO WORM IN THIS!"
Throwing the avacado aside. Abaddon hears someone next door gardening. Looking to see who it is. It was indeed Lonney from Ghost Hunters. Abaddon decided to greet the new neighbor.
"Oh Greetings Lonney!" Looking to see Abaddon whose eyes were flaring red. Lonney screamed and threw his gardening tool in the air.
Abaddon closes the gate to the neighbor's house. Then Abaddon takes one more curious peak and comes face to face with Lonney again. They both look at each other and both scream in opposite directions.
After dinner. Ben, Esther, Nathan, and Katherine were in the living room. "Jib and Lonney are actually next door....." Kathering speaks out. Their peace was soon interupted when Abaddon ran inside.
"CODE RED! CODE RED! CODE RED! Demon child coming through!" Abaddon rans past Katherine, Nathan, Ben, and Esther. Then hiding himself in the closet. "Whats Abaddon running for?" Ben wonders.
"I'll find out. It's really easy for me to go inside closets without knocking. Nathan offers. Floating inside the closet and seeing Abaddon hiding, he says, "uh uh, occupied!"
Floating out of the closet Nathan says, "Sorry." Then thinking about it for a minute Nathan asked, "Abaddon knows that's not a bathroom doesn't he?" "I hope so." Katherine responded.
Katherine tries to coax Abaddon out. Nathan floats back inside. He finds Abaddon hiding behind clothes. "Do you want to tell us what's going on?" Nathan askes Abaddon. A doorbell rings. Abaddon pointed, "You may want to get that door Nathan! It may be self evident!"
Running side were Jib and Lonney. "Hey I remember you people." Katherine says. "It was horrifying! It was fucking horriying!" Lonney panicked. Continuing on, Lonney says, "It looked like a albino kid with red eyes...."
Jib tries to calm Lonney down, "Lonney! Please stop this! It's our first day in the neighborhood. Katherine and Nathan look at then funny.
Jib explains, "He's imagining things! And to think we see imaginary things all the time on our show!"
"I AM NOT IMAGINING THINGS! There is a vampire loose in the neighborhood!" Lonney said. "A vampire?" Katherine said puzzled. "Or are you going to a Twilight convention!" Nathan joins in.
Lonney begins again, "It was loose in your backyard. And I swear that i have seen it before." Ben walks up to Lonney, "what does this vampire look like?"
Answering Ben's question, "Like Gollum. But only it had historical clothes on. It ran towards your garage. It still might be there." In the closet, Abaddon looks at himself and thinks, "I don't go around saying, precious!"
"Maybe we ought to go have a look." Katherine suggested. "Good good good. But you go first." Lonney says. Katherine tries to assure Lonney, "I'm sure that there's nobody around there." Stopping for a minute Lonney tells Katherine, "Maybe you should tell that to IT!"
"Pennywise?" Jib asked sarcastically.
Jib, Lonney, Katherine, and Nathan all go to the backyard. On the way there, Nathan tells Ben. "Would you tell IT that I'd like to speak to him."
Ben goes to the closet where Abaddon was hiding and waited for Lonney, Jib, Nathan, and Katherine were gone. Esther give Ben the Okay signal. Ben opens the closet door and Abaddon was dressed in a fedora and trench coat.
Abaddon begins to rant, "Gollum?! Well he's one to talk! I can shoot the rapids in one of his gun boats!"
Lonney leads everyone to the backyard and points at the avocados Abaddon bit into earlier. "it was right over here! See? It even took bites out of your avocados!" Lonney says showing them the evidence.
Nathan rolling his eyes then snarks, "How considerate of it to take a bite out of every one."
Lonney picks up one of the avocados and sees, "Look at this bite! Spiked teeth! That is NOT human!"
"Your Grandpa had four teeth!" Jib conceded. Lonney looked at his partner Jib with a frown, "Bad example." Jib said.
"Maybe it was a mime!" Katherine tries to convince Lonney. "It knew my name." Lonney cries out. "maybe it was a mime who ran away from the circus!" was the best guess Katherine can come up with.
Nathan tells Lonney, "You know how the mind plays terrible tricks on a person." Jib joins in, "Yeah, and we're paranormal ghost hunters. Hey I know. Maybe it was that extra cognac we had in our whiskey the other day." Jib says.
Lonney reminded him, "YOU had the cognac!" Nathan and Katherine were whispering. "I'm just trying to cover for you!" Jib tries to tell his friend. "I don't need you to cover for me! I am telling the truth! I never bullshit anyone! Have I?" Lonney asked out loud.
"FINE! You saw a little Gollum! I don't know if I should be out of it or on your side." Jib tells Lonney.
"Well, it looked like a little Gollum." Lonney starts up again. Katherine runs up to him, "It could be one of those albino people. Ever thought about that?"
"Possibly. But it looked like one of those stranger things...." Lonney says looking up at the sky. "The Netflix show?" asked Jib. "NO! IT WAS A CREATURE FROM THE UNDERWORLD!" Lonney screamed.
Jib says, "Nathan. You went to college before you committed suicide. It was all over the newspapers by the way. Tell him there's no such thing as demons. Ghosts exist. But not demons!"
Nathan talks to Jib and Lonney, "I can't say that for sure. It is possible there are angels and demons in the afterlife that could come to visit us someday. And yet....stay in fact overstay and not even offer to help pay our debts and bills."
"I give up, we're going home! Come on Lonney!" Jib says. "No! No! No! It may be dangerous! We must warn the Vatacan! Even better! We'll alert social media!" Lonney said. Nathan says, "Why didn't you think about that before? What makes you think people will take you seriously!"
"Forget social media! I'll just have to warn everyone myself! Hey Charlie! Yeah, Charlie!" Lonney runs away from the Undervale back yard calling out with Jib following him.
"Lonney! Lonney! You're going to ruin our reputation as reality TV show stars!" Jib calls out to him.
Katherine gasps, "You don't think Charlie will believe him do you?" "Little sister, Charlie believes Elon Musk is from the year 5237!" Nathan said.
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Coming into the kitchen. Nathan makes his way by using his ghost abilities going through. Ben was in the kitchen on the stove while Esther was looking through the fridge. Katherine soon enters the kitchen.
"Did Jib and Lonney leave?" Ben asks. "Yeah they did." answers Nathan. "Where's Smogoel!" Katherine says. Abaddon peeps though the kitchen window. "What's this sudden obsession with me being like a creature from a forgotten movie and book?" Abaddon protested.
Ignoring Abaddon, Nathan, Esther, Ben, and Katherine were sitting in the kitchen table. "Esther," Nathan begins. "I want you to go outside and see of Lonney is alarming anyone." "I'm on it! I'll just use my invisibility cloak!" Esther says. Using a spell for an invisibility cloak, Esther disappears and goes out to see if Lonney is telling anyone about seeing Abaddon.
"You know, I don't think Lonney is going to rest until he gets his demon." Katherine implied. Ben says, "I know. How about we hire a stage actor to dress like a white skinned vampire and have him run loose in Jib and Lonneys yard."
"Define white skinned vampire!" Abaddon demanded. Nathan jumps, "I know. Even better. How about we find a white animal and pass it off as a vampire demon!" "Who are you calling a white vampire demon! I'm peach and pink!" Abaddon said. "Okay sorry. No offense!" Nathan apologises. "None taken you afterlife dropout!" Abaddon spiked.
Esther runs into the kitchen and her inivisibilty cloak was waring off. "There's a crowd around Jib and Lonneys!"
"OH no!" cries out Katherine.
"When I was alive I would've given up hope. But since I've been a ghost I've been learning how to be a problem fixer. Abaddon. You're just going to have to stay inside." Nathan advises Abaddon who when asked, "For for long?" Nathan responds, "In the meantime."
Abaddon asked, "Define meantime!" "For as long as it takes." Nathan said. "Define for as long as it takes." questions Abaddon more. "Until Lonney forgets he saw a demon vampire whatever with spiked teeth." Nathan told Abaddon.
"We're talking well into next week." Abaddon rolls his eyes.
At the front desk of the Undervale. Abaddon was getting cabin fever for having to hide himself. Althought it's only been 3 days. Nathan was fixing the computer. "I notice you spend a lot of time fixing stuff." observes Abaddon.
"That's because you spend a lot of time destroying things." Nathan says. "It's good to know our hobbies are so compatible!" Abaddon says while he's pacing around. "Could you please stop pacing around. Even we ghosts can get nervous." Nathan orders Abaddon.
"I pace when I'm bored! I've been under house arrest for almost a month! Like Shia LeBouf!" Abaddon says. "It's been three days, Abaddon!" Nathan reminded him.
Abaddon asks, "Then why did I mark 30 Roman Numerials on your banister?" Nathan answers, "Because you're a vandal. Must be a common thing with you demons!"
Coming in from outside to the front desk, Esther has a piece of paper in her hand. "Look what I found! It's a picture of Abaddon!"
Shocked and awed Abaddon says, "WHAT! Let me see!" Esther gives the paper to Abaddon who then rants, "Be on the lookout for this......hideous looking vampire creature!" The picture of Abaddon resembles a composite sketch.
Putting the picture on the table Abaddon puts a twist on a famous idiom, "Well if this isn't a case of The hellspawn calling the imp that reeks of brimstone!"
"These pictures are all over the telephone poles!" Esther informs. "Oh shit! This is terrible." Nathan cries. Abaddon says, " You're both right! That picture looks nothing like me! If my teeth were that big I can swallow HBO Max!"
"We need to do something before more damage is done." Nathan says walking off. "Yes we do. Esther I want you to go to all the telephone poles and use your black magic to erase the teeth! Repeat! Erase the teeth!" Abaddon tells Esther.
"Okay, I'll make the eyes bigger too." Esther said. When Esther departs, just as Nathan was going to go through the walls she bumps into Jib and yells really loud when she greets him. "Oh hello Jib!" Nathan floats back to the desk.
"Hello, Esther! Is that ghostly uncle of yours around?" Jib asks Esther. "YES! HE'S AT THE FRONT DESK! ALL MY HIMSELF!" Jib yells back, "WELL THANKS A BUNCH! SEE YOU LATER!" Nathan advised Abaddon to go and hide by using finger signaling. "HIDE!"
Abaddon speaks, "No it's about time a take a stand! It's a far far better thing I do!" Jib knocks on the front door of the Undervale more loudly. "I'll be far far under the check in desk." Abaddon gives in as he hides himself under the check in desk.
Jib walks through the front door. With extreme concern for his friend and partner Lonney. "Hey, Jib! What's up?" Nathan greets.
"Ahhh, it's Lonney. He's driving my ass up at the wall. He went so far as to make a sculpture of the creature out of mashed potatoes." Jib explains his issue.
"Shit, that's rather bizzare." Nathan said. "Hey, watch it! That's my partner and confidant you're talking about! Jib warned him. Nathan quietly apologized. Jib sits down. "For as long as I've known him. When we were in college. Lonney has always had this wild imagination. It all started when he thought one of you guys were taking a sip out of our OJ every morning."
Abaddon peeped out for a moment and Nathan points to the floor. Jib continues, "Our first week living here and we're already a laughingstock of the neighborhood. As much as I hate to admit it. I think Lonney is Looney!"
Lonney runs inside to the front door of the Undervale. "JIB! JIB!" Jib blocked Lonney from running any faster.
"What is it now?" Jib asked Lonney. "I just got a call from the Stephen Colbert show!" Lonney announces. "Stephen Colbert? You mean that virtue signalling "Vac-Scene" dude?" Jib exclaims.
"He wants to interview me on tonight's program!" Lonney says. "I don't get it. Who's Stephen Colbert? I've been dead for a while."
"He's has a talk show on CBS Late Night. He usually interviews celebrities. Along with kooks and weirdos. Then he makes fun of them!" explained Jib. "Well, in a way we're celebrities. He also interviews reality TV hosts like us! It doesn't matter if I get hazed or not. As long as the truth comes out!" Lonney said.
"Look my main man, i just hate to see you babbling this bullshit around town." Jib tries to convince. Lonney says, "The truth must be told and fate wants me to tell it! Ooooh!" Lonney runs off and Jib goes after him.
Nathan and Jib look at each other. "Not me." "Me either."
"Lonney! Lonney! Please! I'm on my knees! Don't do this! The name Ghost Hunters always stood for class!" Jib shouted!
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That very night. All the ghosts at the Undervale were all gathered to watch the Late Night With Stephen Colbert show. Stabby Paul was really excited. "This Lonney dude is lucky he never meet me!" Ben, Esther, and Katherine were all watching too.
On the Late Night With Stephen Colbert show he was finishing interviewing a guest, "So you were reincarnated 50 times and one of those lives was Robert Kardashian?"
Nathan went through the wall into the living room. "Is Lonney on yet?" "No," Ben said, "Stephen is still talking to this fat dude."
Stephen Colbert told the guest, "Is it true you once lived as Atilla the Hun? Bet all his past wives thought you were good in bed!"
Ben asked, "How would you guys rate this dude on the sleeze scale?" Katherine answers, "Maybe somewhere between a leech and a shark."
"After this commercial break we'll bring on our next guest..." Stephen Colbert said to the camera. Nathan sits on the couch, "Poor Abaddon. Does anyone realize after tonight thousands of people will be coming around looking for him? I have a feeling they'll take him away, probably perform a pound my ass exorcism on him....."
Esther tells Nathan while doing a hero's pose, "Don't worry uncle Nathan. If anyone tries to come for Abaddon! I'll be ready for them!" Ben and Katherine look at Esther like she was a stranger, "How?" they both ask her. "What! Doesn't anyone acknowledge I have great black magic abilities?" Esther said flabbergasted.
Abaddon waltz into the living room munching on popcorn, "Oh you all hope they don't take Abaddon away!" Ben was astounded, "Abaddon! How can you be thinking about eating popcorn?"
"We're out of potato chips. Also I always snack when I'm going to be exposed on TV." Abaddon answers.
The Stephen Colbert show came back on, as he announces his next guest. "Our next guest is Lonney! Must be a one name basis like A-Rod! From the paranormal reality tv show Ghastly Hunters."
Lonney comes onto the stage and sits next to Stephen Colbert. "It's pronounced 'Ghost Hunters.'" Lonney corrects the host.
"So, what brings you to our program, Lonney!" Stephen Colbert wanted to know. "The other day, I found this in my neighbor's backyard." Lonney announces showing Stephen Colbert the model he made of Abaddon out of mashed potatoes.
"You saw a pile of Boston Market mashed potatoes? Or maybe Hungry Jack?" Stephen Colbert jokes as his audience laughed. Abaddon looks at the mashed potatoes sculpture of himself, "That's me! Only lumpier!" "NO! This is a model of the demon I saw!" Lonney said.
Stephen Colbert says, "Must be a sculpture of Cerberus!" "I know for one thing it was a demon from hell for sure. It spoke English it said, 'Oh Greetings Lonney!'"
"Oh greetings Lonney! Bet it was from the seventh layer of Hell where tortured souls learn good
manners!" jokes Stephen Colbert who then continues, "Maybe he's friends with Pazuzu I'd take it!"
Back in the Undervale living room. Stabby Paul stands up, "Wow Abaddon! You're a celebrity!" Abaddon agreed, "I know right! Great show, hey people!" "NO! He's being mean about you! Don't you get it!" Ben tells Abaddon.
"Well I didn't get that, how about you, Esther?" "Well, yeah I did!" "Must've been thrown off my his guy's subtlity!" Abaddon snarks.
Back on Stephen Colbert show Saucy T Sausage comes to greet Lonney. "The hell?" Lonney said looking at the mascot. "I see you meet my friend Saucy T Sausage! Saucy T Sausage has taken a liking to you. Yes, that Saucy T Sausage — Portland Bangers icon, regional treasure, and the only sausage with a restraining order against a rival team’s mascot. If he’s chosen you, well… congratulations? Or condolences."
"Are you calling me me a liar?" Lonney demands. "Well let's find out! Are you calling him a liar Saucy T Sausage!" The mascot just does a moonwalk and runs off the stage.
Back at the Undervale living room, Abaddon walks into the kitchen. "You're all right! This guy is atrocious!" "Where are you going?" Ben asked.
"To go on a hunger strike and protest! First I'm going to strike the devil's food cake, then I'm going to dive bomb the Goldfish crackers!" Abaddon said. Stabby Paul says, "If I was still alive I'd murder that guy!"
Nathan, Katherine, Ben, Esther, and the ghosts all continue to watch Stephen Colbert. "So tell me Lonney. Do you have any evidence about this demon's existence at all. Footprints, iphone pics?" Stephen Colbert says.
Lonney gets out the avocado Abaddon bit into three days ago. "It that one of it's eggs?" Stephen Colbert jokes. "No the demon took a bite out of that avocado!" Lonney exclaims.
Taking the avocado, Stephen Colbert says, "Oh no! This must be the belly of a guacamole beast!" the audience erupted with laughter all the way through.
"Are you making fun of me?" Lonney asked with concern. Ignoring Lonney's rant, Stephen Colbert notices someone is calling his show. "Let's take our next caller. You're on the air! Oh greetings!"
"Greetings yourself! I want to say that Lonney from Ghost Hunters knows what he's talking about." the caller was none other than Abaddon. Lonney and Stephen Colbert give each other stares. "They're coming out of the woodwork tonight!" Stephen Colbert says.
Abaddon continued to talk to Stephen Colbert, "Demons do exist and we've visited Earth many times! Although they don't drink the water."
Nathan, Katherine, Ben, Esther, and even Stabby Paul were surprised that Abaddon was talking on the phone with Stephen Colbert. "Is that?" "Could it be?"
Stephen Colbert announces, "Hi, yes, I need to file a report. Category: demon. Subcategory: way too confident."
In the kitchen Abaddon wants to say a final word to Stephen Colbert, "Hey listen I could not help noticing your glasses! Are those Lens Crafters or Contact Lens? Hello! Hello! Fuck! He hung up on me! 666 Son Of A Bitch!" hanging up the phone. Nathan and Katherine realize it was Abaddon on the phone.
Nathan goes through the walls to the kitchen as Katherine runs in. "Abaddon! Whatever posessed you to do such a thing!" Nathan asks.
"Hey, somebody had to defend Lonney's honor!" Abaddon speaks. Katherine says leaning into Abaddon, "Do you realize! Do you realize something.....you were taking a chance and...."
"Woah! Woah! Woah! Who are you? Bob Chandler all of the sudden? Or Mr Boss from Smiling Friends? Cool down, okay! I just wanted be the voice of reason before things got out of hand!" Abaddon tells them both.
Ben opens the door to the kitchen, "You missed it, Abaddon! Stephen Colbert had Saucy T Sausage do a dance in your honor! He was playing that Fire song from Arthur Brown!"
"AGAIN! HEY! WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT ARTHUR BROWN!" Abaddon shouted. Nathan and Katherine both sat in the kitchen table to cross examine Abaddon some more. Now they were all worried social media is going to have a field day with their family and Abaddon.
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The next day. In the front enterance room. Katherine was checking guests into the Undervale. Abaddon was there too. She was relieved that none of them mentioned anything about the 'demon' sighting. Ben sees his Mom and has an announcement to make to her.
"Hey Ben. What's going on with you?" she asked. "I'm going to take Annabelle to the movies." Ben said. "Hope you're not going to see Constantine. Or anything else involving demons!" Nathan added. "No it's an 1980's movie. About this dude who gets shrunk and then he's injected into another person's body." Ben explained.
"Oh, Fantastic Voyage?" Katherine guessed. "No, I think he means Innerspace! You two have fun! It's an 1980's classic!" Nathan adds on. Abaddon joins, "A friend of mine did that once. But he took a wrong turn and got stuck in a guy's ass!"
"Abaddon! That was strangly innapropiate!" shocked Katherine. "The best part was when he got out!" Abaddon says. "Uhh, keep that to yourself." Ben advised. Nathan floats through the walls. "Hi Uncle Nathan!" Ben greets. "Hi, big brother." Katherine greets. "Hi, big brother, what's the good word!" Abaddon greets.
Nathan tells Abaddon, "I think the good word is uh, it looks like you're safe. Jib is going around taking down all the posters." "I'm off the hook! I'll be at the beach!" Abaddon says.
"ABADDON! YOU'RE STAYING RIGHT HERE!" Katherine says. "Is there a bad word?" Ben asks.
"It's Lonney. I feel so terrible for him. He's so truamatized by this whole ordeal. He just sits in front in his internet laptop and won't talk to anyone. Just like me before I killed myself." Nathan says with empathy.
Katherine wonders, "How's Jib handling it?" "Not very well, he said he wanted to go for a long hiatus on his reality show. Search through his feelings. Possibly hit the local bar." Nathan answers.
"Isn't there something we can do for Lonney?" Ben wanted to know. "I'll go have a talk with him!" Abaddon about to walk off. "Really smart demon boy! Really smart!" Katherine snapped.
"I have to do something. Even we demons have our prinicipals. This all happened to him because of me." Abaddon says with his conscience getting the better of him.
Nathan implies, " I'm afraid it's true. He believes he lost his mind." "But I do exist. I burn! Therefore I am!" Abaddon extended himself.
"I suppose what we can do is be patient, talk to him. Convince him he didn't see a demon." Katherine suggested.
Abaddon walks out of the room shamefully. "Let's face it. I'm unforgettable....."
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That very night Lonney sat hunched over his laptop in the dim glow of his living room, still wearing the same lounge pants of despair he’d been in for three days. His eyes were glazed, his hair was a tragic geometry problem, and his search history was a spiral of “am I cursed?”, “demon sightings real???”, and “how to tell if mashed potatoes are haunted.”
His TikTok feed refreshed.
A new video appeared.
A pale, red‑eyed figure filled the frame.
“Oh greetings, Lonney!” Abaddon chirped, framed by a ring light he stole from Esther.
Lonney froze. “No. No. No. No. No. TikTok is compromised. TikTok is compromised. I just want to live a normal life!”
Abaddon chips, "You call that normal? Sitting around in your lounge pants all day!"
"Where are you live streaming from?" Lonney questions.
Abaddon cleared his throat dramatically. “Lonney, listen. I’m contacting you from… uh… hell.” He wiggled his fingers like jazz hands. “Very hot. Very sulfuric. Wi‑Fi is surprisingly good. I'm in deep deep hell! In the Earth's Central core! Oh look! Hitler is being thrown into a lava pit!"
Lonney gasped. “I knew it. I knew you were real. I knew I wasn’t losing my mind!”
Just then, Katherine and Nathan walked into the room behind Abaddon.
“Abaddon, what are you—” Katherine began.
Nathan squinted. “Is that TikTok? Are you livestreaming? Are you insane?”
Abaddon slapped a hand over the camera. “NOT NOW, I’M DOING THERAPY!” Katherine hushed, "you're only going to make things worse!" Abaddon pretends to order around some 'imps'. "Uhh uhhh uhh, get back in the hole you lackeys!"
"Lackeys?" Nathan questions in confusion. "Stay away you guys. If he sees you you'll ruin everything! Uh uh, I'm back!" Abaddon tells Lonney over Tik Tok.
Turning the camera back to himself, Abaddon is smiling with the confidence of someone who absolutely should not be giving advice.
“Lonney, my dude. You’re not crazy. You saw me. I exist. I’m a demon. Blah blah blah. But you? You need to live your life.”
Lonney blinked. “Live… my life?”
“Yes! Take an art class. Paint a bowl of fruit. Sculpt something that isn’t me made out of mashed potatoes. And most importantly—make pumpkin pies.”
“Pumpkin pies?” Lonney whispered, as if receiving a sacred prophecy.
“Yes. Make them. Many of them. And if they mysteriously disappear from your kitchen, never question it. Never. Question. It.”
In front of Abaddon, Katherine mouthed, "Are you telling him to bake for you?"
Abaddon mouthed back, Shhh. Growth is growth.
Lonney wiped a tear. “Abaddon… thank you. I feel… free. Like the demon has been exorcised from my soul.”
“Great! Fantastic! Go touch grass or something!” Abaddon said, giving a thumbs‑up.
Lonney ended the call, smiling for the first time in days. Lonney even goes to the mashed potatoes sculpture and thanks it.
Katherine and Nathan stared at Abaddon.
“That,” Katherine said, “was actually… incredibly kind.”
Nathan nodded. “Shockingly kind. Suspiciously kind.”
Abaddon shrugged. “Demons can do nice things too you know. And develop cravings.”
Epilogue
In no time at all, Jib and Lonney went back to filming their reality TV show Ghost Hunters. In the meantime at the Undervale Abaddon sat at the table with a stack of pumpkin pies, eating them like a wood chipper.
Katherine crossed her arms. “Abaddon… where did you get those?”
Nathan floated closer. “Wait. Are those Lonney’s pies?”
Abaddon froze mid‑bite, crumbs falling from his mouth.
“…Define ‘his.’”
Katherine sighed. Nathan facepalmed. Abaddon took another enormous bite. Abaddon slowly turned his head toward the “camera,” cheeks puffed with stolen pie.
The screen tightened into a closing iris, Looney‑Tunes‑style, right on his mischievous grin.
Enjoy the ride!
In the backyard of the Undervale, Abaddon the child from Colonial Times who now had a demon living in him for years and years was picking avacados and taking a bite. When he's disatisifed he throws it on the grass. "Shit! Too Ripe!" "This one doesn't look good either." Ben and Esther walk into the backyard and spot Abaddon.
"Hey Abaddon! What are you doing in the backyard?" asks Ben. "Yeah it's not like you to hang out here." added Esther.
"What's a demon have to do to get a decent avacado around here?" Abaddon ponders. Ben picks an avacado off a tree, "This one has a worm in it!"
"MINE!" Abaddon quickly snatches the avacado away from Ben. "You eat worms?" exclaims Ben. "What else are you supposed to do with them? Feed them to birds?" Abaddon snides.
"Worms are good to use for magic spells. Boy let me tell you!" Esther speaks out. "We have some news." Ben tells Abaddon. "OKay the worm in the avacado can wait. What's this news." Abaddon asked.
"Those two paranormal reality TV show stars from Ghost Hunters Jib and Lonney moved in next door to us!" announces Ben. "Don't recall seeing them. Who are they again?" Abaddon seemed perplexed.
"They came to the Undervale once. The one time when Mom and Uncle Nate discovered a secret part of Undervale." Ben says.
Calling from inside, Katherine calls Ben and Esther, "BEN! ESTHER! TIME FOR DINNER!" "We're coming Mom!" Ben and Esther both answered in unison.
Esther asked "You coming, Abaddon?" "Nah, you 2 go ahead. Your mother won't let me eat worms in the house."
Walking inside for dinner, Ben says, "Enjoy." "Thanks." Abaddon tells Ben. Taking a closer look at the avacado, Abaddon gets angry and discovers there wasn't a worm in it.
"THERE'S NO WORM IN THIS!"
Throwing the avacado aside. Abaddon hears someone next door gardening. Looking to see who it is. It was indeed Lonney from Ghost Hunters. Abaddon decided to greet the new neighbor.
"Oh Greetings Lonney!" Looking to see Abaddon whose eyes were flaring red. Lonney screamed and threw his gardening tool in the air.
Abaddon closes the gate to the neighbor's house. Then Abaddon takes one more curious peak and comes face to face with Lonney again. They both look at each other and both scream in opposite directions.
After dinner. Ben, Esther, Nathan, and Katherine were in the living room. "Jib and Lonney are actually next door....." Kathering speaks out. Their peace was soon interupted when Abaddon ran inside.
"CODE RED! CODE RED! CODE RED! Demon child coming through!" Abaddon rans past Katherine, Nathan, Ben, and Esther. Then hiding himself in the closet. "Whats Abaddon running for?" Ben wonders.
"I'll find out. It's really easy for me to go inside closets without knocking. Nathan offers. Floating inside the closet and seeing Abaddon hiding, he says, "uh uh, occupied!"
Floating out of the closet Nathan says, "Sorry." Then thinking about it for a minute Nathan asked, "Abaddon knows that's not a bathroom doesn't he?" "I hope so." Katherine responded.
Katherine tries to coax Abaddon out. Nathan floats back inside. He finds Abaddon hiding behind clothes. "Do you want to tell us what's going on?" Nathan askes Abaddon. A doorbell rings. Abaddon pointed, "You may want to get that door Nathan! It may be self evident!"
Running side were Jib and Lonney. "Hey I remember you people." Katherine says. "It was horrifying! It was fucking horriying!" Lonney panicked. Continuing on, Lonney says, "It looked like a albino kid with red eyes...."
Jib tries to calm Lonney down, "Lonney! Please stop this! It's our first day in the neighborhood. Katherine and Nathan look at then funny.
Jib explains, "He's imagining things! And to think we see imaginary things all the time on our show!"
"I AM NOT IMAGINING THINGS! There is a vampire loose in the neighborhood!" Lonney said. "A vampire?" Katherine said puzzled. "Or are you going to a Twilight convention!" Nathan joins in.
Lonney begins again, "It was loose in your backyard. And I swear that i have seen it before." Ben walks up to Lonney, "what does this vampire look like?"
Answering Ben's question, "Like Gollum. But only it had historical clothes on. It ran towards your garage. It still might be there." In the closet, Abaddon looks at himself and thinks, "I don't go around saying, precious!"
"Maybe we ought to go have a look." Katherine suggested. "Good good good. But you go first." Lonney says. Katherine tries to assure Lonney, "I'm sure that there's nobody around there." Stopping for a minute Lonney tells Katherine, "Maybe you should tell that to IT!"
"Pennywise?" Jib asked sarcastically.
Jib, Lonney, Katherine, and Nathan all go to the backyard. On the way there, Nathan tells Ben. "Would you tell IT that I'd like to speak to him."
Ben goes to the closet where Abaddon was hiding and waited for Lonney, Jib, Nathan, and Katherine were gone. Esther give Ben the Okay signal. Ben opens the closet door and Abaddon was dressed in a fedora and trench coat.
Abaddon begins to rant, "Gollum?! Well he's one to talk! I can shoot the rapids in one of his gun boats!"
Lonney leads everyone to the backyard and points at the avocados Abaddon bit into earlier. "it was right over here! See? It even took bites out of your avocados!" Lonney says showing them the evidence.
Nathan rolling his eyes then snarks, "How considerate of it to take a bite out of every one."
Lonney picks up one of the avocados and sees, "Look at this bite! Spiked teeth! That is NOT human!"
"Your Grandpa had four teeth!" Jib conceded. Lonney looked at his partner Jib with a frown, "Bad example." Jib said.
"Maybe it was a mime!" Katherine tries to convince Lonney. "It knew my name." Lonney cries out. "maybe it was a mime who ran away from the circus!" was the best guess Katherine can come up with.
Nathan tells Lonney, "You know how the mind plays terrible tricks on a person." Jib joins in, "Yeah, and we're paranormal ghost hunters. Hey I know. Maybe it was that extra cognac we had in our whiskey the other day." Jib says.
Lonney reminded him, "YOU had the cognac!" Nathan and Katherine were whispering. "I'm just trying to cover for you!" Jib tries to tell his friend. "I don't need you to cover for me! I am telling the truth! I never bullshit anyone! Have I?" Lonney asked out loud.
"FINE! You saw a little Gollum! I don't know if I should be out of it or on your side." Jib tells Lonney.
"Well, it looked like a little Gollum." Lonney starts up again. Katherine runs up to him, "It could be one of those albino people. Ever thought about that?"
"Possibly. But it looked like one of those stranger things...." Lonney says looking up at the sky. "The Netflix show?" asked Jib. "NO! IT WAS A CREATURE FROM THE UNDERWORLD!" Lonney screamed.
Jib says, "Nathan. You went to college before you committed suicide. It was all over the newspapers by the way. Tell him there's no such thing as demons. Ghosts exist. But not demons!"
Nathan talks to Jib and Lonney, "I can't say that for sure. It is possible there are angels and demons in the afterlife that could come to visit us someday. And yet....stay in fact overstay and not even offer to help pay our debts and bills."
"I give up, we're going home! Come on Lonney!" Jib says. "No! No! No! It may be dangerous! We must warn the Vatacan! Even better! We'll alert social media!" Lonney said. Nathan says, "Why didn't you think about that before? What makes you think people will take you seriously!"
"Forget social media! I'll just have to warn everyone myself! Hey Charlie! Yeah, Charlie!" Lonney runs away from the Undervale back yard calling out with Jib following him.
"Lonney! Lonney! You're going to ruin our reputation as reality TV show stars!" Jib calls out to him.
Katherine gasps, "You don't think Charlie will believe him do you?" "Little sister, Charlie believes Elon Musk is from the year 5237!" Nathan said.
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Coming into the kitchen. Nathan makes his way by using his ghost abilities going through. Ben was in the kitchen on the stove while Esther was looking through the fridge. Katherine soon enters the kitchen.
"Did Jib and Lonney leave?" Ben asks. "Yeah they did." answers Nathan. "Where's Smogoel!" Katherine says. Abaddon peeps though the kitchen window. "What's this sudden obsession with me being like a creature from a forgotten movie and book?" Abaddon protested.
Ignoring Abaddon, Nathan, Esther, Ben, and Katherine were sitting in the kitchen table. "Esther," Nathan begins. "I want you to go outside and see of Lonney is alarming anyone." "I'm on it! I'll just use my invisibility cloak!" Esther says. Using a spell for an invisibility cloak, Esther disappears and goes out to see if Lonney is telling anyone about seeing Abaddon.
"You know, I don't think Lonney is going to rest until he gets his demon." Katherine implied. Ben says, "I know. How about we hire a stage actor to dress like a white skinned vampire and have him run loose in Jib and Lonneys yard."
"Define white skinned vampire!" Abaddon demanded. Nathan jumps, "I know. Even better. How about we find a white animal and pass it off as a vampire demon!" "Who are you calling a white vampire demon! I'm peach and pink!" Abaddon said. "Okay sorry. No offense!" Nathan apologises. "None taken you afterlife dropout!" Abaddon spiked.
Esther runs into the kitchen and her inivisibilty cloak was waring off. "There's a crowd around Jib and Lonneys!"
"OH no!" cries out Katherine.
"When I was alive I would've given up hope. But since I've been a ghost I've been learning how to be a problem fixer. Abaddon. You're just going to have to stay inside." Nathan advises Abaddon who when asked, "For for long?" Nathan responds, "In the meantime."
Abaddon asked, "Define meantime!" "For as long as it takes." Nathan said. "Define for as long as it takes." questions Abaddon more. "Until Lonney forgets he saw a demon vampire whatever with spiked teeth." Nathan told Abaddon.
"We're talking well into next week." Abaddon rolls his eyes.
At the front desk of the Undervale. Abaddon was getting cabin fever for having to hide himself. Althought it's only been 3 days. Nathan was fixing the computer. "I notice you spend a lot of time fixing stuff." observes Abaddon.
"That's because you spend a lot of time destroying things." Nathan says. "It's good to know our hobbies are so compatible!" Abaddon says while he's pacing around. "Could you please stop pacing around. Even we ghosts can get nervous." Nathan orders Abaddon.
"I pace when I'm bored! I've been under house arrest for almost a month! Like Shia LeBouf!" Abaddon says. "It's been three days, Abaddon!" Nathan reminded him.
Abaddon asks, "Then why did I mark 30 Roman Numerials on your banister?" Nathan answers, "Because you're a vandal. Must be a common thing with you demons!"
Coming in from outside to the front desk, Esther has a piece of paper in her hand. "Look what I found! It's a picture of Abaddon!"
Shocked and awed Abaddon says, "WHAT! Let me see!" Esther gives the paper to Abaddon who then rants, "Be on the lookout for this......hideous looking vampire creature!" The picture of Abaddon resembles a composite sketch.
Putting the picture on the table Abaddon puts a twist on a famous idiom, "Well if this isn't a case of The hellspawn calling the imp that reeks of brimstone!"
"These pictures are all over the telephone poles!" Esther informs. "Oh shit! This is terrible." Nathan cries. Abaddon says, " You're both right! That picture looks nothing like me! If my teeth were that big I can swallow HBO Max!"
"We need to do something before more damage is done." Nathan says walking off. "Yes we do. Esther I want you to go to all the telephone poles and use your black magic to erase the teeth! Repeat! Erase the teeth!" Abaddon tells Esther.
"Okay, I'll make the eyes bigger too." Esther said. When Esther departs, just as Nathan was going to go through the walls she bumps into Jib and yells really loud when she greets him. "Oh hello Jib!" Nathan floats back to the desk.
"Hello, Esther! Is that ghostly uncle of yours around?" Jib asks Esther. "YES! HE'S AT THE FRONT DESK! ALL MY HIMSELF!" Jib yells back, "WELL THANKS A BUNCH! SEE YOU LATER!" Nathan advised Abaddon to go and hide by using finger signaling. "HIDE!"
Abaddon speaks, "No it's about time a take a stand! It's a far far better thing I do!" Jib knocks on the front door of the Undervale more loudly. "I'll be far far under the check in desk." Abaddon gives in as he hides himself under the check in desk.
Jib walks through the front door. With extreme concern for his friend and partner Lonney. "Hey, Jib! What's up?" Nathan greets.
"Ahhh, it's Lonney. He's driving my ass up at the wall. He went so far as to make a sculpture of the creature out of mashed potatoes." Jib explains his issue.
"Shit, that's rather bizzare." Nathan said. "Hey, watch it! That's my partner and confidant you're talking about! Jib warned him. Nathan quietly apologized. Jib sits down. "For as long as I've known him. When we were in college. Lonney has always had this wild imagination. It all started when he thought one of you guys were taking a sip out of our OJ every morning."
Abaddon peeped out for a moment and Nathan points to the floor. Jib continues, "Our first week living here and we're already a laughingstock of the neighborhood. As much as I hate to admit it. I think Lonney is Looney!"
Lonney runs inside to the front door of the Undervale. "JIB! JIB!" Jib blocked Lonney from running any faster.
"What is it now?" Jib asked Lonney. "I just got a call from the Stephen Colbert show!" Lonney announces. "Stephen Colbert? You mean that virtue signalling "Vac-Scene" dude?" Jib exclaims.
"He wants to interview me on tonight's program!" Lonney says. "I don't get it. Who's Stephen Colbert? I've been dead for a while."
"He's has a talk show on CBS Late Night. He usually interviews celebrities. Along with kooks and weirdos. Then he makes fun of them!" explained Jib. "Well, in a way we're celebrities. He also interviews reality TV hosts like us! It doesn't matter if I get hazed or not. As long as the truth comes out!" Lonney said.
"Look my main man, i just hate to see you babbling this bullshit around town." Jib tries to convince. Lonney says, "The truth must be told and fate wants me to tell it! Ooooh!" Lonney runs off and Jib goes after him.
Nathan and Jib look at each other. "Not me." "Me either."
"Lonney! Lonney! Please! I'm on my knees! Don't do this! The name Ghost Hunters always stood for class!" Jib shouted!
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That very night. All the ghosts at the Undervale were all gathered to watch the Late Night With Stephen Colbert show. Stabby Paul was really excited. "This Lonney dude is lucky he never meet me!" Ben, Esther, and Katherine were all watching too.
On the Late Night With Stephen Colbert show he was finishing interviewing a guest, "So you were reincarnated 50 times and one of those lives was Robert Kardashian?"
Nathan went through the wall into the living room. "Is Lonney on yet?" "No," Ben said, "Stephen is still talking to this fat dude."
Stephen Colbert told the guest, "Is it true you once lived as Atilla the Hun? Bet all his past wives thought you were good in bed!"
Ben asked, "How would you guys rate this dude on the sleeze scale?" Katherine answers, "Maybe somewhere between a leech and a shark."
"After this commercial break we'll bring on our next guest..." Stephen Colbert said to the camera. Nathan sits on the couch, "Poor Abaddon. Does anyone realize after tonight thousands of people will be coming around looking for him? I have a feeling they'll take him away, probably perform a pound my ass exorcism on him....."
Esther tells Nathan while doing a hero's pose, "Don't worry uncle Nathan. If anyone tries to come for Abaddon! I'll be ready for them!" Ben and Katherine look at Esther like she was a stranger, "How?" they both ask her. "What! Doesn't anyone acknowledge I have great black magic abilities?" Esther said flabbergasted.
Abaddon waltz into the living room munching on popcorn, "Oh you all hope they don't take Abaddon away!" Ben was astounded, "Abaddon! How can you be thinking about eating popcorn?"
"We're out of potato chips. Also I always snack when I'm going to be exposed on TV." Abaddon answers.
The Stephen Colbert show came back on, as he announces his next guest. "Our next guest is Lonney! Must be a one name basis like A-Rod! From the paranormal reality tv show Ghastly Hunters."
Lonney comes onto the stage and sits next to Stephen Colbert. "It's pronounced 'Ghost Hunters.'" Lonney corrects the host.
"So, what brings you to our program, Lonney!" Stephen Colbert wanted to know. "The other day, I found this in my neighbor's backyard." Lonney announces showing Stephen Colbert the model he made of Abaddon out of mashed potatoes.
"You saw a pile of Boston Market mashed potatoes? Or maybe Hungry Jack?" Stephen Colbert jokes as his audience laughed. Abaddon looks at the mashed potatoes sculpture of himself, "That's me! Only lumpier!" "NO! This is a model of the demon I saw!" Lonney said.
Stephen Colbert says, "Must be a sculpture of Cerberus!" "I know for one thing it was a demon from hell for sure. It spoke English it said, 'Oh Greetings Lonney!'"
"Oh greetings Lonney! Bet it was from the seventh layer of Hell where tortured souls learn good
manners!" jokes Stephen Colbert who then continues, "Maybe he's friends with Pazuzu I'd take it!"
Back in the Undervale living room. Stabby Paul stands up, "Wow Abaddon! You're a celebrity!" Abaddon agreed, "I know right! Great show, hey people!" "NO! He's being mean about you! Don't you get it!" Ben tells Abaddon.
"Well I didn't get that, how about you, Esther?" "Well, yeah I did!" "Must've been thrown off my his guy's subtlity!" Abaddon snarks.
Back on Stephen Colbert show Saucy T Sausage comes to greet Lonney. "The hell?" Lonney said looking at the mascot. "I see you meet my friend Saucy T Sausage! Saucy T Sausage has taken a liking to you. Yes, that Saucy T Sausage — Portland Bangers icon, regional treasure, and the only sausage with a restraining order against a rival team’s mascot. If he’s chosen you, well… congratulations? Or condolences."
"Are you calling me me a liar?" Lonney demands. "Well let's find out! Are you calling him a liar Saucy T Sausage!" The mascot just does a moonwalk and runs off the stage.
Back at the Undervale living room, Abaddon walks into the kitchen. "You're all right! This guy is atrocious!" "Where are you going?" Ben asked.
"To go on a hunger strike and protest! First I'm going to strike the devil's food cake, then I'm going to dive bomb the Goldfish crackers!" Abaddon said. Stabby Paul says, "If I was still alive I'd murder that guy!"
Nathan, Katherine, Ben, Esther, and the ghosts all continue to watch Stephen Colbert. "So tell me Lonney. Do you have any evidence about this demon's existence at all. Footprints, iphone pics?" Stephen Colbert says.
Lonney gets out the avocado Abaddon bit into three days ago. "It that one of it's eggs?" Stephen Colbert jokes. "No the demon took a bite out of that avocado!" Lonney exclaims.
Taking the avocado, Stephen Colbert says, "Oh no! This must be the belly of a guacamole beast!" the audience erupted with laughter all the way through.
"Are you making fun of me?" Lonney asked with concern. Ignoring Lonney's rant, Stephen Colbert notices someone is calling his show. "Let's take our next caller. You're on the air! Oh greetings!"
"Greetings yourself! I want to say that Lonney from Ghost Hunters knows what he's talking about." the caller was none other than Abaddon. Lonney and Stephen Colbert give each other stares. "They're coming out of the woodwork tonight!" Stephen Colbert says.
Abaddon continued to talk to Stephen Colbert, "Demons do exist and we've visited Earth many times! Although they don't drink the water."
Nathan, Katherine, Ben, Esther, and even Stabby Paul were surprised that Abaddon was talking on the phone with Stephen Colbert. "Is that?" "Could it be?"
Stephen Colbert announces, "Hi, yes, I need to file a report. Category: demon. Subcategory: way too confident."
In the kitchen Abaddon wants to say a final word to Stephen Colbert, "Hey listen I could not help noticing your glasses! Are those Lens Crafters or Contact Lens? Hello! Hello! Fuck! He hung up on me! 666 Son Of A Bitch!" hanging up the phone. Nathan and Katherine realize it was Abaddon on the phone.
Nathan goes through the walls to the kitchen as Katherine runs in. "Abaddon! Whatever posessed you to do such a thing!" Nathan asks.
"Hey, somebody had to defend Lonney's honor!" Abaddon speaks. Katherine says leaning into Abaddon, "Do you realize! Do you realize something.....you were taking a chance and...."
"Woah! Woah! Woah! Who are you? Bob Chandler all of the sudden? Or Mr Boss from Smiling Friends? Cool down, okay! I just wanted be the voice of reason before things got out of hand!" Abaddon tells them both.
Ben opens the door to the kitchen, "You missed it, Abaddon! Stephen Colbert had Saucy T Sausage do a dance in your honor! He was playing that Fire song from Arthur Brown!"
"AGAIN! HEY! WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT ARTHUR BROWN!" Abaddon shouted. Nathan and Katherine both sat in the kitchen table to cross examine Abaddon some more. Now they were all worried social media is going to have a field day with their family and Abaddon.
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The next day. In the front enterance room. Katherine was checking guests into the Undervale. Abaddon was there too. She was relieved that none of them mentioned anything about the 'demon' sighting. Ben sees his Mom and has an announcement to make to her.
"Hey Ben. What's going on with you?" she asked. "I'm going to take Annabelle to the movies." Ben said. "Hope you're not going to see Constantine. Or anything else involving demons!" Nathan added. "No it's an 1980's movie. About this dude who gets shrunk and then he's injected into another person's body." Ben explained.
"Oh, Fantastic Voyage?" Katherine guessed. "No, I think he means Innerspace! You two have fun! It's an 1980's classic!" Nathan adds on. Abaddon joins, "A friend of mine did that once. But he took a wrong turn and got stuck in a guy's ass!"
"Abaddon! That was strangly innapropiate!" shocked Katherine. "The best part was when he got out!" Abaddon says. "Uhh, keep that to yourself." Ben advised. Nathan floats through the walls. "Hi Uncle Nathan!" Ben greets. "Hi, big brother." Katherine greets. "Hi, big brother, what's the good word!" Abaddon greets.
Nathan tells Abaddon, "I think the good word is uh, it looks like you're safe. Jib is going around taking down all the posters." "I'm off the hook! I'll be at the beach!" Abaddon says.
"ABADDON! YOU'RE STAYING RIGHT HERE!" Katherine says. "Is there a bad word?" Ben asks.
"It's Lonney. I feel so terrible for him. He's so truamatized by this whole ordeal. He just sits in front in his internet laptop and won't talk to anyone. Just like me before I killed myself." Nathan says with empathy.
Katherine wonders, "How's Jib handling it?" "Not very well, he said he wanted to go for a long hiatus on his reality show. Search through his feelings. Possibly hit the local bar." Nathan answers.
"Isn't there something we can do for Lonney?" Ben wanted to know. "I'll go have a talk with him!" Abaddon about to walk off. "Really smart demon boy! Really smart!" Katherine snapped.
"I have to do something. Even we demons have our prinicipals. This all happened to him because of me." Abaddon says with his conscience getting the better of him.
Nathan implies, " I'm afraid it's true. He believes he lost his mind." "But I do exist. I burn! Therefore I am!" Abaddon extended himself.
"I suppose what we can do is be patient, talk to him. Convince him he didn't see a demon." Katherine suggested.
Abaddon walks out of the room shamefully. "Let's face it. I'm unforgettable....."
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That very night Lonney sat hunched over his laptop in the dim glow of his living room, still wearing the same lounge pants of despair he’d been in for three days. His eyes were glazed, his hair was a tragic geometry problem, and his search history was a spiral of “am I cursed?”, “demon sightings real???”, and “how to tell if mashed potatoes are haunted.”
His TikTok feed refreshed.
A new video appeared.
A pale, red‑eyed figure filled the frame.
“Oh greetings, Lonney!” Abaddon chirped, framed by a ring light he stole from Esther.
Lonney froze. “No. No. No. No. No. TikTok is compromised. TikTok is compromised. I just want to live a normal life!”
Abaddon chips, "You call that normal? Sitting around in your lounge pants all day!"
"Where are you live streaming from?" Lonney questions.
Abaddon cleared his throat dramatically. “Lonney, listen. I’m contacting you from… uh… hell.” He wiggled his fingers like jazz hands. “Very hot. Very sulfuric. Wi‑Fi is surprisingly good. I'm in deep deep hell! In the Earth's Central core! Oh look! Hitler is being thrown into a lava pit!"
Lonney gasped. “I knew it. I knew you were real. I knew I wasn’t losing my mind!”
Just then, Katherine and Nathan walked into the room behind Abaddon.
“Abaddon, what are you—” Katherine began.
Nathan squinted. “Is that TikTok? Are you livestreaming? Are you insane?”
Abaddon slapped a hand over the camera. “NOT NOW, I’M DOING THERAPY!” Katherine hushed, "you're only going to make things worse!" Abaddon pretends to order around some 'imps'. "Uhh uhhh uhh, get back in the hole you lackeys!"
"Lackeys?" Nathan questions in confusion. "Stay away you guys. If he sees you you'll ruin everything! Uh uh, I'm back!" Abaddon tells Lonney over Tik Tok.
Turning the camera back to himself, Abaddon is smiling with the confidence of someone who absolutely should not be giving advice.
“Lonney, my dude. You’re not crazy. You saw me. I exist. I’m a demon. Blah blah blah. But you? You need to live your life.”
Lonney blinked. “Live… my life?”
“Yes! Take an art class. Paint a bowl of fruit. Sculpt something that isn’t me made out of mashed potatoes. And most importantly—make pumpkin pies.”
“Pumpkin pies?” Lonney whispered, as if receiving a sacred prophecy.
“Yes. Make them. Many of them. And if they mysteriously disappear from your kitchen, never question it. Never. Question. It.”
In front of Abaddon, Katherine mouthed, "Are you telling him to bake for you?"
Abaddon mouthed back, Shhh. Growth is growth.
Lonney wiped a tear. “Abaddon… thank you. I feel… free. Like the demon has been exorcised from my soul.”
“Great! Fantastic! Go touch grass or something!” Abaddon said, giving a thumbs‑up.
Lonney ended the call, smiling for the first time in days. Lonney even goes to the mashed potatoes sculpture and thanks it.
Katherine and Nathan stared at Abaddon.
“That,” Katherine said, “was actually… incredibly kind.”
Nathan nodded. “Shockingly kind. Suspiciously kind.”
Abaddon shrugged. “Demons can do nice things too you know. And develop cravings.”
Epilogue
In no time at all, Jib and Lonney went back to filming their reality TV show Ghost Hunters. In the meantime at the Undervale Abaddon sat at the table with a stack of pumpkin pies, eating them like a wood chipper.
Katherine crossed her arms. “Abaddon… where did you get those?”
Nathan floated closer. “Wait. Are those Lonney’s pies?”
Abaddon froze mid‑bite, crumbs falling from his mouth.
“…Define ‘his.’”
Katherine sighed. Nathan facepalmed. Abaddon took another enormous bite. Abaddon slowly turned his head toward the “camera,” cheeks puffed with stolen pie.
The screen tightened into a closing iris, Looney‑Tunes‑style, right on his mischievous grin.
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